BLAH! Sorry this took so long guys. The holiday season always swamps me with work. Besides, a month is nothing compared to the great 3 year hiatus of 2012-2015.
Also, this chapter was really hard to write! You know that space in between when you're friends with someone and you're in love with them where you don't know what the heck you want/are feeling and you're just like "FUUUUUAAAAA..." Yeah. That's what I had to deal with. It's not like I'm going to make it easy on you guys and have Sakura instantly be all "I LOVE YOU!" and Gaara be all "Great! Let's bang and live happily ever after!"
Welp, anyhow. Thank you for all your wonderful supportive reviews! They really helped me pump this beast of a chapter out. Hope you enjoy!
CHAPTER 27
Returning to Reality
***From*The*Desk*Of*Tristen1497***
He was waiting for it. Waiting for her to pull away or to push him away, or both. He was prepared for her to slap him, to bite his lip, to hit him and yell at him. To have him locked away forever for kissing her without her permission.
He wasn't prepared for what happened.
She kissed him back, her warms hands impossibly soft, even as they gripped his shoulders forcefully. Her tongue was tangled with his, her body glued against his own.
His mind was a haze. He couldn't think. He could only feel. Feel the way her lips moved over his, just as pleading and needy as his own. Feel the warmth of her. God! He felt like he'd been pulled from ice water and was now being caressed by loving flames.
Her heat was melting into him, and he could feel his body responding. There was a new, strange heat building within him as well, pooling in the pit of his stomach and seeping down lower… lower…
Then she shifted. He felt her brush against him and oh God! He felt like he was going to explode. But he also felt something else. Shock? Guilt? He didn't know what exactly, only that it caused him to pull away.
And then he saw her eyes. They were not their usual bright green. Instead, they were clouded over with lust. Seeing her wanting him…
He knew from the first moment he saw her, way back when she was just a baby, when he himself was new to his human body. He knew then. And he hated himself.
And then she was sent away. Sixteen long years she was gone, and he hoped. Hoped that when he finally did see her again things would be different. But they weren't.
She had stood completely disheveled atop the Suna wall, scared and confused, and oh so perfect. And he felt it again, like he had when she was a baby, and he knew. He would always feel this way. And he hated himself even more.
And he hated her. Hated her for causing all this. She was the reason he felt the way he did. It was her fault.
So he hated her and he hated himself, but damn her! The harder he tried to dislike her, the more his feelings for her grew. And he felt… everything.
Scared. What if she hurt him? What if she betrayed him like Ritsu? What if he hurt her? Failed her?
Guilty. He wasn't supposed to love her. Not like this.
Ashamed. He was broken. He was wrong. It was forbidden.
Upset. Even if he did, she could never possibly return his feelings. He was a demon. He was Shukaku! He was Gaara…
Angry. Why? Why him? Why her?
Hatred. At her. At himself. At the world.
Conflicted. How? How on earth could he love the person who was responsible for his imprisonment? Who would be responsible for his death?
And terrified. Terrified because he still wanted her. Needed her. And, despite everything, despite the logic and the reasoning, and everything else, the look in her eyes in that moment told him something he was longing to know, yet dreading at the same time: she wanted him too.
"Gaara?" she had said. He could have melted at the sound of her voice. And he knew what would have happened next.
He'd kiss her hard on the lips, making her gasp for breath before kissing her and scraping his teeth against her skin just enough to make her moan.
"Gaara…"
And when she said his name! He wouldn't be able to stop.
"Gaara…"
He'd touch her, anywhere and everywhere he could.
"Gaara…"
He'd want to go slowly. To torture her until she begged. To make her wither beneath him until she couldn't take it anymore.
"Gaara, please…"
But he wouldn't be able to. He'd need her. And he'd take her. Fast and hard, letting her feel his need with every thrust, and coaxing her to scream his name.
"Gaara!"
But that's not what had happened…
He ran. Ran as far away as he could from her and his feelings and the cave where some dark part of him wanted to hide her away forever.
"Gaara…"
The tattoo on his forehead burning white hot.
***From*The*Desk*Of*Tristen1497***
"Gaara!"
He opened his eyes, looking down from his perch atop one of the carriages and down to Jouhin.
"What?" he hissed.
She frowned at him.
