White everywhere. An endless expanse of absolute nothing but light (and he wasn't even positive of that) in every direction. Selim blinked in confusion. This was Truth's realm. He was sure of it. So, what had just happened? Why was he here if someone had activated Mandy's transmutation? Or had they used the transmutation on him? But why would anyone do that? And why would that bring him here?
A soft chuckling behind him had him whirling around. He knew who he'd find, but it was still unnerving. He'd seen the being that guarded the gate before, but the instance now seemed different somehow. He found almost exactly what he'd expected behind him. Truth was sitting in a relaxed position before a rather small gate. Most of the being's body was turned so that it was facing neither Selim nor the gate, but his head seemed to follow Selim's movements. Despite the fact that the gatekeeper had no eyes, the homunculus couldn't help but feel as if a strong gaze continually studied him.
After a moment, he summoned his courage and stuck his chin up proudly. "Why am I here?"
"I never thought that I would meet you like this," Truth said after a moment, completely disregarding Selim's question and standing up in one fluid motion. Then he turned fully to face the homunculus with that enormous smile of his.
Selim tried not to show his confusion, he really did, but guessed he wasn't very successful with how his hands kept clenching and unclenching when he wasn't focusing on relaxing them.
"I don't understand," he finally said, unable to hide the weariness in his voice. He felt so old at that moment, every one of his three hundred and some-odd years.
"Oh, I think you do," Truth said thoughtfully, almost pointedly. Then, as Selim was watching, he turned (quite deliberately) to look at the small Gate of Truth. Taking the hint for what it was, Selim followed the other's gaze, wondering at the significance of the portal. He'd never seen one so small, but then again, he'd only ever seen Mustang's. Were most alchemist's gates this small? And where was the person who had activated the transmutation circle if this was their gate? Had he somehow hitched a ride again? And just who could have activated the circle anyway? Mandy couldn't have and the only other person anywhere near the circle hadn't been…
And then it clicked.
Selim's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open in shock. Truth must have sensed his change in demeanor because he turned back to Selim, grin wide.
"B-but that's not possible," Selim protested. "I can't have a gate! I'm not a real…human…" Or was he? Had he somehow become human? The implications were staggering.
They also made no sense at all whatsoever.
As if to counteract the sheer enormity of this revelation, Truth simply shrugged and calmly spoke, his words mirroring Selim's own thoughts. "You grow and age like a human now, you think like a human, feel like a human, heal like a human…"
The homunculus caught on and began to put everything together in his mind, saying it aloud just to keep it all straight and still unable to hide his shock. "When Father created me, I was modeled after humans. My normal, more human functions weren't in effect…because of the philosopher's stone and my original, human-like container." Well, that at least made some sense. He continued speaking, trying to get a whole picture in his mind.
"When Elric left me with only enough energy in my stone to survive, that body was destroyed and my true form reverted to its base, human instincts. I lived like a human for over a decade and a half. Did I begin to develop my own gate like a human, without ever meaning to?" It was the only explanation he could come up with, but it still left so many questions unanswered. Why had he begun to develop one when Wrath hadn't? And what about Greed and his second container? Was it because of their philosophers' stones? Is that what really suppressed a homunculi's otherwise human nature? If so, why? So many questions and his still reeling mind couldn't seem to come up with any answers.
Truth shrugged again (and Selim couldn't help but notice how strange a gesture it was coming from a mostly featureless being) nonchalantly. The action seemed rather inadequate in Selim's opinion.
"Your connection to the realm beyond the gate is small, marginal at best—not because of your lack of knowledge, but because you had to develop your own soul from almost nothing. Your gate is inherently different from others simply because of your origins, but it is there, and only humans have gates."
The homunculus was sure the being was teasing him somehow, but he was focusing on the new information too much to care. Something had just occurred to him; an answer to a question he thought he would never be able to solve.
"That is why Pride could never overwhelm Selim," he whispered. "Pride had the experience, but Selim had the physical and spiritual connection to the realm beyond the gate." It was why he'd had such a conflict to begin with and why one could never overpower the other.
