So, everyone voted for the Earl and Lavi... Poor Cross and Tyki, don't you love them anymore?

Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy this!


He looked terrible: dirty hair sticking up in different directions, stubble turning into a beard, clothes crumpled, eyes sullen and big black bags under them. He looked more like one of Tyki's companions than The Millennium Earl.

It had been almost two weeks now and not a single Noah had come visit him. He should have known better, he should have known that they would never dare to act against his lover... Ex-lover, by now, probably.

He still didn't understand what he had done wrong: Wisely had never been one to be around people, half the time he locked himself in his room to be alone and do whatever it was he did in there. He had disapproved when Sheryl had sent him to the University, even if Tyki and LuluBell were there with him, but now, not only he had Allen –is best friend and the person he probably cared the most about– back, he also had other people he cared about and that cared about him, something called friends.

Ha! As if those really existed. He knew, by experience, that relationships with people were of three kind: fear, interest or... love. He couldn't deny that last one, he loved Neah very much, even if the latter did not anymore.

His relationship with Cross, that most people thought was friendship was of the second kind: he could not scare a man who grew up with Neah, besides, Cross was that kind of man that did not think of consequences before hand, only after he acted and just a few times; how do you scare that kind of man?

But interest... That was another whole thing. Cross was an interested man and not even the man himself would deny it, he liked things to go his way or he would just dismiss them, as he had done many times before. And the Earl could provide a lot of useful things for both the Curse clan and to him and Allen. Just the same way Cross gave him things he needed, it was of mutual interest to stay in each other's good side. Not that he was right now, either, since Cross was pretty much an uncle to any of the youngsters and Wisely was no exception, as a matter of fact, he was the closest child to him after Allen, not counting Tyki.

Any other relationship he had with any other person was of the first kind. Everyone feared the head of the House of the assassins and arms dealers, but no one feared him as much as the rest of the members feared him (although he was aware they feared Neah the most). It was a how it was supposed to be: how could he run a house of potentially dangerous people that, even if they could not kill him, they could severe him. So he had to keep them on check and get rid of them one way or another when things started to not go his way.

Sure, he didn't act against Tyki and Cross, but again, interest. Plus, Neah would have killed him if he so much as thought to send Tyki away. Besides, he was not sure the boy would die given that he had a family of his own now.

He remember the first and only time he had successfully pulled one of the away. Sheryl. No, not Sheryl, Dezaisu.

35 years had passed and the only memories that were still the same were Neah and himself. They had always been together since the first day the clan existed, not as a couple but around each other. Neah... He missed him. He missed him so much he thought he was going to die, but the funny thing was that he was very aware that the wouldn't die. He couldn't die because he had not been pushed away of the family and he couldn't die from his own hand.

Oh the irony! He could kill anyone within the family by just pushing them away and shredding their relationship to pieces but he could not kill himself. Only one person could do that. Only Neah could put an end to his life.

He stroked his chest, breathing was becoming hard as of late: he felt a pressure on his adam's apple and middle of the chest, his lungs never filling completely, suffocating him from the inside.

''Earl?'' A knock on the door brought him back to reality. It was Francisco, the chief of the maids. He had been with them for a long time too, well over 40 years. He liked him more than he liked some of his other servants.

''Enter.'' The door opened and the man pushed a tray wit food: chicken soup and an omelette with a glass of red wine.

''Your dinner, sir.''

''You may go.'' He dismissed him and the butler bowed before he closed the door.

Soup and omelette was everything he had been fed since he wouldn't eat much: he had completely lost his appetite. It could take him hours to finish his meals and by the time he did, they were cold and tasteless.

He tried the soup: it was as good as always, but he couldn't force it down his throat.

He threw his head back and covered his eyes with his forearm, pressing down to avoid tears spilling. Even after 35 years, the memories of the loneliness he had felt were still too fresh in his mind.

He recalled the day Neah had killed everyone, the way he seemed to be breaking from the inside every time a memory passed away, every time Neah had ripped one of them away from him.

But the worst had been when he had seen him: it had been Toraido's memory (Mikael, had been his human name), a thirteen years old child that looked at the blood stained man in fear and horror. But no, the most awful thing had not been the look at the boy eyes, it had been the words Neah kept repeating over and over, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Don't hate me. This is for your own good. I'm sorry, so sorry. I love you, right before he stabbed him in the chest. After that, he cradled the lifeless body in his arms and started to rock with it, crying, as Toraido started to turn to dust.

