A/N: "Well I think the title of my last chapter totally defined how I felt after reading the HBP...NUMB. That's all I'll say here as I know some of you haven't read it yet. I did really like it though, some parts I absolutely LOVED and others well ... feel free to email me if you want to chat about it all. This story has always been AU but one character in it isn't as far AU as he once was and for that I am so grateful to JKR. As for others well time will tell.
An extra special note of thanks to those of you who reviewed or sent me emails after reading HBP and encouraged me to continue-hugs to you!
Grateful heartfelt THANKS to all my reviewers.
Thanks all…(DarkHiei11, ER Burner of Monkeys, Lyss13, Cheelalaucha, LissaPadfootluvr, Melindaleo, saskia, UT Brat, Droxy, Modanubikum, Ro, Haunt of Twilight, lucidity, Sari5156, Kyzara, lovbug080688, excessivelyperky, inu-youkai 911, lilith, Deb, darklink231, Catmint, Supernova8610, lackykaDz,Midnightwanderer01, Rosaleen, me-obviously, Icy Panther, Vampire Queen, Cynthia1850, snapefan51, Eos Evanggelys Starangel1012, fanes,beachglass5387. spork princess, theLastBLACK17, missy, Hpfreakout, Ariverrunsthroughphoenix, LiLy MaLfOy13
Again, this chapter is named after a lyric from Evanescence's song "Bring Me To Life."
Big thank you, as always, to my beta, Staporize who is an absolute (albeit I bet sleepy this morning) GEM!
Disclaimer: None of it is mine, it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR (whom I blame for a sleepless 3 hours on Saturday after midnight as I lay awake in denial after reading HBP)
Chapter 28: The Nothing I've Become
"I'm going to get Ron and Ginny; they need to know what happened. You stay with Draco," Hermione instructed as she came out of the washroom after washing her hands from the paste for Draco's wounds.
"What if he wakes up?" Neville asked, nervously glancing at the slumbering Slytherin.
"Just comfort and reassure him," she replied, then almost dissolved in giggles at the horrified expression on her friend's face.
"Um, why don't I get them and you stay here," he offered hopefully.
She grinned. "Because you're a boy and you can't get into the girls' dorm to get Ginny."
His face fell.
"Don't worry, the Dreamless Sleep potion will knock him out 'til morning," she reassured him.
"Oh, okay, if you're sure," he stammered.
She nodded and hurried out.
Ron and Ginny followed Hermione back to the Room of Requirement. "Is Harry back? Is he okay?" Ginny asked anxiously.
Ron also kept sleepily asking about Harry.
They arrived in the room to find a very relieved Neville.
"Malfoy? What is he doing here? Where's Harry?" Ron woke up instantly.
"Shhhh, calm down. They're both back. Harry is in the hospital wing. Draco assured us he's alive and that Madam Pomfrey can fix him up. All the professors are there, though, so we can't go see him 'til morning."
"How did they get away?" Ginny puzzled.
I don't know yet, but I'm sure Draco will tell us tomorrow."
"Why is Malfoy here and Harry is in the hospital wing?" Ron asked suspiciously.
"Because Harry was unconscious and Draco lied and said he didn't have any injuries. He was quite bloody and he's pretty shaken, though." Hermione explained.
Ginny suddenly let out a huge sigh of relief. "I've been so worried about Harry. Don't you think we could get the invisibility cloak and sneak in? He needs us."
"That would not be advised," came a voice from the direction of the door. They all jumped, startled to see Professor Snape standing there.
"How's Harry?" Hermione immediately demanded
He looked at her disapprovingly, pointedly ignoring her question. "What is a group of Gryffindors doing out of their dorm so late at night?" he asked silkily, making Neville cringe.
"Helping Draco!" Hermione fired back, frustrated by Snape's avoidance in telling them about Harry.
His eyes softened as he briskly walked around the corner near the bed.
"Neville made a healing paste for all the gashes made by the Gaugario Curse," she explained.
