AUTHOR'S NOTE: And here we are again, quicker than you'd think, eh? This chapter came along well and easy and there's a pretty simple reason for that - this chapter has been turned over in my mind for some time. It's something I thought about when I was playing the game in the first place - a kind of bare emotion between Joel and Ellie that was always covered except in the rawest of circumstances (David). So it was interesting to try and see that again. This begins the first of a few loosely connected chapters of Ellie and Joel on the road again. No common story binds them together but the journey. I hope you enjoy these. You've waded through a lot of darkness to get to this point. There's a light side to Joel and Ellie's journey. I hope you like it.
ELLIE
The mid-day sun was high up, held in place snugly by white wisps of cloud around a vast blanket of pale blue sky. It was warm on Ellie's face and helped speed along drying her hands and clothes. In front of them, the open lake they found in a surprisingly large clearing of trees. Red swirled and drifted away from them, thinning in the water. After they'd left the trail, it was Joel that had led her here to clean their hands of the blood. Though she'd scrubbed with rags, not all of it came away – dirty red, thick and dried, still gathered underneath her nails.
"Here."
Joel was holding out a thin piece of broken stone, sharp at the edge. She smiled weakly and took it from him, sliding the sharp edge along the underside of her nail. The dried-out blood came out in scrapes rather quickly, the pale red disappearing from the clear edge. Unthinking, an auto-pilot of sorts, she repeated the process with each nail and then offered the stone back to Joel. He held up a hand and shook his head. Hard as she could, she tossed it far away, a high arc that fell slowly into the water. Before she moved from her rocky perch, she waited.
Ellie waited for the ripples from the water to come back to her, and it felt like a very long time indeed. She waited as they made their steady way out in a single expanding circle, towards her and towards the other edge of the lake, half a mile across. As they came towards her, Ellie's mind was empty and her eyes were vacant.
"You ready?"
Her eyes did not waver. "I guess."
Joel rose first and came over to her, offering a hand. She took it and he helped her up. Though he walked in front of her, she could have moved faster. He still had a bad limp from whatever Jacob had done to him; his walking had improved, but it was still slow. If Clickers had come at them right then and there, there was nothing they would be able to do but fight – and they would still, in all likelihood, just die there.
"It's been a long time since we saw any infected," Ellie said.
"We ain't missin' anything, I don't think. The people we've met along the road are just as sick as the infected."
Ellie couldn't help but be at least, in part, surprised by Joel's words – but not in what she expected. "You think the infected are sick?"
"Yeah," Joel said, nodding. "It was a person, still is a person. Don't mean I have a problem with killin' them – you have to, or they'll kill you – but the person's in there at first. Long time ago… me and Tommy had this friend. We lost him but he asked us to stay with him, 'till he turned… and we did. We stayed with him until the end, and then a little longer."
"What – what happened?"
"He was still muttering when he turned, and sometimes when you and me are out here, you can hear 'em talking. I'm so hungry. Help me. I'm sorry. They say these things. Poor bastards."
"Sorry," she muttered, the two of them coming to a stop.
"Long time ago. Some wounds are fresher than others. You okay?"
"I'll be better when we bury her."
Ellie had rolled the little girl's eyes closed. A piece of fabric from her own shirt had been easy to rip away and tie tightly around the gaping wound. Blood had welled up into the fabric and soaked it quickly enough, but the sun was warm and the edges were drying and crisping out. It had been six hours – though it felt like longer – since they'd carried her body with no aim but Joel's general idea of direction all the way here. The sun had risen and the moon had disappeared, but Ellie's thoughts had stayed the same. Ellie's guilt had stayed the same.
Joel was right, she thought. If we'd just tried to get straight out of there, the girls would still be alive, and now they're all dead. They're all dead and it's my fault.
Though Ellie wanted to lift her, the little girl was heavier than Ellie thought she would be. Joel, with a little difficulty, leaned down and scooped her up, and together they carried her around the lakeside. "It would be nice if you could see this," she said, keeping up with Joel. They walked side by side; the little girl's head nearest to Ellie. "You can't deny that view."
And she was so right. The sun fell down and reflected itself across the water, making it pale blue and almost transparent. Near her she could see grasses growing in the water, lily pads floating on the surface closest to the banks. Deeper in, though she could only see faint ripples of movement, trout and other fish stirred in the water, racing about and playing games with one another. They swam between reeds and plants that reached up out of the water and bloomed into big petals, some of deep purples and reds, others with pale yellows that reminded her of an old stain on a shirt she once owned. She'd lost that shirt, a long time ago.
