It's the last day of my first term at Twilight and I feel on top of the world.
Most of my finals went over well and I even got back some of my grades.
As long as I'm scoring A's and B's I'm good.
After my last class, I head up to my room and grab my bag before heading across town to Dem's dorm for the first time.
Downstairs in the lobby, I notice Fuu talking quietly to Pence. I think about ignoring her, seeing as though she's been avoiding me ever since what happened. But...something comes over me and I can't stand to leave without speaking to her.
She sees me approaching and looks to the ground nervously. I look around for Seifer before saying anything to her.
"Fuu, can we talk?"
I invite her to the stairwell as she stares down.
I look around, uncomfortable due to her silence.
She acts as though we were never friends...and I can't lie, it bothers me.
"Fuu...did I...do something bad to you?" I ask cautiously.
"What a loaded question..." She mutters, frowning.
"Fuu, I'm only trying to understand. What'd I do to you? I don't get why you have to avoid me all of the sudden."
"Rai...he's my brother okay? So when I see him come home with his jaw hanging off his fucking face I don't feel good about it." She says coldly.
"Fuu...I didn't-I..." I didn't know how to go about explaining myself.
"I didn't do it." It's true. What's more true is that they attacked me.
"I know that. You got your boyfriend to."
I become red.
"Boyfriend? Reno's not my boyfriend..."
I speak up.
"Fuu, I don't think you know the whole story-"
"-Spare me. All I know is that whatever they did to you wasn't nearly as bad as what you did to him. What's wrong with you? He was in the hospital for a good while, your boyfriend paralyzed part of his fucking face." She raised her voice.
I remember them tying me up against the pole, ready to slice my face open...I felt the bridge of my nose and hold my mouth close, remembering the rock that was hurled straight in my face.
I got pissed.
And once she started, I was quick to shut her up.
"I don't know what kind of person you think your brother and his friend is, or why you'd even believe them after what happened to your eye, but they had it coming. You don't fucking tie a guy up and expect to be in the clear just because you know a fucking cop. And it wasn't like I called him over, Reno did it because he saw what the fuck was happening, unlike you. You...you weren't there. You didn't see the rock they threw at my face, or the way they busted my ribs. You didn't see shit."
The eye part, it slipped out. It really did. It was just a rumor I had no evidence of. I was just so pissed.
She looks me dead in the eye, "What a malicious lie your friends spoon fed you. I believed you were smarter than that. I-I...really liked you too."
Fuu turns around and rushes to the doors before turning back towards me.
She holds up her lavender bangs, staring me down hard with her two eyes, a visible scar over her 'fake eye'.
"Here's that fake eye you and your friends talk about so much...it's not so fake now is it? Do you see the monstrosity of a face I have, you fucking imbecile! " Tears stream down her face.
It wasn't fake. Her eyes hovered back and forth, tears dropping out like it was nothing. And I feel like such a douche.
She lets go of her hair before rushing out. I didn't have time to voice my apologies.
Fuu...shit.
I sigh, feeling the emotional sting of an open wound.
I sit in the stairwell for a while before Pence walks in.
"What...happened?" He asked.
I shake my head, rubbing my eyes before I walked out.
I hate losing friends.
-x-
I sulk all the way to Sunset, thinking of all the things they could've possibly told her about what happened. Thinking about how much of a dick I was to her.
Time to go back and dispel that fake eye rumor...
On the other hand, I'm sick and tired of Seifer and Rai getting a pass for their ridiculously rude behavior.
My blood boils thinking how easy they got one over on me.
With the little cash in my wallet, I head to the pawn shop near Sunset campus and browse and all the random collection of items they had.
I'll call it a 'passing the term' gift.
I go up to a display case and notice all the knives they had for sale.
Long sharp blades that could cut anyone's throat...
I had to have one.
I spend only ten minutes in the shop talking about the blades, legality and all that before I buy one.
The clerk reminds me that it's only legal as long as it's visible, so I hang it off one of my belt loops.
Easily accessible, easily visible. It's a win-win in my book.
I approach Dem's place. It's a huge house, a little aged but nice.
Banners with their school colors and empty cans of beer littered the outside.
A sign reading "Welcome" and a bunch of rules hung off the door.
The hand-writing was so messed I wondered if it was just a joke.
Open the front door and head up to the second floor to his room. People walked around the house, casually glancing over as they carried on. I knock loudly, hoping he hears me over his music.
"Come in!"
I open the door carefully and see the same kid with purple hair laying on the floor.
I walk over and sit down on the couch across from his bed as Dem messes with his speakers.
Dem's room was huge. I mean, it wasn't brand spanking new, but the room he has to himself is immaculate.
His instruments, new and old layed about and hung off the wall along with posters and pictures of old and dead musicians, abstract art, and pictures of him and friends. I see a few photo's of him, Hayner and I from Halloween night hanging up on the wall by his bed.
I see a box of dirt laying off to the side of his room, but I don't ask questions.
I've learned to accept that Dem is a weirdo, and it's not beyond him to keep a box of dirt in his room.
"How's it goin?" He asks with a smile.
I rub my eyes, "Horrible. You guys should've never told me that bullshit about Fuu's eye."
"Bullshit? What?"
