Chapter Twenty Seven
As I pulled up to the arena and was directed into a parking space, I glimpsed the fans standing on the other side of the temporary barricades. There were security guards stationed about in case anything got out of hand but everything seemed to be in order. When I stepped out of the car, my ears were met with an assault of cheers and fans screaming my name. I retrieved my luggage from the trunk of the car, and set course towards the back entrance of the building, stopping to sign merchandise and take pictures with as many fans as I could. That was when I caught sight of Randy's bus pulling up. To be more specific, I heard the damn thing first, but by the time I finished with the fan interaction, the bus was parked and the doors opened up as I proceeded past.
"Mickie, long time no see!"
I let go of my luggage and approached the familiar man, and returned his grin, "Kevin, how are you?" I gave him a brief hug and then stepped back. Kevin had become someone I'd gotten to know fairly well since Randy had decided to get the bus. While I'd been away in Florida, I'd known I could count on him to look after Randy. I considered him as good as family, and these last few years would not have been the same without him.
"I'm good, Mickie. How about you?"
I shrugged my shoulders, "I could be better," I reached up and shielded the sun from my eyes with my hand, "But then I could be a lot worse, so I guess it depends how you look at it."
He offered me a sympathetic smile, "Well the bus isn't the same without you, Mickie."
"What can I say, I'm not known for being the life of the party for nothing," I joked, "How's Mel?"
"She's great. Better than great, in fact. We got married," he said, beaming.
"What?!" I exclaimed, "That's amazing! When was this and how did I not know?!"
"We kept it small, just family. It was kind of a spur of the moment thing. I proposed, and two weeks later we tied the knot."
"That sounds amazing," I placed a hand on his arm briefly, "Tell her I said congrats! And congrats to you too, I'm so happy for both of you!"
He laughed, "Thanks Mickie, I'll let her know." He hesitated and glanced back towards the bus, "I'm sorry about what's happened with you and Randy."
I looked down at the ground for a second to compose myself, "It's funny how things happen, isn't it?"
"Yeah …I never would have guessed, not you two."
"Well," I said, forcing a smile, "I better get inside."
He nodded his head, "It was good seeing you, Mickie. Don't be a stranger, alright?"
I waved one last time, and started inside just as Randy stepped off the bus and deafening screams from the surrounding fans started up again. Our eyes met but I didn't let my gaze linger, and instead continued heading towards the arena entrance.
Once I was inside, I consulted the board to find out where the women's locker room was and I made my way there, muttering various greetings to any superstars and crew alike that I came across. The door was in sight, and I'd just glimpsed several divas milling around outside when my cell phone rang from inside my purse and I had to stop and release my luggage in order to extract it.
"Hey Mom," I said with a smile, "I was going to call you as soon as I got settled in at the arena."
"Do you want me to call back?" she asked.
"No, no, just give me a second and I'll find some privacy," I cradled the phone against my ear with my shoulder, grabbed my luggage and had to try three different doors to find a vacant room. It was an empty office, so I took the chair and rested my feet up on the desk.
"How are you doing?"
"Mom, you ask that every time you call as if we didn't just have lunch together last week."
"Can you blame me? You haven't been yourself for awhile now. You can't fault me for worrying about you."
I released a sigh, "Well I'm about the same as I've been the last several months. Frustrated, angry, hurt."
"It's to be expected, Mickie. You've lost someone very close to you–"
"I didn't lose somebody close to me, Mom, my husband left me. Let's call it what it is."
"And I think that was very stupid of him, because I know how in love the two of you are, I've seen it firsthand. But Randy believes he's doing what's best for himself. You have to respect his decision."
"Is that what you did?" I asked harshly, "Just respected Dad's decision?" I immediately felt guilty for my words because I witnessed firsthand the pain my mother experienced when my father decided to leave her, "I'm sorry." It hadn't been easy for any of us. In seeing someone behind my mother's back, he hadn't only betrayed her, he'd betrayed my sister's and I. And while we all had good relationships with him, excluding my mother, I don't think any of us ever completely forgave him for tearing our family apart in the way that he did.
