"I was blessed with a birth and a death
and I guess I just want some say in between."
- Ani DiFranco, "Talk to Me Now"
The exterior of the house is done up with strands of greenery, simple white lights. 'Tasteful' is the word of the day, boys and girls. Just before Jack cuts the engine, he darts a look over at her. "So did I mention that Aunt Nadine showed up yesterday with a surprise boyfriend?"
"Is that your way of telling me that I won't be the main subject of gossip here today?"
He flashes a smile, however brief. "Well, I don't know if I would go that far."
There's a second when he holds the door open for her that during which she's tempted to spin around and run away and forget the whole thing, except she's holding a stupid basket of dinner rolls and she thinks that throwing dinner rolls as she sprinted away would rightfully earn her a place in the looney bin. And she'd practically pleaded with Jack to find out something she could bring; her parents had always brought wine over to people's houses, which she obviously wasn't going to do even if she legally could have bought it, which she can't. And Juliet knew, after all, where Margo got her desserts. "My mom says all she wants is for you to show up," he kept saying over and over until she'd convinced him to find out something, anything.
In the middle of the entryway, two boys are tussling over the remote control for a small, battery-operated truck. The boys are maybe eight and ten, and the Oriental rug's all rolled up on one end, the wheels skittering over the shiny wood floor. "Hi," says the older of the boys says to Juliet and Jack, vaguely disinterested, and his younger brother grabs the remote out of his hand. "HEY! Give it!"
Jack looks amused. "These are my cousins, Toby and Will. Guys, this is Juliet."
The younger, Toby, gives a wave while trying to keep ahold of the remote control with his other hand as Will tries to dig it out from around his tightly curled fingers. "Do you play foosball?"
"Me?" Juliet asks.
"Yeah." Will finally gets the remote back, hooting with triumph. "They got a foosball table downstairs, in the rec room. From when Jack was a kid, right?"
"That's right," Jack says.
Will turns back. "So do you?"
"Huh?"
"Do you. Play. Foosball?" he repeats slowly, impatiently.
"Oh. Well, I used to play with my friends sometimes, but I..."
"Are you any good?"
The best, she thinks, but it's been ages. If only she could spend the day hiding in the Shephards' rec room. These kids don't know how good they have it.
Jack shifts next to her. "Guys, later, OK?"
Margo's in the kitchen with the two women who must be her sisters, visiting with their families, and she hastily stubs out a cigarette in the amber-colored ashtray on the counter as Jack and Juliet enter. This surprises Juliet; she doesn't remember Margo smoking before, during the only other time she was at the house. It's a great hobby, really. Productive. Healthy. And secondhand smoke should be totally awesome for your grandson. So, thanks for that.
More surprising is the small smile on Margo's face, a smile that seems hesitant, but genuine enough. "Merry Christmas. We're glad you could join us."
Juliet puts the basket of dinner rolls on the counter, tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. Suddenly it feels like each and every first day of school. "Thanks for having me."
"I told Jack a hundred times, you really didn't need to bring anything," Margo admonishes.
"It really wasn't any trouble." Now that Juliet doesn't have anything to hold in front of her, she suddenly thinks she must look very, very pregnant. Would that be the equivalent of the first horrible day of sixth grade, discovering she was suddenly taller than all the other kids?
"Well, we're glad you're here," Margo repeats, like she's pre-programmed this entire wonderful, magical day and has to read straight from the script, no deviations. "Juliet, these are my sisters - Adele, and that's Nadine."
Adele shakes Juliet's hand, but Nadine reaches over and gives Juliet a quick hug. "Good to meet you. If you came in through the front, I think you already met my hellions. Oh, and congratulations, by the way."
Congratulations. Juliet mulls over the word, and how furious she'd been with Jack for saying it. But it sounds kind of nice coming out of someone else's mouth. It's not exactly a word she's heard a lot. Of course, as she's pulling away, Juliet realizes she and Margo haven't actually touched, but now it would be way too awkward. Nonetheless, she can't help but slide her eyes over to Jack, looking for some sort of silent direction.
