"Jess, it's wonderful to meet you. How was your flight?" Castiel takes the bags from Jess' hands immediately, kissing her on the cheek and stepping back to welcome her into their home. Sam and Dean follow behind, Mary cradled against Sam's chest, and neither of them miss the tension in Cas' shoulders. It takes him a moment to turn towards Sam, but when he does his eyes light up at the carefully-wrapped bundle in his arms.
"Sam… it's good to have you back." His voice is even but holds a slight tremor - excitement and nerves - that only Dean notices. "And… this must be Mary."
"Yes." Sam pauses, then says gruffly, "Do you want to hold her?"
"Me?" It comes out as a squeak and Cas blushes, then tries again. "I… I would love to. But let's get you all inside first, it's freezing out here. Do you want me to carry anything? Hi, Dean." It's said as an aside as Dean presses a kiss to his cheek; Cas is distracted by his guests and his anxieties and Dean does his best to calm him down by wrapping an arm around his waist and whispering words of comfort into his hair as they all walk inside.
It takes a while for them all to get settled, Sam and Jess in the spare room while Dean cradles his niece and makes faces at her, and Cas just watches from a distance, unnerved by having guests in his house and by the fact that one of those guests is someone he dislikes. Or rather, disliked. Dean is sure Cas is slowly coming around to his brother, and that suspicion is confirmed when Sam pulls Cas aside an hour later to talk to him - just within earshot of Jess and Dean.
"Cas, I… want you to know how grateful we are for your hospitality." His voice is strained, nervous. "And… I want to apologise. To you. Because I know you hate me and I understand why. But please, just know that I won't hurt Dean again. I want to be here for him, for you, for the boys. I want us to be a family. I hope…" Sam runs a hand through his hair. "I hope we can be friends."
"I'd like that, Sam." Cas says, a little stiffly, but his words are genuine. He would like that, for the benefit of his family. They trade tense, slightly wary smiles and wander back to the living area where Dean and Jess pretend (terribly) that they weren't listening in at all. Cas plops down on the sofa in between his children, wraps them both in hugs, and is soon deep in conversation with Jess about the plans for Christmas dinner and about how she's getting on with Mary, offering parenting advice and tips while Jess listens, avidly.
In bed later, Dean moves to lie on top of Cas and kisses him hotly, grinding their hips together until they both come, and Cas gasps out a desperate little laugh, running his hands through his hair and smiling up at Dean in surprise.
"That was… awesome, naturally. But… the occasion?"
"I need an occasion to make love to my boyfriend?" Dean explores Cas' throat with his lips, already considering round two since they've sweaty and sticky already.
"'Make love'? You're such a sap," Cas swats him, laughing.
"You love me, though." A wave of nerves nudges at him but he pushes it away firmly. "Right?"
"Always." Cas kisses him and then they're moving together again, slowly, erotically, and it feels so damn good. "For always."
Dean clears his throat once, twice, then a third time, just to kill a few seconds. He's pretty sure what he's doing now would be classed as loitering, but it still doesn't encourage him to raise his hand and knock. The wind bites at his nose and cheeks, and he rubs his palms together to try and generate some warmth. It's Christmas Eve and all around him people are singing carols and lights are twinkling. The neighbourhood is warm and homely, family-friendly, and he can see why Jimmy enjoys living here. It's definitely a far cry from Castiel's isolated home, but it's pleasant in its difference.
OK. He can do this. He can't stand here all day, eventually Cas will start to worry where he is, and he doesn't know how long the conversation with Jimmy will take. He steels his nerves and knocks on the door.
A moment later the handle turns and Jimmy stands there, eyebrows raised and looking ruffled, like Dean's interrupted something he was doing, and he immediately feels guilty.
"Dean? Um, hello. I wasn't expecting you?"
"I, uh, hi. Hi, Jimmy." Dean rubs the back of his neck, flushing. He doesn't know how to continue, and really doesn't want to have this conversation on Jimmy's doorstep. Nearby, some children start singing a rendition of Silent Night, and Dean turns to look at them.
"Dean." Strong hands grip his biceps, drawing his attention back, as he glances down at them and is a little surprised by how familiar they seem. He's struck with the sudden comprehension of how similar the twins are physically. The same hands, the same build, the same sardonic eyebrow raises and quizzical head tilts. He's jolted from those thoughts when Jimmy shakes him lightly. "What's wrong? Is Cas all right? The boys? Lexie? He's not sick again is he?"