"It's fine. You're right. I look back now and wish that I'd handled the entire situation better. I wasted so much time and energy being angry when it wasn't going to change anything. It took me a long time to realize the love had faded out of our relationship long before he started seeing Kathy. But people need to forge their own way on their own and I can give you all the advice in the world but you need to do what you think is best for yourself. That's the true key to moving on. I will say this though, sometimes you have to let people go, Mickie. You can't force them to stay because then no one ends up happy."
"The love is still there with Randy and I, Mom, at least it is for me. So how am I supposed to deal with this?"
"With bravery and dignity. You know a wise woman once said 'You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you–"
"– meet it with courage and with the best that you have to give.' Eleanor Roosevelt. I remember you telling me that after Dad left."
She laughed, "Well you know how much I detest politics, but that quote has always stuck with me. It might have been awhile after your father left, but yes when I finally came to accept his decision and moved on, at some point that became sort of my motto in life and I've always tried my best to instill that within you girls. There's something to be said about a woman who handles every situation with class."
"I know, you raised us right. I've always tried my best to follow that advice. You did a good job, Mom…" I paused and then laughed, "Except maybe with Sammy, I doubt you could beat class into her."
"Mickie!" she chided me but laughed again, "Your sister is…"
"Dense, reckless, selfish? All of the above? You can stop me at anytime here."
"Free-spirited."
"Mom! Sammy isn't free-spirited, she's childish. There happens to be a significant difference. You're her mother, you're biased."
"I'm also your mother, and I'm fairly certain I taught you better respect."
"Oh I have respect, your youngest daughter on the other hand…" I could tell she was about to scold me again, "Okay I'm done! I should probably get going, I need to get something to eat before the show, get my attire looked after, go over a few things, chat with a few people …you know, the usual routine."
"Okay, enjoy the show. And Mickie?"
"Yeah?"
"Randy has always been crazy about you as long as I've known him. I know I said that it's best to let people go when they want to leave, and it is, because they need to figure things out for themselves. But don't give up hope, not completely. It would be a shame for what the two of you have to fade away because the both of you gave up on it. Let him figure things out, and more than that you may not realize it, but you have some work to do on yourself too."
"Thanks for the conundrum, Mom, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with that."
She chuckled, "You'll figure it out dear. You've always been so smart."
"…unlike my dear youngest sister?" I said slyly.
"Mickie!"
"That was the last one," I said, laughing, "I promise. I'll talk to you later, alright?"
My mom loved Randy. I think she'd been almost as heartbroken as me when I told her he left me. Okay maybe that's a little dramatic, but she considered him the son that she never had. But I don't know what it was I was supposed to do. Did I wait around for Randy? Because that didn't sound entirely fair considering he was living a new life with a new girlfriend, clearly happy. I wasn't even sure that he'd ever change his mind. This could very well be it for us, so was I just grasping at straws here holding on to what once was? Possibly, but the idea of moving on …leaving behind so many years filled with such selfless love and sacrifice, it crushed me. I loved that man, and I doubted that would ever change.
"Hey ladies," I greeted Nicole and Eva, sipping from the coffee I'd helped myself to on my way over.
"Heeey," Nicole said with a smile, reaching out to punch me playfully, "What are you so happy about?"
I shrugged, "I'm not allowed to be happy?"
"Of course you are, but I'm dead tired over here. Give me a reason to smile so I don't fall asleep in this chair."
"Well you don't look tired, so that's a bonus."
"We're divas, we're not paid to look tired. That's what we have wonderful makeup stylists for. They're a godsend."
"Well I wouldn't call this happy, it's more like a perfected art of seeming chipper when one is actually quite miserable. How's Jonathon?" I asked Eva, taking a sip of my coffee, "I mean his ego, you know, after I schooled him in good old fashioned Texas Hold em."
"Ohhh," Nikki exclaimed, turning to look at Eva.
The redhead laughed, "I honestly think he's still surprised and it's been what, a few days since the night of Brie's wedding? He's not used to that."
