"Peeta, wake up," I whisper. He's been screaming and thrashing for about twenty minutes now. It tears me apart watching him in pain like this.
"Peeta! Please wake up honey!" I shake him, and he still doesn't respond.
Finally, I resort to the only sure way of waking him up. I kiss him. Hard. I force my tongue in his mouth. His body instinctually responds after a few seconds, and I know he's awake a few seconds later.
"Finally," I breathe. "You were having a nightmare."
"I'm sorry, Kat," he whispers. "Go back to sleep."
"Peeta! Stop it. You're always there for me when I have nightmares, and I'm here for you too," I tell him honestly.
He looks at me with love, and nods after a moment.
"What was it about?" I ask quietly.
We settle back into our previous position, him on his back and me curled up next to him and half on top of him, my head resting on his bare chest.
"The Games," he says sadly. "Most of it was that first night when I was with the careers, and we were hunting you. I was – well – terrified, Kat. I didn't know what to do if we found you."
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Of course," he says.
"When I was up in that tree, and you were with the careers at the bottom of it, what were you planning on doing if I hadn't dropped that nest? You don't have to answer if you don't want, I've just always wondered this."
He sighs and rubs his eyes with his hand. I know this is hard for him to remember when I thought he was trying to kill me.
"I really don't know. I spent most of that night staring up at you, praying that you would find a way out of it. A bunch of times I was a second away from just telling you to go, but Cato was right next to the trunk. But when the sun came up, I honestly thought I wouldn't make it til noon. To be completely honest, Katniss, if you hadn't done what you did, I would have tried to kill as many of them as I could to give you time to get away. I would have taken as many of them with me as possible for you."
I'm stunned. I mean, I always knew he was willing to die for me. That much was obvious. But the fact that even then, when I was convinced he was trying to kill me and refused to trust him, he was actually planning on it. He thought he would die that morning, and it was all so I could live.
"Peeta," I whimper. "I – I – I'm speechless. I've always known that you would die for me, but I'm amazed that you were that ready to do it. I don't know what I would've done if you had."
"It's okay, Katniss. Of course I was planning on it. That was the entire reason I joined the careers – to get you further in the Games. The way I saw it, I had no chance to win, but you had a great chance. So if there was a possibility that I could help you get home, then I was definitely going to seize the opportunity."
"I love you," I whisper.
"I love you too," he whispers back.
"Can I ask you another question?" I ask shyly.
He nods.
"This might be hard, Peeta, and you don't have to tell me if you don't want."
"Kat, just ask."
I sigh before I speak. When I do, I look him in the eye.
"When you guys found that girl who lit the fire on the first night, and when you walked away with the group she was still alive, you went back to 'finish her off'. Why? Can you tell me what happened?"
He looks surprised at my question. Maybe he didn't know I had seen and heard all of that. I was hidden high up in the trees at the time.
"You saw that?" He asks quietly, shamefully.
"Yeah. I was in a tree not too far away. Peeta, don't feel guilty or shameful. I'm not mad and it doesn't change how I feel about you."
"Thanks." He sighs again, and then speaks barely above a whisper. "When I heard her whimpering, clinging on to life, I knew I had to be the one to do it. If I let one of the careers go back, they would have made it as painful as possible."
"What happened?" I whisper.
"When she saw me, she got frightened. I put my hands up and kneeled a couple feet away from her. I told her why I was there, and that I wanted to make it as painless as I could. I told her I'd stay with her the whole time. She knew she was dying, and there was nothing she could do, so she nodded to me. I sat behind her and pulled her close to me, so she could feel me. I handed her my knife silently. She could have killed me right there, but she didn't. She opened up her veins in her arms, and it took her a few minutes to bleed out. I whispered in her ear the whole time, telling her it was going to be okay, and to go to sleep. Then, just before she passed, she looked at me and said 'thank you'. Then she was gone."
I feel the tears streaming down my face listening to his story. It hits me hard, especially with how I thought about him at the time. I thought he was a murderer, a sadistic, cruel, selfish person. In reality, he was selfless. He sat with a girl he hadn't ever met, and stayed with her until she died, for the sole reason that he didn't want her to die alone. That's the kind of person my husband truly is. Selfless, kind, caring, and loving. I've never been more proud of him.
