Five months and nineteen days. That's how long Hawke had now been missing.

Winter had begun to worry about her uncle's mental stability; Fenris had become even more anxious and on-edge as the months went by, and his old nightmares of being a slave had returned. It had reached the point where she would have to rush to his bedside when the screams and roars of pain were heard clearly from wherever they were sleeping.

The amount of times she and Wynne had to usher away the templars trying to 'free the elf of the demon's hold' was too many to count. Some of the mage apprentices at the Circle had even offered to create a potion to stop the nightmares, but Fenris had refused their kind offer.

Fenris' fighting had became more desperate; he wouldn't stop until everyone around him was dead, and he had almost killed Wynne with a sword swing to the head, had she not deflected the blow with a barrier.

The young mage sighed as she peered at the map; they were nearing Lothering. All Winter knew about Lothering was that Hawke and Carver grew up there. Alistair had also mentioned it was in the chantry here that he found a Ferelden rose, still in full bloom despite the Blight, which he had given to Katherine.

Bruiser was a few paces in front of them, sniffing the ground to try and catch his master's scent. Wynne and Fenris were behind her, talking in hushed whispers. Winter tried her hardest to try and catch what they were saying, but with the sound of horse hooves, Bruiser snorting and the wind rushing through the trees didn't help the situation.

"We're nearing Lothering!" Winter spoke loudly to try and be heard over the wind.

"Ah Lothering, I haven't been here for ages! Last time I came here, I was with Shale and we had stopped here on our way to Orzammar. Lovely little village," Wynne mused.

"Haven't you been here with Hawke, uncle?"

Fenris remained silent, his gaze to the sky as he frowned; the clouds were darkening and they looked like they were going to burst with rain at any minute.

"Uncle Fen?"

He shook his head and looked over at his niece, who was paying attention to the map again, calculating where their next move would be after stopping in Lothering for a couple of days. He didn't mean to ignore her, but his mind was simply elsewhere...

"Winter is incredibly smart; did she go to a college?"

"Home-schooled. Her parents were magisters in Tevinter."

"Yes she mentioned what had happened...I'm surprised she isn't more resentful towards you."

Fenris glared at the elder mage before sighing, "Her parents didn't spend any time with her, so she didn't form a bond."

"She must have been very lonely," Wynne frowned sadly before fixing her gaze on the young girl practically skipping in front of them, her ginger pig-tails streaming behind her whilst she hummed a happy tune Hawke had taught her.

As they arrived at Lothering, Fenris' eyes widened as Lothering had completely transformed; it was exactly as Hawke's drawings. She had drew those whilst stuck on the ship to Kirkwall; she needed something to preoccupy herself and keep her mother happy, so she drew those pictures for her mother.

Everything had been completely re-built, and it was the picturesque village it used to be. Fenris dismounted his horse and gave the reins to Winter before storming ahead of them, his eyes darting from one building to the other as he grabbed a piece of parchment from his pocket.

Red Ferelden roses, little wooden fence, pond in the front garden…

Ignoring his niece's calls, Fenris was on a mission to find the little house at the edge of the village; the one that Hawke used to live in. He didn't know if it would still be standing, or re-built completely anew, but he knew that Hawke would want this closure.

Lothering was still being re-built when they last passed through here, and the were working on the outskirts of the village whilst they were there.

Fenris narrowed his eyes at the picture.

Tree on hill in background, slightly to the right of the house.

The pond was still there, but the house was not. In place of Hawke's family home, was a statue of a hawk. Ferelden red roses planted at the foot of the giant bronze statue, and it appeared to be a memorial statue. The elf stepped closer to inspect the plaque that was on display at the foot of the statue:

This statue is to commemorate the Champion of Kirkwall, Trinity Hawke

Hawke was part of Lothering for many years before the Fifth Blight

She was a brave women who was a hero in our eyes

Fly safe, little Hawke

"She would have hated this," Fenris chuckled under his breath, his fingertips running along the embossed letters of the plaque, remembering Hawke's reaction at the statue built for her at the Docks, back in Kirkwall. She never visited the docks much after that.

Fenris suddenly felt a wet nose press against his palm, followed by a gentle lick. Bruiser was at his side, whining as he looked up at the statue dedicated to his owner.

