AN: Thank you so much to everyone for the birthday wishes. My weekend was amazing, although I'm about as good as saying goodbye to my girl as Campward and MB (yeah, we suck). Also, thanks for all your reviews! Some of you made me cry as I read through them—in a good way, I promise, haha. I can't believe how much support this story is still getting, despite it being a year since I started writing it. If I could snugglesmoosh each of your faces, I would. I swear, I have the best readers ever.

Additional love to lisa89 for smacking Campward around a bit in this chapter and making him explain himself. His thought processes are so deluded, and she gives shit for it ;)

Second to last chapter here, folks. Here we come.

from Isabella Swan imswan usc . edu
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thecullenabides gmail . com
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Mon, Aug 17, 2009 at 4:23 PM
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Finally…

Hey Edward,

I can't believe it's only been three days since we said goodbye. It feels like it's been fucking forever. I'm sorry I haven't even had the chance to call, but this weekend was completely commandeered by the chief (that's my police chief father, remember him?) and my mom. Apparently they're going to miss me this year or something. Who knew? Also, I figured you had that wedding on Saturday. How'd that go? Any hot bridesmaids? Just kidding. There better not have been. -stern face- Ugh, and I'm going to be so busy for the next few weeks. I move in on Friday, so I'm spending the rest of this week buying out all of Bed, Bath, and Beyond (seriously, I had no idea that a college freshman required so much stuff!) and packing up my truck. If you have a few minutes to spare, give me a ring. I fucking miss you so much, Edward. I've spent every moment since I got back to Washington wishing you were on top of me…I mean, with me ;) Give my love to Jasper, and I'll check in after I'm settled into USC! Love you.

xo,

Bella


from Isabella Swan imswan usc . edu
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Fri, Aug 28, 2009 at 8:39 PM
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it's been one week

Oh my God, I can't believe I'm finally sitting down. This week has been absolutely crazy. I knew film school was going to be intense, but I hadn't really prepared myself for the change, I guess. I'm taking five classes, which is apparently a huge fucking workload, and I'm already dying. I'm taking Intro To Film with the famous professor Drew Casper (well, famous for being a complete douchebag—he calls on the person in class who he thinks looks the most unprepared so he can scare the living shit out them. Oh, but he already loves me because I'm the only one in my entire lecture who knew what "Rosebud" was…can you believe that? A lecture of over two hundred supposed film kids, and I was the only one who'd ever seen Citizen Kane…shameful, I know). Then, I'm taking Intro To TV, which is already the most boring class I've ever been enrolled in. I know you warned me that the intro classes were going to be dull, but I think this one is definitely going to take the cake. Blah, I'm sorry, I know I'm rambling and you probably don't want to hear about my lame ass classes, but I'm already having so much fun. I'm living in the best freshman dorm – New/North – and I'm on the cinema floor with the coolest kids. Most of them are in my classes, so even though I'm not the biggest fan of my roommate, Renata (she's totally OCD, but not in a cute/endearing way like you), I'm still making lots of friends. There are two guys who live next door who have been my saving graces – Alec and Marcus. We have nearly all our classes together, and I've been schooling them in the ways of awesomeness. Neither of them had ever seen Star Wars before. Can you believe they let people into USC Film School who haven't watched Lucas's claim to fame? I mean, they know it's called the George Lucas School of Cinematic Arts, right? Boggles my mind. Anyway, I made them watch it last night. It made me miss you so much, though. When I got back to my room, thank God my stupid roommate was already asleep because I definitely needed some alone time, if you know what I mean, hehe. God, I'll never be able to watch it again without thinking about the first time we had sex. Okay, that was my attempt at dirty talk. I'm pretty sure I suck majorly at it, but we can work on that, right? You'll have to let me know if I'm doing okay. Some guidance is always appreciated, and I know you're really good at that. Sigh. Okay, I've got to run. Fraternity rush starts tonight, and I heard they're the best parties all year. Oh, if only the chief knew what his $40k was going towards…just kidding. I'm sure I'll pay him back everything when I'm a famous screenwriter, right? Love you, Edward.

xo,

Bella


from Isabella Swan imswan usc . edu
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thecullenabides gmail . com
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Fri, Sep, 4, 2009 at 7:56 PM
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USC Football?