"Well it was a surprise to me," I laughed, "That's the first time I'd ever had the good fortune to win at poker. But speaking of," I turned to Nikki, "Have you talked to Brie? How's the honeymoon?"
"She called last night. They're having a blast from the sounds of things. I sure wish I was in Maui right now, god knows I could use it. But I'm glad they were able to get away. I know they definitely needed it after the stress of working all the time on top of the wedding planning."
"They're one busy couple, that's for sure," Eva said, glancing up from her cell phone, "You guys want to get a bite after the show? I haven't had anything real to eat all day. I wasn't feeling so hot earlier, but I could do with a good meal a bit later."
I nodded, "Yeah I'm up for it."
"I can't," Nicole pouted, "John and I are flying out tonight. I can't say I'm too sad though, I'm excited to get home and get a good night's rest."
"Looks like it's just us then," Eva said with a smile, "Although we'll see who we can recruit by the end of the show."
We chatted for another couple of minutes until my phone rang.
"Sorry guys," I climbed to my feet, "It's my mother in law. I'll talk to you later."
"Mickie? Mickie dear, can you hear me?"
I readjusted the phone so I could finally hear Elaine talking on the other end, "Elaine? I'm sorry, the phone slipped away from my ear, I can hear you now."
"Oh good, I thought maybe we'd lost the connection or something. How are you dear?"
"You know me, keeping busy. Life just doesn't have the same magic to it if I'm not juggling twelve things at once."
"I hope you're getting rest. I do know you and how you have the tendency to work yourself to death without realizing it."
I didn't think telling her about the many sleepless nights lately would be a very good idea at the moment, so instead I opted to ask her how she was doing.
"I'm great, I've been busy too. I've got Emily during the days now that Becky is working hard to pull that café of hers together. It's nice though, getting to spend all of that time with her."
"That sounds great."
"So to get to why I'm calling, dear, it's about Randy's party. I've checked the weather, and it's supposed to be beautiful which is fortunate. What time should we come by the house?"
"Uh, you guys can come by whenever you want, you have a key. I'll be home tomorrow and I can help you set up. But Wednesday everything is entirely up to you, I have a flight to Virginia that morning so I'll be out of your way."
We'd started planning Randy's party before he and I had separated, and it was slightly unfortunate that I'd agreed to hold the party at my house. Recently Elaine had offered to hold it at hers, but my house had a bigger space and was more functional for a big party. And I wanted to do this favor for her, I definitely owed her.
"You're not going to stay for the party?"
I hesitated, "Elaine… I don't know if that's such a great idea."
"Mickie, you planned this entire party. And it's your house, dear."
"That was before Randy– well before what happened, I just don't feel that it would be right."
"Nonsense, Mickie. What happened doesn't make you any less our family. We miss you. I'll see you tomorrow and we'll hammer out the details. I'm not going to take no for an answer!"
"Elaine!" I protested, but the line went dead and I was left to grumble to myself. Stubbornness really did run in that family.
I spent the next couple of days contemplating whether or not I should stay. I kept going back and forth, and it didn't help that both Elaine and Becky spent the entire next day trying to convince me to stick around.
"Anyway, it doesn't matter what you want, Micks, if you don't stay for a party in your own house, it's the epitome of bad manners," Becky said. Apparently her tactic was trying to shame me into staying.
Elaine took a bit of a different approach.
"If you aren't going to stay dear, then I'm going to have the party at home, and then I'll have to call everyone and tell them about the change of plans. It'll be so much extra work."
Becky used shame, and Elaine was coming at me with guilt.
"Fine!" I finally shouted after we'd just finished hanging string lights all around the back patio area and the yard beyond – in the trees, around the cement pillars that supported the master bedroom balcony upstairs, and along the pathways, "I'll stay for the party, but I want it on the record that I'm not happy about it."
"We knew you wanted to stay Micks, you don't have to shout about it," Becky said, giving me a quick squeeze as she headed into the house. I couldn't help but smile as I shook my head.
