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Chapter Twenty-Nine

Rage

Esmerelda walked into the toilets and only just managed to grab onto the nearest sink before she started crying, the realisation of what had happened to Ethel finally hitting her full blow. She allowed herself to sob, the images of Ethel falling in her head and then of Ethel struggling to walk properly.

She couldn't help but think in that moment it was her fault. She was the sole guardian of Ethel and Sybil, if she had not taken her eyes of her Ethel would not have fallen, then again Ethel was not a toddler, she didn't have to constantly watch her, but that one time she took her eyes of her caused this injury, the guilt made anger inside the girl rise into her chest, angry at herself for what had happened to Ethel.

"YOU STUPID IDIOT" the girl screamed punching the soap dispenser above the sink and then grabbing her knuckles as pain surged through them, she screamed out in pain and anger, needing to let out her emotions in that moment. She looked in the mirror trying to control herself, this was not like her to go into a fit of rage, she was normally the calm one but in that moment she hated herself, maybe everyone who had doubted her was right, she wasn't cut out to look after Ethel and Sybil. She had only had them a few short months and one of her sisters was now in a hospital bed unable to walk.

In that moment, Esmerelda heard the toilet door open and she quickly walked towards a cubicle, not wanting anyone to see her in this state. She went into one of the cubicles and slammed the door harder than she meant to, the anger still boiling over inside her.

"Esmie?" the blonde suddenly heard the familiar voice of Sybil say. Esmerelda tried to keep quiet. She loved her little sister but right now she needed to be alone. She just wanted a little time to cry and scream in peace.

"Esmie come on I know you are in there" Sybil said, standing outside the cubicle her elder sister was in and Esmerelda closed her eyes taking deep breathes, she flushed the toilet, to pretend that was the reason she was in there for, she quickly rubbed her eyes, to make sure there was no tears still there and then opened the door, forcing a smile and walking towards the sinks.

"You alright Sybil?" Esmerelda asked in a shaky voice, hardly able to hold her anger in place. She turned on the tap, pretending to wash her hands underneath the tap, feeling pain on her knuckles as the water hit her right hand.

"You're bleeding" Sybil said to Esmerelda as she saw her sisters knuckles were bloody. Esmerelda looked down and saw what Sybil meant, she had not realised her knuckles were bleeding until that moment. She had being more concerned with trying to not punch anything else in her fit of anger.

"Oh ….." Esmerelda said not knowing how else to respond, Sybil had seen her come out the toilet, she knew she hadn't accidentally hit her hand on the sink or something.


"Esmie….it's not your fault" Sybil replied, knowing by the state of her sister's hand she had punched something, she was clearly trying to suppress her feelings of self guilt. Esmerelda constantly told Ethel she had to control her anger but Esmie was not much better, she had moments where she was just as deadly, if not more, out of control than Ethel.

"Oh is it not? I am supposed to be the one looking after you and your sister" Esmerelda replied, trying to stop the tears that were pricking her eyes from escaping.

"Witches fall of broomsticks daily, Ethel was just unlucky in the way she fell, but that is basically out life isn't it? We don't have the best luck, I have gotten used to it" Sybil replied and Esmerelda turned to look at her sister shocked by her words.

"Just when things go well something huge happens that change our luck, maybe I have being right all along and our family is cursed, I don't know, but that accident was just that...an accident, no-one's fault" Sybil replied logically, knowing Esmerelda and how she thinks she can protect her and Ethel from everything when she can't.

"I took my eyes of her and she got into trouble, that is the fact of the matter Sybil, it is my fault, I had one job, to get you both to school safely and I didn't manage to do that" Esmerelda replied wiping her eyes as tears fell out of them, not able to hold them in anymore. Sybil looked at her big sister crying and felt sad.

"If this accident had happened during a flying lesson would it be Miss Drill's fault because she had being looking at another pupil at the time Ethel fell?" Sybil asked her sister logically, looking at her as if expecting an answer.