"Where will we bury her?" Ellie asked, unsure. There was no sand on the banks of this junior lake – its tributaries were too small to allow that kind of rugged flow, and so only rocks sat around the surface, but that was okay. It made for a nice place to sit and look out. At night, Ellie was completely certain, it would take on a different atmosphere. The trees all around you would rustle in the wind and you'd have one eye over your shoulder always; the glimmer of the moonlight on the river would distort with the wind, or a bird would fly above it, and you'd be forced to get to your feet and double-take. Dark nights could warp even great beauty into terrible fear, and Ellie knew fear.
"I know a place not far from here. If you don't like it, we'll find another."
She would have thanked him, but she did not. There was no need to thank Joel. Ellie thought, at least on some level, Joel had to understand feelings similar to what she was going through. His were more profound, the loss of Sarah would have affected Joel far more than the loss of some little unnamed girl, of course, but on a base level it was the same, was it not? The loss of someone you swore to protect. Maybe not aloud, but to yourself – and those promises were more sacred to Ellie than any others. Ellie had told Joel what she wanted to do, and she'd told herself what she wanted to do, and just when they thought they'd escaped, it was snatched away by the cold bite of an axe swung by desperate, angry hands.
The hands were not desperate or angry anymore. They were limp and dumped to the side of the path, into the bushes. Joel had asked if she wanted to bring that girl too, and Ellie had said no. That girl – the axe-swinger – was as mad as Jacob. She was a victim too, Ellie knew, but that didn't stop her own rage bubbling to the surface in livid agony. She had stabbed at the girl until she didn't move anymore, and then rolled her over with her feet until her body became tangled in the bushes… and that was where she still was. Maybe infected would find her, take parts of her until there was nothing left, or maybe it would just be the flies and natural way of the world that broke her apart until only bones were left behind. It didn't matter to Ellie. The axe-killer was dead, as was the axe-victim.
And she had been so pretty. Ellie hadn't noticed until the firelight danced across her face on that night. Her short, blonde hair had suited her nicely and reminded Ellie of her own hair when she was younger, only her own was much darker. She had none of the innocence Ellie's younger form possessed, at least, but she had all the worldly wisdom that would have revealed itself, in time, if given the chance. Maybe Ellie was looking too deeply into things; maybe she was just a frightened little girl that didn't want to see any more people get hurt. I can see myself in that too, she thought. To stop people getting hurt, I killed two of them. They're all dead.
"Every person we come across dies," Ellie said.
A long and heavy silence punctuated only by the wind's whistles. "It's not your fault, Ellie. None of this is your fault."
"I'm tired, Joel. I'm really tired."
"Tired of what?"
She shrugged. "Tired of walking, tired of – everyone dying. Can you name anyone we've been with that hasn't died? Sarah, Tess, Tommy, Maria, Henry, Sam, Ish, the girls. They're all dead."
Joel seemed lost in thought for a moment, until he spoke again as they found their way onto a small trail through the forest. The sunlight was still streaming through the trees; she could feel the fading warmth of summer on the back of her neck. "Bill ain't dead. We left him alive and kickin'… what do you want to do?"
"I want to stop walking. Find a place and just stay there. A place where there's no… fighting. No infected. Somewhere safe. Somewhere like…"
" – Boston?"
She'd never even considered Boston before. "Yeah. Somewhere like Boston."
"Let me think about it."
"Yeah."
The leaves were still green, but they were falling from the trees all the same. Clusters of them sat at the bases of the trees. Fall was coming at Ellie and Joel at a pace that frightened her. Winter was a dark time, the ground cold and hard, but it had nothing on autumn. In winter you have some hope that spring will come, but in autumn there's only dread. Autumn is the death of hope. It was Marlene that had told her that; they'd been rooting up an old tree to set-up base for something Marlene wouldn't tell her about. In hindsight, she knew it had been something for the Fireflies, but back then it just seemed like a fun activity. A long time ago.
They followed the path with some difficulty at first, owing to its loosely defined nature. Vines had grown over and around the stones that made up the edges, concealing them. They went over a lonely hill and followed a tributary stream that ran opposite them until, in the distance, Ellie could see a bridge holding old ruined cars.
"This is it," Joel said and, sure enough, at the edge of the trees there was a full layer of dirt that swirled semi-loosely in the wind. "This is good. Do you like it?"
Ellie took a few steps away from Joel and faced the forest and the sun above. It filtered through the leaves and came out in golden strands of light; when the leaves died, though Ellie was afraid, she knew it would be nice. They would curl a little and turn gold mixed with old green; though the sun would not be warm, there would be more than enough light.
"Yeah. It's… it's nice."
Joel nodded and, slowly, set the poor dead girl down on a mattress of leaves. Her eyes were still closed, her hair so blonde it almost seemed a part of the yellow leaves she was bundled among. Maybe they'll keep her warm, she thought.
He limped over towards the ground and leaned down, starting to dig. "I want to help," Ellie said, determined, and rushed over. She cupped her hands together and started to scoop away dirt. It came away far easier than she expected. To her surprise, she found two or three worms wriggling in the dirt.