"You never cease to amaze me, Peeta," I whisper. "What you did for her was incredibly kind and selfless. If one of the careers had come back and found you like that, they probably would have killed you too. But you didn't care, did you? You knew it would help her to have someone there, so you, being the great man that you are, took that responsibility as your own. I'm so incredibly proud of you, Peeta."
He's softly crying now too, and I lean up to give him a tender kiss on the lips. When we part, I kiss the tears on his cheeks as he closes his eyes.
"Thank you for listening, Kat," he says quietly.
"Anytime, honey. I'm here for you, always."
A few hours later, I'm woken up by the cries of both my babies. Peeta's still here with me, so I shake him awake and we make our way to the nursery together. I feed the twins, and we change and dress them. We put them in these amazing onesies that Haymitch had made for us. Josh's says, "My Mommy Can Kick Your Mommy's Butt", and Eve's says, "Don't Mess With My Daddy". They make us chuckle every time we see them.
We have exactly one week until the Quell Reaping. One single, solitary week until our lives are irrevocably changed forever. Until Panem is altered, hopefully for the better. Peeta and I are training harder than we ever have, but when we're not, we avoid talking about it. We spend as much time with our children as possible as a family.
Today is Peeta's last day at the bakery. His dad is letting him stay home until the Reaping, which we're thankful for. After we shower together, I make him breakfast, which makes him smile wide and kiss me. We eat together, each holding a baby. Finnick and Annie are already out for the day, as is Johanna.
Peeta leaves after breakfast, kissing all three of us. I can tell he doesn't want to leave. It's obvious in the kiss he gives me and the look of longing he shoots over his shoulder as he walks out the front door. I tell him he'll be home before he knows it.
I spend around an hour playing with the twins, all of us laughing and having a great time. They're easygoing babies, and easy to please. I wonder to myself how I ever thought I would be a bad mother. Truthfully, the moment I saw them, I never wanted them out of my sight. I loved them instantly. Peeta was right all those months ago – he struggles to take them out of my arms a lot of the time. He constantly tells me how wonderful of a mom I am.
Soon, I know the twins are missing Peeta, and I am missing him terribly. I realize that I haven't taken the twins to the bakery, and I know Rye, Nan, and Peeta's dad would love to see them. So I take them up to the nursery, change their diapers, and put on new onesies. These were designed by Peeta and me. They say 'Mellark's Bakery' on the front, and on the sleeve are their initials. They're both a light yellow color. I put them in their stroller, pack the diaper bag, make sure I have everything I need, and I'm out the door. I'm wearing a pair of jeans, my boots, and a simple black tee shirt. My hair is braided the way I know Peeta loves it (he did tell me in his letter).
The twins love being outside like this. I see their eyes darting everywhere, curious about everything. They look around in wonder, and even though I know they don't really understand me, I explain everything to them. I'm told the sound of my voice is soothing to them, especially because it was the first one they ever heard.
We make it to the bakery without any problems, and I walk up to the front door. I'm about to scoot around the stroller to grab the handle when it swings open.
"Hey, sis," Nan smiles. "You brought the twins!"
"Hey Nan," I reply with a smile, "yeah, we missed Peeta, but I wanted them to see you guys and the bakery too."
"Well come on in," he holds the door for me and I wiggle the stroller through.
The bakery is fairly crowded, so Nan has to clear a path for me. When the people realize why, and who I am, and see the twins, they're silent. I don't really know why, and it kind of freaks me out. I smile nervously around the room.
I make it to the side of the counter and Nan calls out for Peeta.
"Peeta, a customer is asking for you!"
"One sec!" I hear my husband's voice bellow from the back. Both the twins perk up when they hear their daddy's voice.
"Yup, daddy's coming," I tell them, tickling them on their bellies.
"What is it, Nan?" Peeta asks, walking into the room.
Nan just points to us, and Peeta turns his head.
"Kat! You brought them! Oh, I love you," he beams.
I chuckle and shake my head.
"I love you too, Peeta. We just missed you. This is okay, right?"
