Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of these characters, and no copyright infringement is intended.


I woke the next morning, pleased to be back in my own bed. I stretched and yawned before I remembered that I was due to meet Dr. Crabb today. I know that my dad would not have invited them to his home unless he was confident that they would be able to help me. Getting dressed and heading downstairs, I found that I was alone in the house. It felt nice to be alone and not to have people around me. Sitting on the couch, I stared mindlessly out of the window and I had no idea how long I was doing this for until I heard the front door open and close, causing me to jump. My dad appeared in the doorway.

"Sorry, son. I didn't mean to startle you. How did you sleep?"

I smiled at him, "I slept good, thanks and no nightmares before you ask." I knew my father well.

He walked towards me, sitting down in the chair opposite me. "You know that Dr. Crabb is coming to see you today? Well, I wanted to be here when she does, I won't be sitting in on your session, that will remain private. I know I have told you that already but I want to make sure you fully understand. She is good, one of the best Psychologists I know. I promise she will help you."

I nodded at him, and was about to answer to reassure him when the doorbell rang. My dad looked at his watch.

"She's early, but maybe that's not a bad thing." He got up and left me, and I heard him greeting her before they went through to his office.

Not knowing what to do with myself, to try and calm my nerves I began to pace the room, raking my hand through my hair. I wasn't sure what expect from this session. Hell, I didn't even know what this Dr. Crabb looked like. I know now that she's a woman and that was about it. It felt like forever before the door opened and a tall, slender woman walked into the room. She smiled broadly at me as she extended her hand out to me. When she spoke, I was surprised that I heard an Irish lilt to her voice which immediately made me feel more relaxed. She never lost eye contact with me as she spoke to me,

"Hello Edward, I'm Dr Janet Crabb and I am here to help you. Our sessions will be informal and I don't want you to be worried at all. Are you comfortable doing this in here? I understand that we have the house to ourselves, and your father said that he'll stay in his office. Unless you prefer to do this in there?"

I looked at her, not really knowing what to say I managed to mumble out. "Can we do it in here? If that's okay with you?"

She smiled broadly at me. "Edward, these are your sessions, not mine. I'm sure that your father has already told you, but I am a Psychologist, I'm not here to upset you, but we need to get to the bottom of what happened to you before the incident on the beach. But first we need to set some ground rules here, okay?" I nodded and she continued. "I will not share what happens in these sessions. You control them to some degree, I will allow you to take things at your own pace, but please remember, I am the Doctor here. Nothing you say is right or wrong, I need to see how you came to be here, what brought you to this point and I can only do that if you are honest with me. Do you think that you can agree to these rules?"

I responded without thinking. "Yes, Doctor Crabb."

She sighed heavily, "Oh I forgot the most important rule. Never call me Doctor Crabb, that just makes me feel old. My father was also Doctor Crabb."

"I think I can manage that, Janet." I said smiling at her.

The next two hours went by so quickly, we discussed a multitude of things from my childhood to my school friends. I didn't tell her about the nickname the school kids had given me, but I did start to tell her about Bella and. I noticed that she was taking a lot of notes and not really asking any questions. I was shocked when she told me that the session was over, it went so fast. She made me feel so at ease about the whole thing. I knew that I was going to come to trust her. Dr Crabb told me that she could help me make sense of the mess that my brain was in, bring order to the chaos and hopefully bring forward the memories that were missing. Although this would take time, and she assured me, that she had plenty of time. My dad joined us, telling me that he had to go back to the hospital for a few hours, and that my mom and Rose were out shopping in Port Angeles and would not be back until later. This was all planned to give me time and space needed for the session today. He checked that I was going to be ok on my own, and I told him yes and not to worry. I went to the front door and waved them both off, as I stood watching their cars disappear down the driveway, I saw a familiar car pull in, and out stepped Tanya. She smiled nervously before she came towards me.

"I'm so sorry for running off on you like that last night Edward, you see it was… well, never mind. Are you alone? I mean, I just saw Carlisle leaving. Rose, Esme?"

