I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've been busy with my SYOT and everything, and I've been feeling some kind of writer's block for Jaymes for some reason. But I found him today, and I wrote this.

Chapter 28

Jaymes Current (Victor)'s POV

I breathe in and breathe out. I wipe my ever-sweaty palms on my fancy dress pants - I don't care if they get ruined.

I shouldn't be nervous. Why am I nervous? I just survived the 127th Hunger Games and I'm nervous about a stupid interview.

I'm wearing a light blue button-down shirt ("It looks good with your tan and matches your eyes," my prep team explained excitedly) and a black tie, which matches my black pants.

The only good thing about this interview is that after it, I finally get to go home. I am so excited to see my family. Even though I've only been away from them for a couple weeks, it feels like I was away from them for a whole lifetime. It's been awful.

I get to go home! The thought makes me smile and start bouncing on the balls of my feet in excitement. I miss my family, but I also miss the sound of crashing waves waking me up and the fresh, salty smell of the air comforting me all the time.

I have been waiting in the wings of the Capitol stage for what seems like forever. I guess I must be going on soon, because my mentors Ava and Charley come up to me and wish me luck for the millionth time. Maybe that's what's making me so nervous.

I sigh, annoyed, when Ava comes up to me again. I think she's given me enough luck to survive this interview. Before I can tell her that I'm fine, she whispers in my ear, "Now, I'm no expert, but just don't say anything that you'll regret later on, okay?"

I must have given her a confused look, because then she asks, "You care about your family, right? About your best friend?"

"Of course," I say.

"That's my point. Life as a Victor isn't as relaxing as they make it out to be. You're now the Capitol's toy. You must do anything and everything they tell you to do, and if you step out of line at all…" Ava makes a slashing motion across her neck, miming someone's throat being slit. "Your friends and family… Gone."

I understand now, and I nod and take another deep breath. "I know you're the loyal type," Ava continues. "But I just wanted to warn you. You're one of the few good people left in this world, I'm pretty sure. I don't want you to change like some other Victors have." I nod again. "Alright, now this doesn't just apply to this interview. This applies to your entire life as a Victor. They're watching you. I don't care if you come from District One or District Twelve. They watch you no matter what. And like I said before, if you do even one little thing that suggests rebellion or anything bad at all, your whole life will be ruined."

I look up at Ava now, and I see a fierce, almost dangerous look in her eyes. They're a bright turquoise, a rare color even in District Four. I know that Ava isn't lying about this, and I know that she'll have my back and support me.

As if she's reading my mind, she says, "I'll be able to protect you and help you, but you're going to have to learn how to deal with it yourself."

"Okay," I say in a small voice. I sound like a scared child. She gives me a weak smile and walks over to Charley.

I know from being in the Capitol with Ava that she won the 122nd Hunger Games when she was sixteen, so she would be twenty-one now. She's been a Victor for five years. She's probably gotten used to it by now.

Do you ever get used to being a Victor? I don't know. It seems like it would be hard. All I've felt since leaving the arena is numbness and shock. It's weird because I thought that I would be an emotional wreck, but I can't feel anything. Ava says that's normal, though. She says the feeling part will come soon.

I am even more nervous for this interview now that I know how much is on the line for me. I really just don't want to think about what would happen if I messed something up for me.

And before I know it, I hear Evan Darling's booming voice saying, "Please welcome the Victor of the 127th Hunger Games… Jaymes Current from District Four!" and I'm walking up to the stage and there's that awful numb feeling again. I can't feel what I'm doing. It feels like someone else is in my body, controlling my movements. The only thing I'm aware of is my heart that is beating way more quickly than normal times.

"Now Jaymes, I know we're all looking forward to the interview," Evan says to me, "But before that, we're all going to watch the recap of your Games so you'll have it fresh in your mind!"

If that was supposed to comfort me, it really didn't work. At all.

I watch, with that numb shock again, the Cornucopia with all of the weapons. I watch Dallas kill without any hesitation. I watch Jamal's first kill and his reaction. Just seeing him on the screen bring tears to my eyes. I watch me kill the boy from District Eight. I learned that his name was Phoenix. I shudder, then immediately straighten myself out. I have to convince the audience that I am proud about killing that boy, that I enjoyed every second of it.