"She doesn't have a fake eye Dem."
"Oh...don't tell me you told her she did..."
"Something like that..."
"Shit Sora, really? How intrusive." He laughs.
"Yeah well it's not my fault. I mean, who tells you that everything's your fault if your brother and his retarded friend are going around assaulting people? I was pissed."
"Meh, screw her. If that's the way she sees things then let her."
I shrug and look at the floor to his friend.
"That's Zexion. He's listening to the music."
"What?"
"He's deaf remember? He's laying on the floor so he can feel the vibrations. I guess not really listening..."
He nudges Zexion and signs something to him.
Zexion then waves shyly, signing back to Dem.
Dem starts chuckling as Zexion makes some repeated motion. Taping his pointer and middle finger to his chin before sticking his thumb out.
"He says hi."
"Hi." I smile.
-x-
"Where the fuck are you!? No I won't wait he's fucking breaking everything in your room!" Hiro shouts over the phone.
Dad's home.
You could only imagine my surprise when I come home from shopping to see him.
Sitting there in the dark, filling the room with his angry presence.
That same hateful look in his eyes, I could see him clearly in the dark.
He's like the Devil's incarnate.
We stared each other down for a while before I abandoned my pride and made a dash upstairs.
I've been in here, my room, ever since, shaking more than I'd like to.
I chewed on the skin of my knuckles nervously, listening and waiting as I knelt down by the window.
After hearing a few more things crash over I decided that I didn't need to be here anymore.
Where ever I'm going, it's better than this fucking place.
As I start getting my shit on we hear a knock on the door.
My breathing is harsh as he knocks louder and I pick up speed with packing my backpack.
"I'm calling the cops." Hiro says. He hangs up and starts dialing again. It's too late though, dad's already kicked in the door.
"Where the hell is she?" He roars.
He's just as scary as he used to be when we were kids.
Always angry...
I instantly look down and remember the rules.
–
She's quiet, but works fast.
Her hands tremble as she held the flame up to the papers, burning them all to ashes.
One after another.
I hold onto Hiro as mom instructed, keeping an eye out for anyone who'd be approaching.
The city is dark.
I hear sirens ringing from a distant as we camped on the outskirts of town.
I get the feeling that it's for us, but can't say for sure.
A dark green truck comes around, big and bright and loud. It shook the ground as it pulled to a stop.
Mom sets us inside like careful statues before she hops in herself.
She left behind the fire along with our tent.
A few hours pass and mom sleeps.
Hiro starts to fuss, so I pull on his sleeve.
I did it so much he got tired and threw a hard elbow my way, not taking his attention off the road once.
"Stop touching me and sit down!"
I hesitantly looked at him and began to cry.
That only lasted so long until he hit me again.
"SHUT UP!"
I stare, frightened.
"Don't you fucking look at me...I hate you...you fucking clown. Wake up and take care of 'em! They're fuckin' crying can't you hear or are you deaf?!"
He smacks mom upside her head and she snaps awake, pulling us closer to her.
No eye contact.
No talking back.
"Axel." He walks up to me, pushing me up against my wall. I don't know where Hiro is...nor do I care really.
I just want to leave.
"Where is she?" He asks again. He smells like chemicals and old booze.
"I-I don't know." I stutter.
I hold my breath, my heart beating out of my chest.
He grabs my shoulder and tightens his grip. I start crumbling under the pressure as I felt his dense thumb dig its way down my collar bone.
"You better not be lying to me..."
"I'm not!" I say, desperate to get free of his grip. I try to pry his hand away, the pain becoming too much to bare. I see Hiro peak through the bathroom door like a scared child.
He lets go and I shove past him, grabbing the backpack I left by the door.
I felt him behind me.
And I don't know why...
"Axel."
But I just stood there.
Maybe it was out of shear fright that he would catch me if I attempted to run, like the fate of most my nightmares.
And he grabbed my hair back, pulling as hard as he possibly could. I clawed at his hands, wanting to make a break for it.
Afraid that he possibly just wanted to do away with me this time.
"Don't you ever think about burning my fucking property to the ground ever again."
He shoved me forward lightly, before I feel a huge blow to the back of my head.
It's hard enough to send me into the hallway. I feel the contents within my head shake with an unpleasant sensation.
I don't make a sound.
I just...
Hold the back of my head and bite my tongue.
I wish you were dead...
"They should've done away with you in prison. You'd deserve it being that you're stupid enough to pull that shit. Think of your mother and your brother next time, you piece of shit."
I clench my jaw tight before rushing down the stairs.
I leave outside, heading towards Sai's place. My head starts hurting bad.
I stop to catch my breath every five minutes. Cringing and shaking with pain. Now that I was away from him, I wanted nothing more than to come back with a fucking knife and slit his throat.
Maybe I could bash his head in with a rock.
I try to call Sora with no answer and I think nothing of it at first.
Over at Sai's, I knock and knock and knock. But I get no answer.
Just his dogs barking...
"Where are you?"
I sit on his front porch, waiting for his reply as it started to rain.
It's fucking freezing out here. I can see my breath clear as day...forgot to grab myself a jacket.
"Busy. Can't talk right now."
I started to text a reply, but I couldn't find it in me.