I smiled at her, saying, "It's just me. Rose is out shopping with Mom and I would imagine it will be a full day expedition."

She asked almost shyly. "Can I come in? I need to talk to you."

I motioned for her to step inside, following her quickly. "You want a coffee while we talk?" I asked.

"Please, if it's not too much trouble. That's the last thing I want to be, any trouble." She smiled weakly at me.

I went into the kitchen and she followed me, leaning against the counter top. As I waited for the kettle to boil and prepare the mugs I stole glances at her. What I saw shocked me. The Tanya that I always knew was immaculately turned out; makeup and hair done at all times. Now the person standing here with me looked like she has just gotten out of bed, and she looked to have also lost weight, if that were possible for her. I even noticed a couple of faded bruises on her arms. I was worried by what I saw, but really didn't know how to broach the subject.

I passed her a cup and she held it in her hands like it was made of precious material. She seemed to be thinking something through in her mind, although I had no idea what was going on. I would just have to be patient until she was ready.

"So Tanya, you never did say why you left in such a rush last night. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I… well… James…" She took a deep breath and in one rushed out sentence, saying,

"James called because he thought that I was taking too long at the store, so he called to check on me. Then he was waiting for me outside. It's okay though. He loves me."

Something in that rather garbled sentence struck me as strange. She was making excuses for him, yet I had clearly seen him treat her badly in the store parking lot, but of course she didn't know that. I fought the urge to grab her by the shoulders and beg her to tell me what was going on. Although I no longer felt love for her it didn't stop me from caring about what happens to her. I let out a large sigh before I spoke in a low, calm voice.

"Tanya, I know that we didn't work out, and that must've hurt you, and for that I am truly sorry. I never meant to hurt you in all of this. You will always be special to me, you know that right?" I looked at her and saw she was staring into the coffee cup, almost as if she would find the answers she was looking for there. I watched her, she opened her mouth several times as if she was going to say something before she closed it just as quickly. Her eyes never met mine. I was growing tired of waiting for her to speak.I know that sounds bad,but the session with Janet had caught up with me and was making my brain ache, she said it would happen. I closed the distance between us and took hold of her shoulder, but her reaction startled me. She shrieked in pain, dropping the coffee cup to the floor where it smashed. I grab at her top pulling it away from her shoulder and she had an angry looking bruise with all shades and hues of purple and yellow imaginable; each starting back at me. I let go of the fabric and she wrapped her arms around herself, dropping her chin to her chest. I bent down to look into her face, tilting her chin back up to face me before I spoke in low,measured words.

"You had better tell me what the fuck is going on. Now."

She squirmed uncomfortably before she said, "It's nothing. I walked into a door frame. I was clumsy. I'm always clumsy."

I wheeled away from her, my fingers in my hair, grabbing my head as if having it in a vice-like grip would give me the answers.

"What do you mean? You're clumsy? Tanya,I know you better than that. That is not a word that I would ever use to describe you. "Who did this to you? Was it that fucker James? Well? Was it? Tell me!"

Her reaction surprised me; totally rendering me speechless.

"What if it was? What the fuck are you intending to do about it? Huh? You threw me away

Edward,like a piece of trash. You used me. I was at your beck and call whenever you wanted me. So don't you fucking dare stand there and lecture me on my relationship with James. At least he loves me!"

The last words were spat out with such venom. I felt tears sting in my eyes; or maybe it was guilt.

"For fuck's sake,Tanya! We were not dating, we never were! Also,if I remember rightly, and please do correct me if I am wrong here, you seduced me. You were the one who started the whole fucking thing. I was under your spell and you know that. What the fuck else could I have been? You're my sister's best friend! You were not supposed to seduce me, taking my fucking virginity because you wanted me. What was I meant to do, you were-"

I never got to finish what I was going to say as I was pushed backwards and after the initial shock I saw that Tanya was now on the ground with Rose on top of her. They seemed to be fighting, and Rose had the upper hand,given the element of surprise. I stood in shock as I heard Rose screaming.