When their gaze met, he felt his heart broke to pieces: his lover looked void of anything: no love, no hate... just indifference.

''Please, don't kill yourself.'' He blurted out, without thinking, but the thought of losing him too was to devastating to even think about.

''I'm not that stupid.'' Neah had stood up and made his sword disappear. ''I'll be going now. The day they come back, I'll be here, with you.'' He didn't even spare him a last look, he just disappeared into thin air.

Sighing, he stood up and went to his room, falling face first on the bed, not bothering to move. It was then, that he heard two maids talking in a shushed tone.

''Do you know if Master Neah is coming over tonight?''

What? Neah?

''I don't know, Francisco hasn't said anything about it.''

Why would Neah be coming over to the manor?

''Do you think the Earl is aware he's coming?''

Well, he surely was now.

''I just wish they get back together. The Earl looks really bad without him around.''

''I know. Should we tell him that Master Neah has been coming to check up on him?''

He had been doing what!? Why had no one told him of this? Oh yeah. Neah.

''Do you know what happened?''

''I'm not sure. Something related to Master Wisely.''

Leave it to the service to know everything that happened around the house. He sometimes thought they could listen and see through walls. He had thought about getting up and confront them but... he couldn't. He felt lighter, even if just a bit at the knowledge of his partner still caring about him to check up on him when he was out like a light.

But that still didn't solve goddamned thing: he was not going to apologise for something he knew he was right on doing. They would see that he was right when the albino slipped up and messed a mission.

The Clan of Noah was not a clan that tolerated mistakes nor rebellion. He had enough with the both Walkers too take care of: He couldn't beat nor kill Neah and if he so much touched a hair of Allen's head Cross would everything in his power to have the Curse clan attach him and anyone who had aided him.

Now, Allen was not a rebellious person most of the time. Sure, he was foulmouthed as no one else, aggressive, disrespectful and way too sarcastic half the time, but the boy was good at his job and Neah's favourite to top it off. Besides, there was no going around with him, he'd know if he wanted to do something to any of them right away with that pesky curse of his. That was the main reason he had been actively avoiding him like the pest.

But he had forgotten that Allen would ask Wisely right away as soon as he saw him and that he would call Neah and tell him what he planned to do, because there was no way Wisely would ever lie to his cousin, they were so close that blatantly lying to the other was not something they had ever done and would never do. And of course the Marian-Walker one would immediately call Neah and... and then all hell broke loose on him.

He sighed and closed his eyes: sure, he was a tad bit more relaxed, but he was still worried, alone and heartbroken.


He had been wondering around the city the whole day, aimlessly as he didn't really need nor want to be anywhere. At least walking helped him vent his frustration, even if just a little.

Fucking Allen. Made him believe they had at least something by always being around him, kissing him in public and whatnot. Fuck. Friends with benefits did not do that. They just had sex, no cuddling, no staying afterwards and certainly not behaving like a couple most of the time.

He should have know. He should have known that this was what was going to happen since that day at the casino when Wisely said he'd fuck anyone he could whenever he could.

And that brought a new question up: he had assumed they had been exclusive, but had they? He hadn't slept with anyone else other than Allen, but what about the albino? Had he been? Because as of right now, all he could thing of was No, he hadn't been.

Because really? Why would he? He was just gorgeous, left arm and curse and all, he could have anyone, anyone, he wanted in the world so why would he settle for the Bookman in training with the freaky eye? He could do so much better and they both were perfectly aware of that.

He sat down on a bench and stared at his hands. It seemed so obvious now the reason he had let him fuck him into the mattress; he was going to leave him either way, that's why, to give him a sweet memory, to try an avoid another furious ex-lover from joining the surely long list.

He had been so fucking happy when Allen told him he was going to bottom for him, for someone he trusted, as he had said later on... He should have known better, he should have followed the path his master had said instead of wandering out of it. He had gone stray enough when he decided to befriend Kanda as kids, Panda didn't like it, but he never said anything about it since it was good to have some sort of relationship with the other clans. He never really cared about Lenalee and the other Exorcists, he just stuck around because Kanda was there.