I loved this family, loved that I'd married into such an amazing one. These were people that I'd forged strong relationships with over the years Randy and I had been together and I was glad that that hadn't changed because Randy left me. Elaine would always be my second mother, Becky another sister, her beautiful daughter my only niece, by marriage or otherwise, Nate the brother I never had, and I couldn't have asked for a better father in law than Bob, always so helpful and willing to offer advice.
Guests started arriving around four o clock. The back could be accessed through a channel right off the garage that connected the front to the back patio where Elaine and I waited to greet guests – most of which I hadn't seen or spoken to in a very long time. Some family members I'd even only met once or twice over the last seven years, so it was amazing to see them here.
I opted for a casual look – jeans, a light white floral print sweater and a killer pair of heels – and had chosen the sweater because I didn't entirely trust the good weather to hold up the entire rest of the evening, it was still April after all. Everyone seemed to be having a good time as I bustled around playing the perfect hostess – making everyone feel welcome, while Elaine did the same but also kept an eye on the food that was set up inside the kitchen, so people could load up on food, and then head back outside to where we had all the tables set up, taking up a good chunk of the backyard area. The entire kitchen was filled with food and I wasn't entirely sure even a group of this size could eat all of it.
"Mickie!"
I turned to find Randy's grandma, Elaine's mother, approaching me with arms outstretched. For a seventy six year old woman, she sure could move fast. She was nearly eighty on the outside, but young on the inside and someone who'd entertained me on many occasions throughout the years.
"Martha, it's good to see you!" I let her pull me into her arms, "When did you get here?!"
"A couple of minutes ago. It seems like everything is already in full swing. It's certainly nice to see everyone in one place. Though I could point out a handful of people I'm going to be avoiding," she muttered, "Like Gina's new husband. A complete idiot if I've ever seen one."
"Shh," I said, laughing, "You can tell me all the details some other time, in private."
"It looks nice out here. It's not my style, of course. I've heard rumors that daughter of mine is trying to plan one of these for me. I'm nearing that age where I'm going to be needing a casket, not a reminder I'm another year older!"
I was laughing as I said, "Oh you'll live another thirty years as young at heart as you are, I'm sure of it."
"I'm going to hold you to that, young lady," she pointed at me, "I better go say hello to Randy, I haven't seen him in quite a long time either. The two of you," she shook her head in disapproval.
"Randy's here?" I asked. She gestured to where Randy was standing off near the pond on the right hand side of the yard talking to several relatives, with a beer in one hand and Vanessa on his other arm, "I didn't see him arrive," I muttered.
She rested a hand on each of my shoulders, looking me up and down, "You look beautiful, my dear, as usual. Unlike that girl on Randy's arm these days, I know your mother taught you class."
I glanced over and understood what she was talking about, as Vanessa was sporting a very short black mini dress not quite fitting with the theme of this party. But as a WWE diva I'd learned to appreciate the power of the mini dress over the years so it wasn't as big of a deal for me as she managed to pull it off just fine.
"You've let me get away with dresses like that on more than one occasion over the years," I said with a grin.
"I have a soft spot for you," she winked, "You come find me later, we have some catching up to do." And then she was gone just as quick as she'd appeared.
I headed towards the patio doors and popped back inside where I found Elaine bustling around the kitchen.
She looked up at me over the top of her glasses, a knowing look on her face, "So you saw her?"
I leaned against the counter in front of the sink and watched as she refilled trays and bowls of food, diving into the fridge on more than one occasion. I grabbed a handful of grapes from a nearby container and popped one into my mouth, while nodding my head.
"I had no idea that she was going to be here, Mickie."
I waved my free hand at her, "Don't worry about it, I'm a big girl, I can handle it. Even though it is slightly weird that she's here …in my home."
She stopped what she was doing to smile at me, "You're such a great person, Mickie. I'm so proud of you. I've always been proud of you. You're such a strong woman."
I smiled back, "I have two excellent mothers to thank for that."
And I was thankful. Because no matter how much life kicked me, I knew that I had the very best support system a girl could have. And as long as that never changed, I knew with confidence that I was going to be okay.
"Martha seems to be under the impression you'll be throwing her a birthday party like this when the time comes."
"Oh I most definitely will be – any excuse to get everyone together."