It was funny in a rather humorless way, but Selim's original thought that he was half-human, half-homunculus was actually the most accurate, if the gatekeeper was to be believed. And he had no reason to really doubt Truth's straight-forward statements. He was, after all, the representation of Truth.
"I activated the circle," Selim realized aloud, bringing a hand to his head. He could use alchemy. Admittedly it would probably have very different connotations and a great many limitations, but the realization was still mind-blowing.
"Yes. Which brings us to why you are here," Truth pointed out.
Selim blinked at him with a blank face for a few moments before his thoughts caught up with that.
Oh.
Oh.
He'd come for Mandy's soul; which meant he'd performed a human transmutation; which meant he would be giving up something else very dear to him in exchange.
Right.
But what? What would Truth take from him for this? He wasn't sure, and that scared him, even if he wouldn't ever admit it.
Of course, that begged the question: could he even retrieve the girl's soul? Had he come too late? Had she already passed through the gate herself? Could he retrieve her soul if she had? He was positive he could find her, somehow. He'd find a way, even if he couldn't really come up with anything at the moment.
But the Elrics and Izumi Curtis hadn't been able to retrieve their loved-one's souls. Then again, they hadn't had the information and knowledge that Selim had now. He'd have to find some way to search. Could he perhaps use his shadows in this realm?
He frowned thoughtfully at that and looked down at his feet. Somehow, even though he could not define or pin point any light source, there was indeed a shadow there. He stretched down and nudged the darkness, but nothing happened. Well, he could feel something but it responded so slowly. At least that answered that question at least.
Of course, he was also assuming that Mandy's soul wasn't still here somewhere. How could he find her then?
Well, just standing around awkwardly wouldn't help him find any solutions.
It had been a long time since he hadn't been able to answer his own questions. Long ago, either due to his own experience or his acquired knowledge, he'd stopped asking questions. If, on the rare occasion, he did find something he could not reason out, he would simply research and find the answer himself. That was, after all, what he'd always done. Now he couldn't help but feel worried and unsure because he did not hold the answers, nor did he have the ability to really find them on his own. He didn't much care for the returning uncertainness that came with the realization of what he didn't know.
"Where is she?" he finally asked Truth, steeling himself for any answer.
Truth's grin somehow widened even further and Selim got the distinct impression that the being was looking past Selim now.
For the second time, Selim turned to follow the non-existent gaze and saw, to his great relief, a girl with short, dark, curly hair blinking and looking around in a dazed confusion.
It took a moment for her eyes to fall on him, but when they did, he saw almost as much relief in them as he'd felt just a moment before.
"Selim?" she asked as she walked up to him. Her voice seemed different, ethereal somehow. If she noticed the slight difference, she didn't show it. "Where are we?"
He couldn't help but smile ever so slightly. "The Gate of Truth," he replied.
"What?" she asked, seeming more confused than ever. "Where is that? What is that?"
He found it strange that he didn't feel nearly as worried or upset as he had even a few seconds before. That probably had a lot to do with the fact that he'd succeeded in his goal of reaching her soul before it could truly pass on. He gladly took a few calm moments to think, trying to come up with a quick way to answer her question accurately. Nothing came immediately to mind. "It's difficult to explain."
"Try," she insisted, folding her arms in front of her. He wondered how she could still have that old trench-coat with all of those pockets on. Was it because she'd died in it?
He shrugged and began to explain, hoping she'd just get the gist of it. "This is a sort of alternate state of being, at least that is my hypothesis. My father figured it was a bridge between the mind and the soul and the body." He turned and glanced at his own gate again. Truth seemed completely content to just stand there, watching them amusedly as Selim went on. "It's where Alchemists go when they perform human transmutation."
Mandy's eyes went wide in shock. "Human transmutation?"
He smiled at her. "Yes."
She swallowed loudly. "Then why are we here? I mean you're not an alchemist and I don't remember…" she faded off.