I feel like such a bitch right now, asking for attention...
I hung my head low on my lap, feeling myself tear up.
My head...it hurts so bad. The ache is growing...crawling down the back of my neck. I touch the back of my head carefully.
I try calling Sora over and over again to no avail.
Why isn't he answering me...?
Fuck it.
I stand up and start walking across town, towards the place I shouldn't be.
But it's the only place I know where there's always company and shelter.
I guess I try and buy myself time from my idiotic actions, by walking and calling.
I call Sora over and over again, and I know I'm overdoing it, but I really need him right now... I'm losing my handle.
By the time I make it to the bridge, I stop calling.
My phones getting soaked, and I'm sick of hearing his voice mailbox.
-x-
No one hassled me. Girls greeted me, probably expecting me to whip out some pure shit.
I just ignore them.
Sit at the bar and order a drink from what's her name.
Who the fuck does he think he is...marching in our house like he owns the fucking place...
She stares quietly at me, before slamming down a glass. She sloppily fills it up to the brim, liquor splashing all over the counter before sliding it over. I take it and almost start to drink, but her hand stops me mid air.
"Where'd...where'd you go?" She asks in a shaky voice over the loud music.
I don't look up. I try to pull the drink closer but she stops me.
"Why aren't you saying anything? Why won't you look at me?" Her voices grows higher in pitch...
How did I ever convince myself that she was worth anything...?
I look her in the eyes finally, "Don't make a scene for yourself at work."
Her face grows red and she finally let's go of me, "Don't tell me how to act at work you little fucking kid. You think you're hot shit because you sling your fucking coke around but you're still a fucking minor no bigger than a fly." She reaches for my drink but I pull it away.
I frown, about ready to lose my shit on everyone who wanted it.
Smile, "You have a lot of fucking nerve calling me a kid Selphie."
Her jaw dropped, "Shut up..."
"You're just a fucking kid yourself. Go ahead, ask me how I know."
She clenched her jaw, "Shut up Axel."
I scoff, "You almost had me fooled with your lame tomboy haircut. I have to say though your contacts are flawless. Tell me, does your brother know you're working at a shit strip club across town? I thought you were so smart, graduating ahead of every one in your class."
"Shut the fuck up!" She shouts across the bar.
"Easy now, don't want to screw yourself over anymore than you already have. You'd better behave if you want to keep stripping."
"You son of a bitch-" She raises her hand as though she's gonna take a swipe at me, but her best bud grabbed her wrist.
"-Guys guys, take it to the fucking back okay?" The girl with the black hair intercepts.
-x-
"What the fuck is your problem?"
I shrug, sitting on the couch we used to fuck on. The changing room looks the same. Some girls sat off to the side, taking an earful in way before we entered.
"You started it."
"You...you don't just show up months after disappearing one day and act as though we don't know each other."
"I came here for a drink, okay I didn't come here to catch up with you. I could care less about you. Just because you have some shit fake ID that says you're someone fucking else doesn't mean you're untouchable, take a fucking break from your coke binge once in a while and you'd realize that."
She stared at me, whatever she was going to say, she decided to reconsider it. The girls at the side of the room murmured.
"Hey. You two. Get the fuck out." I demand. No one's going to gain enjoyment from this if I couldn't.
They mugged me, slowly picking up their itty-bitty clothes and walking out.
I finish my drink before lighting a cigarette.
Her eyes hover back and forth between her feet.
"So...how'd you know?" She finally asks, putting her hands behind her back in some sick twisted sign of innocence.
"You left your real ID laying out on the table one day. Your mistake, really. Never knew I'd be fucking Hayner's sister, this would never sit well with him."
"Who cares...I don't go home anyways. Hayner hasn't been home in years, the last thing he remembers is me basically being better than him. I'm the best of the bunch...No one would believe you."
"You must be high out of your mind. All it takes is one trip here. Try me."
"So what? Did you come back to ruin me? I'm already probably fired because of your big fucking mouth. There goes my apartment, there goes my fucking car, there goes my school...What else do you want? What the fuck did I ever do to you?" She panicked and I felt slightly better.
"You're more of a bitch than your alter ego, but..."
I actually think about it. I realize I'm just taking out my anger on the easiest target, and that's her. I really have no reason of blackmailing her, or getting her fired. She was my fallback option when I was going through a rough time, and always threw shit my way when I needed it.
I shake my head, "I...fuck."
I rub my eyes, "Never mind."
She's sits next to me.
"What's the matter...?"
"My head hurts."
She cocks her eyebrows, "And?"
"Family issues."
She looks closer before running her fingers up the back of my head and I shiver.
She touches the tender lump forming at the back of my head, I wince.
"Fuck..." I pull away.
"Sorry. What happened to you? Who hit you?" She tilts her head.
I shake, "No one."
"Why'd you come here?"
"To be honest?"
"Yeah."
"I need a fix."
"Really? But-"
"-I'm moving soon, I'm not doing business down here anymore so I'm dry. I just need a fix."
She puts her arm on the couch, "Really...?"
"I can pay you."
"I don't need money...but I want..."
She puts her hand on my thigh, but I don't let her rest for a second.
Sora...