"Yes," Dean has to lick his lips and swallow a couple of times; his mouth is suddenly drier than the Sahara. "I mean, no, no Lexie's fine. Everyone's fine. I just wanted to, uh…" Come on, Dean. You got this. "Hang out?" Oh. You don't got this.
"Um…"
Perplexed, Jimmy releases him and takes a step back, his blue eyes wary and confused by the suggestion. Dean gets it. Their relationship has come on leaps and bounds since their first fiery meeting, but they aren't what he would call buddies. They don't call or text each other beyond polite discussions of the family, and they definitely don't hang out just the pair of them. Jimmy has done him a favour or two in the past and they are able to sit and have a drink together for a while, but heading over to Jimmy's just so they can hang out is new, uncharted territory. Plus, it's Christmas Eve and Jimmy is coming over later for dinner. Dean's visit makes, logically, no sense whatsoever. He wouldn't blame Jimmy if he said no and closed the door; however he fervently hopes that he doesn't do that. It may take him a while, but he's determined to do what he came here to do.
"Sure?" It's a question, not a confirmation, and Dean forces himself to smile at Jimmy brightly and take a step forward, effectively forcing the other man to move back and let him in. "Shall I take your coat?"
Now inside, nerves descend onto Dean and wrap around his chest, constructing, and drawing breath is a little more difficult. He smiles stiltedly and shrugs off his coat and scarf, hanging them on a hook and following Jimmy through his beautifully decorated house to the living room with interest. As similar as the twins are, their differences in taste and interests vary wildly. Where Cas' house is light and airy, cosy with hand-me-down blankets and furniture from markets and thrift stores, Jimmy's home is meticulously decorated and everything seems to have a place and a purpose. The ceilings are high and the walls a soft grey; orange and lime accents are strategically placed throughout, in the form of lampshades, cushions and ornaments that serve no purpose - in Dean's opinion - beyond gathering dust. A small Christmas tree stands in the window, lovingly decorated by the two generations of Novak twins a few days previously - Dean had stood back and taken photos of them as they laughed and smiled and hung decorations, and the place feels warm and festive. Jimmy is effortlessly stylish in a way that Cas isn't, but somehow it just makes Dean love his man a little bit more. The twins clearly share the same love of books - a huge bookcase covers one wall, and Dean takes in familiar titles. Bukowski, Palahnuik, and Orwell battle for space with Wilde, Huxley and Nabokov. Translated copies of Battle Royale and Anna Karenina sit on top of recipe books and historical biographies. Dean didn't think many people were better read than Cas, but Jimmy certainly takes the title from him. He spies a pile of paperwork and binders chock-full of handwritten notes. Jimmy's job is hectic and chaotic but he enjoys it, loves teaching new things to young minds, and he clearly doesn't believe in the concept of not taking his work home with him.
"Would you like a drink?" Jimmy has the same habit of twisting his hands together as Cas, displaying his nervousness. Dean nods, and Jimmy vanishes into the kitchen only to reappear with two perspiring bottles of IPA. Dean takes one and perches on the edge of the nearest sofa.
"So…" Jimmy runs a hand through his hair. "As nice as it is to see you, Dean, why do I get the feeling that this isn't a social visit?" Since I'm supposed to be seeing you in…" He checks his watch. "Four hours?"
Because we never hang out? Is the knee-jerk response on the tip of Dean's tongue, but he bites it back. The last time he and Jimmy spent time alone together was when Lexie was in the hospital, and it had been a rough night. They're friends now, but still not close. He has to be nice. He desperately needs Jimmy on his side.
"Yeah, you caught me. I have an ulterior motive." He sips his beer thoughtfully, trying to remember how he planned to proceed. "I guess I wanted some advice."
"Oh?" Jimmy arches an eyebrow. "Am I to assume you can't ask Cas for this advice, since it's my doorstep you've turned up on?"
"It's, well, it's about Cas." Dean toys with his bottle. Outside the grey skies are darkening as the evening draws in. "About our future, specifically."