He remembered the first time he had seen Allen. It hadn't been in that boring P.E. class, it had been in the parking lot. At first, his eye fooled him and he had thought it was Wisely, but just a few seconds later he realised that he was taller and leaner than Wisely was, longer hair and he didn't have the grey skin, but the last thing he had thought is that he had some sort of ties with the Noah.

That became evident during the break, when he just sat down with Kamelot and Karma as if it where nothing. He noticed how they interacted: Wisely had never been a happy person, heck, he wasn't a happy person now, either, but the way he acted towards Allen, laughing and filling his sentences and silences gave away the fact they knew each other from before. He hadn't known Alma, that was obvious, but after a few ex-changes of words they seemed to have known each other for ages. Then again, the three of them were very aware that they came from different clans and the existence of other clans. They didn't seem baffled to see each other there as students.

But it had been at P.E. class when he had seen Allen fighting against Kanda that he really sparked up his interest. Someone going against Kanda was impressive enough, someone getting attacked with Mugen and holding its ground with abso-fucking-lutely nothing was unheard of. Then again, Allen's own arm was unheard of.

And he had thought 'Why not? What harm could it do to befriend him?' and decided to wander more into the wild leaving his path behind. And that had been the best decision he had ever made, he would never regret pulling away from the Exorcists and joining the other three, not even now. Alma and Wisely had nothing to do with the musician being a whore, that be more on Tyki and Cross, if he guessed right, which he knew he did.

And he was also glad that Kanda had finally pulled away from them, that environment had never been good for him. His adoptive father and brother never understood that he didn't feel like home there, that he needed to be somewhere else, with someone else yet never dared to make the move, but as soon as he had seen that Lavi, the only person Kanda remotely considered a friend, was not going back, he also changed sides.

He sighed. Why? Why did he ever think that he could have a chance with someone like Allen? Why had he been so naive? Why did he have to fall in love with him?

And the worst thing was... he didn't hate him, he couldn't. Not solely because he loved him, but because he hoped that Allen would understand what he felt and at least, try to make things right with him.

He wasn't expecting a declaration of love, of course not, he knew he would not get this, he would never get Allen like that, but he was expecting an explanation of what the fuck had they being doing for the last month and a half, if he had even meant something to him.

What he didn't understand was why Allen had looked so confused, what was he expecting? For him to be all happy and to just go to sleep?

He felt mildly bad for leaving like that in the middle of the night, not telling Cross nor Tyki, but hey, they raised the whore that Allen had become, so they could suck it up.

The ringing of his cellphone broke his train of thought and he refused the call without looking who it was; he didn't want to talk to anybody, especially somebody who knew him.

Anybody... That's what a being a Bookman was all about. About being anyone, about having no strings attached to no one else, not even themselves, as they found themselves changing personas faster than shirts.

He didn't remember much about his life before Bookman took him along, just blurry memories of beatings and insults. He remembered how his elder brother would make him sleep outside with just a blanket, be it winter or summer, rainy or cloudless. He also remembered the day they had gotten rid of him, their eyes full of hatred and malice and yet, at the same time, happiness of seeing him, a child they believed to be cursed (and he too, believed that he had been cursed) and to be a bringer of misfortune to finally disappear from their sight and lives.

He didn't know what had become of them. Were they alive? Were they rich? Or did they live in the most possible misery? Did his brothers got married? Or had they been cast aside, too? Did they remember him? Di d they ever regret giving him away? Probably not.

And yet, his heart didn't ache, his eyes didn't tear up. He just felt what a Bookman had to feel: Nothing.

And suddenly, the path he had left behind, he saw it so clear right now, just a few steps away from him.

He could go back.

To whom he had been.

To whom he would become.

To whom he was.

He stood up from the bench, setting course to the condo he shared with Bookman, his face blank, his always present goofy smile wiped off his face, his sparkly eye void of all emotion.

He was the Bookman apprentice, then next in line to inherit the title, and as such, he had no need for feelings. He hadn't needed them since Bookman picked him up at age 7 from his family, that had given him away to the old man as if he were just an old scarf ready to be thrown to the trash, he didn't need them now that his heart was broken.

Because a Bookman... has no need for a heart.


So, there you go!

I'm amazed with myself. As you all know, my chapter are usually filled heavy dialogs rather than long paragraphs, but for this one, there was no going around really, it had to be a monologue and little to no dialogue! I'm just so proud of myself to pulling it off!