Gah, another week gone by. How is time speeding by so quickly? And why haven't I heard from you yet? I know you're busy, but you could spend a second or two writing to your equally busy but loving girlfriend a quick reponse. Okay, that's all the lecturing I have in me for right now. But just know…I've got my eye on you ;) So, tomorrow is our first football game of the season. I'm a little nervous. In case you've forgotten, I'm not exactly the biggest athletic enthusiast. But I've been told there's nothing like a USC football game, and I'm inclined to believe it. The school spirit here is INTENSE. I've been told that tailgating starts in the morning (yay, day drinking!), even though kick off isn't until four PM. So, Marcus and Alec both rushed ZBT—I think they're the dorkiest fraternity, haha—and since they're pledges, they have to get up super early to wait in line so they can get the best seats in the student section (front row, fifty yard line, bitches!) for their house. I said I'd go with them because I really don't want to go with Renata, and I do really want to see the game up close and personal! Game time will be crazy! Okay, so, I don't really know that much about football, but I know that USC rocks and our quarterback is a super hot, super religious freshman named Matt Barkley. Oh, and he's #7. Plus, I can totally rock cardinal and gold…I'll post pictures on Facebook because I know you're missing my pretty face. That was also a hint that I'd like to see yours sometime in the near future. Skype date on Sunday? If I'm not too hungover, that is… Anyway, ZBT is throwing some huge pre-game celebration tonight, so I need to get ready before Marcus and Alec come pounding on my door for me to hurry up. I don't think they understand the notion of being fashionably late to a party. Whatever, I'm working on it. Hope everything's going well with you…I love you and miss you.

xo,

Bella


from Isabella Swan imswan usc . edu
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thecullenabides gmail . com
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Sun, Sep 6, 2009 at 12:04 PM
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skype?

Hey Edward,

I just tried Skyping you, but it kept ringing and no one picked up, so I just hung up and decided to email you instead. I know you're technologically savvy, so I'm not sure what happened. I look all cute, too, because I have leftover make up on from the party last night. Morning after chic, if you will. I was pretty drunk last night – we won against San Jose State, so there were parties abound on Frat Row – it got a little crazy when some of the football players showed up. Also, girls are super skanky here, and I'm really not a fan. But when I got slightly too drunk to function (please delete that drunk voicemail from me, I have no idea what I said), Marcus and Alec helped walk me home. Such nice guys. We ended up getting chicken soft tacos from Chanos (best fucking things I've ever eaten) and watching The Dark Knight at two-thirty in the morning. I'm a little tired, but it was so worth it. Seriously, as soon as you come visit, we'll spend time going through the Chanos menu. You would die of Mexican food happiness. Okay, I should probably get started on my homework since I have a shitload of it, but I'll try Skyping you later or something. Love you.

xo,

Bella


from Isabella Swan imswan usc . edu
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thecullenabides gmail . com
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Thur, Sep 10, 2009 at 1:16 PM
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Come in, come in?

Hey, so I haven't heard from you yet…I'm starting to get worried. I left you a few voicemails. Did you get them? Hopefully you didn't lose your phone or leave it at a wedding or something. Jasper told me you haven't been around much because you've been so busy with work. That's so great…I'd love to actually hear about it from you, though. I'm thinking about finally calling Maggie's dad about that internship. I'm nervous, but I think Professor Casper would be incredibly impressed for a freshman to be so involved so early on in the year. What do you think? Am I taking on too much? I just don't know. I wish you were here to help me figure out what to do. You always know how to calm me down. Please get back to me before I have to send out a search party for you, okay? Gotta run to class now. I love you.

xo,

Bella


from Isabella Swan imswan usc . edu
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Fri, Sep 11, 2009 at 4:13 PM
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Edward, this is getting a little ridiculous. Seriously, where are you? I've tried calling, texting, Skyping, and emailing, but I haven't heard back from you once. Jasper won't give me any straight answers either. What's going on? I thought we decided we'd work on us together. I'm just feeling really confused right now. Why won't you talk to me? I love you.

xo,

Bella


from Isabella Swan imswan usc . edu
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thecullenabides gmail . com
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Sun, Sep 13, 2009 at 2:18 AM
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Happy Birthday to me…

So, it's officially my birthday. Happy 19th to me, I guess. Just got back from a huge dinner with all my new friends at El Cholo, aka the best Mexican food you've ever eaten. I got phone calls from everyone at midnight, Edward—Emmett, Rose, Alice, Jasper, Jake, even Seth. Everyone, but you, I guess. Jasper says you're "around," so I know you're still alive, but I don't know what happened. I don't even know why I bother writing these emails anymore…it's not like you ever write back. I guess maybe that pitcher of margaritas gave me the courage to say everything I've been holding in since I got on the plane in Portland. Everything I've been holding in for the past month. Because, yes, it's officially been a month since we said goodbye. You never called, you never texted, you never Skyped—you never did anything you said you would, Edward. Why would you say we'd make it work if you weren't going to go through with it at all? I haven't forgotten about you. Sure, I'm loving USC—my classes are incredible and the whole experience is everything I thought it would be and more—but I miss you every moment of every day. Maggie's dad called me back. I start as a film development intern for Plan B Productions this Tuesday. I'll work Tuesday and Friday afternoons, and I'll get to write coverage for scripts, work with development executives and meet with writers. And fuck, Edward, the only person I wanted to share that news with was you. But I guess you didn't get that voicemail either.

