A/N Ready or not, here comes another chapter! Thank you, wonderful wonderful reviewers!! I love you all for your generous spirits and kind words that keep me writing. Must. not. let. down. readers. Blessings on all who stop by and choose to spend some time here.
"Hey, you! Wait up!" Shuuhei ran down the path after Nanao.
The woman stopped and watched him approach. "It took you longer than I expected," she said, crossing her arms. "I had to slow way down for you to catch up." She looked curiously at his hands. "Why are you carrying a fire extinguisher?"
He looked at the extinguisher that Ikkaku had thrown to him as he had dashed out the door, a bit surprised to see it himself, and dropped it to the ground with a clank. It wobbled part way down the slight slope, arcing off to the side of the path. "What do you mean it took me longer than you expected?" asked Shuuhei.
"I knew you'd be mad enough to follow me. You just took longer to get out the door than I had figured on. Other men would have been right behind me. I guess that means you're not a hothead." She gave her glasses a push.
"I haven't figured out what you are yet," answered Hisagi snidely.
"Don't get cutesy with me, Hisagi." She wagged a finger in his direction. "I'm the answer to your dilemma."
He reared back in surprise. "My dilemma? And what dilemma is that, Miss Nanao-It-All?"
"It's simple really." She pointed towards the window where the curtains were moving ever so slightly. "They're watching, you know."
"I'm aware of that," he said flatly.
"You rushed out here to find me, so you still need to save face with the captain. I imagine he forced you to come after me."
"I came out here because I wanted to. No one forced me to do anything."
She looked at him quizzically. "The party?"
"Did it cause I wanted to."
"The wrestling?"
"That too. On my own."
"Interesting. I wouldn't have gathered that from what I saw. But you still need to save face in front of the captain, am I right?"
"You could have done that in there!" he raged, stinging from her comment about his wrestling performance. "A simple 'yes' would have sufficed."
"Don't be silly," she said haughtily. "I can't give my captain the satisfaction. If I had said 'yes' in there, he would have won his little dating game, and I can't have that. I'd never hear the end of it and my life would become a walking nightmare, not that he doesn't make it that way now with his incessant demands on my time and patience. No, I'm playing this game my way." A small smile tipped the ends of her mouth. She pulled back her shoulders and looked intently into his gray eyes. "Quite frankly, Mr. Shuuhei Hisagi, after giving it some thought, I had determined that it would be to my benefit to go out with you and I decided to say yes if you asked me out. I figure that any man who would invite that much trouble for a date with me might be worth the time to get to know. You asked once and I won't make you ask again. Find a nice restaurant and pick me up tomorrow at seven."
Shuuhei's head was swimming. The woman had dumped him on the ground, kicked him around a bit, then picked him up and dusted him off. For this, he should be grateful? Plenty annoyed, he said sharply, "Geez, you talk a lot. What makes you think I still want to go out with you? You were pretty ruthless in there."
Nanao bowed her head slightly, lowering her eyes. "I know and I apologize for that, but what you don't understand is that Captain Kyouraku has been pulling your strings right from the start."
Shuuhei's anger dissipated. He laughed, "No, what you don't understand, Miss Nanao Ise, is that I know he's been pulling my strings all along. Fact is I've kinda enjoyed myself, well, except for the high heels. Long story."
"It's okay, Rangiku already explained."
"Yea, the mouth that was heard around the world. Here's the deal. I stole from an old man who was in the shower. I impersonated a woman, may I never wear false eyelashes and high heels again. I crashed a party at the home of the most vindictive captain alive. I re-landscaped the fight arena with little fishes, and I escaped with my life from Zaraki Kenpachi. Oh, and I survived Isane fixing me up. So why did I do all of this? Because your captain told me I had to, in order to save you from a fate worse than death."
"Thank you, I'm sure I've been saved many times over by now."