"We're getting closer. You need to set up the barrier."
"Do it yourself. I'm trying to meditate."
"I put on the sleds. You do it. Unless you want to be the first to be fried." She smiled impishly up at him.
Gaara sighed and jumped down.
The sand dunes were painted red with the light of the setting sun. Above, the sky was turning black as the caravan lumbered towards the desert storm. He was already able to hear the distant rumbling.
Small sleds had been attached to the wheels of the carriages, allowing them to slide gently over the sand. The oxen had been exchanged for camels after crossing the border into the Land of Wind.
Gaara moved towards the middle of the caravan, his stomach twisting as he neared her carriage. It was located at the center of the caravan for strategic purposes. He had no choice.
Looking down at the sand as he walked, he sensed her before he saw her. She was sitting with the guard driving her carriage, her hair twisting gently around her as the wind played with it.
Maybe she could sense him too, because his eyes had been on her for all of a second before she turned her head and her eyes locked on his.
"Gaara… Please…"
He tore his eyes away from her and shook the images from his mind, trying not to remember the feel of her lips.
But her eyes were still burned into his mind. They were filled with a longing much unlike the one she displayed in the cave. They didn't look like the eyes of a lust-filled woman. They looked sad, confused, and hurt.
Most of all, they looked hungry for an explanation.
"Commander Otsuto" he addressed the man driving the wagon. "I recommend the Princess returns to her carriage. We're preparing to enter a storm."
The man nodded. "Yes, that would be wise."
"Why?" she asked. Her eyes were locked with Gaara's. He understood the real reason for her question.
Otsuto continued. "The rainy season in the Land of Wind rarely brings actual rain, but it does bring lightning storms, especially in the evenings. If they can't stop at a sheltered camp to avoid getting struck caravans will often have a shinobi set up a barrier of chakra that deflects the lightning away.
"It's most efficient when the shinobi positions themselves in the center of the caravan, especially when moving."
"Why don't we just stop?" she asked, looking to the dark clouds warily.
"If we keep going, we can reach Suna before morning. And it might be dangerous, but traveling through a lightning storm is better than sitting in one place for too long, waiting for more demons to find us."
"But the barrier means that we won't get hit by the lighting?" she questioned.
"Most likely."
She crossed her arms over her chest.
"If that's the case, I think I'll just stay here, rather than go inside."
"But Princess Sakura-"
"I said I'm fine right here. But if you're uncomfortable, Otsuto, please feel free to use my cabin. I'm sure I can manage driving the camels."
"That would be most unwise, Princess. And I must insist you go below. Should anything happen, you'll be safer there."
Sakura scowled, but, never the less, jumped down from the moving wagon. Instinctively, Gaara moved to catch her.
His hands made contact with her body and he felt a jolt of electricity run through him in the brief instant it took for him to guide her safely to the ground.
Her hands were on his shoulders, his arms around her waist… So close he could feel her breath and his own breathing hitched in his throat.
But he would not lose control again. Never again.
He stepped back from her almost the instant her feet his the sand.
"Princess, please! A little warning!" Otsuto called down to them, drawing the carriage to a short stop.
She was staring at him. Confusion. Hopefulness. Sadness. Anger. He looked down to the sand.
"Sorry," she called back to Otsuto before turning sharply away from Gaara and opening the door to her carriage, stepping inside and closing the door swiftly behind her.
Gaara sighed, moving to climb up to the wagon seat and then up to the roof of the carriage, standing squarely, facing the front of the caravan. The wagon began to move forward again.
"Do you know what's going on with the Princess lately?" Otsuto causing called back over his shoulder.
"One minute I'm sure she's about to cry, and the next she's biting my head off." She wasn't like that on the way to Amegakure."
Gaara ignored Otsuto, looking up to the sky. The sun had set. Darkness crept in. The caravan was a snake of flickering light, winding its way through the black. The dark sky above flashed every so often with the beginnings of a lightning storm.
Gaara sighed, moving to make the hand signs necessary to set up the barrier. He felt a tingling sensation run over his tattoo.
Never again…
***From*The*Desk*Of*Tristen1497***
Sakura sat on her bench, arms crossed stiffly across her chest as she gazed out the window at the inky night.
What the hell was going on?!
