Chapter 28

Dean.

After two long years, there he was standing right in front of him grinning. Grinning as if he had just gone to the store and had taken the scenic route coming back.

Dean.

A man that he missed and loved so much that sometimes he cried himself to sleep when it became too much. A man that he couldn't stop thinking about every single day since he last saw him in one form or fashion.

And now he was standing right in front of him and it felt as if every thing in his body had frozen and he could only stare at him. Not believing what was standing right in front of him was real. It had to be a mirage. The real Dean couldn't just pop right back up in his life grinning as if every thing was okay. He couldn't. He wouldn't dare.

Dean's smile faltered a bit. " Ro?" He waved his hand in front of Roman's face. " It's me. Dean."

Roman blinked a couple of times as if he was now coming to his senses. " Yeah. I know who you are."

The cold, impersonal sound of Roman's voice wiped all of the merriment from off of Dean's face.

He noticed Dean wiping his hands on his jeans but he didn't think that they were sweaty. Just one of his regular nervous habits. " Um, do you think that it's possible that we could talk?"

Roman nodded his head slowly. " Uh, yeah." He stepped to a side so that Dean could enter the apartment. Dean was just staring at him with a bit of uncertainty and he was sure that the same expression was mirrored on his face.

" Hey Ro! I'm leaving now."

Suddenly Tyler came into view and the tension in the apartment shot through the roof. Tyler was holding his duffel bag with his gear in one hand and looking at Dean as if he had seen a ghost. Meanwhile Dean acosted Tyler with a glare from top to bottom, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

" You're the guy from the mall." Dean couldn't keep the slight sneer out of his voice.

" It's Tyler." The smaller guy pointed out although he had a feeling that Dean knew his name quite well.

Dean wore the most unfriendly expression that said loud and clear that he didn't give a damn what Tyler's name was.

Tyler swallowed hard and turned to Roman. The fear in his eyes was plain to see. He wasn't afraid of Dean beating him up. No he was scared that now Dean was back in the picture that he would reclaim the man that he had fallen in love with over the past two years.

" Um, I have to go." He slipped his hand into Roman's who held on to it tight. It brought him a little comfort.

Roman lowered his head and placed a chaste kiss on Tyler's lips. " Okay, have fun."

Tyler nodded. Letting his fingers linger in Roman's hand for the last possible second until he had to walk away. He glanced between the two men and then hurried out of the apartment closing the door behind him.

" So you and mall boy, huh?" Dean inquired breaking the silence.

" His name is Tyler." Roman corrected him as he led Dean into the living room.

Before Dean respond his old nemesis ran up to him meowing a storm.

" Colby!" Dean seemed instanty delighted as the cat meowed at him as if he was trying to have a conversation with him.

Dean stooped down and tried to pet him but the cat stepped back and hissed at him. Dean chuckled and shook his head. " Same old Colby."

Roman was sitting on the couch staring at him amazement. How could Dean just waltz right back into his life and act as if every thing was normal?

Dean got up off the floor smiling and sank down the other end of the couch. " He hasn't changed, has he?"

" I guess not."

Roman's tone was so cold and so unusual to him. Dean was hunched over with his arms resting on top of his thighs. " Why do I get the feeling that you're not happy to see me?"

And there he went, pushing the lid off the anger that Roman was trying so hard to keep at bay. Roman swallowed hard as he clenched and unclenched his fists as a coping strategy. " Well it's kinda hard to be happy to see someone who took off in the middle of the night without so much as a goodbye note."

" Yeah," Dean nodded his head slowly. " I guess that wasn't the best thing to do now looking back at it but it felt like right thing to do at the time."

Roman just shook his head. Dean didn't even have to common courtesy to apologize for what he did to him. He couldn't look at him. He just stared at a spot on the floor as he spoke. " You had two fucking years Dean. Two years! And during all of that time I wasn't even worth a damn phone call?" Dean started to speak but Roman cut him off. " Do you know how many nights I didn't sleep because I was worried about you? I didn't even know if you were alive or dead. Do you know what that does to a person?" This time Roman was looking right at him. His grey eyes blazing. " Do you even care?"

" Of course I care Ro. It's why I came back." He dared to ease an inch closer to Roman on the couch but not much further because he wasn't completely positive that Roman wouldn't snap his neck.

" So you came back and that's suppose to make everything all right?" Roman couldn't believe his audacity sometimes.

" Ro, I did what I had to do in order to protect you." Dean's voice was firm and resolute in that response.

" Protect me? From who? Hunter? Because he was after you?"

Dean seemed shocked that Roman knew that much. " How did you know?"

" I went to see Mark."

" You did what?" Dean looked completely unhinged and a bit scared at the thought of Roman looking for Mark.

" Oh I'm sorry but what the fuck did you expect me to do? You were gone without a trace. The man that I thought loved me, took all of his shit and high tailed it out of New York and left me. I needed answers." He didn't want to fight with Dean but damn it felt good to get out all of his pent up frustrations and anger and direct it towards the right person.