"I can pay you." I repeat, taking her hand off of me.
She looks at me for a while.
"You don't need to, it's on the house this time."
She lays out a line, and I notice it's a tinge browner than usual. I don't question it though, the minute she lays out the powder I get eager—nearly jack happy- about getting high.
She cuts out a line and slams it before offering me her straw.
Already weary of sharing body liquids as it is, I wave hers away and make one out of a card in my wallet.
As soon as I rail it, I know it's different. Smells different.
Tastes different.
"Where are you getting your stuff nowadays?" I ask.
"A good friend. I've been mixing mine with smack though for a while now...I needed something easier."
I frown, "Are you kidding me?"
"No? What, do you not do...?"
I sigh, "Fuck no I don't-it's whatever. I don't care anymore."
I throw my shit card down on the table and go out for another drink at the bar before returning.
I've never touched smack before, Hiro's retarded doped up antics were usually enough to make me skip it.
"What kept you away...?"
She must've asked for the hundredth time.
"Just like most guys in this place, I have a life."
"So who is she?" She asks boldly.
"It's always another woman...who is she?" She sits down, as though she wants to confess her love to me.
"I decided to make up with my ex boyfriend."
I can hear the surprise in her breath and I finish my second drink.
"I would've never guessed you were..."
"Yeah. Well. Me neither. Surprise surprise."
I think about Sora, and why he hasn't bothered to call me back yet.
"It's okay...Sora..."
Right. I forgot. I used to call her that when I was tweaked out of my mind.
Shit. How could I have blurred the lines so much?
Well, there's no blurring them now.
I can't un-see Selphie.
Ugh...I feel dirty.
Just, wrong.
"That's what you'd call me sometimes...It's the same Sora I'm thinking about isn't it? Hayner's best friend? Roxas' older brother? Wow...I haven't seen them in so long...and Kairi and Namine...Riku and Wakka..." She sighs, reminiscing about the good times I guess.
"We used to hang out at that ol' stupid island. I used to get on their nerves so much. I'm sure they would've kicked me off if it wasn't for Sora and Kairi. Me and my stupid whip, trying to keep up with the guys, ha!" She laughs, and it's genuine for the first time I've seen.
"So...when did you fall off the map?"
I see the sadness form in her eyes, "Oh, you know...things happen. After graduating early...I mean, having a job and moving away...things happen. I can't believe you're dating the same Sora. I thought he'd be married to Riku by now. How did two guys like you get together?"
The more she said his name, the more I missed him.
Euphoria started slowly seeping into me as I told our tale for some reason.
"Sounds like a love story to me. Messed up one, albeit. Those ones are the best though...you know?"
She offered me another line, and since I didn't feel the usual high I accepted.
Mistake number one.
-x-
Me and Zexion got on a lot better than I expected.
Not that I expected to not get along with him, but he's really nice.
We used paper to talk, since I have no idea how to sign. He taught me little stuff though. And Dem pushed him to teach me vulgar sayings, ha.
And when he practiced his speech, it was as though he could speak perfectly.
"I've been deaf for more than half my life, but I've been training my speech and building my vocabulary. So that if I ever hear again using an implant, I'd have little to no difficulty speaking. At least, that's what I hope for."
His hand-writing was amazing, and his voice combined with his ability to read lips would be enough to trick anybody that he was able to hear, at least for a little while.
I reach in my pocket to pull out my phone before realizing that I didn't have it.
"Have you seen Seifer ever since what happened?" Dem asks.
I think about it, and realize that I haven't seen him around at all.
"No. I haven't had any graffiti on my car either. Reno put Rai in the hospital."
"Yeah I heard. How the hell did he even take down a guy like Rai with just a kick? If that's what they teach you when you're a bouncer then I might as well dropout and do that for the rest of my life."
I was about to correct Dem, but remember what me and Hayner promised each other.
I just roll my head back on his futon couch, groan.
"Wish I kicked his ass myself." I said in a tone of regret.
"Don't get down, they learned their lessons anyway."
"Yeah while Seifer's running a fuckin' muck, probably doing the same thing to other people with some other friends. How the hell does Fuu protect a guy like that?"
Dem shrugs, "I don't know. Let's go beat him up."
Zexion bursts out laughing, jotting down something on the paper before holding it up.
"You didn't just say lets go beat them up, did you?" Dem reads out loud.
He frowns, "Yeah! What's so funny about that?"
He writes back.
"Sora! This asshole thinks we can't take him on!"
"We can't."
Zexion waves his hand in front of his face.
"I'm not advocating violence. But if I did advocate it, I'm not targeting you as an audience Demyx."
I start laughing and Dem gets red.
"You guys keep laughing. I'm gonna start pumping iron."
"Alright, just don't break your legs trying to get out of bed." He writes.
We start laughing hard, and I felt bad, but man is Dem lazy. It's hard to imagine him beating someone up when he always stops by your place to take a nap because he's tired of 'walking home'.
"Both of you. You AND you. Lets go." He gets up, pulling on some sweats.
Me and Zexion glance at each other.
"What?"
"Gym. Now."
We get quiet, awkwardly looking around as Dem walks out of his room.
"What did he say?" Zexion writes out.
"S'go you guys!"