"More importantly, I did it all because I wanted to. Fact is I wanted to get to know you. But after all of these gyrations and machinations to get a date with you, you tell me 'no' in front of everyone who has the power to make my life a living hell." He shook his head with a resigned chuckle. "I should be furious, but you know what, Nanao, I'm over it. I've actually had a good time, so whether or not you go out with me is beside the point. I guess I don't care any more. I've had my fun and I'm not in jail. It's time for me to gather up my toys, go home and get back to the business of running the ninth." Hisagi turned to leave. "Seems like the journey was worth more than the pay-off."
His words surprised her. "You can't go," she exclaimed, grabbing his arm. "I can't let him win on his terms. I had no choice, Hisagi. I had to say no to you in there in front of him, but I'm saying yes out here. If I go back there without a date, he'll be insufferable and keep trying this again and again with less desirable men than you."
"It's nice to know that there are one or two others below me on your scale of undesirability," he said, rather amused by the girl's distress.
"That's not what I meant. I think you're desirab…I mean, what I meant was…Look, I've never begged for anything in my life, Hisagi. I didn't ask to be put in this situation. My captain did this to both of us without our consent, but you know what? He was right about one thing. You went through a lot for me; I at least owe you one date. After that, you can pack up your toys and go home, okay? We never have to see each other again and we don't even have to enjoy the date, but I need for us to go on a date to get my captain off my back, do you hear me?"
"I hear you. So now, after dissing me in front of my friends and saying I'm rather objectionable, you're asking me for a favor?" He shook his head. "Incredible."
"You need this date as much as I do," she insisted.
He looked at her like she was crazy. "No, I don't."
She laughed lightly. "C'mon! A manly man like you? Turned down by a mousy little librarian-type like me? Can't wait till that gets around the Seireitei. Your hot-papa quotient is going to plummet. The girls that think you're such a good catch now are going to toss you back into the koi ponds that you and your cronies created. And the guys! When they find out that I turned you down, they are going to ride you so hard, you'll be begging me for a date. I can hear Tetsuzaemon Iba now. Can't you?" She lowered her voice to imitate the seventh squad vice captain, "'Hey, Hisagi, need a date? Bet your zanpakutou won't turn you down.' So what do you think, Mr. Vice Captain Shuuhei Manly Man Hisagi? You need this date maybe even more than I do."
Realizing the truth in her statement, his eyebrows furrowed as he grumbled, "Fine, it's a date, but I guarantee I won't enjoy it."
"I won't either. Find a nice restaurant and pick me up at eight."
"You said seven earlier, or is that too much time out of your busy schedule?"
"Fine, seven. Date?"
"Deal. We'll shake on it."
"I'm a woman of my word."
"And I'm a man of mine. I promised the captain I'd save you from yourself, so now I'm saving you from him. Now shake."
"Fine, but don't forget that I'm saving you too," she said as they shook hands.
"Fine," he repeated irritably, pushing thoughts of how soft her hand was out of his head.
"Good night, then."
"Tomorrow at seven. Be ready," he ordered.
"Fine. I will be," she countered. "Don't be late."
They headed off in separate directions, neither one going back to the eighth.
"I'll be on time. Make sure you're ready," he called over his shoulder.
"I'll be ready. Make sure you're on time," she replied.
"You just had to have the last word, didn't you?"
"Of course."
"Figures."
"Hey!"
"Ow! Damn fire extinguisher."
"Clumsy."
"What are they doing out there? I can't see," complained Kira, poking his head up under the closed curtains in the office. The remaining Shinigami, except for Shunsui who was pacing, were squeezed together on the floor in front of the picture window, where if they peeked, they could see Nanao and Shuuhei talking down the path.
"Get down. They'll see you, moron." Renji grabbed his head and pushed it under Ikkaku's armpit, leaving the rest of Kira's body awkwardly positioned as it attempted to stay attached to his head.
"Gah!" gagged Kira.
"Ah, shut up, it ain't that bad," said Ikkaku from his seat on the floor. "I showered a coupla days ago."