I don't know what to do anymore. Is this it? Is everything I pined for five years just over now? I mean, I spend most nights wondering if you're out with other girls. Jasper never mentions that. And Alice says that the weekend she visited, you never even came home. So, what? You're back to sleeping with the cheap floozies you never cared about, while the only person you ever claimed to love is telling drunk and horny frat guys that she doesn't want to cheat on her incredible long-distance boyfriend but thanks anyway? It's not fair, Edward. It's not. If all you wanted was to take my virginity and bail, you could have prepared me better. You didn't have to fill my head with lies of your love and devotion. And you didn't have to do it so fucking well.

I guess it's fair to assume that any love you had for me stayed within the confines of camp, and that's fine. But Edward? I love you. I loved you then, I love you now, and no matter what happens in the future – even if we never speak again – a huge part of my heart will always belong to you. Always.

Please, if you're getting these emails…please just write me back. That's my only birthday wish. I want to hear from you, how you're doing, what you're thinking…anything at all. Just, please.

xo,

Bella


from thecullenabides gmail . com
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Isabella Swan imswan usc . edu
date
Sun, Sep 13, 2009 at 5:01 AM
subject
re: Happy Birthday to me…

happy birthday, bella.


~Bella~

I read it over again just to make sure I hadn't hallucinated. Nope, there it was, right in my inbox, from Edward. Three simple words—and not the ones I'd been wanting to hear from him for the past month. I read the email one more time before slamming my laptop shut and letting the tears come.

What hurt the most was that I now had confirmation he'd not only been receiving but also reading my emails. He'd just been choosing not to respond. It was cold, and it felt like a dagger to my stomach.

And then, like some perfectly timed sit-com joke, my phone began ringing with the name TANYA flashing across the front. I contemplated not answering for a brief second, but for some reason, I had this foolish hope that Edward had lost his phone and was now calling from his sister's. I couldn't let it go to voicemail for fear that he wouldn't leave one and I'd miss my chance. Impulse grabbed at me, and I pressed the "talk" button and answered before I could change my mind.

"H-hey."

"Happy Birthday, Bella!" Tanya cheered, sounding far too chipper for my liking at the moment.

"Thanks, Tanya," I croaked. Disappointment set in. It wasn't him. And even though I knew the likelihood it would've been him was probably around .001%, I still deflated.

"Whoa, too much partying last night?"

"Something like that." I hopped up from my desk and rolled back into bed. It was my birthday, and I was going to wallow if I wanted to.

"Um, are you okay, sweetie? You're sounding a little like…um…" She trailed off uncomfortably.

"Like what?"

"Well, like Edward."

"Oh." My voice struggled to stay steady, but I refused to cry on the phone. "I wouldn't know."

The bitterness in my tone cut through and resonated through the empty space that hung between us.

Finally, Tanya broke the silence, her once-jovial voice sounding far too serious. "Bella, please tell me that's some kind of heinously bad joke."

I laughed humorlessly and allowed a few silent tears to escape. "No, no joke."

"He didn't call you for your birthday? I should fucking—"

I cut her off, needing to end the conversation as soon as possible. "He hasn't called me at all. Okay, Tanya? I don't know what his voice sounds like because the last time I heard him was when he said goodbye to me at the airport. And no, I really don't feel like talking about it."

Tanya paused for another second before coming back at me with a vengeance. I should have prepared myself, but I'd thought that giving a succinct summary of the demise of Edward's and my relationship would be the end of that convo. I should have known it wouldn't be that easy to deter her.

"WHAT?" she bellowed, and I had to lift the phone from my ear so that my eardrums didn't bleed out. "How is that fucking possible? No…just…no! Bella, I swear, I've been talking to him every week and asking how you are, and he always has answers. Always! He tells me how well you're doing in your classes and how your professors love you and the two boys from next door who are becoming your close friends and…and…"

There it was—hard evidence that he'd been reading my emails, listening to my voicemails. He'd even been relaying the information to his sister, for fuck's sake, but he couldn't be bothered to contact me back? Unable to stop it, a whimper and soft sob escaped my mouth.