Selim watched her curiously. What was the last thing she remembered? From her expression, she was having a hard time recalling it. Then she closed her eyes in concentration. It only took her a few moments before her eyes snapped open and she gasped.
"Selim! The sniper! You said they had a sniper and so I…" she faded off when he looked away, unable to meet her eyes. Even now, even feeling so grateful for it, he did not want to remember what he'd felt when she'd pushed him out of the way and been so hurt for it in his place. He didn't want to recall how she'd gone limp in death not minutes later. It still hurt.
Movement had him glancing over at her from the corner of his eye. Her hand had reached up to rub at the spot where the bullet had pierced her neck as she tried to piece her memories together.
"Selim…am I dead?"
He really couldn't look at her now. So this was guilt? Yet another new and terrible emotion to add to the pile. Why did he even feel this way? What did he have to feel guilty for? He hadn't asked her to push him out of the way. He hadn't wanted her to get killed in his place. Somehow that didn't lessen the shame he now felt.
But she deserved to know, didn't she?
"Yes."
Her mouth fell open and she took a staggering step back. Selim didn't really know what to say, so he kept his own mouth shut and watched her warily. After a few moments, she dropped to her knees, seemingly unable to say anything. He'd never known her to be that quiet. It bothered him. She should be talking and teasing and being her normal, annoying self. Finally he couldn't stay quiet any longer. He had to say something to break the silence.
"But I came for you. I came to get you back."
She blinked up at him, gaze only slightly dull and unfocused. "What?"
"I performed the transmutation."
"But…you said—" she started to get out, but Selim cut her off.
"I didn't know. As far as I understood I didn't have the ability for it." He glanced around at the whiteness and sighed. "This place, we think it is the embodiment of the collective unconscious, or at least the area behind the gate. All human knowledge is stored here—all truth that humans as a species have come to know. The gate is a way into that and it is where Alchemists get their power from. The only reason you are here with me is because you're the reason I came here. You died even though I finished mending your body. I…accidentally activated the circle not long after that."
"You…came for me?" she asked in a small voice, sounding as if she were trying to catch up with everything he'd said and failing miserably. "But…why?"
He shook his head with a mirthless chuckle. "Because you are one of the few people I have ever known who actually care for me, and the thought of losing that…well, I didn't wish to lose it."
Mandy blinked at him as her mind digested that. Then she smiled. It was a small, thin smile, but it was real.
"Thank you."
He shrugged. "I would like to point out that none of this would have happened if you hadn't pushed me out of the way," Selim said, shooting a glare at her. There wasn't any real heat behind it though.
She just shook her head. "I wasn't about to let you get shot."
"I didn't ask you to save me," he muttered, pride a little bruised that she'd been able to put all the clues together before hand. He shouldn't have needed saving, and she'd just been lucky to have gotten there when she had. Or unlucky as the case may be.
Mandy sent him a watery smile. "A simple 'thank you' would do."
But he wasn't thankful…well, he was, but he didn't like the fact that she had sacrificed herself for him. But then, if he'd been in her shoes…
"Thank you," he whispered.
"You're welcome, silly."
He smiled sadly.
"Selim," Mandy asked suddenly, her voice slightly panicked. "What's that?"
Selim looked up and saw she was looking behind him. Oh great. How did he explain Truth? Before he could answer, the being behind him did.
"I am perhaps everything and nothing. I am what you call the world or the universe, or God, or truth, or all, or one."
"Or none," Selim couldn't help but say dryly as he turned to look back at the being again. "You are merely that which is inside all humans, just as the Gate is. A hollow version of that which an Alchemist seeks."
Truth smirked.
"In the simplest nutshell," Selim told Mandy with a sigh as he turned to her again, "that is the gatekeeper. It resides inside everyone as the Gate of Truth does."
Her eyes grew confused and slightly worried.
"Where you said alchemists get their powers, right?"
Selim couldn't help but be relieved that she'd caught on. "Correct."
She pursed her lips. "I'm not sure I understand, so let me see if I have this straight: I died and you want to bring my soul back, so you performed a human transmutation to get me from this place, which is the bridge between life and death (or knowledge or whatever) before my soul can pass into…for lack of a better term, the afterlife, right?"
