The Writer Games
It can take decades to write a masterpiece, and years to plan it- so see what a couple of amateurs come up with in 15 minutes after a prompt. College Fool, Couer Al'Alran, and the (mostly Jaune) story concepts that followed.
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College Fool's Prompt –
Actually, today's not my prompt. Please welcome our first guest prompt, from Lucio BetaBlake!
Lucio BetaBlake's Prompt- Ren is blind.
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Ren is Blind
Title: In the eye of the beholder
Summary: He wasn't the loudest of people, some even seemed to overlook him. But his dream to become a hunter was as strong as Jaune or Ruby's. The odds were stacked against him, but with his childhood friend Nora by his side, just maybe they could make it work...
Characters: Ren, Jaune, Pyrrha, Nora
Genre: Romance / Friendship
I would write this in first person, and always from Ren's PoV - it would be interesting to write from the point of vie-... experience, of a blind man.
Intro Arc: - To me, I can't help but think a strong first chapter would really set this kind of fic off well - so i'll be spending a lot more time on ch1 then I normally would, before summarising the later arcs.
Ren lands in the Emerald forest, rolling as he corrects himself and coming to a halt. He pats himself down, wondering where he is - before he hears a rustling in the bushes nearby, preparing himself. A loud hiss prompts his dodge, flinging himself back as he focuses his guns on the snake before him - recognising it as a King Taijitu.
Fight scene with it like usual, it's not actually mentioned at any point that Ren is blind - and of course the story summary does not mention it either. But at the same time, no description is given to sight or visual input. It's all sound, breath, feeling - and Ren's knowledge. He knows it's a Taijitu because it's a snake, etc...
Once he has managed to kill it he hears Nora's sloth call, commenting as usual as per the show dialogue, as the tree tops rustle and she drops down in front of him, booping him on the nose. There is a small diversion here when she says they have to head north, and grabs his arm - dragging him in that direction.
The battle scenes are somewhat the same - at least they happen in the same order, but there is more a case of Nora shouting warnings to Ren, when to dodge, etc... Still trying to keep it subtle so that the reader's don't figure it out at this point. Together they manage to kill the Deathstalker, as the others awe and make sounds of appreciation at what Team RWBY did.
Ren just stares at them, without speaking.
Scene switch to the rooftop of Beacon. Nora comments that their team seems pretty cool - friendly at least, even if that Jaune guy's a bit weedy. Ren laughs and says he expected someone like Pyrrha to be more uptight as well - Nora hums, saying they've both been pleasantly surprised.
She asks if he was hurt in the initiation, and he shakes his head saying he's tougher than that. She sits beside him, her shoulder bumping against his and remains touching. He looks forward out over Beacon, feeling the cool night air against his skin, and the smell of peaches coming from his best friend.
"What is it like?" He asks her, and without asking what - she begins to describe Beacon, the way it looks, how it feels. The vista before them as the sun sets.
"It sounds beautiful." He says sadly, wishing he could see it as well.
Cliff-hanger ending as his secret is revealed to the audience.
Arc 1 - Settling in
Nora and Ren settle into life at Beacon. Ren makes a friend out of Jaune, although everyone notices how quiet he often is. Ren pretends to read regularly, turning pages at given moments in time as an excuse for peace. How Nora's aiding him works would be better explained in this arc, with her often sitting by him and nudging him when comments are needed - or phrasing comments in such a way that it makes it clear people are talking to him. I.e. "Renny, Yang asked you a question - you're always so lost in your books."
"Oh, sorry Yang - answers..."
It would be revealed here that Ren's hearing and senses have learned to compensate a little, in that he can feel wind pressure on his skin and judge things better based on sound - but there's no stupid comic-book semblance where he can hear vibrations or such. It's never enough to fully fool anyone, but combined with Nora running interference for him, it helps. Even so, he has a reputation as being quiet and almost a little uncaring - and he never gets involved with anything, preferring to (pretend to) read. (obviously yes he could read braille, but that would give it away pretty quickly...)
Arc 2 - Complications
The bullying incidents take place with Jaune as the recipient as usual. Jaune comes to Ren for advice, which is a little awkward since all of Ren's knowledge of the bullying is second hand. Jaune asks Ren if he knows what it's like to keep a secret that could ruin you - and Ren says he does, thinking of his own impairment which would see him dropped from Beacon if it was ever found out.
Ren isn't able to really help Jaune - and the blonde leader leaves dissatisfied, even as Ren feels frustrated for not being able to help. Nora tries to cheer him up, but Blake feels annoyed that he can't help Jaune - "What's the good in becoming a hunter if I can't even help someone with such a small issue?"
It gets worse once Jaune starts to be blackmailed by Cardin, yet Ren doesn't know what he can do to help. He's blind - he can't even see where Jaune is, let along solve his problems for him. Instead he retreats to the library to read, this time smuggling in some books written in braille for himself.
There he meets Blake, who is also looking for some peace away from her team. The two become somewhat friends - rarely talking, but often sitting by one another as they read. Ren doesn't understand it himself, she seeks him out each time - but never speaks. He always reads until Nora comes to find him, usually taking them to their next lesson.