-x-
We reluctantly slug behind a prideful Dem, crossing the front lawn of Sunset Academy to hit the gym.
The campus is way smaller than Twilight, but it made it easier to get around. Kids hung around, skating and bumping mix CD's from their radios in uniforms. It was kind of a nostalgic flashback as I'm reminded of my own lame uniform I had in grade school. Now thinking about it, it'd be nice to have a uniform at Twilight.
People would stop looking at me and Hayner like we're the broke boys, even though we are pretty fucking broke.
Getting caught stealing half of the coffee beans from the downstairs lobby is embarrassing when everyone else can usually afford to go out and buy their coffee from fancy cafe's. I told Hayner we should do it at midnight, but he insisted that we did it in the morning.
All we got was a slap on the wrist and laughed at as the security guards mocked our choice of fifteen cent coffee beans.
I need a job...
Inside the gym lights were bright and we were greeted by beefy guys sweating and slamming down weights.
Intimidating as hell I've got to say. Me and Zexion stick by each other as Dem marches over to a weight set.
He looks at us with a wide grin, "Scared huh? Ya scurred."
We watch him hype himself up, making, what, fifteen laps around the set before actually sitting down? Zexion walks behind the set and looks down at Dem, shaking his head.
"What? You think I can't do it?" He asks defensively.
He shakes his head.
"Move and watch."
Zexion just eyes me, crossing his arms and stepping back a few feet.
And, you know, Dem is actually capable of lifting it a few times. Me and Zexion looked at each other, amazed and shocked.
"Holy shit, you're actually doing...it...?"
He slows down more and more, his arms becoming shaking and his face turning red.
"You're...not doing it." I say.
Eventually, Dem's control was lost as he was left kicking under the weights.
Me and Zexion rush over and grab onto the bar, but before we could even lift, a third single hand holds onto the bar and lifts it with one easy pull, setting it back in place.
Dem gasped for air, "Holy...crap..."
Zexion looked relieved as this one huge guy stood over Dem's weak body.
He was tall and brawny, ginger.
Looks like he lives in the gym.
"Thanks again...Lexaeus."
"You can't just be there, you have to work to get there." He says to Dem.
"Yeah, got any steroids I can buy from you?" Dem asks, sitting up as he rubbed his arms.
"I don't use steroids."
"It was a joke. I know you treat these machines like normal fucking furniture..."
Zexion laughs, and Lexaeus signs something to him.
I sit on a machine across from Dem.
"You got pretty far."
His breaths are still labored, "Eh...ah...Yeah. Right. I don't even know why I came here."
He flops back on the machine lazily, "I'm outta shape."
Lexaeus turns back, "Form a workout plan. Or just come to boot camp."
"Boot camp?" I ask.
"No no no...fuck boot camp."
"What's boot camp?" I ask Lexaeus.
"Extreme high intensity calisthenic training."
"Can anyone do it?"
"Don't do it Sora."
"Yes, it's open to all college students from any campus, as long as you have your student I.D."
I grin, "Will I get ripped?"
"Don't do it Sora."
Dude flexes his arm, biceps rippling and shit, "These don't lie."
He says seriously.
"Catch you guys later." He signs something to Zexion.
Zexion puts up a finger and walks away with Lexaeus.
I look back over to Dem.
I see the look in his eyes.
I didn't want to call him on it, but it was so apparent.
He was jealous.
"You don't look too happy..." I say to him.
He rolls his eyes to me, "I'm fine."
-x-
Me and Dem start heading back to his place after Zexion bids us goodbye. He was quiet, mostly focused to the ground as we walked.
"Hey um, you okay?"
He lifts his head, sighing, "Yeah, I'm alright."
He runs his long fingers through his hair, "How the hell does a guy like that go from a tiny kid to the fucking terminator?"
I laugh, "I know right? I wonder how he looked like as a kid."
"Probably just a miniature version of how he looks now. He probably came out of his moms vag with big bustling veins and biceps."
We start laughing.
"He knows it too, he knows he was born like that."
I laugh, "Hey Dem?"
"Yeah?"
"You're jealous of him, aren't you?"
He raises his brows, surprised.
Frowns, "N-No! What gave you that stupid idea that's stupid..."
He shoves his hands in his pockets.
I nudge him, "So that means that you like Zexion."
He looks away, "Yeah, I like Zexion. I like you and Hayner too. I like the lady who bags my groceries too. I like everyone."
I decide to give him a break.
"So, boot camp?"
He scoffs, "That shit is impossible. You wanna get yelled at for a whole day every week then go ahead."
"Come on, it'll be fun. I bet Hayner'll want to get in on it too."
"Meh..."
"Don't you wanna impress Zexion?"
He blushes, "Drop it..."
"Because, you kinda asked to go to the gym and make a fool out of yourself-no offense."
He grumbles, "Boot camp...Last time I tried that I couldn't stop vomiting. Ugh..."
"Vomit's good, that means you're pushing it to the limit. I vomited the first time I surfed a wave. Let's do this."
"Surfing a wave is way more easier and impressive than boot camp."
"Easier? Ha! Try saying that when you're choking on water six feet under."
He looks over at me, "You sure are eager to pump it."