He found himself rather impressed. "Actually, that's pretty accurate."
They fell into silence after that, each lost in their own thoughts. After a moment, the Gatekeeper cocked its head and the door behind him opened. "It's time that you move on. You know you have little choice in what I take from you in exchange." The being said it as a fact and with almost no emotion.
"Exchange?" Mandy asked suddenly. "What do you mean 'exchange'?"
Now it was Selim's turn to send her a forced smile. "You didn't think that getting your soul would be that easy, did you?"
And suddenly, he knew what the being would take. He stiffened rigidly and clenched his hands into fists. "Not that," he said quietly over his shoulder to the gatekeeper. "I've only just realized, so not…please…"
"You knew what you would have to give up."
"No," Mandy interjected. "Not for me. I'm not worth it, whatever it is."
Selim shot a glare in her direction. "Apparently you are or Truth wouldn't ask for it."
She just stared at him, at a loss for words. After a moment, Selim closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Then he opened them, glanced at Mandy, and sighed. "I knew what I would have to do. I will take responsibility for my decision."
"Well then, you know what to do," the gatekeeper said, thumbing towards the open gate.
"Yes," the homunculus said. Then, before he could change his mind, he took a step forward, beginning his seemingly endless stride towards the portal. Probably as confused as ever, Mandy followed. They had almost reached the gate when the small, black hands streamed through it. Behind him, Mandy gasped, but she couldn't avoid them anymore than he could.
And that brought a new thought. She would be going through the gate. Would she be able to perform circle-less transmutations now? Would she lose something too? He almost turned back to Truth to ask, but the hands that wrapped around him prevented him from doing so. He didn't like the restriction and wondered for a few vague moments if this was what it felt like for others to be wrapped in his shadows.
Then he steeled himself as the gate, just barely big enough for them to fit through, opened fully and he and Mandy were dragged inside.
xXx
Wakefulness came slowly to Mandy, and it didn't come easily. She felt as if her consciousness was swimming through molasses. Once she did open her eyes, she had to wonder why the room seemed familiar. Had she, perhaps, woken before this? She didn't remember and her muddled mind refused to allow for anything clearer, so she finally dismissed the realization from her mind and looked around.
It was a white hospital room, very bare and rather empty. The lights had been dimmed and so it didn't quite hurt her eyes to look, but she didn't see anyone or anything of interest. She couldn't even seem to remember why she was here to begin with. And she was thirsty too. Really thirsty.
Still, this wasn't the first time she'd been in a hospital room (she'd had more than her share of accidents with alchemy alone, and that didn't take her rather forward nature into account), and she knew her way around more or less. So, with floppy movements that still screamed 'tired', she felt around for the little button that would call a nurse. It took her all too long to find it, and when she did she could barely find the strength to push the button.
By the time the nurse answered her call, she was already out again.
xXx
The second time Mandy woke, conscious came much more easily. She managed to open her eyes and look around tiredly. Finding the button to call a nurse again, she pushed it and waited for someone to show up. It took a few minutes for the nurse on duty to appear, and to her surprise, she brought someone else with her.
"Sir!" Mandy said, trying to sit up as Major General Roy Mustang walked into the room, his lieutenant trailing behind him.
"Don't even think about moving," her superior said sternly, causing her to cease her struggles. Then his expression softened. "It's good to see you doing well, Parkins. I'm glad you managed to wake up while I was here."
She nodded and forced a watery smile through the musty confusion in her head. "Thank you, Sir. How long have I been out?" Her attention turned briefly to the nurse, who had read her mind and poured her a glass of water. The woman also handed her a small cup with a few pills in it.
Sighing, Mandy took the pills and the water and downed them as she waited for the General to answer her.
"Almost a week," he responded, shaking his head. "Apparently that can happen when someone gets as injured as you were."