He walks over to me and gives me a sweet kiss on the lips and the twins each a kiss on their heads.
"Of course. It's better than okay, it's great. This makes the day worth it," he tells me honestly, his arms wrapped around me tightly.
Suddenly I realize the entire bakery has come to a standstill, and everyone is watching us. Peeta realizes it too, and shrugs.
"No different from any other day," he whispers. I laugh.
"The life of a Victor, I guess," I reply. He nods.
"Peeta! Why the hell did you leave the kitchen!"
Oh great, his mother. I haven't seen her since I slammed the door in her face the day I went into labor. Of course, she hasn't even tried to see her grandkids. According to Peeta, she's adamant that they're not his kids.
"Sorry, mom," Peeta says quietly, turning to her, his arms still around me. "Katniss brought the twins. I thought it would be okay to see my family for a few minutes."
His mother seethes when she sees me and the babies.
"I don't give a crap who is here. How many times do I have to tell you, they are NOT your children! She is a whore!"
"MOM!" All three Mellark boys yell. I can't remember seeing Nan and Rye this mad before. They truly love the twins, and have accepted me wholeheartedly into the family.
"No! You know I'm right! Peeta, you will march your behind to the Justice Building this instant and file divorce papers!"
I actually laugh at this, and Peeta shakes his head.
"I'm serious!" She screams. "You will divorce this slut, or else!"
I'm done taking her crap. It's time for her to get a taste of her own medicine.
"Or else what?" I yell. She stops and stares at me, fire in her eyes. I return it. "Or else you'll beat him with a belt?" She looks stunned. "What? You don't think the entire District knows you're a pathetic, insecure, horrible, child abusing excuse for a mother?" I hear gasps around the bakery at my words, but I ignore them. I'm slowly walking towards her.
"Kat," I hear Peeta's plea, but he can't stop me.
"Watch the twins, Peeta," I growl, glaring at him. He nods and looks down, knowing he can't sway me.
"You can't speak to me like that!" She shrieks.
"Why not? I've listened to you for months call me a whore, a tramp, a slut, calling our children bastards, and trying to get my husband to divorce me! What kind of a person are you anyways?" By now I'm in her face, and she backs up against the wall. I don't back down an inch. "What kind of a person beats a three year old with a rolling pin? Do you hate yourself that much, that you took it out on him? Why? Did you realize how horrible of a person you were, then you looked at him, and saw all the good in him? You were jealous, weren't you? Pathetic. You make me sick. And you tell me I'm beneath you? How dare you. How dare you threaten my family. Peeta is the greatest person I've ever met. He's become a caring, loving, tender, selfless husband and father despite everything you did to him. You tried as hard as you could to break him, but you failed. He's too strong. His heart is too big. And you know what really gets me about all this? He still loves you. After you beat him mercilessly for years, he still defends you. He still comes to the bakery to work. Do you even understand what you did to him? No, how could you? You only think of yourself. You are the most selfish and cruel person in the world. Now if I ever, ever hear another word about my husband or my children come out of your mouth, I will kill you. I mean that, don't you dare think I don't. You should feel lucky my children are here, because if they weren't, I'd beat you unconscious right now out of principle!"
She's stunned. Speechless. I can't decipher the look in her eyes. The rage, I pick up easily. But there's something else. Could it be remorse? Highly doubtful.
"I – I – I –" She stutters.
"Shut up," I growl. "You will turn around and go upstairs right now, and one of your boys will come get you when you are allowed to come downstairs again," I tell her angrily. "Now, go!" I yell.
Without another glance, she turns and stomps up the stairs. I hear her bedroom door slam.
I turn around, and every single person in the bakery is staring at me, jaws on the floor. I realize they listened to every word I just screamed at her. I look over to where I left Peeta, and he's not there. Rye is standing there watching the twins instead.
"Um, I'll be here 'til Thursday?" I shrug to the audience. I hear a few chuckles, and they go back to their business. I sigh in relief.
I walk over to Rye, curious.
"Where's Peeta?" I ask.
He looks at me sadly.