"Shit, Bella, I'm sorry. If I'd known, I wouldn't have brought him up at all. But he never said anything. I just assumed…ah, fuck. You know what they say about assuming, hm? God, I'm just so sorry."

I took comfort in the fact that she didn't say she wouldn't have called, just that she wouldn't have mentioned him. And although it frustrated me that Edward seemed to have removed himself from my life, at least no one else had.

"It's okay, Tanya. I mean, it's not okay, but it is what it is."

She sighed loudly, and I could practically see her pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration. It was one of the many mannerisms she shared with her brother, and it usually made me laugh. "It's fucking ridiculous is what it is. Does anyone else know? I am seriously in shock that his face hasn't been bashed in. Or maybe it has and that's just one more thing he's been keeping from me, that little shit."

I rolled over and clutched my pillow, wiping my wet cheek against the starchy fabric. "I haven't told Rosalie or Emmett," I said softly, "and I'm not sure about Jake. But Jasper and Alice definitely know. I mean, Jasper lives with him so it's pretty hard not to know, especially with me calling all the time to see if he's alive or not." I sniffled loudly, and I could hear Tanya sigh loudly again, this time with a definite edge of aggravation to her tone. "And when Alice visits, she says he's never there, so…I don't know what to think anymore."

"You don't deserve that, Bella. You really don't." She paused for a second before perking up again. "But everything he's told me is real, right? You're loving school and doing well?"

"Yeah." I couldn't help but smile at that. "I really am."

We chatted for a while about my classes and my new friends and the start of my internship. It was nice to talk to her—even if she wasn't who I'd hoped she would be.

"Bella," she said with a sigh. "You sound wonderful. I'm so glad you've taken to college as well as you have. And I know how fucktastically cheesy that sounds, but I really mean it. And my little brother is a moron. Wait, no—" She interrupted herself. "He's worse than a moron. Whatever that is. It took him almost two months to figure out that he had feelings for you, and I don't know if you know this or not, but I had to be the one to tell him."

A short chuckle escaped at that admission.

"Oh yeah," she continued. "He's obtuse. And I have no clue what's going on with him, and believe me, I don't intend to make excuses for him, but I do know that he loves you. He's an asshole, a douchebag, an imbecile, and a billion other terrible derogatory names, but I didn't know that you two weren't together anymore—that's how he talks about you…still."

I wanted to interrupt her, but she kept going, not giving me the chance.

"So, I honestly don't know why his head is stuck so far up his ass or how the fuck it's going to get out of there, but it will. I promise it'll eventually come out, and then he'll realize how badly he's fucked up. But don't feel like you have to wait, Bella. If you want to move on and let him rot in Providence, go ahead. He deserves it."

"Yeah, he really fucking does…bastard."

I said it so confidently and angrily that both Tanya and I broke into laughter.

"Well, I've got to run, but it was really good to talk to you, B. I hope you have a great birthday, and I know you're going to have a spectacular year."

"Thanks, T."

I hung up the phone and rolled onto my back, letting my eyes focus on the white plastered ceiling. I made the decision then and there to let go and move forward. Maybe not necessarily with someone else, but I needed to focus on my schoolwork, my friends and my internship. And should I happen to meet someone along the way, so be it. I was in college to learn and have a solid foundation for my career, and just because Edward wasn't a part of that anymore didn't mean I wanted to give it up. No, I wanted him to go into a movie theater and see my name light up the screen. I wanted him to know that I could be successful without him. Tanya was right. One day, he'd look up, but it'd be too late.

In the theme of letting go, I allowed myself another hour of crying before washing my face, getting ready for my day, and swearing I'd never waste another tear on the likes of Edward Cullen.

~Edward~

I was dreaming. I knew I was, but I couldn't make sense of anything, and I couldn't seem to wake myself up either. Anakin Skywalker had just emerged as Darth Vader, only it was me inside the suit. Suddenly, my sister, Jake, and Jasper were in front of me, wielding light sabers. I tried to extend mine to fight back, but the plasma wouldn't circulate. Instead, the heat melted through the handle, burning my glove. I dropped my weapon, only to realize I was surrounded. The three circled me and talked amongst themselves, but the energy emitted to my glove must have somehow messed up my suit because I could only hear fragments of their sentences. My head thrashed back and forth as I tried to keep up and put the pieces together, but I couldn't.