Snape looked shocked. He turned to her. "Gaugario Curse?"
She nodded. "He has five bloody gashes, but they are healing now. Please, Professor Snape, what about Harry?"
Snape exhaled sharply, glancing back at Draco. He walked back towards the anxious faces of the four Gryffindors. "He's in the hospital wing, recovering from multiple Cruciatus Curses."
Neville gasped in horror, interrupting Snape.
Snape glanced at him for a second, his dark eyes troubled. "He will recover quickly from those. He has, however, lost his sight."
Ginny's hand rose to cover her mouth.
Ron's mouth dropped open. "He's blind?" His voice was almost a whisper.
"Madam Pomfrey will be able to heal him, right? Professor Snape?" Hermione asked anxiously.
Snape cleared his throat. "It isn't looking good at the moment. I want you all to go back to your dorm. Get some sleep, and do not repeat Harry or Draco's condition to anyone." His dark eyes lingered on Neville. "Longbottom, do you need me to write down the order, or do you think you can remember it beyond the time you get out the door?"
Neville stuttered, "I, I won't say anything."
"Can we see him tomorrow?" Ginny asked.
"You'll have to check with Madam Pomfrey," Snape responded irritably, wanting the Gryffindor clan out.
After they left, he went and sat down by the bed. He carefully pulled back the blanket and saw the thick paste over the wounds. He hissed sharply, wondering why Draco hadn't said anything. He settled down in the chair next to him and turned out the lights.
Hours later, Draco awoke with a start. He fully expected to be in the dark, damp dungeon.
Snape, hearing the gasp coming from Draco's direction, lifted his wand. "Lumos." The light revealed that his ward had sat up and was looking around wildly, his hair damp with sweat. He was tangled in his blankets. Severus spoke to him quietly and soothingly. "It's okay, you are safe at Hogwarts."
Draco shuddered. "Severus?"
"I'm right here. How are you feeling?"
"Okay," he whispered, swallowing heavily before taking a deep breath to calm his racing heart.
"Why didn't you tell me that Lucius performed the Gaugario Curse on you?"
His heart jumped. Longbottom or Granger must have told him. "I didn't want to stay in the hospital ward," he responded quietly.
"I think we should go there now and have Madam Pomfrey thoroughly examine you." Snape reached forward in an attempt to help him up.
"No!" he responded, his voice sharp with panic. He flinched, then moved to the far side of the bed.
Snape frowned in confusion. "I can ask her to come here."
"I'm fine! I don't need a mediwitch! Longbottom's paste is helping heal the gashes."
"You said you were fine last night, too, and you lied to me! You made a point of saying that Potter needed help more. I've never known you to be unselfish and, judging by your reactions right now, I would say you are anything but fine," Snape chided him calmly.
Resentment entered Draco's eyes. He took a shaky breath. "I'm not lying now."
Snape was frustrated, but his main concern, at the moment, was to keep Draco calm. The last thing he wanted was for him to get so upset he would hyperventilate. He reached beside him and uncovered the tray on the nightstand. Putting a spoon into the bowl of warm oatmeal, he held the tray out to his ward.
Draco's stomach growled loudly in response to the sweet smell of cinnamon. He took it, stared at it for a moment, then, with the spoon, methodically dug out the raisins, putting them carefully on the tray.
Snape couldn't hold back the smile. Despite everything he had gone through, the young Slytherin was still the spoiled boy who did not like raisins in his oatmeal. He had forgotten. "When was the last time you ate?"
"The day we were captured." Draco was about to take a bite from the spoon he held up when suddenly he stopped. "How's Har..Potter?"
"Not good. There's a likelihood that the damage to his sight is permanent. Did you hear what spell the Dark Lord used on him?"
Draco shook his head. Suddenly, he wasn't hungry anymore. Without Harry, the Dark Lord would win. His stomach churned and he attempted to hand the uneaten oatmeal back to Snape.
