Renesmee
Chapter 28
Feeling Awful
I put Jessie to sleep playing the song that my dad had
written for me to him in his head. I laid there next him watching him sleep feeling the tears building in my eyes again.
I just don't really understand the eating thing, it's not that I think my son is a monster, I just can't imagine him eating like that.
"Renesmee," my dad whispered from the doorway.
I looked up at him and he motioned for me to come out. I carefully got out of bed to not wake up Jessie, and then followed him downstairs to where everyone was sitting around in the living room.
I could feel everyone watching me as I sat down next to Jake. He put his arm around me then Grandpa Carlisle cleared his throat and started speaking.
"Honey, we all love you very much, but there is something that seriously needs to be addressed here. We understand why you might have aversions to the way he eats, but it is obviously natural for him to eat this way. I strongly believe that he is the first of his kind."
"But I," he cut me off raising his hand.
Let me finish please. Honey, you are half human and half vampire and his father is half human and half wolf. We don't have any idea what else might be coming when he reaches the right age to phase.
His life is a mystery that we are going to have to adapt to and adjust for. As we all can see, Jessie, is already feeling that he is different and what he heard last night only solidified that thought.
You are going to have to accept what comes or you will eventually push your son away."
I buried my face in Jake's shoulder to hide my tears as he continued, "he will need you both there to help him understand what is going on.
Jake you know as well as I do, the confusion that sets in once he phases. He will need complete trust in his family so we can all help him.
This is the second point that I wanted to address. He has a natural craving for blood also with the vampire side of him. I have no idea how that is going to affect him later in his life. You are his mother, honey, and he is going to need you to be there for him one hundred percent, not trying to avoid his habits and personality."
"I just can't imagine my son eating like that," I say quietly as my mother abruptly walked over and kneeled in front of me.
"Shut up and get over it, Renesmee," she scolded me, "I didn't like the fact that my daughter was drinking blood, but I accepted it because it is a part of who you are. Put your feelings aside and think about how he felt hearing his mother say that."
"I think about it every second," I reply sobbing.
"Do you want your son to grow up hating you?" she asked.
I quickly shook my head no.
"I know that you have watched Jake eating," she said, "now granted that was when he was phased but it is really no different. He is still Jake, just a different form."
Jake tightened his arm around me.
"She is right baby, you are going to have to accept him for who he is, not what you expect him to be. You have never had a problem watching me eat, and I'm still the same person."
"I know," I sigh, "It's different because he is my son. I just want him to grow up and be happy like I did. His childhood is going to be short just like mine, and I want to make the most of it while I can. It just feels like I am already starting to lose him."
"The only way you will lose him is if you push him away," my mom reminded me.
I caught the hateful look from Rosalie as she started in on me, "How in the world could you even think that Nessie. Do you have any idea how lucky you are to even be able to have children?
Most of us would do anything in the world to be able to have that. I wish that I had had that chance but it was stolen from me. That is something that I will never be able to have and here you are pretty much just throwing it away. How could you even think about something like that?"
"Rosalie please," my dad sounded sad.
"No Edward," she continued, "She needs to realize what is going on here and what she is doing before something awful happens. What if he hadn't gone to his grandfather? What if he left to never come back?"
"That's enough Rosalie," Grandpa Carlisle stopped her ranting.
"No, she's right," my voice wavered, "I just…."
I couldn't even imagine what I would do if he had never come back.
Jake patted my hair, "Don't worry we will get through this and everything is going to be ok, we just have to be prepared to accept that fact that he is going to be different from anything that any of us has ever known. That doesn't make him any different, that just makes him special."
"He's right," my dad said, "No one has ever heard of anything like this being able to be done before so we are the first."
"He is a wonderful addition to this family," Grandma Esme voiced her opinion, "and there couldn't be a more happy family to have him here."
We all nodded our heads in agreement. The conversation continued to almost lunch time as we all kept talking about the little things that I used to do as I was growing up.
I didn't realize how much my parents had wished that my childhood had been longer until I had Jessie. We all turned when we heard Jessie coming down the stairs. He noticed us sitting in the living room and quickly came in and leapt into Jake's arms.
I'll admit it hurt that he didn't come to me like he usually did but then again I can't really blame him. He looked into my eyes as they started to tear up and climbed into my arms wiping a tear off my cheek.
"So, how much trouble am I in?" he asked.
"You're not in trouble honey," I assured him, "we were just talking about how much trouble 'mommy' is in right now."
He giggled a little and then said looking down at the floor, "I love you, it just hurt hearing that from you."
I squeezed him in my arms.
"I'm sorry I didn't really know how to deal with it yet. You are my precious little angel and I will always love you. Just please don't ever run off like that again."
"Yes," Aunt Rosalie said glaring at my mom, "You can come to me anytime if you need to."
"I said that's enough Rosalie," Great Grandpa Carlisle snapped.
She got up and stormed out to the garage.
"Why is she so mad?" Jessie asked.
"Well, there were some things that happened to her when she was younger and this reminds her of that," my dad explained.
"Oh so that is why she is so mad," Jessie frowned.
He got up and skipped out into the garage.
"I know good and well that he is hungry now," my mom said, "I think that this will be a good time for you to take him out hunting, dear."
"Ok," I agreed, "So you ready to go out for a hunt honey," I ask. "No dear," my mom said, "Just you and Jessie."
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