I grinned, "She seemed less than enthusiastic about it."
"If she had her way, she'd celebrate her birthday by throwing herself out of an airplane. Did I tell you she actually suggested the two of us go skydiving together? I swear, sometimes I feel like I'm the mother. She forgets her age."
"She's just trying to live a little. Though I wouldn't actually recommend the skydiving thing. Might not be good for her heart. I know it wasn't good for mine."
"That's right, you and Randy did it a few years back, didn't you?" she chuckled warmly, "I think I still have those pictures floating around the house somewhere. Randy's face…"
I stayed in there for another couple minutes, and then headed back outside to join the rest of the party. I chatted with a couple of Randy's aunts and then his grandfather from Bob's side before being accosted by Nate who caught me as I stepped off the stone masonry onto the grassy area, pulling me up into his arms and swinging me around.
"Whoa," I said, placing my hand on his shoulder to steady myself, "What the hell was that for?"
"That was just an extra thank you. I really appreciate you letting me use this place tomorrow night."
I waved him off, "Don't worry about it. We're going to have all this extra food and the bar is stocked. Just promise me you'll look after the place. I don't want to get back next week and have it trashed or …my underwear drawer strewn all over my living room or something."
He chuckled, "I promise I will make sure everyone treats your underwear drawer with the utmost reverence."
"My bedroom is off limits," I narrowed my eyes and pointed, "In fact, I think I'll be locking it before I leave."
He shook his head, "A little faith here Micks, I'm insulted."
I punched him playfully and then continued on, approaching Randy and Vanessa a few seconds later.
I waved awkwardly, "I'm going to be heading out soon so I thought I'd come and say goodbye and happy …belated birthday."
"Thanks."
"Hey Vanessa," I said
"Mickie…" she acknowledged me. It wasn't exactly cold, but there certainly wasn't any kindness in her tone. I decided not to make too much of it even though she was in my house.
I nodded then turned back to Randy, "So what do you think? Your mom and Becky did a fantastic job, don't you think? I know how important this was for her, to get everyone together at once," I turned and glanced in Elaine's direction where she was standing among a group of people, laughing, "Look at her, she's just in her element," I laughed.
"That's mom, she's not happy unless she's planning some huge party that would stress the average person out."
"Well that's being slightly overdramatic," I smiled, "But you're right, she is quite the event planner. And I have to say she always hosts the best parties." I paused for a few moments, reminiscing upon days long past.
"So what was that with Nate?" he asked.
"Oh, he was thanking me," I said airily.
"For what?"
"I'm letting him use the house this weekend. He's having a party and apparently he's no longer allowed to have them in his apartment. Something about the last party getting out of control and the landlord threatening eviction."
"You're letting him party in our house …unsupervised?"
My heart sort of did a little flutter at the way he said 'our', but I mentally kicked myself a second later. I may not be able to rid myself of these feelings I still had for him, but the least I could do was teach myself to stop letting them affect me in this way.
"My house," I said firmly but not unkindly, "And yes, he's old enough, I trust him to look after the place. Nate's a responsible guy, and nothing fun happens here anymore, so it seemed like a good idea. Plus with all this extra food …I didn't want it to go to waste. Anyway, I need to make my rounds and say my goodbyes, I have a flight to catch."
I turned to leave but before I could get far he blurted, "A flight where?"
"Uh Virginia. I'm going to visit my family for a couple of days. Enjoy the rest of your party."
I did what I said and circulated the rest of the party to say goodbye to all the most important people, which took nearly an hour until at last I got to Elaine.
She pulled me into her arms, "Thanks so much for this, Mickie, this has been wonderful."
"Are you sure you don't want me to stick around and help clean up? I could push my flight back."
"Nope," she waved me off, "It's all taken care of. You've done more than enough. Go, spend some time with your family, and give them my best."
"You guilted me into coming and now you're trying to get rid of me," I teased.
"I would never do such a thing," she smiled mischievously, "Do you need a ride to the airport?"
I shook my head, "No, I'm going to call a cab, don't worry about it."