"You have to eat, and you know I will make sure you do one way or another." Snape refused to take it.
"You'll force me?" he sneered at his guardian.
Snape narrowed his eyes, reached into his pocket, and handed him a vial containing an Anti-nausea potion. "I just want you to recover from this. Do you want a potion against the pain?"
"Yes, please." He grudgingly relented and downed the vial and then took a hesitant bite of the oatmeal. After downing the second potion, he attempted a few more bites. His eyes kept shutting and his head felt heavy.
"Where's your pajama top?"
"Washroom."
"Finish what's in the bowl while I fetch it."
The warm food felt good and Draco realized that a glass of pumpkin juice stood on his nightstand. He reached over and downed it thirstily. Snape came back and held out the sleeve for him to slip into. He was just about to do so when Snape unexpectantly reached out to lightly touch one of his healing wounds. He started shivering and his heart clenched tightly, making it difficult to breathe.
Snape immediately withdrew his hand. "I didn't mean to hurt you – the draught should have taken care of any pain. Here." He held out the sleeve again and Draco held his breath, trying to control the shivers, as Snape helped him into the pajama shirt.
Concerned by his ward's reaction to the pain, he quickly did up the buttons for him, then lifted his chin to look into the wide gray eyes. "It's good to have you back."
Draco's throat constricted.
"Aside from cursing you with the Cruciatus and the Gaugario, how did Lucius treat you? Seeing him must have been very difficult for you."
The teen grew silent for a moment. Snape waited patiently.
"At first he told me he cared about me and that I was his son. He apologized and told me he hadn't meant to almost kill me."
Snape looked both nauseous and anxious at the same time.
"I didn't believe him. I knew he hadn't changed." He stared at the bed covers.
"Why did he curse you?"
"He wanted me totally under his control. He said he would break me so I wouldn't disappoint him." When Draco looked up, his eyes were icy and his hands were clenched into fists so tightly that his fingers were white.
Rage flooded Snape's face. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself. "That's not going to happen. Did the Dark Lord talk to you?"
Draco's breathing quickened. "He cursed me for not obeying my father."
Snape's hand came to rest on his shoulder. "Are you sure you are okay? Madam Pomfrey could give you something."
Draco trembled and Snape took it for exhaustion. He didn't want to wear him out further. He was furious with Lucius and the Dark Lord. When Draco had calmed somewhat. he stated quietly, "Now that you've got some food and liquid into you, it's time to get some more sleep."
Nodding, Draco carefully laid back down on his side, wondering why the Pain Killing draught hadn't taken away the agony the Dark Lord had inflicted on him.
He looked up at Snape's dark eyes. "When, when I cursed you during the Occlumency lesson, I…"
"You don't need to explain that it was an accident. I knew that from the moment it happened."
The tightness in his chest grew. None of this would have happened if he hadn't been so stupid and run away.
"Sleep, Draco," Snape soothingly said. "How did you and Harry manage to finally escape?" Snape thought to ask as he pulled the blankets up to his shoulders.
"I Apparated us," came the sleepy reply as Draco drifted off to sleep, leaving Snape staring in disbelief.
Harry awoke again to darkness and a sinking feeling in his heart.
"I hope you are hungry because Dobby insisted on preparing every breakfast food in existence," came Dumbledore's clear voice.
"Is it true, sir? Is it true that I'll never see again?" Harry asked directly.
"Harry, I don't know the answer to that. I do believe, however, that one must not take everything at face value. I have seen miracles."
"So there is hope?"
"There is always hope," came Dumbledore's serene reply. "Now, please eat a bite of this porridge that Dobby has so lovingly prepared."
"Later. I'm really not hungry."
Dumbledore frowned at the pale figure on the bed with the big bandages around his eyes and head.
"Now that you've had some rest, can you remember what happened? What kind of spell he used on you?"
"No." Harry tried to remember the exact words, but there was nothing. "All I remembered was a searing pain and then nothing. "How is Draco?"