She and Joel pulled the dirt away from the ground, though they were five feet apart on the strip – more than they had to be. The little girl hadn't reached more than four and a half… she was young. Too young.
It didn't take them long to dig a grave big enough for her, but Joel kept digging.
"Just a little more."
"Why?"
"Infected can dig too. People already got to this one, I don't want infected doubling the hurt."
"Yeah. Thanks," she said, smiling weakly.
They kept going.
A foot later, they placed her body lightly into the grave with some leaves Ellie picked herself, and then covered her up with the ground. Come winter, the ground would freeze over, and then nothing was getting to her – no matter how hard they dug.
"We did good, Ellie."
"I don't think so."
"We got out of there and we're both alive."
Ellie nodded weakly, looking down at the grave. Her eyes cast around the forest and found what they were looking for – a purple flower. A light tug and it was out of the ground, and on top of the grave. "We're the only ones."
"Yeah."
"Let's go," Ellie said and turned away from the grave. She wanted to go back through the forest and sit on a rock by the lake again for a little while.
"No," Joel said. "This way."
Joel led Ellie up a winding path that took them over the main road out of town. In the distance she could see the giant watch towers set around the borders. They were about half a mile off from the borders on this side, but there was no one there. Most people in the town were dead, all infected, but for some reason they hadn't reared themselves in the town itself… still concentrated in the fortress that rose, a mass of solid steel and barbs.
"I'm surprised the infected haven't come out the fortress place yet."
"Yeah. I thought we were gonna have some trouble with them. Maybe the entrance collapsed with the fire. Didn't look very secure."
Joel seemed to struggle a little going up a hill, despite its smallness. "Are you okay?"
"Mostly. My foot hurts a lot, but it'll go away. I'll get used to it."
"What's it like?"
It was nice making small talk like that – it's what Ellie missed most. The little talks between them as they walked, made their way. She was looking forward to stopping someday, hopefully soon, but they could have small talk sitting down too.
"Little bit off balance. Sore too – dull, not sharp. It'll get better. We do plenty of walkin', so I've got plenty of time to adapt."
Ellie laughed. "We should think of a nickname for you."
Joel feigned great surprise. "What? Ellie, are you tryna tell me that 'Holy Shit Joel' isn't a nickname?"
"No," she said, laughing. "It's a catchphrase."
"Ahhh. Sorry. I'm from the south. We don't put much stock in vocabulary."
At the top of the hill Ellie could see the bridge fully now; it wasn't large, just enough to bridge the gap between hills too steep to make a road. She could almost see the road surface itself, the hill they stood on bringing them up to the bridge's level. Below it was a small patch of shadowed land, and in the distance a burned-out car.
"Here we are."
"A bridge? You wanted me to see a bridge?"
Joel led Ellie down to the shadow under the bridge without any more words, and the world seemed to go quiet. The wind disappeared in there, but the sun did not. The entire north section of the underside was filled with light; the south was blanketed in velvet dark, blocked out.
"The light –"
"Yeah. It was intentional."
"Why are we here, Joel?" she asked, but in truth Ellie knew the answer.
"Ellie, this is Sarah," Joel said, kneeling over. She hadn't noticed it before, but a wooden makeshift cross came out of the ground, and strings that might once have held flowers. "Baby girl, meet baby girl."
Joel and Ellie knelt over Sarah's grave.
I wish I'd brought flowers, she thought.
I wish I'd known her, she thought.
"It's nice to meet you," she said.
A long time went past where Sarah lay. Longer for her still, she'd been there for a twenty years or so. Still, Joel spoke to her in drabs here and there, telling little stories about things he and Tommy had done, things that they'd seen and did and said. It was strange, Ellie thought, to hear Joel refer to Tommy as "Uncle Tommy", but that's what he was to Tommy. He was her uncle, and Joel was "daddy". It made her happy and sad, all at once.
The blue sky was shredded by red and purples when they decided to leave, and understandably it took Joel a little longer to pull away. But, eventually, he did. There were no goodbyes said, nor did their need to be. He's not coming back, Ellie thought. And she was right. Ten minutes later, they sat on the bridge.
"We're goin' away from here, Ellie, and we ain't coming back."
"Where?"
"I think… maybe we should go back to Boston."
She nodded. "It's a long walk."
"When's that stopped us? Since when has anything stopped us? We'll try and find a car again. Stick out of the cities as much as we can and we don't need to make the same mistakes we made last time."
Another nod. "Yeah. Okay."
"Okay."
"Boston it is."
"We'll find somewhere to keep for the night and start in the morning. I don't wanna be walkin' through the forest at night, not again."
"Yeah," Ellie said, looking out across the bridge. The sun was setting in front of Joel and Ellie, and fall was coming for both of them. But we'll make it, she thought, with grim uncertainty. Endure and survive.