"Nothing, not at all," my sister said.

"…her I wouldn't interfere. I'm sorry I…" Jasper's voice came in and out.

"It's wrong." My sister's words sounded vaguely familiar, but I supposed most things in dreams did.

"…killing each other…" Jake retorted angrily. "…going in…stop me!"

Jake came at me from behind with a force that knocked me over. My knee landed on the overheated and discarded weapon, though, which seared through my pants leg, burning my already scarred skin.

I cried out in pain and rolled over, clutching my wounded knee to my chest. It hurt like a motherfucker. I thought things weren't supposed to hurt in dreams, either. My eyes clenched closed as I tried to even out my breathing.

"Fuck!" Jake shouted loudly, far too close to my face. "Are you okay?" I couldn't respond with words, only a faint whining noise. "Edward?" he called out. "Edward? Open your eyes."

Wait…Edward? But I'm Darth Vader…

Still groaning in pain, I cracked my eye open. I'd somehow transported from the painful scene at the Death Star back to my over-crowded bedroom. Jake still hovered over me, and I still clutched at my knee, which was throbbing with pain. I tried to move it, but the sting only got worse.

"Shit!" Jake cried as he threw his hands out in a stop gesture. "Don't move, Edward. I think you might need stitches, you fucking dumbass."

"Why are you yelling at me?" I whined, my voice still scratchy with sleep. "You wake me up, tell me I'm bleeding and then call me names? And why are you here?"

Jakes eyes narrowed menacingly, and I cowered. Well, it wasn't so hard to cower. He was a fucking giant, and I was injured on the floor. It didn't take a genius to figure out he could whoop my ass in two seconds flat.

"You were having a nightmare and thrashing around in your bed," Jake explained far too calmly. "I went to wake you up, but you fell off the mattress and onto the floor, which is covered in trash, by the way. Your knee landed on a few empty Heineken bottles. One broke and sliced through your knee. You need stitches." He gulped. "And even though I'd love to sit here and watch you bleed out, you're still my best friend, so I'm taking you to the ER."

"I—"

"We'll talk more once you're finished bleeding," he said briskly.

"I ain't got time to bleed," I joked, but it fell flat. Jake must have been thoroughly pissed not to react to a Predator quote, one of his all-time favorite movies.

"By the way, your sister wanted me to give you something."

"Oh, yeah? I thought I heard h—"

I didn't get to finish my sentence because the next thing I knew, Jake's fist was flying at my face, and I drifted off into blackness again. Only this time, it was dreamless.

x-x-x

Noises buzzed around me encased in static, coming in and out like a hand-tuned radio. My head felt heavy, but the rest of my body felt like it was floating—a truly bizarre combination.

"…if you hadn't punched him, you moron!"

"Yeah, well…served it."

I groaned and cracked open my eye to see my sister and my best friend arguing loudly in front of me at the end of my bed, while Jasper sat in a low chair off to the side, looking apologetic. His eyes flicked from me to Jake and Tanya and down to his phone, which was practically a part of his hand nowadays.

"Stop yelling," I moaned, clutching my head, which ached at the sudden invasion of earsplitting noise.

Their heads turned in my direction, and it looked like they were about to come forward, when a pretty nurse in dark pink scrubs appeared out of nowhere and started prodding at me.

"How are you doing, Edward? Can you hear me okay?" she asked, leaning close as she shined a small flashlight into my eyes.

Um, ow. What the fuck?

"Yeah," I replied, thoroughly confused. "What am I doing here?"

Continuing to examine my face, the nurse answered, "You came in with one hell of a beating. Eight stitches to your right knee, three for your eyebrow, and a pretty nasty concussion."

She moved her finger back and forth in front of my face, but my eyes were having trouble keeping up. Finally, she leaned back and turned to my sister and Jake. "He'll be a little discombobulated from the concussion and the painkillers we administered for his knee, but other than that, he'll be just fine. Since we're not too busy at the moment, you can stay here for another hour or two. Do not let him fall asleep again, and you, Iron Giant," she said with a large flourish towards Jake. "You don't know your own strength, so try not to knock him out again any time soon, okay?"

I chuckled. I only knew one person who called Jake the Iron Giant, and fuck, I missed her. Responding to the nurse, Jake nodded with a smirk, but his eyes were cold. I knew I was in trouble.

Then the nurse turned back to me with a big smile and leaned down close again. "Edward, if you need anything, please ask for me," she whispered seductively. "Nurse Richards…Eva." Well, I was sure she thought she was being seductive, but her over-processed blonde waves and hazel eyes did absolutely nothing for me. I was too busy pushing out images of chestnut waves and dark lust-filled eyes from my mind, anyway.