"Harry, what happened to Draco?"
Harry didn't know how to answer. He had made a promise. He hesitated.
"Lucius was hard on him. Snape needs to talk to him."
"Professor Snape, Harry."
He nodded. He wasn't ready to reveal everything that had happened. Just then, he heard a flurry of footsteps and he recognized the voices of Hermione, Ginny, Ron, Neville, and Luna as they rushed in.
Dumbledore quietly said, "I will leave you with your fiends."
"How are you feeling, Harry?" came Hermione's anxious voice as she took his hand. He felt his other hand clasped and he knew it was Ginny doing so.
"I'm okay, I guess."
"Snape told us about, well, about you not being able to see," came Ron's worried voice.
"I will immediately research every potion in the library and…"
"Don't bother," Harry said to Hermione's offer, frustration in his voice. "Snape's already explored that."
"What about Herbology? I can check all the plants and…" Neville offered, but Harry cut him off, too.
"Madam Pomfrey would know if there was something."
Ginny found herself growing increasingly irritated by Harry's refusal to try anything.
"Well, lying here biting our heads off isn't going to bring back your eyesight," she snapped.
They all looked at her, shocked by her outburst.
"What do you expect him to do, Ginny? Hop on his broomstick and fly off looking for a cure?" Hermione replied bitterly.
"No, of course not." She sighed feeling guilty. "Just be open to suggestions and not be so negative."
"I'm blind, Ginny. How can I not be negative," he said quietly.
"I didn't mean it that way." She squeezed his hand reassuringly and was pleased that his hold tightened in turn. "Just don't give up hope. It just happened, after all."
"How did you escape?" Ron asked.
"Draco apparated us both."
Ron's mouth hung open in disbelief. "Malfoy? Saved YOU?"
Harry didn't reply right away, the image of the shaking Slytherin in his mind. If he had had any doubts about him before, they were laid to rest this time. Despite his own situation, he felt a wave of pity for him, knowing what he believed had been done to him.
"Yes, but please, don't badger him for details about what happened. Lucius was horrific and I'm sure he doesn't want to talk about it. He's in bad shape."
Ron scoffed, "He's not the one in the hospital wing!"
Harry said very quietly, "He should be."
Hermione frowned at his words. Was he referring to the Gaugario Curse or did a lot more happen? "Harry, can you tell us everything that happened?"
He wasn't sure if he wanted to. The children and Voldemort's vision of the future were disturbing. What bothered him, almost as much, was his inability to end it all. Voldemort had stopped him easily and, if it hadn't been for Draco, who knows if he'd still be alive. He shook his head.
"Please, Harry?" Hermione asked again.
"How did you two get captured in the first place?" Neville asked.
"Draco accidentally Crucio'd Snape during an Occlumency lesson. I found him and Snape told me to bring Draco back."
"Was Snape mad?" Ginny asked.
"No, I think just worried. Draco ran into the Forbidden Forest."
"That git!"
Harry smiled slightly at Ron's never-ending animosity towards Malfoy.
Hermione grew defensive. "I'm sure he wasn't thinking rationally after having cursed Professor Snape."
"Are you sure it wasn't just a set up?" Ron accused.
The image of Draco huddled against the wall petrified, in shock and in pain, flitted through his mind. "No, and don't want any of you to imply that it was. He's going through hell!"
"Harry, what happened to him?" Hermione pressed.
He shook his head and grimaced. "If he wants to talk about it, it's up to him."
"Harry?" Hermione asked, exasperated.
"NO! I'm tired. Can you all just leave?"
"We care about you," Ginny said firmly.
"That won't make me see again!" he snapped.
Just then, Snape walked in. He frowned, narrowing his eyes at Harry. "I think you all need to leave now, Potter is cranky and obviously needs a nap!"
Harry bristled.
Ginny squeezed Harry's shoulder. "I'll be back later."
"It will be okay, Harry!" Hermione assured him.