"Well no, she only has one pair of eyes, she can't look at everyone at one time" Esmerelda replied, knowing the woman would of being blameless, she can't possibly keep an eye on every pupil every second of the day.

"Exactly and you have two of us to keep an eye on, no-one can keep an eye on someone every single second no matter what you want to believe" Sybil told her sister, thinking this self guilt was not healthy.

"Everyone that was against me from the start was right Sybil, I am not capable of looking after you and Ethel properly" Esmerelda said, thinking she should just let someone else look after them. At least then they would be safe and get the care they need. At least then they wouldn't be in hospital broken.

Sybil was like her sisters in some ways but completely different in other ways. She was the one who would normally keep quiet, not wanting to get into a fight and was not normally one to go against her sisters, but right now she knew that she had to get through to Esmerelda, and that she couldn't allow her to wallow in self pity when Ethel needed her.

"Oh stop it!" Sybil said in a frustrated way as she looked at her sister.

"Sybil…." Esmerelda said shocked as Sybil was not usually one to yell.

"I am sorry Esmie but we don't have time for you to feel sorry for yourself, Ethel needs our support right now, and she is not going to get that if you keep yourself locked in a bathroom to hide away from what happened" Sybil told her sister, knowing she was not doing this on purpose, but it will not help anyone.

"But I don't know if I can help her….I don't know how to help her" Esmerelda replied to Sybil, not knowing what to say. She was to shocked by Sybil having a go at her.

"Look, when we lived at home we might have had riches and the best of everything but we had no love or support from our so called parents, living with you these last few months has being different, finally we know what it is like to have love and support, like proper families do, you are not perfect but no-one is perfect, but that is okay, you don't have to be perfect, you just have to accept sometimes things won't go the way you want them to" Sybil told her sister before pausing and carrying on. "You have gave Ethel and I the love we have needed since we came into this world, something we never got from mum and dad, stop putting yourself down so much and stop blaming yourself over this, this was no-one's fault, whether or not you weren't watching every second or not, you didn't know Nightstar was going to slip of her broomstick did you?" Sybil said and Esmerelda just looked at Sybil shocked. She was not normally one to speak so deeply and the words she said touched her. She didn't blame Esmerelda for this and she thought she was doing a good job of looking after her and Ethel. It wasn't really Esmerelda's fault she was so hard on herself though, her parents had always demanded perfection, it was a hard cycle to break.

"I am sorry Sybil, you are right of course, and thank you, I am glad I am doing something right" Esmerelda told her sister as she hugged her and kissed her head, knowing in that moment how right her sister was. She would still probably blame herself some but Sybil not blaming her, was helping her find her strength.

Yes it was true Ethel was badly injured but she could of died in the accident, she still had her sister with her and that was the most important thing to remember, and some people are not as lucky as Ethel and require a wheelchair, no longer able to walk at all. Ethel might of damaged her legs but she will still be able to walk, granted slowly but she will still be able to have some independence because of that. As Esmerelda hugged Sybil she realised she had panicked to much, of course it was upsetting but she had forgotten, in her anger and self guilt, that there things could of being a whole lot worse for Ethel.


"I am sorry Sybil for freaking out, you are right of course, Ethel needs us and that is what is most important" Esmerelda told her sister hugging her and then kissing her head. "Come on, let's go back to Ethel, she shouldn't be by herself at this time" Esmerelda told Sybil, now feeling much better and prepared to do everything she could to help and support Ethel.

"What about your hand?" Sybil asked, looking at her sisters bloody knuckles as she spoke. She didn't want Ethel to see them and then become worried about Esmie when she was so injured, Esmie looked down, sensing what her sister was thinking before Esmerelda smiled and muttered a quick spell, cleaning of the majority of the blood. It wasn't perfect but she wasn't a doctor, and as Sybil said, she didn't have to do everything perfectly.

"There we go, all sorted, come on, we have a sister that needs us" Esmerelda told Sybil, putting her arm around her and leading her out of the bathroom to go back to Ethel, her anger gone as quickly as it came.