"I'm bored. There's no beach and I can't swim. I'm not paying ten bucks for a 6 foot deep pool every time I wanna swim."
"Good point. Yeah, I guess I'll try it. But I still think we should give steroids a shot."
-x-
Holy fucking Christ am I high.
My headache started to fade, and I was ready to leave.
I didn't want to be around her anymore.
I used her. I guess.
"Tell me...you'll be back." She asks softly.
I look out into the crowd of girls, and felt a tinge of guilt for coming here. I knew I had no interest in being her savior from the start...
"No. I'm not coming back. This is good bye."
She looks away, and I can tell I hurt her bad.
"Heh...well, at least you're honest. I get tired of the 'I'll see you again' guy never coming through."
"And...another thing...I don't have feelings for you."
"Wh-what?"
"I don't love you. I don't even find myself liking you. I wanted you to be someone you weren't. All these motherfuckers want in here is just a replacement for someone they lost...Forget about me. And stop trying to make real life connections working at a strip club, you're gonna end up in a ditch... Just wanted to clarify things."
I don't know why...but I feel myself slowing down. At least, everything around me is.
My heart is beating really hard...
I wouldn't say fast, just hard.
"That's fair. Just don't tell anyone. Please."
I waiver back and forth in place, "Obviously."
Outside I start nodding out, and I get this weird sensation that my feelings were starting to deplete.
I didn't care.
I called a taxi and wait in the rain.
-x-
After a few more hours hanging out at Dem's I headed back home. I found myself thinking about how cute and intelligent Zexion is, but I shrug it off. The unwritten rules say Zexion belongs to Dem, although one could easily argue...
When I get back I see Hayner laying in his bed, staring up at the ceiling with an empty look in his eyes.
"Your phones been ringing." He tells me quietly.
I reach for it on the desk, and notice that it's dead.
"Damn it."
I start looking around for my charger and ask Hayner what he's been up to.
"Nothing. Just...waiting." He sighs.
I sit on my bed and ask him what's up.
"They're all gonna give me shit. When I go home and visit."
"Well...who cares if they do. You made a few mistakes but now you're back."
"Compared to Selphie...I ain't shit to them." He rolls away to the wall.
"Stop thinking like that. Stop comparing yourself to Selphie. Who cares about what she's doing? In the end, I bet they all just miss you."
He starts shaking his head.
"If not for your family, then do it for Roxas. He misses you. And Namine misses you. Kairi misses you, my mom misses you. Riku probably misses you too. Did you know Wakka's getting married soon?"
He looks unsure of himself and I almost focus my attention on finding the phone charger.
"Hayner, the island misses you."
He gasps, his demeanor doing a 180, "I'm going."
-x-
Mistake number two.
I gaze up the garden ladder, thorns being a withered thing of the past.
It's early in the morning...
And...I...
I don't feel like goin' home.
So I came here.
Because...he'll be here soon.
And we'll be able to spend time with each other. I'll be the first person he sees and-and he'll be so happy.
I don't know why he won't answer me...
But he'll be here soon.
I carelessly hop over the fence and stumble to the ladder.
I start climbing the ladder, but I feel like my heart's doing...something weird.
Something not good. I take a break before I continue to the top.
I get to the top and tried to push his window open before I have to come to terms that it's locked.
I get ready to climb down before I reach for some change in my pocket.
Desperate, I fling them at Roxas' window, praying that his dad isn't in there.
He instantly opens his window and looks around. He spots me and gives me a pissed look.
"Sup?" I say, hanging off the ladder, feeling like a cool sloth.
"Oh...I fucking hate your guts right now..." He says.
"Can you help me...? I...I think I'm gonna black out soon."
"Yeah yeah yeah..." He leaves his room.
Before I know it, Roxas opens Sora's window and pulls me onto Sora's bed.
"What do you think you're doing?" He whispers harshly.
I look up at him and stare...
I find myself wanting to know more about him.
As he mouths off about whatever, I get more and more interested.
"Sora..." I reach up to stroke his face, but he slaps my hand away.
"I'm not Sora." He frowns.
"You look so good right now...just like him." I...I don't know what I'm saying anymore.
This has got to be Sora.
I reach up for his face again and he smacks it away, his cheeks slightly red, "Axel...stop."
I sit up and whisper in his ear, "Anything you want..."
I don't know what the hell I'm saying.
He holds his arm nervously, not speaking a word.
I then stand up and walk to Sora's bathroom. I pull out a small baggie that Selphie gave to me, filled with the speed ball combo. I pour it all on the counter and plan to rail it all.
I take one bump and start getting sick.
Roxas opens the bathroom door and stands in the doorway, watching me as I stared into Sora's sink.
"Want some?"
He shakes his head, "No...I'm good."
"Good, because I'm about to rail this fucking pile and get zipped out of my fucking mind."
-x-
Morning comes fast, and I'm on the hunt for my phone charger again.
Me and Hayner finished packing our bags, readying ourselves for our trip home. It's not a happy nor easy pack despite our conversations last night. We're silent, bemoaning the moment we arrive at home.
