I better upload this now in case wifi goes to shit tomorrow


Finally a proper title: Questioning yourself if you're in a dream means that you are not in a dream

"Did half of Edo's population join Aikake's Guard? Is it that high-paying a job? Maybe I should just quit Yorozuya and join..." Gintoki mumbled to himself as he piggybacked Rae, one hand clutching his bokuto to send the never-ending guards off to Wonderland.

"Arrest them alive!" One guard roared, an echo rising up from the mass of 'fanboys'.

"Weren't they screaming about killing us moments ago? Now they want to take us alive? That's unusual." Katsura with his surviving members of the Joui kicked the guards they disabled back at the mass of armed guards, creating a domino effect as men fell left and right.

"Aikake. He loves the control." Rae coughed slightly from the flying glitter irritating her throat, not bothering to elaborate on what she meant.

"Control? Man, he must have a lack of new toys to play with. I'll provide him one —" Rae tensed up, thinking that Gintoki was about to do something stupid like giving himself up to Aikake, "—that explodes." Gintoki finished, grinning like a cheshire cat. Rae calmed her thundering heart.

"Rae-dono, any idea where Saito-dono is?" Katsura caught up with them.

"No, but we can check the torture rooms."

"Lead the way!"


Hitomu (A/N: Aikake's close servant if you can't rmb) bandaged up his master awkwardly, not daring to mutter a single word at the stormy expression on Aikake's face.

It was the first time that Hitomu had to treat the wounds of his master—Aikake never got hurt; even if he did, it was shallow cuts and light scratches-and Hitomu had to wonder how skilled was the swordsman to actually be able to force his proud master to escape. If Hitomu had his choice, he would have the resident doctor give his master a full body check-up.

"Aikake-sama, everything is prepared. We will initiate lockdown if you would just give the command."

"Leave the entrance open."

"But—Aikake-sama, that's..." Aikake glared at his servant at the first sound of protest.

"They are rare guests of my manor after all." Aikake fingered the bandages. "I want to have some fun."

"We will move them over immediately as you wish, Aikake-sama." Hitomu excused himself to prepare the 'gift'.


Rae and her friends had searched through all the torture rooms; neither room was empty, yet they still could not find the Captain. Rae took the pains to wobble over to each and every victim, freeing them from their heavy chains with trembling fingers. Lacerations covered their body, some so horribly tortured Rae could not even imagine how they originally looked. There were servants that she recognised from during her four years in the manor, others that she gussed were corporate enemies.

There was only one man that had kept enough of his mind (and tongue) to thank her as Rae pulled the clanking chains from his distorted body. Half of them had their minds completely shattered by Aikake himself or his dastardly lackeys, sliding down to the floor like broken dolls, still chained invisibly by the mind. Getting them to escape was impossible. Saddened that she did not have the chance to free them earlier, Rae sank into a dogeza, apologizing silently for her incompetence. It was hard for her to leave them on the floor, waiting for nothing but more pain and blood.

The other half had already descended into madness, killing themselves immediately the moment they were free from the chains. After the first one had impaled herself with a neaby weapon of torture, Gintoki swept the room clean of any sharp objects for the second one. It didn't help. The second victim ran into the wall before Rae or Gintoki could stop him. The trail of blood from his head blended perfectly into the other blood splatters on the wall.

"They can still be saved! They can!" Rae curled her hands into fists as she watched another victim snap her own neck. So quick and fast that even though Rae and Gintoki had been expecting it, they still could not stop her in time. Rae had known the servant—Rae talked to her on several occasions—but now she just laid on the defaced floor, her neck bent at an awkward angle, open brown eyes that reminded Rae so much of Maiko pooling with the relief she felt before her death.

Gintoki said nothing, only reaching out a gentle hand to close the servant's eyes.

"How many more?" Gintoki asked quietly.

"Three more." Rae replied, grief consuming her.

Tsukuyo and Katsura battled the guards outside, glimpsing enough of the room inside to know that it was another failed rescue.

"Gintoki! Go on ahead to find the Captain! I will take care of this here! We have no time left!" Tsukuyo shouted. "We will save everyone without a doubt, Rae." The Shinigami Tayuu's eyes filled with determination convinced her, and Rae nodded, giving her thanks to Tsukuyo.