"Ugh," I moaned out in pain. "Stop, I'm fine."

Nurse Richards placed her hand on my cheek, using her thumb to examine the injured skin under my eye, but I recoiled. I couldn't be touched. I couldn't bear it, knowing that it wasn't her.

"Stop, please," I mumbled, causing her eyes to change from concerned to alarmed to annoyed within the span of a few seconds. She straightened up her back and nodded before turning away tersely. I went to pinch the bridge of my nose, only to find it was encased in plaster. Jake had broken my nose. Fucker. My hand slipped back down to rest on my lap, and I let out a dismal sigh.

"Dude," Jake said sadly. "You are anything but fine. I…" He shook his head and sat on the edge of the bed. Tanya mirrored him and came to sit on my other side.

"Did you punch me after you'd already knocked me out?" I asked, legitimately curious. That was the only way my nose could have been broken. He shrugged, and I was about to let him have it when Tanya butted in.

"Why didn't you say anything?" she asked, clasping my hand in hers. Her eyes shot behind Jake to my roommate, who had practically become a stranger to me over the past month. "And you? Why didn't you do anything?"

"What was I supposed to do?" Jasper said with a shake of his head. "He wouldn't talk to me. Alice would come over, and he'd lock himself in his room. You saw that place. I don't think he's taken out the trash since we got home. He's like the next hoarder or something."

"I'm right here," I croaked.

"You are in rough shape, Teddy," my sister said. "I mean, I knew it was bad, but I had no idea that…" She bit her lip and brought her voice down to a whisper. "Do you realize I called Bella on her birthday."

I could feel my jaw unhinge. "You did?"

"Um, Yeah," Jake answered. "We all did."

Tanya shook her strawberry blonde hair and twirled a long tendril around her finger before letting it slip away. "Of course I did. You love her, and that makes her family."

My head throbbed and my throat went dry at her answer. Love. Family. Fuck.

"How is she?" I asked, even though I knew the answer. She was great—taking over the world one film class at a time, just like I knew she would be.

Jake's eyes turned cold again as he spat, "You don't get to ask that question. You'd know if you'd called her." He breathed a solitary deep breath and let me have it. "I swore to myself that I'd beat your ass if you hurt her. And I thought you had pulled your head out of your ass, but when Tan called to ask how you were doing, I knew something was up. I should have known. I should have followed you down here and helped you figure out what we all know—you're not going to be able to function without Bella."

I closed my eyes and let images of her fill my head as Jake said her name.

"I can't believe you haven't contacted her, Edward," Tanya admonished.

"I have," I said petulantly, even though I knew it was practically a lie. The guilt was eating away at me. I couldn't stomach her last email, and yes, it had been the last. I'd received no response to my less-than-cordial message. Not that I was surprised. After all, that had been the intent.

All three sets of their eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"Really?" Jasper asked, looking up from his phone with sudden interest.

"Yeah, on her birthday. I, uh, emailed her."

My statement was met with pure silence until Jake growled, "I should knock you out again for that."

"What do you want from me?" I knew I was whining, but I was depressed, injured, concussed, and medicated. I couldn't bring myself to care.

Story of my life for the past month.

Jake's nose flared as he came to life again, his arms swinging wildly. I leaned back into the pillow as far as I could, hoping he wouldn't knock me out for a fucking third time in the afternoon. That'd probably be pretty bad for my brain cells.

"You're a moron!" he yelled.

"Jake, keep it down," Tanya said with a soft touch to his shoulder. I couldn't believe my eyes when he relaxed immediately. Still so fucking weird.

"Sorry, it's just…" He growled again, and I groaned in response. Flashing eyes attacked me without words. Guilt consumed me. "Yeah, you know you're a complete asshole. Can't even fucking deny it."

"Teddy?"

"What do you want me to say? That I'm unhappy without her? I am. I'm a fucking hoarder, living off pizza, beer, and crappy movies because the good ones only remind me of her. Do you know how long the list of movies I can no longer watch without feeling sick is? Astronomical! And it's all of my favorite fucking movies. But what do you want me to do? Staying together wasn't going to change anything. It was just going to make us both miserable."

"Newsflash, you both are miserable," Jasper corrected, his fingers still tapping out a message on his phone. "Edward, I talk to the girl three times a week, and as much as she loves school, she loves you more. She always asks about you and how you're doing. I tried to keep my answers to her questions vague because I couldn't figure out why the hell you weren't talking to her, plus I was afraid if I told her she'd hop on a plane out here faster than a speeding bullet. But cutting her off was a mistake. A huge one. One you might not recover from."

