I'm so sorry this update took so long! I went on a last minute vacation before school started and I got back Thursday night. Then, I had to finish my Pre- AP English assignment 'cause I procrastinated all summer. Again, I apologize.

I DO NOT own Marvel or the Avengers!


Clint lay awake, staring at the ceiling. Moonlight was streaming in through the window and the only sound that could be hear was the hum of the heater. Sighing, he threw the blankets off his body and flung his legs over the side of the bed. 2:34; far later than any normal person should've been up. Just another night where nightmares haunted him every time he closed his eyes. Silently, Clint tip-toed down the hallway and toward the living room.

He felt the cold air before he saw her sitting on the window sill. The window was open and her feet dangled over the city. Natasha's hair was being pushed back by the wind causing the locks like actual flames licking her cold-bitten rosy cheeks. There was a thin blanket wrapped around her shoulders. Natasha could hear Clint approaching, but she didn't acknowledge him.

"Couldn't sleep?" Clint asked sitting next to her. She nodded keeping her eyes plastered on the outside world. Why was he talking to her, hadn't they just fought two hours ago? Even before she left, they had gone days, weeks, even months after they fought –sometimes over the smallest nothings.

"Every time I close my eyes," Natasha whispered blankly. "I'm on the Helicarrier again and Loki is yelling at me, threatening me. It's like he brought back all those things I had somehow buried."

"I watched the security footage, you know Loki was wrong, right?"

"That's what everyone keeps saying," Natasha said. "Why are you up?"

"You know, I wanted to kill you," Clint said.

"That wasn't you, Clint that was Loki."

"That look on your face, you were terrified and it was my fault."

"I was terrified because you saw who I really am. There was nothing blinding you from the truth. I wasn't a kid who deserved a second chance, I was a murderer. I am a murderer."

"Nat," Clint said touching her shoulder.

Natasha flinched at his touch and for the first time in almost four years, he saw her vulnerability in her sparkling green eyes. There were tear stains streaming down her cheeks and fresh tears glazed her eyes. This couldn't be the Natasha he knew, could it?"

"Don't tell me I'm not," Natasha said. "Everyone knows it. Why the hell do you think the other agents are scared of me? They know what I've done. You were sent to kill me because SHIELD –an international protection agency –saw me as a threat when I was fourteen. Like hell I'm not a murderer."

"You were a murderer," Clint said.

"God Damnit, Clint. The innocent blood is still on my hands. What makes you so sure we aren't murderers? Just because we work for the 'good guys' doesn't make the fact that we are killers any better."

"Why are you listening to Loki?"

"Why do you blame it on yourself?" Natasha countered turning to stare him down.

"Because I made it all possible; I got them onto the Helicarrier, I killed those agents, I helped kill Coulson, I tried to kill you."

"That wasn't you," Natasha insisted balling up her fists at her side. She was stifling the urge to make physical contact with this man she didn't want to love.

"But it was me, I couldn't fight him; I wasn't strong enough."

" But I do," Clint stated looking at her with desperation storming in his in his gray eyes.

"Clint, you can't beat yourself up for what happened. It happened and you can't change that; no one can change that."

Natasha could've sworn that a few tears were trickling down his cheeks. Her suspicions were confirmed when he wiped at his face roughly with the back of his hand and blinked rapidly. Agent Clint Barton didn't cry. Never. The only time she could remember seeing him cry was when she almost died back in Berlin.

"I know you blew off that shrink," Natasha stated.

"How?"

"Fury told me, he said you went to a few and the guy brought up my name and you stopped showing up."

"I know you didn't even go at all."

"I didn't need some guy to tell me that I had issues, I didn't need a nerd holding a notebook to tell me something I already knew."

"Everyone has issues, Nat?"

"Not like this," Natasha scoffed.

"What ever happened to that leather notebook you used to carry in your belt when I first… met you?"

"I thought about burning it…several times, but I keep it locked up in my closet out of Stark's reach."

"That man may be a genius, but sometimes I think he's too smart for his own good."

"He just has too much time on his hands."

A blanket of silence settled over the two and –for the first time in a long time –the silence was comfortable. It didn't suffocate Natasha, it was just there and it was familiar –she hadn't noticed how much she missed it.

"Did you notice the ring on Pepper's finger," Natasha asked tearing her gaze away from the bustling city outside the window.

