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Here's twenty-eight.

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Fortieth Waking.

Forty... How many days is that? I wish we could see the sky. Have the sun to tell us when to be awake. It always feels like our wakings are longer than normal days. Sometimes.

My stomach hurts.

We climbed very, very far this waking. There's a little more moss, but not much. No fish. But we have a little wind. It's still blowing.

Paco, Elena, whoever you are, know this: I am happy. I am happy beyond happy. We only heard six rolls of thunder this waking. And right now I can turn my head in all directions, strain my ears, and I only hear the whisper of the wind.

The air gusts around us. Wind, take the storm away! No more Thunderings, no more Lightnings, no more shaking in the dark, rattling in my bones. I can listen now and hear nothing. And nothing is a beautiful sound to listen to. It will lull me to sleep any minute now, I know it.

Oh my, now it really is gusting. Sort of cold.

The wind makes our world a little bigger, blows the fog around. The horizon seems a few paces farther off. The mist still shrouds us, but no longer in a choke-hold.

I'm sure our little world would seem even bigger if we had the lantern to pierce through the fog.

I was so angry last waking. I could have... I really felt like hurting something. Because of the lost light. I didn't like it. I felt cheated. I still feel cheated. But... I think it's okay, we'll be fine. Greys is here. We can weather the darkness together. It's only darkness, nothing to be afraid of. But somehow it still scares me. It feels like it's always scared me.

Hasn't it driven me crazy yet?

Sometimes I wonder if I would be as... all-right as I am now if I didn't have this book. I keep writing to myself that it's only darkness, it's only noise, it's only wind, it's only cold and mud, rocks and crags. I keep writing that there is nothing to be afraid of. Because writing something down gives that thing power, makes it more true.

But now with the lantern gone, this darkness, this shadow seems to seep ever deeper into my core. Like a poison. Before, I felt like we could fend it off with the lantern. But now we have no more light, nothing to fight against the darkness.

It just wears down on my heart.

And I wish I could see Shanda's ring more clearly. It used to sparkle in the light.

-

But Greys is here; we'll be fine. I'm together with my friend, and his company is the greatest blessing of all. I shouldn't be ungrateful for what I do have.

Blasted fate and irony! SHUT UP! Now that makes it seven. Come to torment me just when I resign myself to some sickly form of happiness. Seven rolls of thunder this waking.

It makes my head hurt, it aggravates my stomach-ache... It's like it knows. It knows I don't like the dark.

No, no, no... I'm not thinking clearly.

It's just... I must be too tired.

But why won't it go away and stay away? I can't listen to it anymore! It makes me mad and drives me to tears! I can't hear one more clap of it! I thought we were out of it! Do you know how many times it has woken me from sleep? Do you? And how many times it has not woken me from sleep, but crept into my dreams, twisted them into nightmares? Nightmares where all I could hear were the cannons of the pirates, killing us from the skies and airs, shooting us from the clouds above.

I hate the Thunder. I hate it! I despise it more than any other sound in the world. All it is is bad memories. Terrible things that should never have been. It's brought me nothing but sorrow, no matter where I am.

-

It was thundering when uncle Sal told us mom and dad had died.

And my cousin Josephine came and hugged me.

Moons my parents...

-

Greys just asked me if I'm all right. He's looking at me.

Now he knows what I'm writing. I'm sure of it.

He waits? My move? Fine, First Mate Mr. Greys. I say, "No."

He asked, "Why not?" And now he's waiting for me to finish writing. He knows I'm recording the conversation. Wise old... I don't care.

I say, "I hate the Thunder."

-

I'm sorry.

I read somewhere that the end of anger is sadness. It really is.

I'm done now, I'll be all right. There is thunder everywhere. Not just in Deep Sky. I'll be fine with it. There is nothing else for it. We can't control it, it will go where it will. And we can only go about our own things.

-

Oh my stomach hurts the more.

-

Greys told me "Think of something positive instead."

"Think positive."

I'd forgotten.

-

I'll be all right.

I told myself I would not despair.

And I say it again:

I will not despair.

We still have each other.

And that is enough.

-

These pangs... I should sleep. This waking has gone on long enough.

Dear family, if I should die, write what becomes of me. I love you.

Alexandro