Chapter 28 Dean
I'm starting to have a love hate relationship with summer. I love it because it lets me live in fantasy world. It's a world where I can take a break from my normal life. It's the only time when I can ignore what is wrong with me. Man did I ignore everything. Cas made me so happy. I almost forgot everything else in my life.
I almost forgot and that brings me to what I hate most. I hate summer because it ends. Summer is a dream world that ends up biting me in the ass. I let the summer go by like I didn't have a girlfriend. I let myself believe Cas was still a friend. Okay I'll admit my feelings for him did grow this summer. I don't know what they are right now. I can't think about that right now.
Right now I am standing in my backyard looking up at my house. I am hesitating to go in. I was at work detailing a car when I got a text from Jo. It said I should come home immediately. I asked if something was wrong but she did not respond. Something is wrong and I am actually scared to find out. I have the best summer ever, and it would be my luck to have it end on a sour note. It's just my luck. If I don't go in then nothing can happen. I can hold onto my summer a little longer. Who am I kidding it's been real hot this summer and with the way the sun is beating down on me I can't stand here forever. Okay I am going in.
Before I went in I took a deep breath I walked in. I wished I hadn't . Once I was inside the kitchen I saw Jo and Gabriel sitting at the table waiting for me. I wish I wasn't here. Gabriel looks pissed and she looks relieved. They also look like they are happy. Why are they together. I thought Jo was with Adam and Gabriel was with Heather or whoever. Jo said sais she was done with him. Why is she with Gabriel? I'm shocked to see them together. They look happy when they look at each other but once the laid eyes on me they looked pissed.
" We've been waiting for you." Jo says as they stood up. She doesn't sound happy. This can't be good. Gabriel put his arm around her as he gave me a dirty look.
"What's going on here?" I ask finally shock to realize Gabriel is actually standing in my house. The rents must be out. There is no way they let him in the house. Wait they would let him in unless.
"I couldn't keep your secret anymore" Jo says looking at me with shame felt like. Oh god I knew it. I knew she would end up doing this. She can't keep my secret. I think it would hurt less if she punched me in the balls again. She knows how I feel about my secret.
"What?" was all I could manage to say?
"You heard her Dean." Gabriel says it is the first times I have heard Gabriel speak. I looked Gabriel in the eye and his eyes looked furious. I am actually scared of him right now. I think he loves her and I know loves can make you do crazy things/ At least I hear that. I never do crazy things for Bella and we love each other. I put my guard up immediately I fee; at any time Gabriel could come charging at me. I don't want to fight him but I will if I have to.
"I thought we were friends." Gabriel says to me like I actually betrayed him. I didn't betray him. Jo said she moved on. I was actually doing him a favor. I thought Jo wanted nothing to do with him. She really was convincing. I thought I was saving him from making a fool of himself.
"We are Gabe" I say as I make sure I am ready for anything he might try.
"No we are not. If we were friends you would have told me the truth. How many times have I asked you what was going on with her and how many times did you lie to me." He says holding onto Jo tight.
"Gabe.. man I'm sorry." I really am. If I had known it was this serious I would have fixed it.
"Save it Dean. I don't want to hear it. Jo and I want nothing to do with you." He says as he motion for her to follow him. "From this day on we are through and that includes Jo too." He say this before he and Jo walked around me and out the back door.
I watched them as they left. I wanted to say more but they were gone before I found the words. I feel awful. If I had known it was this serious I would have done something about it. I really would have.
After they left I headed towards the living room. I wished I didn't. When I entered the living room Uncle Bobby and Aunt Ellen were sitting on the couch waiting for me
"Jo told us about you." Aunt Ellen says sitting on the couch with disappointment in her eyes. I felt that oh to familiar knot form in my throat. "Is it true?" she asks with her arms and legs folded. I opened my mouth but the words wouldn't come.
"Answer her boy." Uncle Bobby says angrily. I knew he would be angry. He was sitting in the lazy boy by the couch eyeing me up and down. I'm afraid he might kill me.
"Yes" was all I could muster up. The room feels like it's was spinning out of control. I want to run and hide somewhere but I have to face to this like a man. Even if they think I am less then one.
"So it's true. You are a faggot." Uncle Bobby says standing up. That word hurts so much. How could he call me that? I am way beyond that word. Who I sleep with doesn't define me.
I started to sat something but he stalked up to me like a lion stalks its prey. He stopped within a foot of me. He looks like he hates me. How could he hates me. He tells me I am his son. How can he hate his son? I looked into his eyes and I could see the disappointment mix with rage swirling around in his eyes.
