Piper had thought about Lauren's suggestion but every time she thought of actually talking to Alex she didn't. She had become accustomed over the past nearly three years to being Alex's everything and she wasn't sure she wanted to change that. And she had made certain promises to her love, no adult day programs or nursing homes unless she got violent or uncontrollable. Two weeks passed by and Piper finally had a routine. But if one thing with Alex was guaranteed it was that there was always a curve ball around the next corner.
In the middle of the night she was awakened by a blood curdling scream. At first she couldn't tell if it was in the house or outside. Then she heard it again and she felt her wife kicking and punching. She didn't know if she was awake but she knew she was having a panic attack. At first, they both had them multiple times a night and sometimes during the day too. Then it went to once a week, then once or twice a month. Now they had between five to ten a year, most often it was Alex. She was trapped in whatever nightmare that was causing her fear. She was trembling and Piper could tell her heart was beating dangerously fast for a normal person and even more with her weak heart. She knew she had to wake Alex up, already at terms with the fact that she would likely get punched in the face. People didn't understand why she stayed with someone who could be violent out of nowhere but that person wasn't Alex, she wasn't herself and it made her feel terrible. If Alex as herself hit her unprovoked things would be different.
She gently touched Alex's shoulder, "Baby wake up. Your having a panic attack."
And as predicted, she struck before Piper could wrap her distraught wife into her arms and hold her down.
"It felt so real but at the same time I felt like I was outside myself. Now I feel so dizzy and my chest hurts."
"I know it hurts baby. But you gotta breathe neither one of us wants you to go to the ER and have what we both know will happen happen. You remember your four days in the psych ward still,well I do anyway, "Piper said as she pulled her wife into her arms and ran her fingers through her sweaty hair as tears fell. Piper showered her with tiny kisses as she counted breaths for her wife.
"Okay baby, you keep concentrating on your breathing, this isn't good for your weak heart, and I'll get you some medicine and then we'll talk, that sound okay, Al?"
She watched her weakly shake her head yes. Then she dashed into their closet and found the locked box where she kept the addictive medications from her recovering addict wife. She left her with two oxys at a time, everything else was locked away. She found the bottle of Klonopin and got a tablet from the bottle. She then put it back in the box, checked the lock and put the box away then she went to the bathroom and got a glass of water before stepping back into their room. She sat on the edge of the bed and told her wife to open up then put the tablet in her wife's mouth and then encouraged her to drink a couple sips of water. Then she placed the glass on her nightstand and took her wife onto her lap who instantly folded herself against her chest.
"You wanna talk about it baby?"
"No. "
"Keeping it to yourself isn't going to help you."
"I'm scared that it will happen."
"It's a nightmare. I know it seemed real and the trauma even more so but it's all in your beautiful head."
"Kubra."
"I figured as much. What did he do?"
"We were at the park. You had left me alone with Charlie and he kidnapped him. I was worried he would kill me, you or all of us. He just looked at Charlie with a sickening grin,'Oh, we're way past murder thanks to what you dyke bitches did. No, I don't want you two. I want this little boy, I want to take away the thing you two love the most. Besides I can get top dollar for a light eyed Caucasian baby boy, if only he had your wife's blonde hair then he'd really be valuable.' 'I wasn't aware you were in the business of human trafficking.' 'Really Alexandra, you know me. I have slaves, both as workers and for sex. And I'm a businessman. If I see something that can make me money like little Charles here, then I go for it. Even more if it sticks it to my rival. And you and that stupid girl have made yourselves my rival. I would have thought her brush with death would have brought her to her senses, I always saw her as being so logical, I liked that about her but obviously neither of you are the woman I thought you guys were. So now you have something I want.' 'And if I don't give him to you?' 'I wasn't done with your wife when she abandoned you. I'll take both of them, make Piper my newest concubine. An all-American girl like her is just what I'm missing.' 'You expect her to go willingly and participate in this arrangement your proposing?' 'No but that doesn't matter. I'll rape and starve her and if that still doesn't work I'll forcibly impregnate her, then she'll have no choice but to depend on my kindness unless she wants me to force her to miscarry or sell that child too. She finds the ability to love me and I'll give her nice things. I'm sure I could have some fun orgies with her. I exhaust every avenue I have then I'll have no choice but to sell her to someone worse than me. So, which is it? Your son or your wife?' I took too long so he snatched Charlie out of the stroller and before he ran away he told me if I screamed or called the police he would be dead before I could file a police report. And then, and then he, he sold him to a black market adoption ring. I tried to get him back but he was gone forever. You blamed me for everything and I hated myself. I wanted to tell you he threatened to make you his sex slave. To force you to have his child in a Third World country where even with Kubra's money you could die. Where he would probably keep you pregnant to keep you under control which would be just as likely to kill you. But I didn't tell you that because I would rather loose you forever than force you to relive the grooming and rape he had already done to you. So I let you think it was all my fault. Then you left me and went back to the world. I cried that I needed you but you didn't care, all you saw was the reason you lost your firstborn child."