My head was reeling. All the justifications I'd had for not talking to Bella were starting to unravel, and I couldn't remember why I'd been holding out. I'd done it for her, right? I'd done it because my life was a mess and I was a piece of shit, and I would have been holding her down and holding her back. I knew she'd move on and move forward; it was just who she was. But then why was Jasper telling me something different?

Maybe you'd know if you'd talked to her…

I let my head hang, appalled with myself. I hadn't done this for anyone but me. I'd tried to cut her out, but it was fruitless. She was in everything, and my depression was overwhelming. I'd been teetering on the edge of breaking before I'd gone to camp this summer, and I used it—and her—as a welcome escape. I thought I could clump her into that summer magic, that euphoric feeling that accompanied my weeks there, but when all the magic faded, I found I still needed her. And then I was too much of a prideful asshole to tell myself otherwise.

"Come on," Tanya said with a sad sigh. "Let's get you home and cleaned up."

"Wait." I put up my hand to stop them, but my head got a little woozy as I moved too quickly. "What are you doing here? Both of you?"

Jake narrowed his eyes again as he helped me off the medical bed. "Intervention, buddy. And this is just the beginning."

Oh joy.

x-x-x

The next month flew by without another word from Bella. She still called Jasper, Alice, and Jake all the time, so I knew she was doing incredibly well. She'd completely blossomed at her internship, garnering the attention of high-level executives who couldn't believe she was only a freshman. They'd been impressed by her focused attitude and drive to get things accomplished while still keeping a light atmosphere. She was a professional. Not that I was remotely surprised.

This was why I'd cut off contact. She was going places, and I wasn't. I really needed to work on my own shit. Intervention was a mild term for what Jake and my sister did to me after that very low moment at the ER. My room had been completely cleaned out, frightening us all. I hadn't realized how hoarder-like I'd really gotten. TLC probably could have come in and done some fucking special on me. Leftover food, empty bottles, bags and boxes were all disposed of, and then Tanya hired a cleaning company to clean my carpet and walls. Uh, yeah…it was that bad.

Without Bella, I'd had no motivation to do anything or go anywhere, and then I realized that had been the problem all along. I needed to become a man that deserved to be with a person like Bella; it was too late and too painful to think about repairing that at the moment. So, after literally cleaning up my act, I set out to reorganize my priorities—my career, my family, my friends. Everything else would follow.

And I may have stalked her on Facebook like some deranged creeper as a part of my daily schedule. Maybe.

Checking over my shoulder, just to make sure Jake and Jasper were really out of the apartment—oh yeah, Jake had moved into my living room to enforce my intervention—I opened my laptop and quickly pulled up her profile page.

Her picture smiled back up at me brightly, and two boys, who I assumed were Marcus and Alec, flanked her. They were all dressed in beach clothes, and behind them a big sign read ZBTahiti. I couldn't help but smile at the new profile picture. She looked incredible. I perused her wall, which was splattered with messages from some very familiar faces.

...Rosalie Hale B, what are you being for Halloween? Something super hot, riiiight? I just decided on my costume – an angel, naturally. You must post pics! Love you, darling.
...October 28, 2009 at 8:58

...Emmett McCarty Rosalie, I saw a picture of what you're wearing for Halloween, and if LB wears anything like that and posts pics of it online, I might have an aneurism and fly out to LA to cover you up.
...October 28, 2009 at 9:10 PM

...Rosalie Hale Aneurism? That's a big word for you, Em. Good job.
...October 28, 2009 at 9:17 PM

...Bella Swan has decided that Emmett McCarty and Rosalie Hale need to take their conversation to their own walls. October 21, 2009 at 9:19 PM

...Emmett McCarty Spoil sport
...October 28, 2009 at 9:21 PM

...Alice Brandon Whooooooreeee! I know you're all living the high life and stuff with your internship and class, but call me. I miss your faceeee. Plus, Jasper talks to you all the time. I know he does! Love you, sweetie.
...yesterday at 1:31 PM

As I laughed at the conversation, my eyes slid over to Bella's information underneath her picture. As per every day I'd checked, her relationship status was still not there. It'd been removed from her status on her birthday and had yet to make an appearance. It was killing me slowly.

Suddenly, a chat box popped up. Fucking technology.

Jasper Whitlock: Stop stalking her. Creep.