"He listened to everything, and when you were finished, he left. He asked me to watch the twins and tell you he needed some time. He was crying, Katniss. He didn't look good. I think you should go find him," he tells me.
I feel terrible. I just aired his dirty laundry for the whole District to hear. Some wife I am.
"Thanks, Rye," I say, running my hands through my hair. "Sorry we couldn't stay longer. And I'm really sorry about that. I just – snapped, I guess."
"Katniss, don't ever apologize for standing up for your family. You had the guts to do what none of us did. Thank you."
I nod and give him a kiss on the cheek. He hugs me.
I walk out of the bakery with the stroller, and quicken my pace back to the Village. I stop at my old house, which I have deeded over to my mother and Prim recently. I don't bother knocking and walk right in.
"Prim? Mom?" I call out.
Prim comes out of the kitchen.
"Hey! Katniss! Oh, my babies are here!" She runs to the twins and kisses them excitedly.
"Prim, can you watch them?" I ask agitatedly.
"Of course," she says. She looks up at me and sees my distress. "Katniss, what's wrong?"
"Have you seen Peeta?"
"No, not since he left for the bakery this morning. Katniss, what happened?"
I sigh.
"I kind of – um – screamed at his mother pretty good at the bakery, and when I was finished, he was gone. His brother told me he was crying, and now I feel terrible. I have to find him, Prim. I have to," now I'm sobbing, and she gives me a hug.
"Don't worry, Katniss. Everything will be okay. Peeta loves you, remember that."
"Thanks, little duck," I kiss her on the top of her head. "I need to go now."
She nods and tells me she'll watch the twins for as long as I need. I hand her the diaper bag. I don't need to tell her anything, she already knows what to do.
The first place I check is our house. No sign of Peeta. I walk over to Haymitch's, and he hasn't seen him. When I explain what happened, he tells me, 'good for you sweetheart. She deserved it. Peeta just probably needed to come to terms with it, that's all'. His words reassure me. I stand in the middle of the street, thinking. Where would he go if he needed to think? Nowhere in town, I know that.
The meadow! Of course! How did I not realize that earlier?
I sprint as fast as my feet can take me to the meadow. When I reach it, I see him. His back is to me, his head resting on his bent knees. He's sitting right in the middle of the meadow. I burst into tears at the sight of him, guilt racking through my body. I did this to him. I did this to my husband. This is my fault.
I walk to him carefully, trying not to startle him. When I'm about ten feet away, he notices me.
"I knew you'd come," he says quietly. "Sit down."
I don't hear any emotion in his voice, just resignation.
I sit next to him and look at him. I can see the tracks of his tears. I can see the downtrodden look on his face. I lean my head on his shoulder and sigh.
"Peeta, I'm so sorry. That was – well – I'm sorry. I never should have done that. Don't get me wrong, I meant every word, but it was the wrong place and time," I tell him gently.
He sighs deeply, and turns and kisses me on the head.
"I'm not mad, Kat," he whispers.
What? He's not mad? How can he not be?
"How are you not mad? I just blew up in front of everyone in the bakery!"
"Honestly, I'm surprised it took you this long," he says. We chuckle together. "But Katniss, I should be thanking you. I never had the courage to stand up to her like that. Even with all the horrible things she was saying about you and our children, I still wouldn't talk back to her. But not my Katniss. Don't you see how brave you are? That you love us so much, you damn the consequences and do what you know is right? I don't think I've ever loved you more than I do right now."
I'm crying again, but they're not sad tears. I wrap my arms around his left arm and snuggle close to him.
"I love you too, Peeta. So, so much. But if you're not mad, why'd you leave the bakery?"
He sighs again, and I can see the turmoil in his blue eyes.
"I was ashamed."
"What? Why?"
"I was ashamed that my wife had to stand up for me like that. Not that I don't appreciate it, because you know that I do, but I should be able to protect my family, physically and emotionally. I know that protecting us comes naturally to you Katniss, but I'm their father. I should have stepped in long before today."
"I'm sorry, Peeta," I whisper sadly.
"Don't be. Honestly. Thank you for doing that. I'm just mad at myself, I guess."
"Not at her?" I say lightly.