"I want to see," said Yumichika, bobbing out from behind Ukitake at the opposite end of the window. "Isn't this romantic? Are they kissing yet?"
"I'm afraid not," said the captain, spying on the couple. "It looks like they're arguing."
"Arguing? Ooo, that's not good," said Kira's head.
"No joke, Blondie," said Ikkaku as he noogied the head. "Your roots are showing."
"Ow. I don't have roots," protested Kira's head. "I'm a natural blond. You must be talking about Yumichika." His arm pointed to the raven-haired man.
"What about me? I heard my delightful name being mentioned." A smiling Yumichika peered over the captain general as he conversed with Isane.
"Kira says you dye your hair."
"I beg your pardon!" Yumi's hands flew to smooth his perfect hair. "Whether I do or do not retouch my roots now and again is of no concern of yours, Mister. I am mortified that you would even suggest such a thing, Kira. This is all natural beauty, I'll have you know, and if you don't believe me, I have just one thing to say. Ikkaku, slice and dice him!"
"Now look what you've done, you idiot. Yumi's upset. Apologize, Kira." Ikkaku shook the head under his arm vigorously.
"Why?" asked the head. "Perhaps he's forgetting about that little sock incident from the pageant."
"Little sock is right," chuckled Renji.
A foot belonging to Kira's body kicked out at Renji. "Oh, shut up, Renji. You're a poop."
"And you're a blond. Remember that." Renji poked him in the ribs. "Hey, 'Zuru, why did all of the blonds at the rally keep tripping over their shoelaces? Because instead of 'Blonds unite,' the banners read 'Blonds untie!' HA! That's a good one." He slapped Kira's thigh.
"You're assuming blonds can read," said Yumichika snottily, crawling to join them at the other end of the window.
"You four idiots, keep it down or I'll kick you out of here," scolded Shunsui. "Let go of him!" Ikkaku obediently released Kira's head. He was glad to be reunited with his body.
"What are they doing now?" asked Isane timidly. She was situated uncomfortably close to the captain general, whose position of authority intimidated her anyway. While the others had been busy with Kira, he mentioned to her that he had been intrigued by her strands of long hair and had asked how she kept them so neat. The only sound that had come out of her mouth had been a guttural 'gl' which had stuck in her throat. The captain general had called it 'an odd, but interesting idea' and had told her that he had never thought to use glue to keep his beard in place. She didn't know why she had made that sound, and she could only hope that he wouldn't try it.
"I can't watch," said a pacing Shunsui. "This is worse than battling a room full of hollows with a wooden stick."
"If it's a pointy wooden stick, you could skewer 'em," said Ikkaku, "right through the hole."
"They're still talking," said Ukitake, peeking out the side of the window, "but Nanao pointed to the window a few moments ago. I think they know we're watching."
"This is most exciting," said Yama-Jii, rubbing his palms together. "It feels much like the old days, eh, Sasakibe? A little espionage, some surveillance, a little snooping around where our noses don't belong."
"Undercover work," nodded Sasakibe, watching Ikkaku and Yumichika as they jostled for position under the window. A shove from Yumi sent Ikkaku backwards with flailing arms. Instinctually, Sasakibe reached out to steady the follicly challenged Shinigami.
"You got your hands on me, dude," said Ikkaku, looking behind him at the vice captain.
"Just helping you with your balance," Sasakibe smiled.
"My balance is fine," growled Ikkaku. "Take a hint, dude. Move it or lose it."
"Sasakibe," warned Yama-Jii, "Remember what we've talked about."
"But, I'm innocent…" He started to protest. Realizing that his objection would fall on deaf ears, Chojirou moved slowly away from Ikkaku. "Yes, Captain General, sir."
Yumichika elbowed the third seat. "Ikkaku, look at him." He forceably yanked Ikkaku's head around to where Sasakibe was slumped against the wall, lost in thought. "It's pitiful. He was trying to help you. Throw him a bone," Yumi urged.