"You fucking bitch! That's my brother. I am gonna fucking kill you!"

I couldn't make out what Tanya's responses were, but they were muffled. The next voice that I heard was my mom screaming.

"Rosalie! What is going on here? Edward?" I couldn't answer her as I was too shocked by what I was seeing. She ran out of the room and I heard her shouting for Emmett. Suddenly he came bursting through the door and grabbed Rose around her waist, lifting her clean into the air. Resembling a Tasmanian Devil, she was all arms and legs flailing as her face contorted in anger, snapping and snarling at Tanya, but she was going nowhere, locked securely in Emmett's arm. My mom went over and helped Tanya to her feet. This caused Rose to shout and scream in protest but my mom's voice broke through the air. "Enough! Now will someone please tell me what is going on here? Rose? Tanya? Edward?" She looked between us all and no one was saying a word. Rose was glaring at her that intently. If looks could have killed, then Tanya would've been dead on the spot. Emmett was holding her still and only put her feet on the floor, never letting her out of his grip. She decided to speak first.

"Oh I really don't know mom, maybe we should ask Tanya. Seeing as I just overheard a particularly interesting conversation between her and Edward. Would either of you like to enlighten her as to what I might have heard?" Mom looked between the two of us, settling back on me as she asked.

"Darling, what is Rose going on about?"

My eyes dropped to the floor. How could I begin to tell her what Rose had heard when I didn't know how much she had heard. I know that she obviously caught the part about us having sex, but shit. I shrugged, hoping that this would all just go away if I said nothing. I should've known I would never be that lucky. Rose was vibrating with anger and I knew that she would not be able to keep quiet much longer. Before I could finish my thought, she suddenly exploded, shattering any silence in the room.

"Well seeing as Romeo and fucking Juliet here are not saying, then it falls to me to tell you. That whore, who I thought was my best friend has been giving my little brother lessons in female human anatomy." She looked pleased with herself, but confusion crossed mom's face and she spoke.

"What? Sorry Rose, I don't follow."

Rose took a deep breath. As she did I tried to speak to cover up the revelation, and all that came out of my mouth was. "I'm sorry mom." I repeated this over and over again, but it made no difference, Rose would not be stopped and coolly and very calmly announced.

"Mom, Tanya here has been fucking my baby brother, your son. She has been screwing him for some time from what I overheard, even having the privilege of being his very first. Please do tell me if I got that wrong."

My hands went to my face, hiding away from the truth that had just been revealed, laid bare for all to see. I felt shame and disgust in myself and my actions. I heard my mom gasp out loud, and then a sob came from her. I truly was a horrible person; I had yet again caused my family pain and anguish without meaning to. I could not bear the look of horror that I knew would be forming on my mom's face. Even though I had not confirmed this, she would know, Mom's just do. I then felt my hands being taken away from my face, and I screwed my eyes closed tight. I didn't want to look into my mom's face right now, but she was having none of this.

"Edward? Edward. Please look at me. Tell me that this is all lies. Tanya?"

I heard a sob escape from Tanya and I felt responsible. This was coming out and I never wanted it to. It also brought back awful memories of that night. Flashbacks of the dance, of the announcement, then my humiliation. I felt sick to my stomach. I wanted to protect Tanya, she was the victim here and I would not throw her to the wolves as I had been. I crossed the kitchen, taking her in my arms, where she sobbed openly into my chest. I held her close to me, my chin resting on the top of her head. I turned to face everyone in the room and in a clear, steady voice I spoke to no-one in particular, knowing that I was addressing them all.

"No more lies, no more secrets. Yes, Rose was right, she did overhear a conversation between us. Yes were… well… erm… having a sort of relationship." I paused as I heard a gasp from my mom, and Rose hissed.

"You fucking cradle snatching bitch!"