"Have a safe flight dear, and don't worry about the house, I'll make sure it looks just as good as it did before all of this chaos."
I didn't bother telling her that would be useless because Nate was going to be wreaking havoc within twenty four hours, as she'd probably try and talk him out of having the party here and I wanted him to have some fun. With one final wave, I headed back inside and back into the front area of the house. The quiet came as a welcome sort of relief, even though I could hear the muffled sounds of the ongoing party.
I pulled my phone from the back of my jeans to call for a cab and then I headed up the stairs to my bedroom, but I stopped just down the hall because I heard clatter coming from inside it. I slowly pushed the door open, and found Vanessa strolling around the room, taking in its contents.
"Can I help you?"
She turned to look at me slowly, not even bothering to look embarrassed that I'd just caught her in here.
"I was looking for the bathroom and I found my way in here."
"There's a powder room on the main floor. There is no reason for you to be upstairs."
"This is a beautiful home," she said, turning away to survey the pictures on the wall, "Such a cute picture of Randy," she said with a smile, gesturing to a photo of us that had been taken years ago backstage at a show, "But really this bedroom, it's absolutely stunning. Did you decorate it yourself?"
"Okay Vanessa, you can't be in here."
"I mean, the color is a little drab, but it's all pulled together so nicely. I think I would like a room just like this one. Crazy of Randy to give all of this up so willingly. Not," she put her hand up in a placating gesture that I immediately took to be insincere, "To be insensitive or anything, it's just an incredible property."
I took a few steps forward, "You need to go back downstairs to the party."
She surveyed me for a few more seconds and then she swept past me. I turned abruptly and followed after her, watching as she made her way down the staircase. I walked back to my bedroom and slammed the door behind me in a huff of anger. How inappropriate! No, how completely insane for her to think it would be okay for her to be in here! In my bedroom. In the bedroom I'd shared with Randy! In my home! The home we lived in as a married couple for many years!
I couldn't believe it. But I didn't have time to stand stationary, so I disappeared into my closet to retrieve the luggage I'd packed this morning, and it wasn't until I was making my way towards the door, that I noticed the wedding picture of Randy and I that occupied the table in the sitting area of our room was lying face down.
I set it back upright and left the room, almost immediately running into Randy.
"Jesus, fuck!" I cursed groaning in frustration at being caught off guard in my own house. Caught up in the moment I shoved him lightly, which seemed to surprise him, "What the hell are you doing sneaking around?!" I hissed.
"I came to make sure you weren't leaving because of me …or Vanessa."
I narrowed my eyes, "Like I'd run away from my own home because of your new girlfriend."
"That's not what I meant," he said in a calm manner.
I reigned in the anger, "It's kind of weird seeing you in here. I mean other than coming over to collect some of your things."
"Feels weird being here," he admitted, chuckling softly, "Weird being in my own home… Hey, I wanted to say thanks for doing this, for my mom, I mean. I know it means a lot to her."
"Randy… We've been married a long time, you don't need to get all formal on me. Of course I'd do this for Elaine, she's my mother in law and I love her. It's always been that way. Look, no doubt the cab is already here and if I don't want it to leave without me I need to get out there."
He nodded and we continued down the hall and then down the staircase. We separated as he made his way back through the sitting room towards the kitchen, and I started for the front door.
I called after him, "Hey Randy?"
"Yeah?"
"How …well do you know Vanessa?" I asked carefully.
"As well as you can know a person in a couple of months. Why?"
I started to walk again, fully intending to ignore the question, but then I turned back to him, "She was in our …my bedroom when I went up there… It was sort of odd." I decided not to tell him about the picture. There was every possibility it had been knocked over by anyone else accidentally.
"Maybe she got lost. It's not a very small house."
"She got lost up a flight of stairs and into the farthest bedroom of the house?"
"Mickie," he looked at me sternly, "Don't try and make something where there isn't anything."
"No," I waved him off, "You're right. I'm just being ridiculous. Have fun, alright? And don't even think about giving Nate a hard time about his party like I know you're dying to. We've already discussed it and I've given him the go ahead. Leave the poor kid be."