Alex looked up from her wife's breast and saw the glistening tears streaming down her love's face, "babe,don't cry. It breaks me to tiny pieces and wrecks that weak heart you just mentioned. I regret all of it. You got mixed up in this and now you chose to stay and nobody gets it, I'm not sure I even do."
"Yeah I knew there was some real fear and vulnerability folded into it. All that matters is that I know why I stick by you. I could get someone else but I wouldn't want to make babies with anyone but you. How many times do I have to remind you I knew who you were from the start and still I followed you. My only regrets were the two times I left and cheating. The rest I never will regret because of those things we have the most amazing human being to ever exist. I love you so much, there's no words for how I love you and this human we made together, as much from our love as possible for a couple lesbians. Want some tea?"
"Why are you with me?"
"Your my soulmate. You are why I exist. And I want to be the one you depend on. The greatest honor in my life is that I'm the one you trust enough to give your whole heart to and cry in their lap. No one else in the world has or will ever be able to say that. It makes me feel so unbelievably special."
"You are such a sweetheart. Your trust and affection is just as meaningful to me. And you domesticated me and I like it, more than I ever coulda thought I was capable of enjoying it, I was so sure that was impossible or I would totally suck at it so your so fucking special. You are mortal right?"
"Not so sure. I swear sometimes I must be a superhero and it's only gonna be harder and more work as Charlie becomes ambulatory."
"What would make it easier? You think you have to do everything, that that's what I want but it isn't. I already watched one woman I love work herself to death but I was a kid and powerless but I refuse to stand by and let you do the same thing. I want to grow old with you over anything else."
"I've been thinking about a couple things. Lauren suggested we, well you get an assistance dog."
"That sounds like a lot of research and then I'm not sure I deserve one. My condition is my own fault."
"I knew you would say that. It doesn't matter how you got disabled. Do veterans with assistance dogs not deserve it because they sign up for potential death and disability?"
"No."
"Her cousin Rylee has contacts."
"Okay. What else?"
"A house cleaner preferably weekly. When we wean Charlie a mother's helper part-time. Of course these would be people we would both have to want to trust."
"Yes."
"I thought I'd have to work a little harder to convince you."
"When you promised to take care of me, I promised to spoil you and do whatever is in my power to give you your every dream and make you happy."
"I love you. Tea coming up, chamomile?"
"Please. And I love you more."
A few minutes later Piper came back into the room with a travel mug with a straw and their son.
"Pipes,why did you wake him up?"
"Cause I thought it would relax you. And I went by his room just to check on him cause your dream was just as traumatic for me and then I saw his little head pop up as I stood in the glow of his nightlight so I picked him up and kissed him. It's one-thirty, he'd be waking up soon anyway and if he had complained I would have left him in his crib. Maybe we should move him back into our room. I don't think we're ready. I would rather be tired at work and know where our boy is while he's still small enough to fit in his bassinet. So you want baby cuddles? Cause he wants momma snuggles!"
"Yes!"
"Tea and infant, as promised."
"Why does he smell so amazing? Every other baby I've ever been around has smelled like sour milk but him he smells so sweet and like coconut, lavender and vanilla."
"Well he did come out of me and we know you love how that smells. And you nuzzle against my breasts more now than ever so I'm going with you like how that smells too."
"Funny Pipes."
"Okay it's cause I make my own baby products. I'm thinking about trying a lemon mint daytime wash and a chamomile, aloe and oatmeal for sick or itchy babies."
