Chapter 28
Sirius didn't say anything to Remus the next morning, getting dressed in silence and leaving for breakfast without waiting for the others. He could practically feel James's frustration, but right now he didn't really care.
Remus was being stupid about this. It wasn't Sirius's fault if girls liked him. He didn't ask for it, not really. Implied it maybe, but never had he actually desired to be the center of attention to the female population of Hogwarts. It had just worked out that way.
So now he knew why Cassie had been so attentive lately. He hadn't minded that she never really got angry with him anymore. But it was slightly awkward to think that she actually had an interest in expending their relationship. A few months before, he would have been ecstatic at such news. Now though, Rose was the only one on his mind.
He'd just have to back off with Cassie. Hopefully he could let her down gently. Maybe even nudge her back in Remus's direction, not that he deserved it. In the meantime, he had a short Hufflepuff to talk to. Remus's words from the night before burned in his mind. "She's just another girl with a crush on Sirius".
He finished his food and waited out in the Entrance Hall, not even acknowledging Remus's presence when he went past. The moment Rose emerged from the hallway though, he hopped up with a smile.
"Rose!"
She looked up in surprise and sighed. "Yes?"
"I wanted to talk to-"
"I get that, what?" she said shortly. She was looking around warily as if afraid people would see them talking. Sirius didn't care.
"Look, Rose…I really like you."
"That's great I…wait, what?" her double-take was comical, and he smiled down at her.
"Rose, that night at the dance…something changed. And I don't know what it was, but I liked it. Still do."
Her cheeks were bright red, but she'd finally stopped searching for their inevitable audience. "Really?"
"Yes really. I wanted to say something ages ago, but I wasn't sure if you felt the same." He shrugged. "I heard a little rumor and decided to check and see if it was true."
She made a face. "At least you bothered to ask me before assuming."
He grinned. "It was worth it though. Your cheeks can't be any redder." He teased.
"Oh shut up." She said softly, though a smile could be heard on her voice.
"But yeah, I'm pretty glad setting you up with Remus didn't work out."
"So you were trying to set us up." She said with a glare.
"Well, yeah. Remus was interested in Cassie, so I kind of needed him out of the way…"
She raised an eyebrow. "And I was the means of doing so?"
"That was before!" he hurried to assure her. "Not anymore."
"Right." She looked unconvinced.
"Look Rose…you know my family. They'd be pissed if they even knew I was looking at you."
Her eyes glittered dangerously. "Oh really?"
"Well, you're a Hufflepuff, muggle born, all that stuff. They expect me to marry a pure blood beautiful girl and carry on the bloodline. Heck, half the school thinks that."
"So what, I'm an excuse to fight all that?"
"What? No, I'm just saying that they'd-"
"They'd prefer someone else. Sirius, you're always doing whatever you can to defy your family. I'm not going to be a tool in your plot against them."
"No, I didn't mean-"
"Sirius, you basically just said that I'm not good enough for you. I'm not pretty enough, not in the right house, and my parents are muggles." She shook her head angrily as more came spilling from her lips. "Thanks to you, everything I had going for me is gone. Cassie and Belinda hate me for believing that I had a crush on you. Remus thinks the same way and I honestly don't even want to talk to him anymore. I am on my own, and it is all because of you."
"I didn't-"
"You asked me at the beginning of this year to help you win over another girl, and then when you win her, you decide that you don't even want her. Why should I believe you'd treat me any different?"
"But-"
"And because I've fancied you, I've lost my best friends. In all honestty Sirius, I wish I could go back to the beginning of the year. Then I'd refuse to help you and I would still have them by my side. Everything is ruined, and it's all because of you." She seethed, tears filling her eyes.
"Rose…" Sirius whispered. This conversation wasn't going at all the way he'd hoped it would.
"Sirius, I wasn't kidding when I told you that we shouldn't be friends. And I'm not kidding now when I tell you that I don't ever want to talk to you again."
She turned and walked into the Great Hall for breakfast, leaving Sirius standing in the Entrance hall on his own. The pleasant feelings which had been buzzing about his skull earlier were gone, replaced with a chill he couldn't shake.
What had he been thinking, bringing up all that stuff? About trying to set her up with Remus or about his family hating her.
The problem was, she was right. Remus had been right too.
He didn't care enough.
He'd turned into someone he'd never wanted to become, leaving behind a trail of wreckage with every new whim and change of heart. He'd hurt people, and hadn't even noticed.
No wonder Lily hadn't been able to see past James' bullying actions. Or hadn't wanted to. No matter what good was underneath, it wasn't worth dealing with such bad things on the surface.
At least James was trying to change though. He no longer bullied people for no reason; he'd really cleaned up his act. Well, maybe not in the case of losers like Snape, but that was different. He'd even started to go after other bullies, in an effort to rectify his past mistakes.
Sirius hadn't done a thing to change. He couldn't even count the number of girls he'd turned down over the last few years, nor did he know the names of most of them. And until now, he'd never thought twice about any of them. He'd never wondered if he'd hurt the feelings of those he'd denied right off the bat. Often with a slightly amused voice.
No wonder Rose couldn't stand him. He was a wreck.
He sighed and walked out onto the grounds. He didn't care that he had class soon, he wanted to run. And four legs were better than two for that sort of thing.
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Rose sat on a bench in the wall of her dormitory, looking up at the window. The common room was underground for the most part, but the ground level lowered enough past the dorms that a thin window could be placed along the top stretch of wall. A tree outside was starting to sprout buds, and soon the light filtering through new leaves would bathe the room in a green glow.
She climbed to her feet and onto the large pile of pillows, just tall enough to peer out of the window itself.
She felt rotten inside, and a desperate need for Spring was enough to make tears fill her eyes. She just wanted the sun to shine and warm the earth, maybe it would thaw out her heart. These days it felt like a block of ice sitting heavily in her chest.
She couldn't believe it. After everything that had happened, Sirius had chosen right then to announce that he had feelings for her.
If he had just…waited a little while, maybe she wouldn't have freaked out so much. But with all the other drama, she'd panicked and could only think of all the bad reasons he might be telling her such things.
And now, her chance was gone. She sighed sadly and rested her forehead against the cool glass. He'd move on pretty soon, and choose some other girl. Someone more interesting than she was, she was sure.
She watched as a shaggy black dog loped across the grounds and longed to do the same. What she would give to be able to run so fast that she felt she could fly.
She just wanted to escape.
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You'd think i'd be done torturing people by now, but nope :D Yay for megadrama! Is that a word? megadrama? Hmm...well it is now! W00t!
Please please review, i'd love to what you all think!
Your Humble Authoress,
Whisperwings