"Oh, I've never been more angry with her," he says firmly. "I don't think I'll ever be able to talk to her politely again." For Peeta, that means a lot. Even to his worst enemies, he's still a polite, gentle person.
I let out a deep breath, and kiss his neck.
"You are the best daddy in the world, Peeta. Don't ever doubt that. How do you think I've gotten through the past month? I'm clueless, but I watch and learn from you everyday. You have taught me how to be a good parent, how to love them unconditionally. And for that, I will always be grateful."
He thinks for a minute, and then is about to speak when I cut him off.
"Don't you dare," I warn. He looks at me questioningly. "Don't you dare try and say you had nothing to do with it. It's not true, Peeta. Why can't you just accept that you help me more than anyone or anything? That without you, I wouldn't be able to live? You always tell me how great of a person I am, and all the things I do for you. Well, you need to understand that road goes two ways, Peeta."
He's silent for a few moments before he speaks again.
"You're right, Kat," he says quietly. "Thank you." I know he's not just talking about this conversation.
"Are you okay?" I ask.
He shrugs.
"I don't know, honestly. I still am ashamed at myself. I don't know how you can look at me when I've let her treat you so terribly," he says sadly.
"Oh, Peeta, it's not like that at all. I understand that she's your mother. I understand that even though she abused you, you still love her. That's why I did what I did today, because I know how hard it would have been for you. Don't feel ashamed. All I did was take the responsibility to do what had to be done, because that's what wives do. They help their husbands when they need to, and are always there for them, no matter what."
"You really are the best wife, you know that Kat?"
"Thank you, Peeta. That means a lot to me," I nod.
He smiles at me, and I can see the spark slowly returning in his eyes.
"Honey, where are the twins?" He asks, looking around the meadow almost comically.
"Don't worry, they're at Prim's. I wanted to talk to you alone," I assure him.
"Thanks for coming. I needed this. I love you."
"I love you too."
We sit in comfortable silence for a few minutes, our hands finding each other.
"Want to head home?" He asks quietly.
"No," I tell him honestly.
"What do you want to do?"
"Honestly?"
He rolls his eyes with a grin.
"Yeah, honestly."
I take a deep breath. I have no idea what his reaction is going to be to my next statement.
"I want to make love to you."
"So let's go home," he says, confused.
"No, Peeta. I want to make love to you, right here, right now."
His eyes widen and his jaw drops.
"Katniss," he whispers, "we're in the middle of the meadow and it's the middle of the day."
I roll my eyes.
"Peeta, in all the time we've spent in this meadow, have you ever seen another person here?"
He thinks for a minute.
"Well, no," he admits.
"Exactly. And are you honestly telling me that if I was to get naked right now, you would be able to control yourself and walk away?" I tease.
He smirks at thinking of me naked, and I know I'm getting through to him.
"Are you sure, Kat?"
"Peeta, I want to make love to you. I want to feel you. I want to feel our love, our bond. This meadow means so much to us, to our relationship. This is where we had our first date. Please, Peeta, let's add another great memory."
He thinks for a few moments.
"You know, as adamant as you are about this, you're still wearing all your clothes," he teases.
I laugh and kiss him on the cheek.
"Not for long, Mr. Mellark," I tell him as I stand up.
True to form, we're not disturbed for the next couple hours. We make memories, and get lost in each other. By the end, I know Peeta is past what happened this morning, and I have my boy with the bread back.
We're both eager to see our children, and realize this is actually the longest we've been away from them during the daytime.
As we walk back to Prim's hand in hand, I lean up, kiss him, tell him I love him, and tell him he's the best daddy in the world. He reciprocates.
"I'll always be there for you, Peeta. Forever."
"I'll forever be there for you, Kat. Always."
A/N: Another emotional chapter. I wanted to answer a few questions about the Games, and I felt it was time for Katniss to stand up to Peeta's mom. I hope you liked what I did with her rant, I was thinking about it a lot last night.
We're almost to the Quell! The Reaping will be, well, an experience for our favorite couple, as they deal with the possibility of having to teach seven-year-olds how to fight to the death.
Thanks for the reviews and kind words.
As always, keep reviewing and reading. Have a wonderful Sunday.