One minute Gaara was yelling at her, and the next…
A shiver ran up her spine when she thought of him kissing her.
And now… things were worse than before. He wouldn't talk to her, couldn't even look at her. And she was more confused than ever.
Everything had been so simple, so clear. At least, that's what she had thought. She knew who she was, and who he was, and what their relationship was. And in one instance all of that had been shattered.
Now, she wasn't sure of anything…
She knew what she was supposed to be. She was Princess Sakura of the Land of Wind, heir to the throne, and supposed savior of the world. She was expected to fulfill her duties, marry a suitor –a man of good standing, political significance, and royal blood- and live happily ever after.
She knew what he was supposed to be. Gaara, the demon Shukaku, protector of the princess, and heartless, destructive, psychopath. He was destined to perish when she saved the world, and, knowing him, he'd probably try and take as many people down with him as possible.
But now everything was different.
She'd always been mesmerized by Gaara. From the day they first met, she wanted to understand him, if only to know why he looked at her with such hatred. She was scared of him, of course, like any sane person should have been. But then she got to know him. And they became… friends. And then that kiss…
Maybe she'd always felt that way about him. Maybe that's why she was mesmerized: it wasn't just because of fear or fascination. And once the fear faded and their friendship grew…
No!
He was a demon, and she was a human. He was her protector, and she was a princess.
She couldn't want him. She just couldn't. He was her friend. Nothing more.
Still… she couldn't shake the memory of his hands on her, his tongue tangled with hers…
Lightning lit up the sky outside of the window, followed by a deep rumbling that grew to a roar and thundered through her body. No rain fell on the dry sand, but Sakura felt a tear escape her own eye and go rolling down her cheek.
The storm grew worse as the lights of Suna began to become visible in the distance. The wind was picking up, swirling the sand all around them. The caravan trudged onward.
.
***From*The*Desk*Of*Tristen1497***
"Sakura-chan!"
She'd barely exited her carriage before Sakura felt the force of another body slamming into hers and wrapping her in the warmest, most needed hug she'd ever experienced. Despite any faults he might have, Naruto was always there when she needed him.
"Oh my god, I was so worried! The Kazekage wrote and told us what happened! I'm so sorry I wasn't there! Are you hurt?"
Sakura gasped for air. "I will be if you keep crushing me."
Naruto loosened his hold on her, but did not break the hug.
"And what about me?" Jouhin teased, her hands on her hips. "I was the one who was experimented on for months!"
Naruto looked a little guilty, but shrugged at her, still holding on to Sakura for dear life.
"Sorry Jouhin. You know I love ya, but this is Sakura-chan we're talking about!"
Jouhin rolled her eyes. She slung her pack over her shoulder and walked past them, up the steps of the palace.
"Well, I'll be in my room. Feel free to drop by when it's my turn for a hug."
Naruto let go of Sakura for a brief moment, sprinting after Jouhin. He gave her a spine crushing hug.
"Alright! Enough!" she croaked.
Naruto let her go, grinning cunningly as he walked back to Sakura, scooping her up in another hug before she could protest. But really, she didn't mind. It felt nice to rest her head on Naruto's chest, cradled in his protective arms. It was like old times.
"Zurui-sama!" Naruto called out, as the Kazekage exited his carriage.
The Kazekage put his hands up in defense.
"No, thank you, Naruto. I don't hug."
Zurui looked exhausted as he trekked past them.
"And how about you, Gaara? You need a hug?" Naruto teased.
Sakura turned her head away from Naruto's chest to see Gaara climbing down from her carriage. He just looked at her and Naruto. There was no anger, no threats, only a serious expression, void of any emotions.
He walked away from them, moving to help the guards and arriving servants to unpack the Kazekage's and the Princess's carriages.
"What's up with him?" Naruto mused. "No 'I'll kill you if you touch me' or 'I'll rip your arms off'?"
Sakura held Naruto's arm, stopping him from going after Gaara for an explanation.
"He's probably just tired Naruto. No doubt Gaara will be back to biting your head off come tomorrow."
"Yeah… I guess you're right… Oh, I'm sorry Sakura. You must be tired too. You go get yourself cleaned up. I'll stop by a little later to say goodnight."
She smiled. "Thank you, Naruto."