"Oh." Jimmy shifts, clearly uncomfortable. "Look, Dean, I really think you and Cas should discuss this between yourselves. I know I might look a lot like him but I'm a poor substitute, and if you're having concerns…"
"No! God no, no concerns at all. You know how much I love him and those kids, come on. Give me some credit, please." The I think I've earned it goes without saying. Jimmy relaxes, but only minutely. He still looks like a skittish wild animal. "Of course I'll talk to Cas, but you know him better than anyone. Better than he knows himself, and I want to make sure I'm not rushing anything. I don't want to scare him, or make him feel pushed into something he isn't ready for."
"Such as?" Jimmy squints. "Dean, if this is about your sex life then really, I'd rather not-"
"No!" Dean exhales in irritation, unsure if he's more aggravated with Jimmy or himself. He had hoped this would be a smooth conversation, but clearly God has other plans and is looking for entertainment. He can just picture the bastard sitting up there on a cloud with a bucket of popcorn and his favourite black comedy: The Life of Dean Winchester. "Nothing like that. It's kind of… about Cole."
Jimmy, understandably, looks more puzzled by the second. "Cole? But you said this was about your future? Cole is Cas' past."
I know that, dumbass. "I know that, Jimmy. Thanks. But what I want for our future is probably going to be dictated by what happened with Cas and Cole. And I want to tread lightly and avoid any pitfalls. You get me?"
"I think I'm starting to."
Dean checks his watch, a nervous habit. He can't relax, not knowing what he's about to ask Jimmy and, really, with no clue what the response will be. Half an hour away, Cas will be chopping chicken and vegetables for dinner while the kids play under the Christmas tree, probably singing to some old 50s music - his boyfriend has got to start utilising Dean's music collection - and is completely oblivious to where Dean is. He will be playing gracious host to Sam and Jess, fawning over Mary and making sure all their needs are met. He thinks Dean is back in town finishing his last-minute shopping and picking up some things for dinner tomorrow. He almost feels a twinge of guilt at the deception.
Almost.
"What was Cole like?"
Jimmy sighs, and leans back on the sofa, downing a deep swallow from his bottle. His expression is slightly pained, like he's considering how to approach his answer. "Cole was… very different to you, Dean. He and Cas had a different relationship."
"How so?"
"He was very… serious. Very reserved. He loved Cas a lot but sometimes I felt like they didn't have enough fun together. Everything was very meticulously planned out; they lived their lives to this fast, rigorous schedule, and it wasn't always good for Cas."
"Really?" Dean probably looks as taken-aback as he feels. "I can't imagine Cas sticking to a rigid schedule."
Jimmy snorts. "No, you wouldn't have recognised him back then. He changed when he met Cole. Not in a bad way, and I don't want this to sound like I didn't like the guy because I did. But there were times when I felt like I'd lost my little brother."
"Only twelve minutes between you."
"Oh, god, not you as well." Jimmy laughs good-naturedly. "Younger is younger, no matter how many minutes. Anyway, they had a good relationship. They were happy. They had a beautiful wedding, a couple of years of marriage together, then the twins came along."
"And the rest is history."
"I suppose so. Another?" Jimmy gets up and waggles his empty bottle at Dean. Apparently talking about his brother's deceased husband has driven him to drink pretty quickly - Dean's beer is still half-full.
While Jimmy rustles about in the kitchen, Dean sends Cas a text. It's a quick Won't be too long, miss you but the response he gets is immediate and sends a warm smile across his lips. Hope not. Miss you too much already.
"And there's one way in which your relationship differs to theirs." Jimmy is back, pointing a bottle at Dean again. This time, it's a full one.
"Huh?"
"Cole never looked like that when he was texting Cas."
"How did you know…?" Dean flushes and pockets his phone, but the smile at his lips is still there. He misses Cas too, and Jimmy is correct: he's a poor substitute.
"Please. If it isn't him you're texting then I'll throw your cheating ass off a cliff. But I'm willing to bet my life's savings that it is; I've seen the way you look at him."
In the past, Dean would have laughed and made some crack joke to deflect. He was never comfortable with feelings and emotions - they dented his masculinity. But the person he is today has no issue with wearing his heart on his sleeve. And today, nothing seems particularly amusing what with the question in the back of his mind. "I love him, man. Can't help it. He's perfect."
Another snort, this time an affectionate one. "Nobody's perfect, Dean. But Cas is as close as you're going to get."