After a moment of uncharacteristic thought, Ikkaku's face lit up. He called over to the man, "Hey, Sasakibe. Dude, like if you're ever around the eleventh and you wanna, you know, spar or something, just ask for Yumichika. He's available."
"I said a throw him a bone, not me," complained Yumi.
"Oh, I thought you said throw him something bony. How about Kira? He's pretty bony."
"He may be bony," sniffed Yumichika, "but he certainly isn't pretty. Well, not like me, anyway. Could be his type though. There's no accounting for taste."
"Hey, Sasakibe," snickered Ikkaku, "how do you like blonds?"
The vice captain's eyebrow shot up as he gave Ikkaku a lusty look. "Bald."
The third seat's face turned cabbage green. "Gonna hurl. Gonna hurl."
Sasaskibe smiled wickedly to himself as he relaxed against the wall with his hands behind his head. "That felt good."
"Someone," declared Yama-Jii loudly, "will have to help me off the floor when we have finished spying on our lovebirds."
"Yama-Jii, are you ill?" asked a concerned Ukitake. "Are your joints stiffening up on you?"
"No, no, nothing like that, Jushiro," assured the old man. "It's my beard. I trip over it when I try to get up, and then it becomes untidy and Sasakibe has to straighten it out again. He does not have the gentlest of brush skills."
"If you wouldn't get so much stuff in it…" muttered Sasakibe.
Yama-Jii found Isane. "Glue works well for control, you say, young lady?"
Isane wanted desperately to slither down the wall and into the floorboards.
"Someone tell me what they're doing now. Are they kissing yet?" asked Shunsui, wringing his hands.
"No, no, but look at the body language. She's touching his arm," sighed Yumichika, gazing out the center of the window in full view of Shuuhei and Nanao, had they cared to look. "That's so sweet."
Renji thrust his head up too. "I think he's telling her to go to hell."
"Don't do it, Hisagi!" yelled Shunsui at the curtains as he paced the room. "Ask her out again. Nanao, I order you to go out with him!"
"Forget it, Shunsui. They can't hear you," said Ukitake.
"Damn it! Why did I have to have this office sound proofed?"
"Something about snoring in the middle of the afternoon, if I recall," said Yama-Jii with a snort.
"Look at it this way, Captain Kyouraku. At least, they're talking to one another and not yelling," said Kira.
"Wait, good news, Shunsui. He's moving in," reported Ukitake. "He's extending his arms."
"A hug? He's going to hug her?" Shunsui stopped pacing and eyes wide, watched Jushiro for news.
"No, just one arm. She's…she's…she's shaking his hand."
"Shaking his hand?" Shunsui puzzled. "A hand-shake? A HAND-SHAKE? THEY SHOOK HANDS? WHERE'S THE KISSING?"
"Shunsui, calm down."
"They can't shake hands." He removed his hat and ran a hand over his hair. "They should be kissing by now."
"Bull," said Ikkaku, "All solid deals start with a hand-shake. He was just warming her up."
"Did she agree to go on a date with him yet?" asked Kira.
"They shook hands, didn't they?" commented Ikkaku. "How much more connected can they get, you know?"
"But he shook her hand!" sputtered Shunsui.
"Dude, we know that," said Renji.
"Calm down, Shunsui." But even Ukitake's soothing voice could not placate Nanao's captain.
"It's certainly an unorthodox method of courtship," observed Sasakibe.
The captain tore at his pink robe. "UNORTHODOX? HE SHOOK HER FREAKIN' HAND!"
"Well, she shook his too, captain," Yumichika pointed out. "My guess is that they at least have an agreement about something."
"Agreed," said Yama-Jii. "That's the first smart thing you've said all evening. They have most likely agreed on a fitting demise for her captain. Pity really, they would have made lovely babies together. Don't you agree, Shunsui?"
"Sake! I need sake! NAN…SOMEBODY GET ME SOME SAKE!! DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING MYSELF?"