"You should sell this stuff at like farmer's markets and online."
"I'm a working mother and married to a woman with multiple disabilities and I have a list of my own. We just established I'm doing too much so who's going to manage this project?"
"I will. Nobody would hire me but with my special settings and technology I can manage a company and our products. Lisa was just asking where she could get our baby lotion, I told her you make it. She was amazed. So we have a lawyer who would probably help us with the legal and registration aspects. You know we make fucking awesome partners."
"Okay but this has to come behind our marriage and raising our son."
"Of course, I wouldn't have it any other way, nothing means more to me than my family."
Three days later the two were sitting at a table, Piper breastfeeding Charlie in his sling, while they met with Rylee and her friend Logan from Canine Angels.
"Hello ladies, I'm Logan, assistant director of Canine Angels. We started out as an organization that trained seizure dogs and then we started working with acquired brain injury clients and then we saw an unmet need three years ago and started training dogs for adults with multiple disabilities with the requirement that they have a moderate to severe brain injury. Normally we don't work with clients with children under four but we are prepared to make an exception."
"Thank you and I promise we have enough time to devote to a dog."
"Yes, we do," Alex answered as Piper handed her their son, "and your gonna be good to momma's puppy too, my angel. Yes I know you will."
"So, Alex how about you outline your disabilities."
She just looked pleadingly at her wife.
"It's hard enough for her to talk at all but even more about what happened to her. So is it okay if I tell you? I know her condition most likely better than she does."
"Of course Piper. It's not unusual that for whatever reason we have to get basic information from our client's primary caregiver."
"She has a severe TBI with brain damage due to lack of oxygen during resuscitation. Minutes separated her from being a vegetable and luck from being one anyway. She has trouble with speech, fine motor skills, short and long term memory, confusion, concentration, processing, difficulties with senses and touch, physical issues and socio-emotional difficulties. She had damage to her back and spine. Multiple broken bones, she nearly lost her right leg and depends on a cane but her TBI makes her balance be off. She likes to cook and she's good at it but I worry. I also worry about her falling. She had extensive internal injuries. She was left visually impaired, currently just above blind, due to trauma and damage to her optic nerve. She has chronic PTSD, major depression, chronic pain and panic disorder with agoraphobia. But she's an amazing wife and mother, she loves us so much and would do anything for us as I would for her."
"Other than cooking and caring for her family what are her hobbies?"
"She's always loved reading, although now it's mainly audiobooks or her Kindle. I've gotten her into puzzles and coloring to help with her cognitive and motor skills. She sleeps a lot. We're working on starting a baby product business, hoping to launch in mid-July."
"Okay. I definitely think we can match you with a dog, Alex if you would like to move forward."
"Yes, I would. Pipes?"
"Yes. Charlie's busy with his pacifier but he says yes too. So what does going forward mean?"
"Well I would email you the application and medical form by the end of the day. You or your wife can fill out the application. There is also a section for her to fill out as your primary caregiver. Then since you have psychiatric disabilities in addition to physical and cognitive disabilities we will send you two forms, one for your psychiatrist and the other your primary care doctor to fill out to fully detail your medical needs and ability to benefit from a dog. This and the information from you and your wife will help us make sure you get a good match and that the level 2 training is what you need. There will also be a financial form to fill out and who will do what for the dog and how involved each of you will be in caring for it, where it will sleep, what history you have caring for animals. The application fee is a sliding scale from three to five hundred dollars. Most likely it will be three hundred for you two. The money paid for the dog is considered a donation, its 3000. It used to be 5000 then we went to a conference and discovered that other organizations kept costs down by doing some or all their training for their dogs in prisions. It helps the prisoners, exposes them to lots of different people and the dogs get a lot of attention. So we started working with the Vermont State Women's prison. The 3000 can be paid in installments, we can't deliver a dog unless at least half is paid up."
"How long is the process?"
"From us receiving the completed application to you receiving the dog and given the two weeks of intensive handler training it takes around 18-20 months."
"Sounds good."
They traded information and two weeks later submitted their completed application and put the fee on their credit card, Alex tried to convince Piper not to but she argued this was why they had gotten it in the first place. Alex yet again reminded that even she couldn't win an argument with Piper, she especially couldn't the blonde had a power over her that she didn't truly mind.
