Trapdoor (Part 28)

by anza (29.12.05)

He was seriously falling asleep where he sat. Rubbing his eyes wearily, he checked the numbers over again from the top. It was close to two in the morning, and he was still at the company. Everyone had left already, except for the night police stationed at each ground floor entrance. Only he remained, running the numbers down his screen, checking and rechecking. His flight was the day after tomorrow. He had to do this now - he'd be working and packing all tomorrow.

The scant handful of bank account numbers dwindled to nothing, one after the other. Though there were certainly abnormally large deposits in each of the Wutaian factory's police accounts, none of them led to Zack, or to any other executive. Yet, the IP addresses showed the deposits had been made in this very building - meaning, unless someone broke into the network, they had to be made by someone in the company with a password. Cloud just couldn't see any connection. Unless i all /i the police were involved with a company-only mafia under Zack's very nose, he couldn't connect these deposits to Zack at all.

Frustrated beyond belief at his own inability and at the late hour, he put both hands against his desk and pushed his chair away from it. Alternating between rubbing the bridge between his eyes and massaging his throbbing temples, he tried to think about it. But unless there was one last clue he was missing, he simply could not incriminate anyone as a Turk or briber of police.

He heaved a loud sigh. Nothing. All that work for nothing. Dammit if he wasn't drained and stumped.

A slight cough from the vicinity of the door made him jump. His hand reached instinctively to the gun stuck in the waistband of his pants. Uncomfortable, but at least it succeeded in keeping him awake when he leaned back to take a break. Seconds pounded like hours in his mind. Around the smooth, body-warmed metal, his fingers curled around the barrel.

And then, "Rowe?" The inquiry came softly, fluttering like a dark-winged bird in the darkness.

His hand unclenched. "Kane." It wasn't a question; he'd know that voice even if he hadn't heard it for decades. "Kane, what are you doing here?" His voice was subdued, not softened but simply asking in monotone. He really was far too tired to deal with masks tonight.

"You didn't come home...I got worried. Zack's up waiting too - that is, last time I checked. I had to wake him up three times. He's on the couch in the living room with the light turned brightest, and he still fell asleep." They shared a smile, Cloud feeling it through the darkness. There came the soft pad of footsteps, and his youngest brother melted out of the shadows into view. His pale face looked more wan than usual, and when he shifted he threw back his bangs with one hand. "Rowe, I think you've worked enough today."

Cloud looked at the computer screen, at the records he'd checked and checked again. Of course, it was highly possible someone had changed the records, and hadn't left a trace of it - but then, Cloud really wouldn't know even if he scoured the files. He could go to the bank, make up a lie and check up on all of the owners individually, but there was no time now. Really, he and Kadaj had stayed in Nibelheim far too long...

Zack.

The dark-haired man appeared immediately in his mind. There was something charismatic about him, something attractive about his boisterous and vivacious company. Cloud knew he'd miss him when he left. Maybe it was just pretend, just beating around the mulberry bush, but the spark in Zack's eyes wouldn't leave the forefront of his mind. Maybe it'd just been for fun, but...he sure hoped it hadn't all been a game. He hoped he wasn't just dreaming up the friendship and understanding he'd built in such a short time.

He straightened the folders on his desk, then slid them into the first drawer. He'd have to come back here in five or six hours, so he could continue right where he left off. Tucking in the papers he wanted securely in his briefcase, he froze at the slight touch that caressed his shoulders lightly, and then began to massage slowly. Instantly he leaned back into that incredible feeling of his muscles unknotting as Kadaj's fingers worked them methodically. For a moment he paused at the memory of Tifa doing the same - but here, in the shadowed, dimly lit circle of lamplight with the darkness all around, the memory flitted away like a wisp of smoke as Cloud found himself becoming bonelessly relaxed. He wasn't sure how long Kadaj worked at his shoulders - he could see those hands in his mind, kneading at the tension, smoothing it away - but he knew that after a while, he stopped, and just put his arms around Cloud.

It was so right.

He leaned into the circle of those arms, and just...stopped. Stopped thinking. Stopped feeling. Kadaj offered that security tonight, just for a little while. He was amazed how, even though they were in a completely different time and place, his silver-haired love still knew exactly what he needed at what time. Like now...he needed assurance. The numbers just wouldn't match up. But soon, he wondered if it would matter. He wondered if, by the end of the week, he and Kadaj would be dead.

He wanted to trust Zack, he really did. But feeling his youngest brother's arms around him, tightening for security and support of him, he made up his mind.

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Outside, the snow fell. It did every winter without fail, since mankind could remember. And all around the world people worked and slept and ate and lived. In the dark of night so deep when all the town slumbered, only Cloud and Kadaj were still up, way up high on the third-to-top floor of the SOLDIER Jeans Co. Headquarters, sharing a moment of peace.

Only they existed in that world of falling snow. Existing for each other. Nothing mattered more.

Cloud could have cried with the simplicity of it.

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By the time the next morning dawned, they were asleep back home. The day passed quickly, Cloud walking through a haze of smiles, wishes of good luck, and cups of coffee. Kadaj's eyes appeared more often than not: peering in the doorway, setting down a cup of coffee, stacking scant reports on his desk, and once, laying one fond hand on his beloved nii-san's cheek. It was no small thing that Cloud could feel his love. He cherished it, held it close, bathed in its warmth. All at once he felt naked and yet unashamed because of it. With the absence of Midgar's towering society, Cloud felt a freedom and a recklessness to do whatever he wanted that he hadn't felt since Vincent.

He'd done right. He'd done all he could.

They left for their flight. The Valentine cases stayed behind; this time they both packed their clothes into Zack's roly-bags. With quiet numbness that everyone mistook for tiredness, Cloud checked both their bags for bugs thoroughly, and then they continued on their way. Zack waved them goodbye, his tanned arm faltering a little at the faint, ironic twist in Cloud's mouth.

Kadaj's eyes, so green and so pure. His movements, so fluid they seemed to be water. He was always there, Cloud's shadow, Cloud's support, Cloud's love. The one he'd wanted - and the one he couldn't have. Always, a distraction - but a beautiful, dangerous, and not entirely unwanted one. There was a beauty in holding something and cherishing it...but there was also a beauty in keeping it afar and exquisite in the pain of its distance.

How easily dreams died!

The end is near, he thought absently, and then with more concentration. He was resigned. Large things were happening to him that were out of his hands. What could he do to change them?

With his two hands, how could he protect Kadaj?

The end is near. So let it come.

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Author's note:

Trapdoor, unfortunately, stops at chapter 30 - which, as you can see, is only two chapters away. So...expect there to be lots of confusion and final reckoning in the next two chapters. After this comes Omerta, another 30-chapter story I haven't finished yet. Truthfully, all the "D.Gray-Man" fanfiction I've been writing lately is what's been putting that off. I've just discovered an extreme liking to Allen and Kanda and Lavi, those three boys just twist my widdle heart to pieces...

Of course, I would adopt Kadaj, Yazoo and Loz too, given the choice. Who wouldn't?

--Andrea Weiling