The film mostly focuses on the Careers, because that's where all of the action happened and that's also where I was. Once Jamal and I have left the Career pack, it focuses on us and Alicia and Dallas. I watch all of these deaths that I never knew about.

I try not to pay attention, but I try to look like I am paying attention, so in the end I just wind up plain confused about this whole thing.

I would never be able to be an actor. Because it is clear that I can't act.

After a couple of hours of stillness and numbness, I see myself throw the trident at Alicia. Alicia, who had just finished sobbing over Dallas' body. Alicia, who had showed that she was a real human being and that everyone breaks down. Alicia, who was broken.

She was broken by the Games, by loss and regret. She was broken by the Capitol, by their hunger for violence and innocent children's deaths. And all of the sudden, by watching this film, I can see that she realized that she was just a pawn for the Capitol. She realized that everyone was a pawn, everyone that was a tribute, everyone that died in these Games, and everyone in the districts is a pawn. Even the Capitolites are pawns.

And now I realize that I am a pawn too. And I will always be one.

And then the screen goes black and all I want to do is go to bed and lose myself to nightmares again. I want to curl up under the covers and be done with this. But this is what everyone has been waiting for, this interview that has been talked about nonstop in the Capitol and that has been dreaded by me.

We talk about the Games and Jamal and leaving Dallas and Alicia and my kills and the final battle and District Four and my mentors and, lastly, my family and how much they mean to me. It all seems to go by in a blur, me answering the questions honestly but thinking carefully, making sure not to say anything that I would want to take back later. It's a whirlwind.

And before I know it, President Duke is putting the crown on my head and I'm walking backstage and being escorted to my room and Ava is telling me that I did a good job and that I need a good night's sleep because I get to go back home tomorrow. And then I'm falling asleep and all I can think is, it's over. It's over.

When I wake up the next day, I get dressed into a white collared shirt and khaki shorts because I don't need anything fancy to ride the train in. It feels great to be wearing non-Capitol designed clothes again. I feel as close as possible to feeling free.

I get on the train with Ava and Charley and Petunia, my escort, and it feels the same as it felt when we were going to the Capitol, but only this time, my district partner Arielle isn't here.

I sit in the compartment that I slept in on my way to the Capitol. Surprisingly enough, it doesn't bring me any flashbacks. I don't question it, though, because I am just grateful. I've had the worst nightmares ever since I returned to the Capitol.

Ava, Charley, and Petunia don't try to come in to talk to me, and I don't go to try to talk to them. I want to be alone right now.

Then, Petunia comes in, telling me, "We're here! We're here!" and for some crazy reason that I don't know, I jump up from where I was sitting on the bed, and I run to the door and I look out the windows and I see my home. I see the ocean and the beach and all of the people. And for once, all of the people are gathered together and they're smiling and cheering and I can't help but feel good about myself because I know that I am the reason for this.

And I look out into the sea of people and I see the twins and their little blonde braids bouncing as they jump up and down. I see my parents, tears streaming down their faces as they look up at me and smile with pride. And I see Jaclyn, who has pushed her way to the front of the crowd, who is screaming and waving. And suddenly I don't care about doing something wrong. Suddenly I forget about all that I've been through. And I know that I am home.

And for the first time in a long time, I feel again.

Yay! I just wanted to let you know that this is the last I'll be writing in Jaymes' POV. The next chapter is the Victory Tour, but that will be in someone else's POV. Can you guess who it is? Hint: They've already been in this story at some point.

Secondly, I am not saying this to be offensive, I'm just explaining one of the reasons I had Jaymes win. I've read so many fanfics where there was a special twist to the Games and the underdog beat the biggest Career tribute in a fight. And yes, those are interesting to read, but not every year was a Quarter Quell and the 13-year-old from District 11 didn't win every year. Most years, a Career tribute like Jaymes won. I was trying to portray a normal year of the Games rather than a super-special one. Again, I'm not trying to be offensive to those stories; they're great, but I was doing something different.

Hope you all check out my SYOT! It's closed now, but I'm starting to work on the reapings and I will start posting soon! Thanks!

Ashley