The elf smiled sadly as he scratched the back of the mabari's ears, "Don't worry, we'll find her soon."

"Uncle Fen!"

Winter had caught up with him, now riding the horse he had given her. Her eyes were widened with worry, but she wore a large smile on her face.

"Alistair's agent provided us a lead. They said that a human matching Hawke's description was here with a group of dalish elves, and that they were heading to Orlais after trading with some of the local merchants. That was two days ago."

Fenris tried to absorb the information as quick as he could before ushering Winter to move from the riding position so he could take over. Winter wrapped her arms around her uncle's waist and they rode off towards the Brecillian forest, Wynne and Bruiser following close behind.

Just hearing the news that Hawke could possibly be alive gave Fenris hope; he could still save her from herself. A new level of determination kicked in and the adrenaline became coursing through Fenris' veins.

He would not stop until he found her.


Hawke had become an 'unofficial' part of the Lavellan clan as the months went by. She helped tend to the injured hunters who came back after a scrape with wolves or a bear, gather herbs with the mages and helped protect the aravels when they became under attack from bandits.

Only a few of the dalish elves were still skeptical of Hawke. But she had won over Keeper Deshanna after she saved Valania from a pack of wolves. The 'silly girl' (as Deshanna keeps referring her to) was almost chewed alive after a spirit barrier failed on her during training.

They were currently camping a few miles into the Brecilian forest, far away from any main paths. Hawke was currently sat with a few of the other elves, swapping tales and listening to stories from one of the elders of the clan.

"Hey Beth," Valania skipped up to Hawke, hiding something behind her back.

"Feynlen giving you trouble again?" Hawke smirked, waggling her eyebrows suggestively as the small elf blushed profusely.

"Not recently...But I bought you something from that human village we went through!" Valania bounced about on her feet with excitement as she handed the present to Hawke, looking like she was going to burst with giddiness.

Hawke's eyes widened as she was handed a lute, not realising everyone else was watching the two women. Hawke's fingers gently caressed the strings of the lute, admiring the craftsmanship of the lute. Tears starting swelling in her eyes as she realised it was a lute from the local lute maker; he was the one who taught her how to play, and she was relieved to hear she had survived the Blight.

"Did I do something wrong?" Valania muttered, fiddling with her hands as she became increasingly nervous.

Before her tears could fall, Hawke wiped them away and immediately embraced Valania, whispering thanks into her ear and clinging onto the smaller woman.

"We didn't know you played, Bethany!" One of the children asked, bringing a smile from the human mage.

"I used to play at the tavern in the village I grew up in. Also did some singing as well," Hawke smiled, reminiscing to herself about the innocent days she had in Lothering.

"Could you play for us?" Valania asked shyly, plopping down on the blanket beside Hawke.

Hawke blushed profusely before giving a small smile, "I'm a little rusty, so bare with me."

She gently played a few of the chords, enjoying the familiar feel of hide strings cutting into her fingers slightly. After strumming a few more chords in a familiar pattern, she smiled to herself as she closed her eyes, feeling the sway of the music once more as memories of her past filled her.

"I feel sun, through the ashes in the sky…"

Her audience were entranced as she continued her song; Valania had pulled her knees to her chest and rested her head on them, her eyes fixated on the trance-like state Hawke was now in. Even Keeper Deshanna stopped her rounds of the camp to listen in on the performance.

"I am the one, who can recount what we've lost…"

It was a popular song for a bard to sing, as it was rather well-known throughout Thedas. But that particular line struck a chord within Hawke; she could feel the rage and self-loathing bubble up inside of her.

It was my fault that father died. It was my fault that Kirkwall went to shit. It was my fault that Fenris was left all alone. Fenris…

Trinity managed to keep her cool until the song finished, where she managed a smile as all the elves around her applauded, thanked her, then went on their way to turn in for the night.

"Why were you really in the forest when I found you?" Valania asked quietly when the others had left.

Before Hawke could stop them, tears fell from her eyes. When she put her hand to her face to hide hem, Trinity couldn't feel them rolling down her cheeks.

It was only the look of horror on Valania's face did Hawke realise that the second her tears were about to leave her eyes, they were evaporating into steam.