Disclaimer: Oh gosh, it's been so long that I don't remember what my old disclaimers were.
Still don't own anything! What a shocker, right? I know, you expect more from me. What are you, my parents?


Cat had insisted on saying goodbye to her gang of followers in the Pediatrics unit before leaving, and Travis had disappeared into his doctor-cave to find release forms and whatever else he needed to do.

I took this alone time as an opportunity to pack Cat's things up for her. There wasn't much to bring with us, but I needed something to do. My mind was racing desperately to find an option, any form of solution. Maybe I could find a black market organ donor? I have access to the West family foundation funds, money shouldn't be a problem. But how long would that take, would I find someone in time? They said I was a match, maybe just find an under the table surgeon? But again, how would I even begin to find somebody to help me with that in less than a week.

Furiously zipping up Cat's backpack, I failed to notice some surrounding things. First of all, I'd cut my hand open on the zipper somehow, and secondly, I wasn't alone in the room anymore.

A soft hand with some handy gauze bandaging stopped my rampaging around the room. Cat looked paler- yellower? Definitely yellower than I remembered, fuck. She sat down and patted the spot next to her so that I'd sit too. After rubbing her hand lightly against the outside of my arm, Cat started on silently tending to my cut hand.

"Do you remember," she broke the silence and stopped to smile bashfully, "when we were kids, and I was too scared to get out of the tree I climbed?"

"I asked you if that was where you got your name from." I chuckled, wincing a little when she applied rubbing alcohol.

Cat finished wrapping my hand and shoved me gently. She was trying to lighten the mood. "Yeah, and you made me cry, you big meanie."

"But I came back for you eventually." I scoffed.

Cat skimmed her hand over my shoulders and I relaxed them. Hell, I didn't even realize I was tense to begin with. "You were so cute threatening Robbie for his fireman hat, coming to rescue me and everything."

"You saw that?" She nodded as her hand continued its way up to cup my face. I smiled and enjoyed the comfort of her softness before kissing her palm. "I made for a pretty shitty ass fireman."

"You still rescued me, though." She murmured, leaning her head in a little. This was different, more serious, and much less happy than before.

It killed me, because it meant she had accepted it.

Still, I leaned in and filled the gap between us instead of bantering with her. Our kisses were slow and soft; they were laced with longing, tainted by sorrow and fear. For a brief moment I broke the chain of kisses, just to scoop her up into my lap. Cat held onto me with what little might she had left, and I reassured her that I wouldn't let her fall. Eventually she moved to caress my face, neck and shoulders, as though she never wanted to forget their feeling.

I tilted my head, nuzzling my face against her cheek before deciding on trying something daring. It was a very pleasant surprise to hear her gasp when I kissed the crook of her neck. Looking up, I noticed Cat was flushed.

"Did… you…" She started, her eyes showing a jumbled clump of emotions.

Realizing what she was getting at, I smiled sadly and shook my head. How bittersweet. "No, I just felt like you'd like that. You've always been sensitive. I wouldn't rush those types of things."

"We don't really have time, if we don't rush." Cat mumbled under her breath, as though she didn't really want me to hear that. But I did, I was in close enough proximity that I could even hear her breathing.

It got quiet, after that. I couldn't reassure her that there'd be plenty of time, not like I was supposed to be able to. I couldn't be in denial about it, that would only cause her more heartache. But agreeing with her, well, that was no better.

The silence carried on until I heard the soft sound of Cat snoring on my shoulder. Purring more like, but still classified as snoring nonetheless. I hugged her close to me as she slept, sighing happily when I got past the horrible hospital smell and could breathe in Cat's scent. Her smell was intoxicating; if I could bottle it up and sell it as happiness, I would. Then again, I wouldn't want anyone but me to have it.

I was beginning to note how tiny and fragile she felt in my arms, when I saw Travis coming down the hallway towards us. Wiggling my eyebrows and jerking my neck a little, I got his attention enough for him to make a more silent entrance.

"Mr. and Mrs. Valentine said they had to go back to their… I think it was a convention or something, I stopped listening after they said they wouldn't be home for a couple days." An angry glare flashed on his face. "I mean, your kid has a week left and you're worried about clients? What kind of-"

Cat stirred a little, and Travis winced apologetically. I rubbed my hand on Cat's knee to comfort her, and we waited until her snoring resumed before continuing our conversation.

"I'm going to guess that her brother went back to his dorms," I ground my teeth. "And that he probably gave them and you hell for wasting his time, right?"

"I don't understand how those… those people can be related to someone as sweet as Cat." They'd clearly gone too far with Travis.