"We're here for you," came Ron's voice. One by one, with assurances that they'd be back or that everything would all right, they left.
"Get up, Harry," ordered Snape.
"What! I'm not going anywhere," he stated stubbornly.
"You need to walk around and not just lie here on your back all day. The sooner you get to your feet, the sooner we can start training you to get around without your sight."
"You can't be serious. I'm rather useless now, don't you think! But then again, you've always thought that I was useless to start with."
Snape stopped and stared at him. His past with Harry was going to create obstacles, especially now that Harry's defensives were up full force.
"There have, of course, been those moments – especially your lack of effort in potions – but I expect you to deal with this situation with the bravery accredited to you by your adoring public."
"This situation? It's more than a situation! I'm bloody blind; I can't see a thing! I can't stop Voldemort! Nothing you do will change that!" Harry yelled at him, his frustration building.
"Oh, I plan on changing that. I'm not going to sit around, fawning over you and being at your beck and call like I'm sure your adoring public will do. Poor Harry Potter, let's give him lots of sympathy so he can continue to feel sorry for himself and lay about, whining over his misfortunes! What happened to you is tragic, but we will deal with this and we will make you capable!"
"SOD OFF! Just sod off! Go pay attention to Draco. He's the one that needs your help. You are, after all, HIS guardian, not mine!
Snape stepped back. "Draco, aside from being a bit shaken, is fine."
"Astute as ever!" Harry snapped
"What are you implying, Potter?"
Harry took a deep breath. "Nothing, just leave me alone."
"I will not leave you alone to lay here and wallow. Now get up! That's an order, not a request," Snape snarled in his low, silky voice, making the hair on Harry's neck twinge.
When he didn't move, he felt his blankets pulled back and his arm grabbed firmly. Despite his struggles, he felt himself lifted to his feet.
Snape's voice was calmer. "Walk beside me. Use your senses to listen to my breathing, the sound of my shoes, any familiar scents."
Harry, feeling angry and uncharitable, snarled, "Like the smell of grease in your hair?"
Snape bristled. His hand on Harry's arm tightened uncomfortably, then he closed his eyes tightly to calm himself. He knew Harry was in shock, but he also knew how easy it would be for him to just give up.
He straightened and glared at the teen, but then remembered that he couldn't see him. In his most dangerous, silky voice that usually made people cringe, he icily replied, "I suggest you think before you speak, as that seems to be something you have trouble managing."
"Or what?" Harry challenged, ignoring the prickle of fear that worked its way up his back.
"Or you will find yourself in detention with me every night this week."
Harry snorted. "Unless you are after my company, I certainly wouldn't be much use to you."
"On the contrary. I need slugs sorted by size and I'm sure your sense of touch hasn't been altered," he said coldly. He stopped walking and let go of Harry.
"Find your way to the washroom," Snape ordered calmly.
Harry stood transfixed. He took a tentative step, his heart beating wildly. His anger at Snape grew. Why was he doing this to him? He took another step and hissed as his knee connected with a bedrail. He turned again. "I can't do this. Get me back to the bed."
"No, Harry. The sooner you become independent, the sooner your confidence will come back."
"Are you deaf? I can never defeat Voldemort now! I couldn't even do it yesterday, and I could still see then!"
"What would your father think of you now? His son, a coward and a quitter? Ready to crawl under the covers? Can't say I'm surprised; like father, like son!"
"Shut up, Snape! Shut up! Don't you dare bring my father into this. My mother was right to pick my father over a slimy, cruel git like you!" Harry shouted, the anxiety of the last few days catching up to him.
Snape's hand shot out and slapped Harry hard across the mouth.
They both froze.
Next Chapter: "frozen inside." Dumbledore looks for answers, and things are tense for Snape and Harry. Snape makes a vow to Harry after he has a nightmare about the capture. (And finally what I couldn't fit into this chapter), Draco turns into a wild child, breaking rules and angering Snape in the process while attempting to deal with what happened.
A/N: please review I really love hearing from you.