Jack smiles encouragingly. "They're all in from Chicago." Which he'd already told her, but now that means she's supposed to say something, right?
"Well, at least you won't have to shovel any snow here." Everyone chuckles; Juliet smiles politely and, also, wants to leave right fucking now.
"Where's everyone else?" Jack asks.
"Mostly in the living room. Jessie is... somewhere, I don't know," Adele says, fiddling with her wine glass. That must be the cousin in college. Adele looks over at Juliet. "I suppose you could say she's my hellion, although I'm hoping she's grown out of that by now."
"Not bloody likely," Jack says, and grins.
"Juliet, how are you feeling these days?" Margo interjects.
Margo, we were just on another subject that was NOT ME, dammit. "Oh, fine." She smiles politely, not elaborating.
"Can I get you something to drink?"
"I'm fine, thanks." Just fine, and still smiling politely. My face is going to hurt by the end of today. Why had she thought this was a good idea, again?
"Are you sure, not even some water...?"
Is everyone looking at her? Is she wearing some kind of sign that says Pregnant people need to drink 8-10 glasses of water per day? "OK, thanks."
Margo looks relieved, like she has something to do finally, and slips off her stool, goes over to the fridge. One of those nice stainless steel ones with the water-and-ice dispenser right in the door. "Ice?"
"No, thanks."
Margo's just returned to the table with Juliet's water when the back door opens and Jack's other cousin slips into the room, smelling like cigarette smoke. Juliet feels her mouth quirk into an actual (read: unforced) smile, that she was obviously doing exactly what the women in here had been doing, although the cousin's obviously still feeling pressured to hide it.
Jessica is short and thin, dark-haired. "Hey," she huffs, giving Juliet a once-over.
"Jessie, this is Juliet," Adele says. "Juliet, this is Jack's cousin Jessica. She's a junior at Cornell."
"Nice to meet you," Juliet repeats for what must be the fifth time today.
"Yeah, you too." Jessica nods, and Juliet recognizes the look she's giving her. The please tell me pregnancy isn't contagious look that she'd gotten so often she's learned to just ignore it, except Jessica looks desperately like she's trying to think of what else to say. "You go to UCLA?" she finally asks.
"Yeah," Juliet says. "I'm a junior too."
Now Jessica looks over at Jack, and Juliet feels like someone needs to say something that isn't in any way about the elephant in the room.
"Jessie's studying abroad next semester," Adele says, and Juliet can tell she's not saying it to be mean or invite a comparison, just to make conversation. And Juliet can also tell that as soon as the words leave Adele's mouth, Adele's practically cringing.
Ugh. Are they all just hanging around here, pitying her because they think she's gone and ruined her life? Juliet can't fucking stand pity, and she usually doesn't cope so well with it. Yet somehow she suddenly thinks she must have just gotten a visit from the Ghost of Christmas Not Caring, because she finds a smile. "That's great. Where?"
Jessica's face is tinged pink. "Um, Paris," she mumbles.
Paris. Well, you don't say. Must be lovely this time of year. "What are you studying?" she manages, and then decides now is a good time to take a really long sip of water.
"Um. Art history."
"Juliet's pre-med," Margo puts in.
She takes another long sip. Is Margo trying to... What the hell is Margo trying to do?
Jessica flashes another look over to Jack. "Well, that makes sense."
Jack finally finds a way to ease back into the conversation. Or, ease out of it, whatever. "Um... we should... probably go say hi to everyone else."
In the living room, Christian's in an armchair by the empty fireplace, and who the hell needs a fireplace in L.A., anyway? He's holding a mug of something, Jack had mentioned his father had quit drinking again, and it seems like that's still holding up. Oh, good, a Christmas miracle.
Christian eases out of the chair, smiling, and reaches forward to grasp Juliet's hand. "We're so glad you could be with us today," he tells her, and his voice sounds kind, and his eyes look astonishingly blue, not at all like Jack's, and if Christian were anyone else in the world, she'd probably be tempted to hold onto his hand for too long.