I'm mostly not looking forward to seeing Donny again. I get this sick feeling when I think about going home. I look around for my charger anxiously, waiting, wishing for the moment that I get to hear Axel's voice again. He must be worried that I haven't called him in so long. After angrily throwing my mess around I accept the fact that my chargers gone. I won't be able to speak to him until I make it to Destiny. But all I think of is how I'm gonna wrap my arms around him tight and give him a big kiss, say I'm sorry.
"Man...shit blows." I say, huffing and puffing.
"Look at it this way, it's the last time we'll have to show our faces around there for a while."
"Easier said than done. I might just snap this time around."
"We...could always just lie and say we couldn't make it."
We look at each other, happily contemplating the possibilities before coming back around to the harsh reality.
"Nah...I couldn't do that to them."
He sighs, "You're right. We just gotta bite the bullet on this one."
"Alright..." I throw a few Vicodin in the bottom of my bag, hoping that I make it through security.
-x-
Once we're off the plane we head our separate ways and plan to hang out within the next week at the island. I get an early start on my high and take my Vicodin in the cab.
I make it home and notice that it's quiet. Roxas is sitting on the couch, watching t.v on mute.
"What's up? Where's mom and Donny?" I ask him.
He shrugs, "They're gone. Same ol' same ol'. Oh, yeah, except that your boyfriend is wasted in your bathroom."
"What?" I almost didn't believe him, but I know that pissed face didn't come from nowhere.
"He came over high as hell last night and passed out in your bathtub."
"Are you fucking serious?"
"Uh, yeah. I've been trying to call you and Hayner all night. Offered me some weird brown shit before he got sick and passed out. Don't believe me? Go see for yourself."
I start up the stairs, hoping that Roxas is just exaggerating.
Because he must be exaggerating, right? He's just fucking kidding.
He's gonna come up one second after I find Axel and laugh in my face about it.
But no, one step inside my bathroom and I know instantly that Axel partied pretty fucking hard to end up in my bathtub a day before I came home.
"Axel..."
He's knocked out cold, all his clothes still on. There's dried up vomit in my sink with a pile of brown powder on the counter top. I don't think twice about it and swipe it off before turning the sink on.
I frown at Axel, pissed that he hasn't waken up despite my loud presence. If Donny was here...
I sit on the counter and pick up his phone, looking through all his text messages like a nosy boyfriend should at this point.
And...I really thought he was done messing around...
"Hey, thanks for coming over last night. I don't think you know...but you've helped me out a bunch. Don't forget to keep last night a secret, kay? Love S. :3 ;)"
I can hear my harsh breathing through my nostrils as my grip tightened on his phone. I looked over the text and see her name at the top. Serenity... I smile in disbelief.
I don't know who the fuck Serenity is but I'm about to find out.
I think about flinging the phone to his head but I felt that was too nice.
I turn on the cold water to the shower and he's up in under a second. Shocked he hops out of the tub and catches himself along the counter.
He pushes his hair out of his eyes, breathing heavily.
"Sora...I-"
"-Who the hell is Serenity?"
He blinks a few times before speaking, "S-Serenity?"
I read the text from his cell back to him, "Hey, thanks for coming over last night I don't think you know but you've helped me out a bunch don't forget to keep last night a secret kay...love S. Smile, wink-y face..."
He frowns snatching his phone away, "What the fuck are you doing going through my phone?"
"Don't expect me not to look through your shit when you leave a pile of coke on my counter and vomit in my sink..." I grit my teeth, trying to keep calm.
But every time I thought about this girl, I wanted to go crazy.
Why Axel...? I'm trying to get far here.
"Who the fuck is Serenity?" I ask again.
"She's..." He sighs, "She's that one chick."
"Who? Who's 'that one chick' ?"
"That stripper I fucked..."
"What?" I ask, to make sure I heard him right.
I try to make eye contact with him but he just won't let me. He looks just as pissed, but I could give zero fucks right now. I don'tcare how hungover he is, he can't expect to not give me answers.
He looks over his phone quietly, I can't read his emotions.
"The girl I cheated on you with..." He says through his hand. He covered his mouth, probably thinking about what he's gonna say next.
"Are you fucking kidding me? You're joking right now right?"
"I didn't mess around with her. We didn't do anything."
Here we fucking go again...
-x-
My stomach hurts bad as I held onto the counter. Trying to hold my stature while the guy I've been wanting to see this whole time is screaming at me is hard.
I glance over at Sora, his cold blue eyes staring me down.
"So what'd you do with her last night, huh?"
"Nothing..." I utter. It's the truth...
It didn't happen like he thinks it did.
"So then what's your secret, huh?" He asks with crossed arms.
I look at my phone, looking for the text he's quoting.
"Axel!"
"Just shut the fuck up for a second." I say.
"Fuck you. I don't even care. Get out."
"Sora just give me a second, I didn't touch anyone. She's talking about something else completely unrelated I wouldn't-"
"-I don't fucking believe you, get out."
It's funny how fast things escalate.
I couldn't believe what he was telling me...
"Sora you didn't even answer my fucking calls all night. Don't act as though I'm just fucking every girl I run into okay?"
"Why is it that you have to run to the closet fucking hole every time you think I'm going to leave you?"
"I never said that."
It hurts a lot...because y'know...I really wanted to see him.
I wanted to hear his voice...