I turned to face her. "Rose, please. Let me speak. Tanya might have made the first move back then, but I could've said no to her, I didn't. I wanted it as much as she did. She never forced me to have sex or to do anything else with her, I was a more than willing participant. Trust me, I am not the innocent little boy that you think I am. But things didn't work out, we were never going to be more than we were, I knew that. Then I fell for Bella. I also hid that relationship from you all, and look what happened there. I was never in love with Tanya, it was a physical thing for me, nothing more. I hurt her, badly. I know that now, and for that I am truly sorry. I want no-one to paint her as the bad guy here because I am as much to blame as her. I know that you are all going to need some time to take this in, but please do not take this out on Tanya, take it out on me."

I looked at their faces. Emmett just smiled broadly at me, giving me a sly wink to show his support. Rose was still fuming. I could read it clearly in her face, and knew that her friendship with Tanya was now well and truly over. That was my fault, and I felt bad for them both. Finally I looked at my mom. Her face was an emotionless mask, she was taking in what had been said, and I knew that she would no doubt want to talk to me about this with my father when he returned home.

Tanya stopped crying and pushed free of me, speaking in barely a whisper.

"I'm sorry. I should've known better and I-"

She never got to finish as somehow Rose had managed to get free from Emmett's hold and was right in her face, screaming at her.

"I fucking hate you! Why? WHY! He is a child? What's wrong can you not get a man your own age or older? Then again who would look twice at you now? You are a shell of the person you were, you are nothing but James's punch bag, he is a piece of scum, and you two deserve each other. Seriously, now get the fuck out of my sight. I hate you Tanya and will never forgive you for what you have done."

Rose turned to walk back to Emmett, but Tanya was not going to let it lie.

"Fuck you Rose! Some friend you are, as soon as the going gets tough, you bail out. I needed you. I need you now."

Fire blazed in Rose's eyes as she spun around to face Tanya once again. This time Emmett made a grab for her arm and stopped her from getting too close.

"Oh I'm so sorry that I haven't been around to pick up the pieces for you. Tanya, you see I have been a little pre-occupied the last few days. You know, on account of my brother trying to kill himself because of an attention seeking whore who had her claws in him."

Tanya's reaction silenced everyone as she mumbled. "I'm sorry… I…. I never meant for it to go that far. James… Well… James. The photo's… It wasn't my idea. I'm so sorry… I never meant to hurt you at the café, James took it too far. Can you ever forgive me? Edward, please?"

My heart sank and all eyes on the room were on me. I opened my mouth to speak but was cut off by a questioning voice. "What on earth is going on here? Would someone care to explain to me?" What we didn't realize was that in the midst of all this drama, my dad had arrived back home and was standing in the doorway looking at the scene in front of him. My mom ran immediately into his arms, and he held her to him while she sobbed, all the time he was comforting her, letting her know that he was there for her. He asked, "Well? Is someone going to tell me?"

I barely registered his request. Images were coming back to me, although hazy. I remembered me and Tanya standing by my car in a parking lot, and then pain. Such immense pain searing through me. My hand instinctively went to my ribs and I flinched at the memory of how painful it was when I woke at the hospital.

I ignored him, and the hazy memories that I had, and instead chose to close in on Tanya. I grabbed her arms and shook her, asking robotically and steadily,

"What do you mean, photo's? Tanya, you need to tell me. Now."

She let out a strangled cry but I would not let this one go so easily. A chill ran through me when she mentioned photo's. Jake had said something about pictures being shown of me and Bella at the school dance but Tanya couldn't have known, could she?

"Tanya, look at me. Tell me what you mean by photo's? I'm not messing around here, now just fucking tell me." I felt the anger rise within me as I shouted the last few words. No one said a word. There was a stunned silence in the kitchen while we all waited for Tanya's answer. She sniffled a bit more before she looked around the room at everyone who was watching her before her eyes finally met mine. Her voice was calm now, and I found this to feel a bit eerie.