"Yeah, I didn't say anything about it," Clint said.

"I asked Tony about it and he went into a huge lecture on how nothing got past us the two of us."

Clint looked at her and she could feel his eyes studying her every inch. He couldn't believe how amazing she looked even in this ratty, distraught state. It was kind of sexy the way her red hair was falling out of the sloppy braid draped over the side of her shoulder, how her green pajama pants with blue squares set low on her waist line revealing the top of her black lacy underwear, the see through, skin tight tank top that revealed her bra and several inches of midriff, the fact that she wasn't wearing makeup and continued to look breathtakingly beautiful with her ghost white skin and her rosy lips and how she sat like she was independent. If he knew it wasn't a deadly idea, Clint might have told her what he was thinking or, maybe, even act upon the desire he was struggling to contain.


Natasha's eyes fluttered open and she rubbed at them. The sun was coming in with the early morning air through the open window. She could feel the familiar sensation of Clint's arms wrapped around her body. Her cheek was pressed against his bare chest and the steady rise of his chest was hypnotizing. It couldn't have been more than two or three hours later because the sun was just beginning to make an appearance in the crimson colored sky. There were chills dancing up and down her spine and she wasn't sure whether it was the winter air crashing against her bare skin or Clint's warm breath against her face. She feared it was the latter.

Despite the compromising position they were in, Natasha cuddled closer to him marveling at the warmth shooting through her veins. Clint shifted so he was holding her closer and his eyes fluttered open. His lips spread into a small smile and he looked at her. Blushing, Natasha pulled away and fell onto the carpet lacking her usual grace. She stumbled to her feet and ran down the hall. Clint winced when he heard the slamming of her bedroom door.

He sighed standing up and walked toward the kitchen. Unfortunately, it was turn to make breakfast much to his –and the team's –dismay. Clint was a wreck in the kitchen and everyone knew that. He could make pasta and… well… that was pretty much it. Anything else usually ended up being a lump of inedible charred something.

Before Natasha had left, she would tease him about how hopeless he was. He would fire back something about how she wasn't much better which usually earned him a bitter 'at least I didn't catch oatmeal on fire.'


"So, explain to me exactly what we're doing," Natasha said shoving her carryon into the overhead compartment.

"We're going on a vacation, all of us," Pepper said.

"And why is it to some tourist destination in the middle of an ocean," Clint asked reaching over Natasha and easily placing both hers along with his and Bobbi's 'shared' bag.

"It's a tropical island," Pepper corrected. "And it had an amazing beach."

"Great," Bruce said nervously. He obviously wasn't happy about flying in a plane, anything could go wrong in the air.

"Jane, do you know where I have placed my Poptarts?" Thor asked digging through his backpack. Jane –who had moved into the tower after the ball –sighed and pulled out a small package from her purse.

Natasha plopped into the seat between Bruce and Steve pulling her phone out of her jean jacket pocket.

Pepper –who had ended up dressing her like she was a child –had insisted on her wearing something relatively nice. It was just a pair of leather riding boots, a white sundress with a faded jean jacket. There was a small waterfall braid in her hair and minimal makeup smeared involuntarily onto her face. She was uncomfortable and it was obvious to her team. Stark had cracked a few jokes earning an elbow in the gut from his angry fiancée. Steve, Thor and Bruce had complimented her often which received an eye roll from the woman herself. Clint had taken one look at her and flat out burst into hysterical laughter clutching his stomach.

Not that Natasha would ever admit it, but a mixture of hurt and rejection spread through her body. The feeling grew stronger when Bobby stepped in the car wearing a similar outfit and she got a kiss on the cheek from the Hawk. Natasha seethed the entire car ride to the airport.

Natasha looked across the isle on the plane to see Bobby wrapped in Clint's arms with her head leaning on his chest. Natasha sighed plugging her headphones over her ears and played her music as loud as it would go. Blocking out the world, she closed her eyes leaning her head back against the head rest. This was going to be a long trip and she knew from the beginning that it was not going to end well.


I know that chapter was a little all over the place, but it was very crucial to the fic. Like always, I expect reviews or PMs. Also, my Baby Daddy fic has gone a really long time without my attention. The reason being that I lack ideas for that story, so if you have any ideas I'll write them and dedicate the one-shot to you.

Love,

Kaylie

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