I wanted him to tell me everything would be alright even though I'd never ask...
And now we're here, arguing.
"I know you didn't say it. It's fucking obvious."
"Stop being so fucking jealous."
"Of course I'm jealous! Are you gonna be my boyfriend or are you just gonna fuck around town Axel!?"
Sora's face is red, his voice surpassing mine each time. And I admit, I got fed up.
Tired of looking at him.
Fuck, it's like whenever I need someone to be there for me they don't give two shits and Sora's no different.
He eyes me, points to my neck, "You even have a fucking hickey you dumb shit."
I look in the mirror and see the 'hickey' he's talking about. It's the mark my dad left behind.
I look him in the eyes, think about telling him what lead up to me being here.
But I...hell, what's the point? He's just gonna call bullshit on me. He already doesn't believe me when I say I didn't do anything with Selphie.
"I'm tired of this shit, if you're not gonna let me talk then..." I push past him out of the cramped bathroom.
"Axel. Tell me what you did with her." He follows.
"Sora I didn't touch her! I just got a few drinks and we ended up talking!"
"What secret is she talking about Axel?!" I see him pushed to tears, but he's doing it to himself.
"Jesus Christ it doesn't matter it doesn't fucking change anything!"
If I told him that Serenity had been Selphie all along, it wouldn't change things...
"I thought you changed..." His voice quivers, his head hung low.
I see a few drops fall to the ground from his eyes.
"Seriously...?"
He wipes his face furiously, intent on regaining his posture. I slowly pick up my backpack, shaking my head at how retarded our argument became.
"Yeah, seriously. You can leave now."
"Sora, don't do this to me." I say quietly by the door. He sits on his desk, not making anymore eye contact with me.
"Sora. Listen to me...I never did anything."
He opens his door, but I close it.
"Sora."
"Get out Axel." He says sternly. He opens it again, but I shut it.
"Sora, talk to me-"
"-I don't want to talk to you anymore, okay!?" He shouts.
I look him in the eyes and notice how dilated and glossed out his eyes had become.
He's fucking high.
"Shhhh...stop yelling. You're high aren't you?"
He growls, "So what if I am?!"
"So then stop fucking yelling and calm down. You're only freaking out because you're high."
"And you're not? What was that shit on my counter? What the fuck are you on now?"
I laugh, "Me? I'm not high."
I'm fucking spun out, there's a huge difference.
He goes for the door a third time but I impulsively grab his wrist and stop him.
He tries to push me away but I pull him closer.
"Axel stop...!"
I don't notice the desk banging against the wall from our struggle.
Or the stuff that he was accidentally knocking off the surface because of us.
"Babe just kiss me. You're just high it's fine." I became desperate to feel his affection.
I don't know what I was thinking.
"Don't fucking call me babe. I don't want to kiss you."
I lean closer, squeezing his wrist tight.
"Axel I'm not fucking kidding don't-"
It was a quick peck.
I land one peck on him and he get's mad and smacks me, hard.
His left hand lands so hard against the side of my head that my ear starts ringing.
It was a reflex. I smacked him back hard enough to hear him yelp. Hard enough to make his face snap back and for him to recoil in pain. The mark on his cheek is clear as day and I see tears starting to form in his eyes.
"Sora I-I'm sorry."
He starts sobbing for a few seconds, shaking. I almost think he's about to have an asthma attack and get ready to look for his inhaler. I saw him go from man to kid...
I hate myself already.
But before I could do anything except back off a little, he snapped.
Just like that.
Much like the sight of a tragedy I knew I made a mistake I wasn't going to recover from.
I see his hatred for me brewing like nothing before.
His upper lip twitches along with his fingers, anger seeping from him. His anger vein pulsating in his neck...
He was about to rage.
I froze in place, uncertain of the next move I should make. It was easy for him to make it for me.
He slams his door wide open and grabs me by my collar with one hand, swinging me around and slamming me up against the wall in the hallway with strength I didn't know he had. I try my hardest to push up off the wall but being hungover doesn't quite help in this department.
"Sora stop! What the fuck are you doing?" Roxas shouts from the top of the stairs.
"If you know what's good for you you'll never fucking hit me again." He rumbled through his clenched jaw, slamming me against the wall once more. His fists were balled, and I was sure that he was gonna land a hit on me. I can't lie, I'm scared shitless.
I already saw what his step dad could do. When he sees this who knows what the fucks gonna happen.
It's not worth it, I just need to bail.
"Sora they're gonna be home at any minute." Roxas pleads from the side.
He glared at me.
"Dude do you want the fucking cops called? You're gonna get your ass arrested let him go!"
"I can leave you at any minute...If Riku had made his apology any better that night you came over to ask me out...you would've been nothing to me. Nothing."
And that...
I laugh.
That...hurt more than anything.
He lets go, "Get the fuck out of my house."
He walks into his room and slams his door shut, shaking the whole house.
I stare at the floor for a second, look to Roxas.
He looks confused, "You didn't...did you?"
"I-"
He opens the door again and flings the phone straight at my mouth, "And don't fucking come back."
Slams the door.
I hold my mouth in pain and feel tears forming.
I panic, and grab my phone before dashing out of the house.