"He is to me." It's raw and probably too honest, and Dean kind of regrets the words as soon as they leave his lips as Jimmy's eyes widen a touch. But hell, he needs the guy to know just how serious he is about Cas. "And I want to spend the rest of my life with him, Jimmy. Him and the children. And, I guess, you by extension." He colours as he says that and Jimmy averts his eyes in embarrassment but Dean's meaning is clear. He wants the whole Novak package.
"Get to the point, Dean." Jimmy toys with his drink and waits.
"OK, right. The point. Well, um, do you think Cas would ever be, uhm… open to the idea? Again?"
"The idea of what?" Jimmy frowns, perplexed.
"Marriage. Getting married. Cas. Getting married again."
"I think it's possible," Jimmy says slowly, studying Dean's face as though he's a particularly interesting specimen at a museum. "With the right person. At the right time."
"OK. I... OK. Right then. Well. I was wondering if…" Dean trails off, berating himself internally. If he can't even work up the nerve to ask Jimmy… OK, Dean. Balls of steel. Go for it. "I wanted to ask your permission for something. And it might seem a bit weird, me even thinking to ask, but since Cas has been through some shit and you're super protective of him, it would feel wrong not to. I could ask your dad, but I value my life and I don't think Cas would like that too much…"
There's a surprised glint in Jimmy's eyes, a spark of understanding, and he sits and waits patiently for Dean to continue, looking only a little dazed by what he's figured out.
"I was wondering…" He suddenly feels calmer, and clings to that feeling, taking a deep breath and going for it. "I want to ask Cas… I want to ask Cas to marry me." There. It's out. He's said it. He's staring resolutely at the beer bottle his hands but can feel Jimmy's gaze boring into the side of his head. "I want him as my husband, as my everything. The kids too. I want us to be a family, and you have my word I'll look after them. I've even seen a ring that would be perfect for him, and I think I know how I want to ask… So I just wondered… I hoped… that it would be OK. With you. Jimmy."
Christmas Day dawns bright and cold, and the boys are awake early as everyone suspected. They come bounding into Dean and Cas' bedroom at just before six, begging to know if Santa has been, as their parents sit up and wipe their eyes sleepily and say they don't know but why don't the boys run and check under the tree? Dean smiles at their retreating backs and allows Cas to wrap an arm around his waist and drag him back down for another five minutes sleep. Five minutes is all they get: Lexie and Billie can be heard messing noisily with the presents and Cas is up and out of bed at lightning speed to stop them opening anything before he can get there to take a photo. He says it's a tradition of theirs, to have a photograph of the boys beside the tree on Christmas morning. Dean watches Cas leave the room, tugging a sweater on and hopping one leg into a pair of sweats simultaneously, almost falling over as he does. He sends a grin back over his shoulder and that's Dean's cue to follow him. He doesn't want to miss a single second of his kids' excitement on Christmas Day.
By the time they've reined in the children and got them to go back to their rooms and dress, Sam and Jess have got up, Jimmy has arisen from where he slept on the sofa and straightened out the living room, and Cas is making them all coffee and pancakes in the kitchen. He's much more relaxed now, completely different to the jittery mess that he was when they first arrived, and he and Sam even trade relaxed smiles as the younger Winchester helps him plate everything up and arrange the table for everyone to sit down. Cas doesn't eat much; he prefers looking after everyone and taking photos on his old, broken phone which Dean knows will be grainy and blurred but that Cas will love anyway.
Eventually, they all gather in the living room and open their gifts. Cas puts on a CD of Christmas music and Billie dances about, singing along to it. Lexie sits quietly at Dean's side and helps him open various presents from Sam and Jess, Jimmy, and Cas. They laugh and joke and smile as they open presents, Mary gets passed around everyone for cuddles, and the boys are in their element. It's the best Christmas Dean can ever imagine having.
He can't remember the last time he was so spoiled: the twins get him some pyjamas with Superman print on the pants and 'Super Dad' emblazoned on the front and he hugs them tight as they both giggle and grin. Sam and Jess have got him a photo album and Sam has brought a box full of Dean's old belongings from his apartment back home. He gets misty-eyed looking through everything and has to set the box aside for later, and plans to look through it with Cas and tell him more about his life before the Novak family. Jimmy has outdone himself and has got Dean collectors editions of all Cas' novels, which makes Cas blush and gape as Dean admits he's been slowly working his way through them and is loving every word. Cas, in turn, has spoiled him with his gift: a record player and five vinyls. Led Zeppelin and Metallica's greats, and Dean fingers the records in awe.