"It's still me" I tried haven't changed. I still have the same interest. I am still the same person. Why can't see it.?
"No boy it's not. I don't know who you are and you know what? We don't give a damn, who you are now. We want you out of here?" It's actually happening. He is throwing me out. Everything I feared is coming true. My family hates me.
"You can't be serious" he said with his voice cracking
"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE NOW!" Uncle Bobby yelled.
I kept my mouth shut as I turned around to leave. When I turned around to leave I saw my younger brother standing in the door way looking up at me crying. Now I have disappointed him. He is the last person I wanted to hurt. I love him like he was my own.
"Sammy" I say walking up to him.
"Don't talk to me. I'm ashamed to have you as a brother" Sammy says before he walks up the stairs. Never felt so much rage. I such a short period my whole family has turned on me My family the people who are supposed to be there no matter what hate me and I don't understand why.
I finally walked outside the house. I have no idea what I am going to do but I feel a breeze. It's the first he breeze I have felt all summer. I pick my head up and I see Cas walk up on the porch. I am so happy to see him. I know he will help me.
"Cas" I say as I give him a bear hug. "Man am I so glad to see you" I say letting him loose to look at him. I wish I hadn't. Cas stood there stiff looking at me. Why is looking at me like this.? I can't even describe how he is looking at me because I don't know this look. I have never seen it before.
I take as the back hoping the tension I'm feeling is all in my head.
"It's over Dean" He says in such a heartless tone.
"What?" I say feeling like someone ripped my heart from ,y chest. DI he just say it's over. Maybe I am hearing things. I need him right now he has to see that. He would never say that knowing I need him. Hell I need someone. I am losing everyone I have.
"You can't have us both. It's not right, so I am ending it."
"Please don't say that" Dean I say as I begin to cry. "I need you" I begged trying to grab Cas but he rebuffed him. I do need him. I lost my family I can't lose my best friend. "Don't do this, please. What about all the time we have spent together, all the nights of making love, all the talks we have had. You have been my rock baby. Nobody makes me feel the way you do. I need you Cas. You are my rock, don't leave me please." I cried.
"You're embarrassing yourself Dean." Cas says not caring like he doesn't care about my feelings. Castiel I need you." I whined. I hope he changes his mind. I can't lose him too.
"I thought you need me?" says a voice with an English accent. Oh no. That is who I think.
I looked over Cas's shoulder and saw Bella standing in the pathway. Oh no. How could I forget about the one normal thing in life? How could I forget about her?
"Bella?" I say feeling totally out of it. This has to be a dream. This could not be happening to me. I tried pinching myself but I was still there but only now I have Cas and Bella standing on opposite sides of me. What am I going to do?
"Well?" she says looking at me. I looked at her and I could see nothing but hurt in her eyes. How could I hurt her? She is the only innocent person in this.
"Bella I'm sorry. I love you so much and I do need you." I said grabbing her face with both hands. I need her. She makes me feel normal.
"What about me Dean? Don't you love me?" Cas asks hurt. I need him. He doesn't make me feel normal but he makes me feels ways I don't know how to explain.
"Cas how can you ask me that?" I say spinning around to look him in his eyes. Cas's eyes spoke of hurt and anger. I never wanted him to feel this way.
"I think it's a fair question?" Bella says. I looked at her. Her eyes say she has figured out everything and she hates me. I ruined her and made myself know as freak.
I stood in the middle looking back and forth at them. I can't figure out who to comfort, who to beg for forgiveness, and who to let go. They both mean so much to me. Who do I hurt, my best friend or my girlfriend. I have to make choice but I don't who to choose. Please god, help me choose.
"Please understand. I think I need you both." I say looking at the ground in shame. I have finally told them the truth but I feel so dirty.
"You need us both?" Bella says disgusted. I knew this would happen. She doesn't deserve this.
"You have to choose Dean." Castiel say folding is arms. I want to have hope but he doesn't look like I should.
"You have to understand" I say moving my head back and forth to look at both of them.
"Oh I understand. You will never choose so I will do it for you. I'll leave. Good-bye Dean" Cast says as he walks off the porch. I'll thought I never have choose. I thought me and him understood what we had. I thought me and him knew that one day it would come to end. Now that it has come to an end I never want it to end, but I don't want to leave her either. I can't leave her like this. She looks so hurt. I hate seeing females hurt. I hate seeing her hurt.
"Cas…. Cas… Castiel please " I yell after him. I called him but did not turn around. He is actually through with me and we will never be together ever again. We won't be together or be friends. I thought he never be out of my life. Once he was gone I turned to face Bella. I lost Jo, I lost Gabriel, I lost Sam, I lost Bobby and Ellen ,I lost Cas, now I can't lose her too. They are all gone and she is all I have left.