I smiled sadly – damn, that's becoming a bad habit. "We should hate them for it, but if they were different, she would be too." He nodded. "Or at least, that's what I tell myself so I don't try to murder them."

Travis laughed before pulling out a clipboard from who knows where. "These are her release papers, she just needs to sign them. You'll be free to take her home after that, but she'll need some things. Cat'll need pain medication, if you're not going to be around all the time she'll need-"

"I'll be around," I interrupted. "I probably won't even go home. There's nothing for me there, there's no point going unless I have no reason to stay." Is there some part of the grieving process where you go crazy? I'm sure there must be, because here I am, sounding crazy. "I mean, she won't need a nurse."

"Okay. There's a pharmacy in the first floor lobby, you can stop by there for her medication on the way out." He took out a couple slips of paper from his pocket; they were covered in scribbles of medication I'd never heard of. "She's in pain, Jade. There's a recent infection that's spreading, we offered to fix it for her but she said she was going to die anyway; it's only going to worsen from today. She's going to need strong prescriptions, and… I don't know how lucid she's going to be in the last couple days."

"How is…" I blinked hard, keeping my eyes closed. "How is it going to…?"

My eyes were watery when I opened them, but I could tell Travis wasn't doing much better than I was. "You probably noticed she's rather yellow. She's a little moody, but that's a given. Cat trembles a lot, but I think she's been trying to restrain it since you've woken up. She might have seizures or tremors in a couple days. Her appetite's mostly gone, and she hasn't really been… using the bathroom anymore."

"Wouldn't it be better if she stayed here, then?" I thought out loud, since I'd be for whatever is best for Cat.

"Technically?" Travis sighed. "Maybe, I guess. But she wants to go home with you. It's all she's wanted since the two of you got here. It was most of what she talked about whenever someone mentioned… anything, really."

I didn't really know what to say to that, so I just stared at the dying girl in my arms. A couple minutes passed before I came up with something to say. "There's really nothing we can do for her?"

"I tried, Jade. I tried, I really did." The good doctor looked tired, we were taking a heavy toll on him. "Even if I could plead Cat's case to the board, it would take too long."

"So we pump her with meds until she's too drugged to recognize death." I muttered angrily.

Travis shook his head and massaged his temples, as though he was also racking his brain for options. "Normally I would say you could try something farfetched, like a stem cell graft, because she doesn't need much to recover. She just needs a little, that way it could attach and grow… It's just not enough to function properly right now. Grafts or a small donation would be like when kids reattach a finger." I noticed he was talking more to himself than to me. "She's high on the emergency donor waiting list because of the circumstances, but not enough donations are made; healthy donors don't die all that often. God damn it, she only needs a piece, and she needs it now."

"Doctor." Noting what his outbursts very carefully, I realized that maybe I had gone a little crazy. He looked at me as if I was, since I sounded a little odd. "Would you mind getting Cat's pain medication for me, instead? I don't want to leave her side."

"If you want? I won't have a break for another couple hours, though. Cat should be fine until then, but do you really want to stay here and wait?" Travis questioned me skeptically, and with good reason.

"Yeah, I think that's a good idea." I said, not convincing him nor myself.

Travis packed up his things and left the release forms on a bedside table. "Okay then." He paused, as though he was contemplating if he should figure out why I was acting weird or not. "I have rounds to do, but I'll be back to check up on the two of you every once in a while. There's an emergency button above the bed that you can hit if you need to call for assistance, alright?"

I nodded, and he left.

Slowly, I carried Cat so that I could turn and place her on the bed. She whined and stirred slightly, holding on to me as I tried to leave and groggily asking where I was going.

"I'm going to go find you something that'll make you feel better," I kissed her nose before cupping her face with my hand and stroking her cheek with my thumb. "Okay?"

She groaned slightly. "But I already took my medicines. How long ago was that, did I sleep for a long time? Ask the nice nurse ladies when I can take more, for me?"

"Don't worry about that, I'll take care of it." I kissed her cheek and nuzzled her face."I'll take care of you, Cat. You just rest, I'll be right back."

"Yes nurse Jadey." Cat smiled at her own joke, but didn't giggle endlessly like she usually would.

I wanted as much physical contact as possible, to show her how much I love her and also to memorize her feeling. She just smiled as I covered her face in kisses. I really didn't want to leave her, but there were important things to be done. Life or death kind of things.

After dragging myself away from Cat, I stopped at the door to ask one more question. "Hey Cat?"

Her eyes fluttered open, her eyelids weighed down by lack of sleep. "Mmm?"

"Have you always loved me?" My voice cracked and it was barely higher than a whisper, so I hoped she'd heard me correctly; I'd be a mess if I had to repeat my question.