"Revenge Edward. Plain and simple. You hurt me, rejected me. No one does that to me. That fucking bitch who you were seeing, Bella. Pah! James told me she was such a lousy lay that he dumped her and then you took his leftovers. Said she was like a corpse she showed no emotion. Then you two got together, I saw you, we saw you together. You were so happy it was sickening. You hurt me so badly, Edward. You used me for a fuck when it suited, and then when you were done, you left me. I felt like a whore, apart from the not getting paid part. James came up with the idea of humiliation for both of you, but it surpassed even his expectations. You were so busy fucking like rabbits that you never noticed him. All he had to do was have a word with Jessica and BAM! Your dirty little secret was out. He was so pleased with himself when he found out what had happened at the dance. But he drank and that was when he hit me, he didn't mean to. He loves me. The whole me coming to you and getting you to the café was the icing on the cake for him, rubbing your nose right in it. But I don't think you remember that, or the beating that he gave you. Otherwise, you wouldn't have been so gracious to me last night. I'm sorry, so sorry. I never ever meant for you to get physically hurt. I couldn't stop him, no one can."

Yet again, Rose was onto Tanya, hitting and screaming at her, but as I watched the whole world felt like it was in slow motion. I backed away from the scene in front of me until I reached the refrigerator. When I could not move any further back I slid slowly down it until I was sat on the floor, pulling my knees to my chest I began to rock backwards and forwards. Memories flooded into my brain now; being laughed at by Jessica in the café, Tanya and James in the parking lot, James hitting me and kicking me when I was on the ground. Then the two of them laughing at me as I writhed in pain. I felt once again like I had been punched in the stomach. The sounds around me of people shouting and screaming sounded like they were all underwater and distorted. I tried desperately to take in what I had just heard, combined with the memories which were flooding my poor confused brain. James had set us up. Bella was innocent, and I had treated her so badly. She was not to blame, and yet without knowing the full picture I blamed her for the mess. How could I have been so foolish? I needed to go to Bella, go down on my knees if needed and beg her forgiveness. She was just as much a victim of James's sick, twisted games as I was.

At least now I knew the truth and hoped that I would have the chance to put things right between us, or at least try. First I needed to deal with what was happening right then. Tanya was there and my family had just been exposed to news that no parent ever wanted to hear. It felt as if all eyes were on me, I could feel them boring into me, everyone would want answers, and I wasn't sure that I had any to give them.

Suddenly I was on my feet and I bolted from the kitchen to my bedroom, my sanctuary. I needed space and time to work through what I had just heard. Yet once there I saw my reflection in the mirror and couldn't bear to look at the person staring back at me. I felt like I was looking at a stranger. I no longer knew that person, and I certainly didn't like him. I walked closer to the reflection and slowly and deliberately drew my fist back and punched it repeatedly until it smashed and I could no longer see myself. The release that the mindless destruction gave me was an immense rush. I went to my desk and swiped my arm across the surface, clearing everything off onto the floor. I continued my destructive rampage, pulling books from the large bookcase and tearing pages out of them. I was not even aware of the fact that my name was being called by Emmett as he entered the room, I only turned when I felt a hand on my shoulder, turning defensively I tried to punch him. He moved out of my way and quickly had me in his grasp. I fought against him, hearing an awful sound that sounded like someone was being hurt, and then I realized that it was coming from me. I think that I heard my dad's voice trying to reason with me, but to no avail. I was wrestled to the bed by Emmett and felt a sharp pain in my ass, followed by a feeling of dizziness and warmth as it washed over my body.

The last thing that I heard was my mom sobbing, calling my name and my dad saying to call Dr. Crabb before I was back in the darkness once again. My last thought was of Bella


Authors Note:

WOW! Well you said you all wanted him to remember, are you happy now? Poor Edward! This is beta'd as always by the fantastic Cosmom who keeps me on the straight and narrow and is an absolute godsend.

Thanks so much for sticking with me, and I do hope that you will continue to do so..