"Fuck you, Jasper!" I called out, his returning laughter becoming clearer as he opened his bedroom door and made his way to my room. He stuck his head in and smiled widely.

"You can't deny it."

"Do I look like I'm denying it?" I inquired, pointing my hand in the direction of my screen still opened to her profile page.

"No, you don't…" Jasper shifted uncomfortably and shoved his hands into his pockets, a sure sign that he was nervous.

"What?"

"I was just wondering what you're doing for Thanksgiving?" he asked quickly.

"Um, not sure. We usually have dinner at Tanya's, but I don't think Kate's going to be able to leave work, so I really have no clue. I figured I could hang out here. I'm not really in a celebrating mood anyway."

"Right."

I rolled my eyes. Jasper was such a woman. "Why do you ask?" He needed prompts to continue. I'd figured this out over my short time living with him.

"Well, Alice invited me to Connecticut to spend it with her family, but I didn't want to say yes if it meant leaving you alone," he admitted.

That was actually pretty damned considerate of him, but even if he did leave and Jake went back to Iowa or wherever the hell they bred him, I could spend the day by myself, watching movies or something. I was getting better at the whole taking-care-of-myself thing. Plus, I knew if worse came to worst, Emmett would let me show up in Chicago.

"Thanks, Jasper. But you should go. That's great." And I honestly felt that way.

"Okay—" He was about to continue when Led Zepellin's "Heartbreaker" blaring from his cell phone interrupted us. I knew what that meant and mentally prepared myself. He shrugged apologetically before putting the phone to his ear and smiling. "Hey, B-Town."

Like always, Jasper removed himself from my room and wandered back to his own, shutting the door behind him. It was meant to be courteous and not have me listen to their conversation, but I knew Jasper would turn around and recount it all to me anyway.

Dragging a hand through my hair, I sighed and was about to continue writing cover letters when the doorbell rang.

Weird.

We never got any visitors—not since Tanya left and Jake got his own copy of our keys.

I shuffled in my socks across the carpeted floor sluggishly as I made my way to the door. I opened it, only to reveal the mailman. What a fucking disappointment that was. Not that I expected it to be someone else, but—yeah, okay, it might have crossed my mind for a millisecond that it could be Bella. God, I was such a sad sap.

"Edward Cullen?" he asked, and I was shocked again. Who the fuck was sending me a package? I didn't remember ordering anything online. As I took a closer look, I saw it was a large envelope. Confused, I signed for it and thanked the man before shutting the door again.

Seeing that Jasper's door was still closed, I decided to head back to my own room and lie out on my bed to examine the contents of my package. I removed the clasp and opened it, shaking out the contents. I recognized it immediately, and my stomach churned. I couldn't tell if it was a good or bad churn yet, either. On top lay a folded piece of paper. I opened it with slightly trembling hands and read it over slowly.

Edward,

I debated whether or not to send this for a really long time before deciding that it should be in your possession, not mine. I contemplated stealing it, I won't lie to you. I may have some leftover animosity towards you after everything that happened this summer. But in all honesty, this needs to be with you. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw it in the trash. I wish I'd come up with these ideas, I really do. How could you throw that all away? I don't know why you doubt yourself when you're so talented. You graduated with a BFA in film from RISD. Do you know how ridiculously qualified that makes you? You're years and bounds ahead of me in the talent department. Yeah, I'm not afraid to admit it – I may have some sort of weird man crush on you. It's cool. Don't tell anyone. Especially not Jake, please. Stop wasting time hating yourself, man. You need to focus on remembering why you loved film in the first place. No one goes to RISD for film without having a very specific vision of what they want to do with their life. So why the fuck would you give that up so easily? The papers are a little crumpled, but they should all be there. And Edward, I really hope I see your name on the big screen soon. Don't fuck up again. Life doesn't give third chances. Not even to pretty boys like you.

Now get off your ass and make me these fucking movies.

Take care, Seth

I read the note three times before finally smiling. That little shit. I couldn't believe he'd taken my RISD work out of the trash, salvaged it, and then sent it back to me. I was still laughing to myself when Jasper walked in.

"What's that?" he asked.

"How's Bella?" I retorted, my chest feeling lighter than it had in months.

"Uhhh, good. Dude, is everything okay? You're looking a little manic with the laughing and the head-shaking."

"I'm good." I smiled. I actually was.

Chapter End Notes: —hides—Don't hate me! She's young, he's stupid…Seth's awesome. I know, I know, I know. I'm already a few thousand words into the final chapter, so I shall see you all back here next week. Bring cocktails! I think I might need some. Love you, darlings. xoxo.