Chapter 28 - A Letter To Change Everything

''I do hope you don't have a fear of sailing, Ruth.'' Cal commented with a glint in his eye at breakfast the next morning. Even though the evening before had been a failed attempt at sex. Cal was hopeful that his marriage was now back on track with Rose. He glanced over at her with a smirk.

Ruth took a sip from her flute of orange juice. Minnie served toast and preserves to the table.

''Of course not, how absurd.''

Rose stirred her strong coffee.

''Darling, why what's going on?''

Cal reached into the pocket of his suit jacket. He produced an envelope with thick padding. ''Ladies, I have secured tickets to New York City aboard the Titanic.''

Ruth placed her hand to her chest in utter surprise. ''My, my Cal. You never fail to impress me.''

Trudy overheard and as she collected an empty glass she gained eye contact with Rose. The two second stare screamed a thousand words.

''That is all right isn't is sweet pea?'' Cal turned to Rose. ''I have a meeting in New York in May, that is just a matter of weeks away we can stay in the Waldorf again.'' He smiled to Rose. ''Remember the fun we had there last time?''

Rose was silent for a moment as she sipped the coffee hoping it would give her some strength for the day ahead.

''Of course. It is a wonderful idea.'' She feigned enthusiasm.

''When are we to leave?'' Ruth questioned. The excitement showing on her face.

''In two days.'' Cal worked out. ''We will travel to Southampton in two days.'' Cal glanced to Rose. ''That will give you ladies plenty of time to go shopping until your hearts content.''

Ruth buttered her toast carefully. ''We shall go tomorrow afternoon. I hear the shopping here is wonderful.''

Rose felt her head tighten. This was so much to take in. ''Darling, will we be able to pack in two days?''

''Of course! I have hotel staff bending over backwards to help out.'' He raised his eyebrows proudly. ''I also have a new valet to hire since Dawson went AWOL in Paris without so much as a word.''

''He was no good from day one, I did warn you.'' Ruth scolded.

''You were right Ruth.'' Cal admitted much to his own dismay but this morning he wasn't going to give seconds thoughts to a man who was no longer needed.

Rose found herself shaking beyond her own control. She picked up the knife to butter her other slice of toast and realised just how much. Her stomach felt queasy once again. The talk of the table turned light once more and Rose tried to listen as much as she could to keep her find from focusing on the one thing which made her heart ache each day.

Later that day, Cal answered the door of his office within the suite to find his wife there. He had told her earlier in the day that he was busy all day but she had something on her mind which she needed to exchange words with her husband about and so she had gone to him.

''Rose! What are you doing here, I told you I-''

She narrowed her eyes. ''I came to speak with you.''

''Very well.'' He opened the door wider to reveal the face of a strange man. He was tall, lithe and around fifty years of age.

His smile did nothing to hide the fact he looked as though he was up to something. He approached her with his hand held out.

''You must be Mrs. Hockley.'' He asked in a British accent.

''Yes, I am.'' She shook his hand.

''My name is Spicer Lovejoy.'' He told her as he took a seat at the office desk.

''Mr. Lovejoy here is an ex-Pinkerton and has a history in the field.'' Cal told Rose.

''In other words, I am here to do a better job than the last one.'' He said smugly. She couldn't help but notice a pistol laid out on the desk. Lovejoy saw the expression on her face and reassured her. ''Do not worry, this is for emergencies only.''

She nodded taking her eyes away him. She had a bad feeling about him and made a decision to not associate with him in any way. He was here to do a job and that would not include spending any time with her.

''Cal, may I speak with you?''

Cal straightened his jacket as he sat at the desk. ''Must you sweet pea? I am in the middle of something?'' He indicated to Lovejoy.

Inside Rose felt like screaming at him. She needed to speak with him about leaving London so quickly. She didn't know if she could face going back home just yet. At least while she was here there were things to occupy her mind. She glanced at Lovejoy, he impatiently awaited for her to speak but instead she simply smiled and played the doting wife.

''It is just important that we have new suitcases for our travels.'' She lied. ''We have never had them in such a bad condition.''

''Don't worry, I will sort it, love.'' Lovejoy played with his gun as it still laid on the table. ''It is my job to ensure that no damage is done.''

Cal was impressed immediately with his hire. Rose instantly didn't like him but she thanked him as she left the office with a newfound feeling in her stomach. A very unsafe one.