Gintoki and Rae (on his back) sped off towards the freezer room. They had checked the boiler room beforehand. If Saito still couldn't be found in the freezer room, Rae didn't know anywhere else Aikake would keep his prisoners.

They burst into the cold room, drafts of dense fog crawling out into the warmer atmosphere.

"OI CAPTAIN WOLFRO! ANSWER ME IF YOU'RE HERE!" Gintoki called out into the foggy room, shivering as the icy temperature bit into his skin.

Rae bonked his head, "He's hurt, you idiot. And he's either unconscious or half frozen by now."

"Or dea—" Gintoki was cut off by another bonk on his fluffy head.

"He's not dead!...I think..." Rae trailed off, recalling the deep wounds on Saito. Gintoki scoffed.

"Who is the motherfucking asshole who dares to trespass Aikake-sama's property, eh?!" The voice of Shiramo Nagai, or rather, Hooked Nose, echoed in the empty room. Gintoki squinted into the white room, trying to catch a glimspe of this person's silhouette.

"Have you gone through puberty yet, boy?" Gintoki yelled back, "Your voice sounds like a squealing piglet!"

"SHUT UP! EVERYONE IS PISSING ME OFF TODAY! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM—"

Hooked Nose stopped abruptly, the rest of his sentence stuck in his throat. He gulped at the glitter samurai who suddenly appeared inches away from his toes, swift as the wind.

"I. Found. You." Gintoki towered over Shiramo, his crimson eyes bearing down on him in silent authority. The moment the dumbass man had raised his voice, it was too easy to just locate him.

"I-I..uh..HAH! You think you've got me, huh?! I'm the right hand man—" Rae reached out to bonk the man on the head, hard.

"Shut up." Another solid bonk.

"What are you doing! You slave—" Another bonk, this time by Gintoki's bokuto.

Hooked Nose collasped onto the frigid floor, 3 ugly red bumps growing out from the top of his head.

"Captain-san." Rae was let down by Gintoki as he pillaged the furs and heaters Hooked Nose had hidden in his clothes, wrapping a thick red fox fur scarf around his neck.

"CAPTAIN-SAN!" Rae screamed into his ear, startling Saito awake. Gintoki cut Saito's chains with his bokuto.

Rae swathed the frozen Saito in bundles of warm, heated fur. Rae herself didn't feel that cold, so she passed on all the remaining fur to Saito who needed it most. She pushed up his remaining afro from his eyes, waving a hand in front of the confused man.

Saito awoke to see the irresistible face of Mihoshi Rae floating in front of him.

Is this a dreamz?

Saito Shimaru raised a hand to caress the cheek of Rae, and froze.

He touched flesh and skin.

Hold on.

This is not a dream. I touched real flesh, rightz?

Rae twisted her head away from Saito's touch, her mouth tightening into a straight line. "Captain-san. Could you stop pinching my cheeks?"

Embarrassment burst into bright splotches of red, colouring the pale face and ears of Saito Shimaru as he removed his hand from Rae's face. He jumped up, waving his hands frantically about trying to apologize for his actions, but ended up writhing on the floor in pain as his wounds started to bleed again.

"Oi Wolfro, can you walk—no—can you run?" Gintoki asked the three-quartered afro-Captain, who was still clutching at his wounds on the floor.

Saito blinked up at him, and Gintoki blinked back. Rae gaped at the thoughtless question.

Saito slowly nodded.

Rae protested, defending herself by saying she could keep up with Gintoki's speed in running, but Gintoki exclaimed: I don't want to carry a man!

Silent understanding passed between the two men as they looked at each other. Their pride was at stake here. Not any self-respecting man would allow themselves to be piggybacked around by other men when they still had two legs to run with. It was embarrassing for the one doing the carrying too.

Rae smacked her head against her palm as the two men shook hands.


The three of them met up with Tsukuyo and Katsura, who had the three remaining tortured victims with them — still chained up. It was the only way Tsukuyo could think of to get them to follow her out of the room. Taking off the chains meant that they would kill themselves, or just slump to the floor in an unthinking mass of human skin & bonds.