And then it started to come back and Mandy put a hand to her throat. She felt nothing but smooth skin under her fingertips. The gesture reminded her of something…
"Oh my…" she gasped and her body tensed. Then she looked back at the General. "I was dead, wasn't I?"
The man's grim expression told her everything she needed to know.
"Then why am I…wait, Selim!" she couldn't help but look up worriedly at her superior. "He saved me, sir! He said something about getting to me before I went through the gate!"
Mustang nodded in confirmation. "Yes. His actions saved your life."
"Where is he, sir?" she asked, trying not to sound pleading. The General sighed and put a hand to the bridge of his nose.
"He's in a coma."
"Sir!" Hawkeye said reprovingly as Mandy felt a cold numbness wash over her.
"W-what?" she choked out.
Mustang set his firm, intense gaze on her, milky eyes watching her closely. "I'm not going to lie to you, Major. He has been unconscious for as long as you have. Unlike you, we have no idea when or even if he'll regain consciousness."
Mandy didn't know exactly what to think of that, but she knew she didn't like it. Selim had done so much for her—had risked who knew what to save her and now…
"It's my fault, isn't it," she realized, speaking aloud but mainly to herself. "He's like that because he was trying to save me."
"No," came the firm reply. Mandy looked back at those strange eyes as Mustang continued to speak. "Pride—Selim," he amended quickly, "made his own choice. It is his own fault, not yours. If anything, blame Clemin for starting this whole thing."
She wasn't quite sure she believed that, but she did appreciate the sentiment.
"Where is he now?" she asked softly, looking down at her clenched hands and forcing them to relax.
Mustang seemed to know what she was thinking. "In a room on a more secure floor of the hospital."
Mandy frowned and remembered how he had been imprisoned before. Somehow, she really didn't want that for him right now, and if no one else would fight for him…
"Is there light in the room?" she asked, still not looking up.
"Yes," Mustang responded, sounding puzzled. Mandy felt relief wash over her. "Why do you ask?" the General inquired.
The younger alchemist sighed and glanced over at him. "He hates the dark, you know. I know it's the only way to really control him, but…he's scared of it. Has a terrible phobia. I don't care if he's different from what I remember. I didn't want him to wake up like that."
To her surprise, the General chuckled. "Don't worry, Parkins. You don't have to convince me that he's changed. He did that himself."
She looked between him and Hawkeye, as if to double check and make sure that he was, in fact, speaking the truth. "How?"
The General shook his head, a wry smile on his face as he rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "He begged me to bring you back before he realized he could somehow do alchemy as well. Quite literally, I might add."
Mandy felt her own eyes widen in shock. "He…what?"
Mustang understood her own incredulity because he had a trace of that showing on his own face.
"I know. It really convinced me as to how different he really is. I can't in good conscience dismiss him as a potential threat, but I can and will fight to give him another chance."
The dark-haired girl felt a smile come to her own lips. "Thank you, sir," she whispered quietly.
"You're welcome," Mustang said with a wave of his hand. "Now I expect a full report when you're well enough. Until then, your father will arrive tomorrow."
The smile vanished from her face. "Alone?" she asked.
His puzzled expression returned. "I believe so, why?"
She relaxed ever so slightly. "No reason."
He hummed in response to that, looking her up and down suspiciously before seeming to shrug it off.
"Anyway, you get more rest. We'll discuss more later, when you're up to it."
"Yes, sir," she said, stifling a yawn. "Thank you, sir."
"Goodnight, Parkins," Mustang said with a wave before turning and striding out of her room. She watched him go for several seconds before her thoughts returned to Selim with a sad frown.
Please be alright, Selim, she thought to herself. I saved you because you're my friend and I want you to live. Don't you dare die on me now.
xXx
AN: Here's the second to last chapter. I'm...kind of in shock. This will be the first fic I've finished that isn't a one-shot that I don't plan on writing a sequel to...I don't do endings very well. As such, I'm immensely proud (*cough* pun intended) of myself and incredibly thankful to everyone reading this. I really can't say it enough.
Oh, and thanks to Shade40 yet again! She's amazing!