Their Christmas tree is done up in white lights, too, with mostly silver and white ornaments. Her heart pangs in protest when she remembers all those tacky homemade ornaments she and Rachel had made as kids, the ones their mom had insisted hanging up year after year no matter how much they'd embarrassed Rachel and Juliet as they got older.
Juliet gets introduced to the uncles, or anyway, one uncle - Cam, Adele's husband - and then Frank, Nadine's surprise boyfriend. Then there's Jack's grandfather, Ray, who looks surprisingly young. He actually reaches out and gives Juliet a tight hug, a real one. "Merry Christmas." The baby chooses that exact moment to kick, hard, and Juliet knows he must feel it from the slow smile that spreads across his face, but he doesn't say a word, just settles back into his chair, smiling and shaking his head.
Her heart is beating a little too fast. OK, so people are sort of being overly nice. But Overly Nice is not pity. Overly Nice, she can deal with. Juliet and Jack stake out a spot on one of the couches, and eventually the crowd from the kitchen converges on them, and there's small talk and appetizers, with Margo leaving to check on the food in the oven periodically. Everyone is sort of leaving Juliet alone for the time being, and she supposes that could be considered another Christmas miracle. Turns out Frank's a commercial pilot, and he gets everyone laughing with stories about ridiculous passengers and never-ending hauls to places like Guam. (Where is Guam, anyway?)
Juliet keeps her voice low as she leans in toward Jack. "I wonder if I was ever on one of his flights."
Jack nods, watching him too. "I keep thinking the same thing, actually. Maybe he just reminds us of someone else?"
She has a thought then, and can't quite stop the giggle. "Yeah, Burt Reynolds."
His laugh rings out as his younger cousins skitter back into the room. "Are you gonna play foosball with us or not?" Toby demands.
Jack catches Juliet's eye. "OK. We're in."
Foosball. Foosball is a fucking perfect distraction, dammit. The boys enthusiastically divide them into teams, Juliet with Will; Jack with Toby. Juliet kicks all their asses in the first three games. "You've been holding out on me, huh?" Jack asks as Toby runs across the room after Juliet flips the ball out of the goal.
Juliet actually giggles. "I prefer to remain an enigma as much as possible."
Footsteps thump down the stairs, and Jessica is standing at the bottom of the stairs. "Do I get a turn or what?"
Will points at Juliet. "You can take Juliet's spot, she's disqualified."
"Excuse me?"
"Hey!" Toby protests. "Not fair, she's on my team!"
Will shakes his head firmly. "She misrepresented herself."
Jessica punches Will on the arm. "I can wait my turn, doofus."
Juliet has to go to the bathroom anyway. "It's OK."
"I can..." Jack begins.
So, great, is she supposed to advertise that she has to pee? "Jack, it's fine. I'll be right back." She arches an eyebrow, and he gets it, finally. He ought to have, for God's sake; at the baby store she'd had make pit stops twice.
She's coming out of the bathroom when she sees Ray in the hall, tries to offer another polite smile.
"Well, there you are. Where's the rest of your spectacular generation?"
Juliet nods her head at the other end of the hall, where the basement door is. "Foosball."
"Ah. I got disqualified for being too good."
She laughs softly. "I think the same thing just happened to me."
Ray chuckles. "Welcome to the family." Except he's not saying it as a joke, and she feels her smile smooth out into blankness.
Oh, god. Does he think they're getting married or something? "I'm not - uh, I mean, Jack and I aren't - "
He rests a hand on her arm briefly. "I know. That doesn't matter. I can tell you're a sweet girl. I know these things, I'm a very good judge of character. And whatever happened with my grandson, well. It doesn't matter anymore. You're going to be my great-grandson's mother. That makes you one of us."
Is that supposed to be a good thing? Except he's looking at her so kindly she almost wants to cry, and Nadine was sweet to her, and Jack's parents are clearly trying, here. And she sort of needed a family anyway, right? So she nods.
This is only half of Christmas, but I thought I'd split it up here so it doesn't end up too long. Please leave a review! They've kind of been falling off again lately, and I'm trying hard to stay motivated. The second half of this should be a doozy, if that sweetens the pot any.