Tsukuyo felt a little guilty at leading the two men and woman around in chains like dogs, so she passed the responsibility over to Katsura's men. Guards and debris littered the floor around them, and Tsukuyo was sure that they had taken out at least half of Aikake's Guard. She hummed with surprise as she estimated the enormous number that consisted of Aikake's Guard. They must have knocked more than a few hundreds out—and these few hundreds were just for protecting a single estate—how large would Aikake's army be? Thousands?

Tsukuyo didn't have the luxury of time to contemplate on the military strength Aikake held. They still had people to save.

Rae knew a few of those secret passageways which led to the North side of the estate, the only part of the estate where they hadn't searched for Maiko and Yura. She used them in the past in her number of solo escapes, and that time with Yura too. She slid off Gintoki's back, sparing a glance at the grimacing Saito, and tried to offer Gintoki's piggybacking service to him again. Her hundredth offer was swiftly rejected by the firm shake of Saito's head.

"There's one here, behind the vase..." Rae reached a slim hand around the curve of the large porcelain vase, searching for the familiar indent in the wall. She pressed down on the tiny button, expecting to hear the click and slide of the contraption revealing a hidden doorway.

Nothing happened.

"..."

Rae pressed it again.

Only thud of Rae's finger against the ungiving stubbornness of the button was heard as it refused to sink in.

(._.)

The tempo of the thuds increased as Rae spammed her finger on the button. "Shit."

"Is there something wrong, Rae-dono?" Katsura peered over the edge of the expensive vase, trying to catch a glimpse at what she was doing.

"Aikake locked down the whole manor. All the secret passageways are inaccessible." Rae's tone was tinged with despair. Her mind worked tirelessly as she pieced all the characteristics of Aikake together in her head. "I bet—I bet that he left the front entrance open for us. The only way to the North sector is through the passageways, or by the entrance and courtyard." She continued, "We're little sheeps being guided by the shepherd. It's an obvious trap."

"That explains the lack of guards chasing after us now." Tsukuyo frowned.

"Well, we have to get out of here sooner or later. Zura, do you still have your..err.." Gintoki scratched his head, trying to recall the goddamn bomb's name. "—Justaway?"

"Zura ja nai! Justawayne da!" Katsura paused, "...I only brought a few prototypes which I used up to blow the gate up."

Gintoki sighed. "Trap or not, we'll have to go." He turned to Saito. "Wolfro, can you fight?"

Saito nodded once again. He had recovered enough to fight —because that's what all shounen manga characters are able to do while running and tearing their wounds open. His hand went to his back only to realise his lack of weapons, and gesticulated at Gintoki's bokuto, trying to tell them that he couldn't possibly fight efficiently without anything.

?(•_•;)

"Oh. Captain-san needs weapons." Rae translated for the clueless people, and Saito sagged with relief when his message was sent across.

Gintoki held up a finger for them to wait, and rushed off somewhere. He came back bearing all kinds of weapons, from maces ( how did he carry them?! ) to pickaxes (why the hell is it considered a weapon?). Gintoki dumped them onto the floor with a loud clang, spreading his arms open at the spread of sharp objects. "Feel free to choose. I got them at the torture rooms."

Saito picked two knives that were relatively close to his own weapons' length, and stowed a few more daggers in his waistcoat. Rae helped herself to two daggers as well. She couldn't fight for shit but she wasn't going down so easily. Everyone replenished their lack of weapons, gearing up for the final battle.

"Oi, author. You gotta play some battle music."

Author: Gin-san. I can't translate battle music into words.

"Readers! Go search for any battle music—Fairy Tail, Undertale's Megalovania...Oooh Akame Ga Kill's Kinpaku (緊迫) theme is pretty good— I don't care. We are not striding into the battlefield without a cool soundtrack in the background."

Author: Shut up and go already.

Gintoki flipped the red fox-fur scarf over his shoulder fabulously in reply.

And so, with the music of clanking metal chains and rustling of fabric, the Aveng—uhh—Guardians of the Ga—that's not it...the party of samurai, ninja, terrorists, policeman and Siren stalked with insufferable swagger towards the entrance.