One time Blake asks him why he lets Nora drag him around so often, and make all his decisions for him. Ren simply laughs, saying she's his friend - and always has his best interests at heart. He can tell Blake doesn't understand - likely she thinks he is weak willed, and it does sting a little. But ultimately he swallows away that frustration.
Arc 3 - Event Horizon
This Arc would cover both the Forever Fall incident, and the Dock's incident. Forever Fall would include much the same events as canon - it's not a chance for Ren to prove and grow, but actually to show how useless he feels. So he does NOTHING to help, because he can't... and he hates himself for it.
After that though Blake comes to him one evening in the library, telling him that she might not be able to read with him anymore. He is surprised and asks why, and she doesn't answer - apologising to him. He can't dismiss the nervous feeling he has when she leaves - and when Nora collects him, he asks her to take them to Team RWBY - where he learns first-hand that Blake has fled, though they won't tell him the reason.
Ren decides that this time things will be different. He failed Jaune, and it still smarts, but he won't make the same mistake twice. He tells Jaune and Pyrrha what has happened, and they all split up to help Team RWBY with the search.
With his analytical mind Ren wonders if she plans to leave Vale, and suggests he and Nora cover the docks so they can see if she tries to board a ship. As the day ends and it gets darker, Nora suggests they leave sadly - but Ren refuses. Saying she might try to sneak on at night.
Long story short, Ren is injured - and Blake realises he is blind because he fails to comment on her faunus attributes - as he cannot see them. She knows the importance of secrets however, and promises not to inform anyone. Sadly, Pyrrha does not feel the same way.
Arc 4 - Fracture
Pyrrha is furious and worried for Ren in this arc, and attempts to pressure him to reveal his disability to the staff and retire. Nora is furious on his behalf - showing sides of herself rarely seen. While bubbly and chatty, Nora is OTT because she wants to act as a smokescreen for Ren. No one wonders why he is quiet, because she does all the talking. And she doesn't want Ren to lose his dreams.
Pyrrha's stance makes as much sense though - Ren has been coasting by on some luck, and a lot of support. That cant last forever, and his life will be the price he pays for it. She doesn't want to see him die, and considers a civilian life better than death. Ren disagrees - saying this is all he has left, and that in a society constantly under threat from Grimm - a blind man is considered naught more than a burden.
Jaune is torn, unsure whether to support his friend or his partner - and also torn between his responsibility as a leader to help his team, and his responsibility to protect it from harm (as Ren is a burden in a sense).
Pyrrha says she will tell on him, she will become the villain to protect him if she must. Nora almost attacks her but Ren intervenes, saying if Pyrrha can best him in a fight he will do it himself.
Ren and Pyrrha fight, and although she is a champion she is defeated because she completely fails to take him seriously, almost afraid to strike at him because she doesn't think he would be able to see and dodge her attacks. Ren takes advantage and disarms her, and by the time she realises her mistake it is too late. Ren comments than more than just sad, he is furious that she disprespected him so.
Arc 5 - Crisis
Pyrrha tells anyway. The team is shocked and appalled, though Jaune is still torn. Pyrrha argues that she never said she would not tell if he won - and also that she said before she would become the villain to protect him if she had to. Nora strikes the redhead, and she accepts it. Saying she knows she has betrayed their trust, but that it is for the best.
"You don't get to decide what is best for me Pyrrha."
"In this case I do, and did. I'm sorry if you disagree."
Ren is taken before the staff and sadly dismissed, with Nora laughing and pulling off her blazer, throwing it in Ozpin's face and saying she quits too. Jaune, who up until this point has still been silent, begs for clemency - and when that fails up and admits his own forgery in an attempt to force Ozpin's hand.
That fails too, and Jaune is also dismissed.
Ashamed, Pyrrha quits, not meeting their eyes as she leaves the room.
Arc 7 - Resolution
Breach happens, RWBY fights - despite being retired the Grimm are still in Vale - as our team JNPR who are all spread out. Through a great battle, they come together and fight with team RWBY - despite their arguments. Pyrrha apologises and begs their forgiveness, saying how she let teaching and discipline come between what really matters.
Big angst, argument but ultimately make-up. Ironwood sees it and comments that his school runs on different rules, and that he has space for a new team if they're interested. it's revealed that ozpin pulled a favour - as his hand was forced, and he couldn't keep them by the Rules set in Vale.
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C.F.'s Impression:
Coeur goes into the flaws in his self-critique, so I'll not dwell on them. My main thoughts were that JNPR as a whole seemed largely uninvolved until the end, which I thought this had the makings of a JNPR-heavy plot. It's less about Jaune and Pyrrha being clueless, but more that I thought/hoped this would make for a good friendship moment with at least Jaune- both guys having their disqualifying secrets, being the liability, etc. I thought Jaune would have had a lot to learn from Ren's self-reliance and dedication to his dreams, even/especially without realizing the disability.
Looking back, Coeur went the entire theme week without doing the sort of Ren and Jaune friendship I'd hoped for, heh.