Cat sighed contently, closing her eyes to reminisce. "As long as I can remember, Jadey. I've always waited for you to notice; it was you, is you, will always be you." She paused for a moment and smiled before singing softly. "I will love you until my dying day."

"Come what may." I sang back, knowing she would drift to sleep with my voice.

Sure enough, Cat started snoring again and so I left. I made my way to the hospital lobby, finding that I was correct about my theory that the lobby would be adjoined with the emergency rooms. Being careful not to be spotted by too many of the hospital staff, I slithered my way through the busy ER. There must've been an accident, some sort of pile up or something; the place was packed and people were yelling all over the place. Luckily, nobody noticed me. They probably thought I was a bored patient or relative, or just someone using the bathroom.

I waited as patiently as I could to watch the ER staff's habits, and eventually it paid off – I managed to swipe what I was looking for. The nurses and doctors might be confused for a minute, but they'd catch on soon enough. I'm sure there has to be some sort of protocol for that kind of thing, anyway.

Realizing that meant I didn't have much time, I quickly jumped in the next elevator to Cat's floor. I didn't have to be careful now, if anybody caught me I was just… using the bathroom.

After I made it to our room without any problems, I waved my hand in front of Cat's face to make sure she was asleep. I snapped my fingers a few times and whispered her name - all I got in response was her snores. Good, I didn't want her waking up for this, she'd kill me and it'd be horrifying.

Understatement, it'd be fucking traumatic.

… It'd probably be fucking traumatic either way.

I shook my head and closed my eyes. I let memories flood my imagination; all the times I dismissed Cat's longing stares, the fake happiness she produced for Beck and I. All the hurt I'd put her through, all the misery that I'd ignored. And now? Now, the love that was finally reciprocated. After all this time, she- we, could be happy. I finally stopped being stupid, and for what?

Making sure that there wasn't any nearby staff to notice my suspicious behavior, I laid down on the floor.

If I do or don't believe in a God, I'll never know. But either way, what hope is there for the world if the only genuinely good person I know is allowed to die like this?

The universe is a cruel, and twister master.

But I've never believed in fate, I've always said thought that we're the masters of our own fate.

Then, I pulled out the scalpel I'd so stealthily stolen.

Bracing myself, I ground my teeth when the blade slid in. As I sliced it across my torso, I almost cried out in pain. There wasn't enough time to wait to steal some sort of painkillers. Instead, I groaned and bit my lip hard enough to taste blood. My breathing started to quicken from silencing myself, and there were tears flowing freely down my face.

I heard the scalpel clink as it hit the floor, my hands were shaking too hard to hold onto it anymore.

I felt the blood spill around me.

This was it. It had to work.

"Oh, Jade. No."

Not realizing I'd shut my eyes, I opened them to see Cat staring back at me in horror. She'd gasped every word, like it was all unbelievable.

Why had she gotten up? I made sure she was asleep, and I didn't make that much noise, or so I hoped. She wasn't meant to see this, I'd decided the room was best because they could harvest and transplant as soon as possible? Or did I just want to be by her side, when this happened? My thoughts weren't coherent, so I let go.

"You'll understand, Cat." I breathed heavily. She was slamming her hand on the emergency button so hard that she was making herself bleed.

I had more to say, I think. Probably things like "I love you", or explaining what I was doing, like "I can't live without you" or something. Yeah, crazy things.

But it was getting harder and harder to function, so I closed my eyes instead.

Now they'd have to donate a part, if not all, of my liver to Cat, right? I mean, I opened myself up and everything. Surely they couldn't pass that opportunity up.

She has a chance at living now, maybe. There could be many possible outcomes, I knew that. But it didn't matter if I died, because either I died saving the girl I love, or I died along with her. And either way, that's okay with me.

Love and death, they make you crazy.

The last few things that I heard were Cat's repeated pleas of 'I love you', and the distant stomping of doctors who would try to save me.

… Or maybe that was just my heartbeat fading away.


A/N [03/07/13]:
Hello- whoa now ./holds hands up. Please don't shoot.

I won't bore you with excuses and I won't anger you with more empty promises.
But do keep in mind that I really am sorry, and I do want to finish this story.

You read correctly, it's not done yet.

The medical 'facts' are probably inaccurate because I've been using Google and twisting some things to my liking (tl;dr - don't source me for your Liver Failure essay). It's also been over a year, so I don't remember if parts clash with each other anymore. That's what I get for not having a Beta. Sorry about that.

If you'd like to nag me to death or something, I do have Tumblr now. Ask, and I'll send it your way.

p.s., one thing hasn't changed - it's 5am as I'm publishing this, so horrible grammar/spelling/accidental plot problems are my bad.