***From*The*Desk*Of*Tristen1497***
Sakura soaked in her tub until her fingers were well pruned, scrubbing off the dirt of the road and rubbing out her stiff muscles.
It was funny. She remembered a time, not even a year ago, where the thought of Suna being her home was completely absurd. Yet, as soon as the caravan had rolled through the great Suna gates she had thought "I'm home."
And now, safely in her chambers, surrounded by things she once found foreign, she felt like she belonged. Like she was home.
Sakura exited the tub, wrapped herself in a large, fluffy robe and tied her long pink hair back. She was about to collapse into her bed when she heard the door to her chambers open.
"Naruto?" she called out.
There was a muffled *clunk* and she heard the door close tightly.
She moved through her rooms to the main entry room. Her door was closed. Sitting on her floor in a graceful heap was a collection of some of her things from the carriage, or at least the items that didn't need to be washed.
Sakura opened her door and poked her head out just in time to see Gaara's door close. She swallowed hard, mustering up her courage.
She crossed the hall and raised her hand to his door.
*Knock* *Knock* *Knock*
The sound seemed to amplify, echoing through the empty hall.
There was no answer. She couldn't hear any movement from within. She swallowed again, taking in a deep breath and opening the door.
***From*The*Desk*Of*Tristen1497***
His room was pitch black, but, from what she could see through the gloom everything was exactly as it had been the first time she saw it. The great windows were open, the black sky lit up with a flash of lightning, then went black again.
She heard a soft sound, like rain drops falling and looked to Gaara's fountain. His gourd lay beside it, and she watched as the sand trickled out of the open top to pool in the fountain. As it did so, the grains changed to droplets of water.
"I didn't say you could enter."
The lightning flashed again. Sakura jumped slightly, turning to see Gaara in the archway to his bathroom. She flinched as the thundered cracked and rumbled through the room. She couldn't read his expression through the gloom.
"I'm sorry. I-"
"You should leave." He murmured, moving across his room to sit on the meditation mat in front of his window. He faced the window, his back to her.
Sakura clenched her fists and took a deep breath.
"Gaara, we need to talk."
He didn't say anything. The lighting flashed again. She waited until the thunder passed before continuing.
"About what happened… In the cave…"
She saw his back stiffen.
"When you kissed me…" She trailed off. She didn't know what she was thinking, what she was feeling. How could she put into words something she couldn't identify?
"When… When I kissed you back…"
Gaara stopped her. He was on his feet and across the room in a second, his face dangerously close to hers. His eyes board into her soul.
"Nothing happened." He hissed.
"But-"
"Nothing Happened." He repeated more harshly. "Nothing. Understand? I am your protector. You are my Princess. Nothing more. I am not your sensei. You are not my student. We are not friends. "
He turned away from her, moving to look out the window.
"Gaara, I…" Again, the words were lost.
He stopped her before she could find them.
"No. I don't care. It doesn't matter. None of it matters. How you feel, or how I feel. I don't want to know. It doesn't matter."
Sakura wanted to protest. To say something. Her mind was screaming at her to do so. But all she did was turn around and walk silently out of his room and back into her own.
And then it came out. All of it. All at once.
She collapsed on her bed, crying like she had never done before. She had wanted to for so many days but was unable to do so because she was surrounded by people as they traveled. And now it all flowed out of her.
She cried because she cared for Gaara. She cried because she didn't know how much. Did she like him as more than a friend? Did she not?
She cried because it didn't matter. With one kiss she had lost her friend, and she desperately wanted him back. But things could never go back to the way they were. With the same kiss she realized if she was falling in love with him and if he felt the same, they still could never be together.
Gaara was right. It didn't matter. No matter what, she couldn't have what she wanted.
She cried because she never asked for any of this. The burdens of a princess were great. She had to be a princess first and foremost, and live for others. But that might mean being miserable and not being herself…
Sometime while she was crying into her pillow she felt the bed shift. She looked up through the darkness and her tears at a pair of shining eyes.
The big fox whined at her once before snuggling up next to her, letting her hug him tightly and cry into his fur.
She cried until she fell asleep.
END
OK guys. Pretty please let me know what you thought, and what you think might happen from here! Because I have no idea. XD. REVIEW! So I will know...
Next update will probably be in two weeks. I'll try for sooner.
Thanks for reading!