Later that evening, Rose poured through the hundreds of dresses which she had managed to collect over the duration of their trip. Most of which she had never worn. They were different colours, materials and each of them held so many different stitches and beading.

Trudy came beside Rose and ran her hand along the line of eveningwear.

''They are so beautiful.'' She commented as she took one from the wardrobe. ''As a young girl I would wearing my mothers old pair of pearls when she wasn't looking.''

Rose smiled and turned to Trudy as she removed a canary yellow dress and removed it from the dress hanger. ''You keep these Trudy, I have no need for them.''

Trudy gazed to her friend adoringly. ''You would allow me to keep one?''

''Not one, Trudy. You can have several of the pieces.''

Trudy took a lilac tea dress and held it up against her body. ''Where would I wear such an item?'' She placed her hand to her forehead. ''In the park to meet my lost love?'' She laughed exaggeratingly. They fell about laughing like young school girls.

''Perhaps.'' Rose folded another dress and placed it on a pile away from her case. She would allow Trudy to take some of the clothes. She sighed and tucked a curl behind her ear as she rooted through her wardrobe once again. She felt her chest tighten as she came across the dress which she wore in New York City with Jack. She touched the material and remembered just how happy she was the last time she had worn this. She had begun to fall for him and hadn't even imagined what would have happened next. She could almost hear her own laughter and the excitement which had filled the air. The prospect of a new beginning, a new friendship and crossing a very dangerous line.

''I wore this dress the night Jack and I went out on Broadway.'' She pulled it from the wardrobe.

Trudy finished folding a pair of gloves away and came towards Rose. She ran her fingers over the delicate beading. ''Do you think of Jack?''

Rose turned to Trudy. She was surprised by the question having not openly spoke of him for a period. ''Yes. I ache for him.''

Rose removed the dress from the hanger. She hugged it to her body as though it brought her some comfort.

''Did you make the right decision?'' Trudy knew she shouldn't ask but she was above all curious as to what Rose's answers would be although she didn't wish to upset her in anyway.

Rose remained silent as she placed the dress inside the case. She knew she wouldn't wear it again but it held good memories.

''My future is with Cal.'' She spoke as though she was trying to convince herself as well as Trudy. ''I will have children and play the doting wife. Children should bring some happiness to the marriage, or so I hear.''

She had accepted her future after speaking to her mother at tea in the park. She now had to find a way to bury the resentment towards her husband. Perhaps if she bore a child young it would keep her occupied for some time. If she didn't hire help and do the whole thing alone. Cal would provide money and he would pose for family photographs which would appear in the papers and on Christmas cards. They would outwardly be perfect and inside she would be the best mother she could.

Trudy stopped for a second and she sat on the bed. ''Rose, do you believe in fate?''

Rose pressed her lips together and narrowed her eyes at Trudy. ''Why do you ask?''

For a few seconds Trudy did nothing as though she was wrestling internally with some demon. She rummaged around in her apron pocket for something and then pulled out a folded piece of paper. It was handwritten and addressed to Rose Hockley.

''Rose, please sit for this.'' Trudy stood as she handed the letter to Rose. ''Jack has been in London all along.'' She took a deep breath. ''A week ago he cornered me outside the hotel and asked if I could give a letter to you and I know it was wrong of me to look but I did.''

Rose felt the tears line her eyes before she had even read his words. She unfolded the paper shakily. It read:

Dear Rose,

I stayed up until four o'clock this morning wondering whether this was the best thing to do but then I knew I had to live without regrets.

I will be in Southampton watching the Titanic set sail at noon on April the 10th. If you wish to see me then please come.

Please come.

Jack

''I only kept it from you as you begged me to never speak of him but then I see you struggle daily, Rose. When Jack was here you were so alive…''

Rose reached out to Trudy for support. She felt the tears stream down her face. ''He is here.'' She repeated over and over. ''He followed me here.''

Trudy nodded. ''Yes he did. He is sorry. He loves you.''

Rose sat back down on the bed feeling as though her legs would buckle beneath her. She had a big decision to make. Her body was pulling her in two directions. Her heart thumped in her head, the adrenaline running through her body.

Her mouth was dry, her lips parted and nothing could come out not even a sob. She had cried all the tears there were to cry. He lived in her head; those damn memories she never quite remembered to suppress.

Now they haunted her.

She never quite figured out how to let go. The distance made no difference. She had only just found the strength to carry on as normal as she could act. Could she lower her guard to Jack again?

Trudy held onto her for a long time.