We arrived at the house of our prime suspect. His accomplice struck a deal with us, giving us his name and location. The house was quite run down – the fence was falling apart, windows smashed and the front door was practically off its hinges. Gibbs approached the door, nodding to McGee and I to take the back entrance. I missed having Tony in the field with us. Do not get me wrong, I trust McGee with my life… but there is no denying that Tony was better with a gun. I had no fear when I was with him. Heading around to the back door, I could hear shuffling inside the house – yes, our suspect was here. We could hear Gibbs break the front door down from where we were positioned at the back – it wouldn't have taken him much effort to break down. We followed, barging our way through the door. I kicked the door down and McGee entered first. We checked room by room, each one clear.

"I heard someone in here, how could he have just disappeared?" I asked, lowering my gun as we entered the kitchen after clearing the entire house.

"I heard him too, Ziva. Stay on guard, he's gotta be here somewhere." Gibbs said, heading back into the lounge room. McGee followed him, so I decided to check out the backyard.

There was a small tool shed in the back corner of the yard – I entered with caution, gun ready by my side. It smelt of chemicals – strong. The stench filled my head, clouding it. I turned and got out of there as quick as I could but it was too late. My head felt light, like a feather and the world around me began to spin. My stomach dropped and before I knew it I was on my hands and knees – gagging and gasping for breath. My vision was blurred, but I saw him exiting through the back door. I reached for my gun and aimed.

"NCIS – freeze!"

He ran. I tried to get to my feet but I did not have the strength to lift myself off of my knees.

"Gibbs!" I called as loud as I could – he was getting away. "Gibbs!" he came running out the back door and looked at me concerned. I pointed him in the right direction and he was on his way. McGee came to my assistance.

"What's wrong with you?" Tony questioned as he entered the bullpen, noticing me sitting slumped over my desk.

"She isn't feeling well, Tony." McGee answered for me. I appreciated that.

"What happened? I thought you were feeling better?"

"I am. Or… I was. I just have a bit of nausea lingering from yesterday. The smell in the shed must have triggered it – that is all."

"Ziva, you could barely pick yourself up off the ground, that's hardly a bit of nausea." McGee was worried. Understandably – I am very rarely sick. And even when I am, it is not usually this persistent.

"I am fine, McGee."

"No you're not, Ziva. Go home." Gibbs interrupted, entering the bullpen. I was about to plea my case – why I was fine and able to keep working when he interjected again. "You let the bad guy get away, Ziva. That is not like you… you are not fine. Go home – get some rest. You're no good to me here."

Without saying a word, I rose from my chair, grabbed my backpack and left. He was right – I was no good to anyone when I could barely focus on keeping the room from spinning. I was just climbing into my car when I heard someone behind me. I turned around to see Tony jogging over to my car.

"Hold up, Zi. Bossman asked me to drive you home. He said it wasn't a good idea to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you're like this." He said once he was closer to me. I shrugged… no use arguing.

Tony walked me up to my apartment when we got there. It was sweet of him, but unnecessary. I was fine now. We walked into my apartment – I dumped my bag next to the door and tossed my keys into a bowl on the coffee table, then slumped down onto my couch. For some reason, I was exhausted.

I looked up and noticed Tony was lingering… he wanted to talk about something. I looked at him… waiting for him to just say what was on his mind. It took him a minute… but he finally got there.

"Is it me?" was all he asked. I was confused – it must have shown. He elaborated "I have seen you like this before… I don't remember when but I think it was fairly recently. You got sick – very sick – because of something… fighting… or… your father? I don't really remember; all I remember is you being in a very bad way." He sat down next to me and looked into my eyes. I knew his concern was real, but it made me realize that nothing else – up until this point – was.

"Tony, we need to stop. What we are doing… it is not right. I feel as though I am taking advantage of you."

"How are you taking advantage of me? I'm a consenting adult, Ziva. And we were engaged so I assume it's not anything we haven't done before."

"That is not the point, Tony. I know that at first it just happened – both of us could have stopped it but neither of us did. It should have stayed at that, however. I know that you are just doing what you think I need you to do. You do not love me, Tony."

"I do… Ziva. I can feel that I loved you."

"Yes, but right now – everything the way it is – you are not in love with me. Not the way you were. And I am trying to keep it more casual, so that you do not feel pressured – but it is killing me. And I know that you are trying to force the love, because you do not like to see me hurt. I am giving you a 'free pass', as you would call it. The one thing I loved most about us is that we were friends, over everything else. Our friendship means the world to me and if that is all I can have right now then that is what I will take. I do not want to push too far and end up ruining everything we had."

That hurt to say out loud – but I know it is what is right. With Tony not being worried about what he thinks I want, he can focus on other things – like remembering his life.

"We are not engaged. We are not in a relationship. We are friends. And as your friend, I am giving you space to heal." I stood, gave him a kiss on the cheek and walked into my bedroom. I was strong enough to say what needed to be said… that did not mean I was strong enough to watch him walk away.