"Cas, where did you… These must have cost…"
"You always complain there's never anything good to listen to around here." Cas is now curled up on the sofa in a Christmas sweater with Lexie on his lap. He smiles warmly at Dean and adds, "Now you can show me what real music is like."
"Thank you, Cas. I don't know what to say." He crosses the room and snuggles down next to his partner, kissing him on the forehead. "Open yours."
Dean managed to find two things for Cas. One is a camera, a second-hand Olympus with a leather strap, because they don't have many pictures of them all together and Dean has decided to remedy that. Cas' blurry phone images have had their day. The second is heavy, wrapped awkwardly and Dean has set it on the table behind them and has to drag Cas up off the sofa to open it. He stands behind him and wraps his arms around Cas' waist as he pulls the wrapping off, and feels rather than hears his sharp intake of breath as he sees what's inside.
"You don't have to use it," Dean murmurs into his ear. "But I thought it might inspire you. Plus I just really liked how it looked, so even if you never use it I thought it would look great just on a table or something, and…"
"Dean." Cas turns in his arms and kisses him on the mouth, deeply. "I love it. I love it so much. You're… thank you. You're the best."
It's a vintage typewriter, one Dean had to hunt high and low for but eventually found online and had shipped to Jimmy's address. In Cas' second book, his main character had been a writer and had used an old typewriter, black with bronze keys, to write his masterpiece. The one Dean has bought for Cas is as close a replica as he could manage, and it sits proudly in its nest of wrapping paper, just begging to be used. Cas kisses him again, arms tightly around his neck, and Dean knows he did good. He's bought the kids useful gifts, under Cas' instruction: crayons and new schoolbags, but he's also snuck in colouring books and Lego, because he wants to make good on his promise months ago to spoil the children in any way he can.
But his favourite present by a long shot is one that Sam gives him later, when Cas and Jimmy are entertaining the children, letting them make faces at Mary and tell Jess all about kindergarten. He hands Dean a plain white envelope with his name on in untidy scrawl, and when he turns it over the seal of the envelope is stained with grease. He feels a jolt in his chest as he realises who it's from, and opens it with shaking fingers. Inside it it a Polaroid. One photograph with no commentary, but Dean doesn't care about that. Because the picture says all the words that a letter never could. It's his car, his beautiful, sleek black Impala, lovingly restored and renovated, looking like her old self, and sitting proudly beneath a sign that reads Singer Auto Salvage. His breath catches in his throat and he covers his mouth with his hand. Bobby fixed his car. Bobby took a picture and sent it to him for Christmas. Bobby fixed Baby.
"Dean?" Cas appears and dumps a handful of mugs in the sink. "Are you OK?"
Sam squeezes his forearm and leaves them alone, and Dean wraps an arm around his lover. "Look. I need to introduce you to someone special. This is my Baby. Bobby… she's with Bobby." He's awash with memories, and Cas just hugs him and they stare at the photo together, entranced.
Later, Jimmy sidles over to him as Cas is putting the finishing touches on dinner, and stands with him for a while as Lexie doses contently against Dean's chest.
"Did you find a ring?"
"Yeah. It's perfect." Dean strokes Lexie's hair. "I hope he likes it."
"He will." Jimmy hands Dean a mug of warm cocoa. "Have you decided when you're going to do it?"
"Not yet." Dean watches Cas as he mills around the living room, making sure Jess and Sam have everything they need and picking up wrapping paper only to fold it neatly and put it all in a bag to save for the future. Dean smiles; it's quirks like this that make him love Cas even more. "But I know it just has to be completely perfect."
Sam and Jess leave on New Year's Eve, and Cas actually hugs Sam goodbye and walks them all to the car. Sam, shocked, hugs him back and it's as though they're almost friends. Jess bids them all a tearful goodbye, kissing the children and hugging Dean tightly, telling him not to be a stranger and that they will come to visit again soon. Mary cries as Dean kisses her goodbye, and they all stand on the doorstep and wave as the taxi takes the Winchester family away, to the airport, and Cas rests his head on Dean's shoulder, sighing.
"I miss them already."
"You sap," Dean kisses his hair. "I love you."
That night, they watch from the decking as fireworks go off over the water, the children asleep in their beds, and they kiss as the clock strikes midnight.