Anyways- I feel iffy about the conclusion, though not in the way some might think. It's just a niggling feeling that if there was a headmaster who'd have accepted Ren's disability in light of his proven abilities, it would have been Ozpin. Ironwood's the military themed, and his school more militarized, and Beacon's approach to fighting seems far less standardized so I just have a niggle of skepticism that disability alone would be disqualifying. Especially since Ren proves his abilities more than once. Even though it's critical to the plot, it comes off as a bit forced to me.
If I were to open up a line of improvement, the issue of Ren's blindness that sets Pyrrha off shouldn't have been the dangers to Ren himself- it should have been about others endangered or outright hurt as a consequence of Ren's disability. If Ren needs Nora to be there to be his eyes, it's a concession that eyes are needed- even necessary- to meet the standards and expectations. Even if Ren (and Nora) are prepared to accept harm to Ren himself in the effort (like the docks), that's not enough to be willing to accept others getting hurt as a consequence.
Here's the sort of moment I'm thinking off: a friendly fire incident in which Ren puts someone into the infirmary. Say they're fighting Grimm, and being overwhelmed, and Jaune is trapped holding off an Ursa with his shield. He calls for Ren's help, Ren obliges- and ends up unloading his SMG's into Jaune's back, not the Grimm. Between bullets and bear, Jaune gets put in critical condition, and even though he pulls through and forgives Ren, Pyrrha doesn't, starting the slide towards her eventual exposure.
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Coeur's Reflection:
It's worth noting that i went above the time limit on this one a little. i wouldn't have needed to, had I played the game properly - but I made a crucial mistake. I spent too much time on the first chapter, going over it in detail. Realistically in this kind of game the goal is to summarize each arc, or chapters if need be. The plot, and not individual aspects. Whoops.
Anyway, thoughts. I think this was okay, the reviewer prompt was a good one - I have to say, and I liked it immediately. My execution was okay, but there are some weaknesses.
Weakness ) The Blake subplot never went anywhere. I don't think it was a mistake to include it, but it was a mistake to leave it hanging like that. In hindsight I might have gone so far as to suggest a budding attraction between the two pre-finding out Ren is blind. Which then turns into pity afterwards, leading to Nora calling Blake out, and Blake feeling awful that she let her feelings turn to pity like that. For a man who is very self-sufficient and needs it not. But either way, using it and then never going anywhere was meh. Chekhov would be sad.
I didn't ever want to suggest romance between Ren and Nora on this, but a close friendship. I also wanted to throw an interesting twist on their dynamic in the show. Nora is loud and the centre of attention, while Ren likes to fade into the background. But... what if there were darker reasons for this. Maybe Ren is only quiet for fear of making mistakes and revealing his secret, and Nora is loud in an attempt to cover for him. A sort of "notice me, notice me, don't notice how quiet Ren is, or how he doesn't look at people but past them."
What this could have used was a reveal of how Ren went blind, or something... I might have gone so far as to suggest that Ren's pink eyes are due to his problem. And that his closeness to Nora was being attacked by someone. Let's say as kids they were attacked by the White Fang, or anyone really, and that Ren covered Nora when some nasty substance was thrown on them, acid... hell, maybe even sap! And that it burned his eyes, staining them pink and rendering him unable to see.
That Jaune and Pyrrha never notice til the end? I didn't think this was unreasonable tbh. Jaune is not the most observant person, and even were he - there is the bullying arc and everything else for him to be focusing on. Pyrrha is much the same, in that she has eyes only for Jaune, training him and mothering him. Also if I want to finish with her underestimating blind ren, as she does, then it makes sense that she could never think Ren blind - because it goes against her belief that blind people cannot fight.
Now, I'm sure CF will agree with me, and others might too - but some may not. Blindness is a disability. Now I know blind people can live good lives and be very independent, but they don't go off to become gunmen or snipers or whatnot. And Ren's problem is a big deal to his safety. With Pyrrha's cruel reveal at the end... is it even cruel? There is a precedence to say it is ooc since she didn't reveal Jaune's lies, and his were just as dangerous to him. And maybe you're right... what I will say is that nothing is ooc if the build-up is well handled, so it would require some lead up to her making that decision.
But I didn't want Pyrrha to be a baddie in this, her decision is the best one for Ren - in theory. Similarly while Ren is the victim, there can also be no denying he is risking his team's safety over this.
But if they had worked together and talked things through as a team they could have overcome the issue, maybe even learned to work around Ren's issue. Instead they stuck to their individual ideas. They are all at fault. Pyrrha won't compromise, Nora will only trust Ren, Ren is stubborn and Jaune lacks the spine to rein them all in. So the team falls apart.
The ending, meh - it works to a degree. They come back together, things are tense but there is a new future for them at Atlas.
The Blake thing though... yeah, needed expanding on badly.
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Author Note:
And thus ends our first reviewer prompt fill, and the first suggestion that stole Coeur's heart. Lucky Lucio!
Tomorrow will be the end of Ren week. This weekend will also have a special 'catchup' of 'C.F.'s Mega Post' in which a lot of fills I did for Coeur when I had more free time than Coeur will be posted all at once. That will put us closer to parity going forward- though it also means posting rates may slow down a bit over the next few weeks. Such is a (new) life.