" I...I... I did... I mean I do love you." Dean spoke softly, a bit nervous. Tapping his fingers against his collarbone as if he was waiting for something to end.

" Yeah well you've got a funny way of showing it."

" Don't say that!" Roman found himself being pushed down on the couch with Dean above him gripping his shoulders tightly. " You know that I love you."

" If you had really loved me you wouldn't have left me like that. You wouldn't have hurt me like that. Love doesn't hurt people like that." Roman grabbed Dean's arms and pushed them off him.

Dean sat back on the couch and he somehow managed to look completely devastated by what Roman had said. How could he do that? How could he just turn it around and make it seem as if Roman was the bad guy?

A tense silence fell between them. Both of them were hurting. Roman didn't even think that seeing Dean for the first time in years it would have ended with both of them being angry at each other. After spending countless hours wishing that Dean would walk back into his life, there he was sitting next to him on the couch and Roman didn't know what to do.

He had gotten bigger. He looked as if he had packed on at least twenty pounds of muscle. His skin looked clear and fresh. Whatever he had been doing during the time that he had left was working for him. But he couldn't even enjoy it. He couldn't enjoy it because Dean was being Dean and being obstinate and refusing to recognize the problem no matter how often Roman pointed it out to him.

Part of him wanted to reach across the couch and grab Dean by his black t-shirt , pull him up against him and kiss him like there was no tomorrow. But another part of him told him to hold out. That he at least deserved an apology and an explanation. He didn't think that he was asking for too much.

Dean sighed loudly and stretched his legs out in front of him. " Ro?"

The man in question looked at him with an eyebrow slightly raised.

" I'm sorry about the way I left."

Good, Roman thought at least they were making some progress.

" But I did it to protect you. I didn't want you to get hurt."

And then he had to go and ruin it. " So what exactly did you think would happen when I woke up and found that you were gone? You thought that I was just going to shrug my shoulders and go about my day?"

" I don't know. I really didn't think about that part." Dean admitted.

" You leaving me has hurt me more than whatever Hunter would've done to me." Roman had to do it. He had to go there. He had to make Dean understand how terrible it felt when he left him.

" Really Ro?" Dean's eyes actually dared to look watery. " Don't say that."

" Say what? The truth. You hurt me badly Dean." His eyes were fixed on Colby who was watching both of them with rapt attention. " And I don't know how you would expect me to just get over it. You know damn well if the shoe was on the other foot that you wouldn't forgive me for leaving you. You would've hated my guts. I don't think that you would even speak to me. So the fact that I actually let you back into my house is already more than what you would've done." Roman felt a shudder rack through his body. He was trying so damn hard to hold back these tears but they were still coming. These were tears of frustration and resentment because even after these two years had passed Dean was still clueless to the effect that he had on him.

" You had promised me Dean. You had promised that you wouldn't leave without saying goodbye. But you did. You told me that you loved me and then you just left. Who the fuck does that?" Well the tears were out now, Roman thought as he brushed the back of his hand across his face.

" I'm sorry Ro. But I did tell you that I always fuck relationships up." Dean was watching him cry as he chewed nervously on his bottom lip.

" That's no excuse." Roman wouldn't accept that now. " You could've told me what was happening. We could've come up with a plan. We could've done something. But you didn't even give us a chance."

He felt Dean moving closer to him and then a warm hand on his thigh. It had been two years since Dean had last touch him. His touch shouldn't have felt so familiar and so comforting but it was. Dean was pressing his body against his. His body heat spreading through his own. Roman turned his face slightly to the right and there Dean's was right in front of him. Those blue eyes deep with its own regrets. That hand on his thigh slid further up until it reached Roman's own hand and pried his fingers inbetween Roman's. He didn't mean to do it volunteerily but he squeezed those fingers between his. He wasn't going to let go now that he had found him again. He closed his eyes when Dean's face came closer to his own. When his nose brushed across his cheek and he could feel the gentle breath on his skin. His heart was beating so quickly. Only Dean could make him feel like this. Like if his entire world would end if he didn't have him right this minute. A warm pair of lips pressed hard against his cheek. An " I love you Ro." breathed into his ear. Then Dean pulled away. Away from Roman's body and unraveled their fingers.

Roman opened his eyes in disbelief as Dean stood up and reached into his backpocket and pulled out a card. He placed the card on the coffee table.

" That's the hotel where I'm staying. I have my cell number on the back."

Roman swallowed hard. " How long are you staying in town?"

" As long as it takes," was the answer. Roman didn't feel as if he could will his feet to move as he watched Dean walk to the door. He felt numb from that little physical contact that he had with him. Dean had sparked something in him and as soon as he had moved away it died.

He stared at the small, rectangular white card on the table. He wanted closure from Dean but he was beginning to realize that Dean might not be able to give it to him.


A/N: Was Dean's explanation satisfactory or do you think that Roman deserved more?