Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Edited by Sjdavis84 and StillDreaming85.
WARNING: This story contains mature themes and is intended for mature readers.
CHARLES SWAN.
I didn't think, I didn't feel. How could I when my life, my soul, the reason for my existence, her heart no longer beats. How can I continue to go on when I have nothing and no one left to live for?
The pain was unbearable, and it was suffocating me. It had gripped my shoulders and it had pulled me down. I was stuck in the darkness, stuck in the cloud, I was stuck in the pain.
This place was worse than hell.
Hell would burn me, it would make me feel the pain. This place was dark and I was here all alone in the silence.
My beautiful ballerina, gone.
My little girl, gone.
My life, my love, gone.
"An angel, sent back to heaven to live with the father forever and ever."
I could not even look at my ballerina one last time. No one wanted to tell me how she died, or what they did to her. All I knew, they found her body in Syracuse, dumped by the Onondaga Lake. But I wasn't an idiot, I had seen first hand what Anthony and Edward were capable of, I knew what the Cullen's were capable of. I had seen it many times with Carlisle. I had covered up cases and evidence for him more times than I care to admit.
"Charles, come on, they're going to lower the coffin now," Sam said.
"No, no, no, they can't. They can't take her from me," I cried.
"Come on Charles," Sam tried again. I had no strength left in me to fight him. He dragged me back and pulled me to my feet.
My Renee came and stood next to me. She was always the strong one, but not today. She fell to her knees as our ballerina's coffin was lowered into the ground, her fingers digging into the earth as she cried.
"Mommy loves you, baby. Mommy will always love you. Sleep my baby."
It was unbearable to witness, yet impossible to look away. I have never seen Renee in this much pain and I knew that I had no one to blame for any of this but myself.
I could blame Anthony, I could even blame Carlisle. But the reality was I only had myself to blame.
Ten years ago, I had made the worst decision of my life. Ten years ago, I had accepted the devil's deal. Ten years ago, I sold my soul and everything else with it, my life, my love, my family.
I should have walked away when I had the chance. Maybe if I did, maybe I wouldn't be stuck here today, stuck in this bottomless pit of pain, where every second that went by it seemed to drag me further and further down into its depths.
~DINY~
I sat on the sofa watching the people around me talking quietly among themselves. They all looked upon me with pity, with sympathy.
When all this started, two years ago, when I had agreed to help bring Carlisle down, I knew it was a bad decision, but I kept telling myself that it was my job and I was doing the right thing.
But sometimes, it felt as if I was fighting a losing battle. For one criminal I help put away it seemed another five pop up and take his or her place.
Putting Carlisle away, did it solve anything?
No!
Did it make things worse?
From every aspect and every sense, yes.
My involvement with Carlisle has cost me the one thing, the one person that I held dear the most, the one I loved the most above all else.
I could play the blame game a million times, but in the end the finger will always come back pointing at me.
"This is all your fault," Renee said.
"Renee, stop," someone said, a work colleague of hers, maybe, I didn't recognize her.
"No," Renee yelled, pushing her away. Everyone around us stopped and stared at the two of us.
"This is all your fault. My baby is dead because of you. Because you chose greed over your family. Money, Charlie, money, over your own family."
"Reneeā¦" I whispered. It pained me to see her like this. My happy wife. The woman who was always full of life. Her eyes were dead as she stared at me. There was no emotion in them, there was nothing.
"Where is that money now, Charlie? Where the fuck is it?" She yelled. She was on top of me in the blink of an eye. Her hands collided with any part of my body that she could reach. I let her attack me, but I couldn't feel anything, I was too numb, too broken. Nobody seemed to stop her. They watched as if this were some sort of show or maybe they too agreed with Renee.
"I will never forgive you for this, Charlie, never," she said. "My baby's gone," she cried, slumping in my arms, burying her face in my neck.
~DINY~
I have lost track of time. It was hard to tell when one day started and another day ended. Maybe two days went by, maybe three. Renee left to stay with her mother. She said she could not bear to be around me, she could not bear to be in this house anymore, where everything reminded her of our daughter.
I hadn't left the house. I couldn't. I haven't left her room. Her smell still lingered here, even after all these months.
I lay in her bed, wrapped up in her sheets, the same sheets that she had laid in last. Nothing in this room had been touched since that night.
"Daddy, did you see me, did you see me?" She came running to me, wrapping her little arms around my leg.
"I saw you, baby. You were amazing," I said, picking her up, I swung her around. Her soft laughter filled my ears, warming my heart.
"Can we get ice cream now?"
"Anything you want, baby," I said, kissing her rosy cheek.
How do people deal with this sort of pain? How can they find the will to go on after their life has been taken from them?
How did this end? Would it ever end? Would the pain ever subside?
"What's that?" I asked.
My ballerina stood there, staring at the letter in her hand, shock painted all over her face. Her mother stood behind her, grinning from ear to ear.
"Well?"
"I got the scholarship. They accepted me," she said in disbelief.
"Are you surprised? I knew you would get it," I said.
"We need to celebrate," Renee said, kissing our daughter on the cheek. "Congratulations baby, I knew you could do it."
Everything was still in this room, all of her clothes. Those damn tutus that I always complained were too darn expensive. But she always looked amazing in them, like a princess. She was a princess, my princess.
I ran my finger along the trophies and awards that were lined up along the shelf atop of her desk. There were too many to count, but I remember being there when she received every one of them. I never missed a performance of hers, I never could.
On her desk, she had a picture of the three of us. It was the last picture taken of the three of us at her last performance.
Renee and I were smiling proudly at her, while our ballerina looked ahead at the camera. Her big smile and wide eyes. It made my own eyes water all over again.
"Daddy loves you so much, baby," I said, picking up the photo and kissing it.
I walked back over to her bed, laying down and wrapping myself up in her sheets once more.
I laid on my side with the picture next to me, with my free hand, stroking my fingers over the cold glass.
"I'm sorry baby. I was so stupid, I couldn't protect you. What you must have gone through. What did they do to you, baby," I cried, gripping that frame as hard as I could. "My little ballerina. I will always love you, Isabella, always baby. Daddy will see you soon," I said.
I flicked the safety off on the revolver and with shaky hands placed the cold metal under my chin.
This was my only way out. This was the only way to end the pain. The only way I could be with my ballerina again.
I closed my eyes, letting the hot tears fall. The last image I would ever see was of my family, together and happy.