"I'm sorry." I begged.
"Yes you are sorry." She says after slapping me. I deserved that. If I hadn't lied so much I would still have them all.
"I deserved that." I said while rubbing my face.
"You deserve more than that, but I am one of the things you don't. I hate you Dean. How could you do this to me?" she cried "I love you. I have always loved you. I have been nothing but wonderful to you and cheat on me with a guy. How disgusting are you? What is worng with you? Did you think I would not find out? Did you think you could just keep getting away without nasty hobby ?" She says at the top of her lungs.
"I'm so sorry" I say so quiet. I have nothing else to say. What is there to say? I messed up at every angle. I am wrong all over.
"Stop saying you're sorry. I hate you." She yells as she pushes me. I moved a step. I didn't think she was that strong, but anger will do that to you. I feel like shit.
"Please don't say that" I say grabbing her and trying to hold her but she pushed me away. Again she is really strong right now.
Bella composed herself. She was never the type to act out of character but I actually bought her out of it. She took a breath and fixed her clothes before she spoke again. "I do hate you. I will always hate you. I am leaving you Dean; please don't ever speak to me again. You are a horrible person." She says with tears out of her mouth.
"Please don't" I begged. She can't leave me. I can't her leave. I love her.
"I'm not sorry and I am leaving. You made your bed, Now lay in it." she says as she walks down the steps with tears in her eyes. What have I done? I had a good life and I have chased everything good in it. I lost my family who I love, I lost my friends who I love who I love, I love Cas who I care about and I lost Bella. I am now on my own. I can't do this alone. I need one of them.
"Bella…Bella Bella Bella Bella" I yell.
I scream her name until I heard someone call my name repeatedly. Who is calling me? Did Cas or my family change their mine. They call my name again while I look for them. IT sounds like Bella. Is it her? Did she change her mind?
"Dean?" I hear he call again.
Everything went black. I tried to open my eyes for a minute but I couldn't. I finally was able to open my eyes.. His whole body was soaked in a cold sweat. I open my eyes to look around. I saw my room and I sat up as quickly as possible. Once I sat up I saw her. I saw Bella. Once I saw her I realized it was all a dream. None of that has happen. If it did happen she would be sitting on the edge of my bed. I looked into her eyes, I did not see hurt, or disgust all I saw was love and concern.
"Bella" I say realized as I catch my breath. I have never been so happy to see her.
"Hello darling" she says with a soft smile. "Are you okay? I see you were having a nightmare" She sound so loving. It's like music to my ears.
I breathe in and out a few more times before I grabbed her and gave her a passionate kiss. It's the most passionate kiss I have ever given her.
"Wow I should surprise you more often" she says once we broke apart. She should. Who knows the next time I will have a night like that.
"I love you and I never want to hurt you" I say placing my hands on her. She just looks so beautiful. How could I not think about her the whole summer? Yeah I talked to her but if I didn't she never crossed my mind and that was wrong. I will make that up to her.
"Wow that must have been some dream." She say happy. It really was. I still can't believe it myself. I have no idea why I had it. Everything is okay in my world. Jo is happy, Gabriel is happy, Cas is happy. I have asked them, and they all told me in their own ways.
"Trust me it was?" I say remembering all the hurt in my dream. It was just a dream. I still have my family, friends. Cas, and her. My life is right. Everything is okay right now. I have to just remember that.
"Well it's over now, so get yourself together and meet me down stairs. I'm taking you out and it's my treat" she says smiling. She is the best. My stomach just growled and even though she didn't hear it she knew. She is just like Cas at times. How can I let either of them go when they both are happy.
"Where we going?" I say finally feeling happy almost forgetting my dream.
"Anywhere you want." She says cupping my face and giving me kiss. It's different from Cas but it's still nice.
"Can get cheeseburgers and pies" I ask hoping she says yes.
"Of course Darling of course" she says before kissing me again.
I am such a lucky gut I have not one but many people in my corner. It might have started out as my secret but now I have a few people who share it with me now. Things might have not went the way I have hoped but at least things are okay. I have Cas and Bella both. I might not know what I am going to do but at least right now I don't have to choose. I have both of them and that is all need for now.
I love my family and they still love me. I love my friends and they still love me. I love Bella and she still loves me. I'm not sure what I feel for Cas but one day I will figure it out., I'm just glad it's not today.
The End ...of Part 1
Part 2 will start in the next Chapter
