28. ENDINGS AND BEGINNINGS (LISE)

Hawk was adamant that the Navarrians were still in the castle.

"She's been using mind control," he pointed out, "so they wouldn't have been able to flee."

Lise wondered, did that spell hold the people still? Would the people they found be soulless and deadly, like the ninja in Rolante?

The only choice was to begin a thorough search of the Fortress. It took hours, through the levels, the kitchens, the bedrooms, even the jail cells. Lise began to realize that the Sand Fortress was, in fact, a formidable entity.

Hawk was beginning to give up. "Maybe she just killed them all," he mused.

"Come on, Hawk," she said in her most reassuring tone, "there must be someplace we haven't looked yet."

Hawk just looked at her morosely, but then suddenly he jumped to his feet. "I've got it! The treasure room! Really, the one thing Bigieu does not seem to want is treasure."

He led them back to the main chamber. There was no sign of an opening, though once Lise looked closely, she thought she saw faint variances in the light pattern. Hawk tinkered with some bricks that to her eyes looked no different from the rest. A lock clicked, and a wall slid open.

"Lumina, some light, if you would."

The Elemental silently obliged Hawk's request, and as the door creaked open, a crowd of people were seen, putting faces to the bars that covered the opening to the treasure room.

"Thank the Goddess! We're saved!"

"No! Thank Hawk!"

"We must send messages to the rest of the people!"

"Bigieu took Jessica! Has she been found?"

Women crowded around Hawk as he pulled the bars open, weeping and kissing him. Men embraced and cheered him. Hawk tried to answer everyone's questions at once. "Jessica's safe in Deen. We have a girl who can heal Flamekhan, and she and a Knight can together help the rest. No, Bigieu has not been killed. No, she won't be coming back..."

And the question from one little boy, that Hawk paused before answering. "Yes... I'm a Ninja now..." Lise wasn't quite sure why he seemed afraid to answer that.

The rest of the group merely stood back as Hawk organized his people, sending them to various places. "It will take a few days to get everyone back, but we can start rebuilding - now," he announced in a loud voice. "Bigieu has stolen much from us, but we will reclaim our home."

When he finally looked over and caught Lise's eyes, she was looking at him with nothing but pride.

--

Flamekhan was not with the rest, the rescued Navarrese informed him. He had been left in his bedroom. Apparently, as ill as Bigieu had made him, she no longer considered him a threat.

Hawk had worried that it was some curse like what had been done to Jessica, but this appeared to be an ordinary illness. A little effort on Carlie's part, and Flamekhan was sitting up, looking nearly as healthy as Hawk himself.

"Hawk..." The middle-aged man, strong-faced still despite his graying hair, looked disoriented.

"You're safe now, Khan. Bigieu's gone."

"My children... Jessica... Eagle..."

"Jessica's safe. Nikita's watching over her in Deen as we speak. Eagle..."

Hawk could not bring himself to continue, but Flamekhan nodded. "Say no more, Hawk. My son will watch us from the Holyland, but at least you have returned to me."

--

It took a week, actually, to find everyone who had fled to Sultan, Deen, and the many smaller desert villages. Hawk knew it might still be a while to find those who had fled into the desert alone - if they survived at all.

Jessica and Nikita arrived on that seventh day, with a large group from Deen. She was as fresh and healthy as he remembered her, before the curse. "Hawk," she said, throwing her arms around him, then kissing him on both cheeks before fully on the lips. "It was you, I remember."

She pulled away from his face, and kept her arms entwined around his neck as she turned to look at the rest of the Mana heroes. "I'm sorry, I remember very little, but I remember all of you helping save me, and I thank you."

Hawk introduced them all in turn. Was it his imagination, or did Jessica's bright smile droop when he introduced Lise?

She couldn't know. He flashed back to a night in Elrand, Lise pulling his body closer, him tangling his fingers in her long silky hair while he...

He pushed the memory down roughly. This was no time to be thinking of that.

"My father..." Jessica trailed off, afraid to ask.

"Weak, but alive," Hawk told her. "Carlie rescued him from the brink of death. He's being well cared for in the infirmary."

"Then I must go attend him. You will see to the feasting, won't you, my love?" She pulled away from her deep kiss goodbye to swing her gaze over the others.

--

Lise stayed away from Hawk that night, he noticed. He couldn't blame her if she wanted to keep her distance when he and Jessica were together.

Everyone around them, all his friends, thought it was great that the two of them were back together. Nikita beamed at the couple. Hawk was happy to see her again, he had missed her terribly, but at the same time there was something in the way. He kept stealing glances at Lise, who steadfastly kept her eyes averted, but then he would look back at Jess and see her eyes looking back at him, questioning.

The Navarrians were not sticklers for rank. They had accepted the presence of the Princess of Altena in their midst with an easygoing respect, giving her a place of honor at the table but largely ending the ceremonies there. Her recent exile only seemed to enthuse the thieves' guild more, and she integrated easily with the coarse jokes offered by the men - and the worse ones from the women. Duran's arm around her kept her out of awkward situations - that, and the sword by his chair. Angela even seemed to click with Jess - knowing the closeness between Angela and Lise, Hawk wondered what that was all about.

Lise chose to remain relatively anonymous, using only her Amazon name, with no title. But her coloring gave her away. "Say, aren't you an Amazon?" one dark-skinned man, whom Hawk remembered as quite a success with the ladies, asked her.

"Ummm..." Lise didn't have a chance to answer. "Of course she is, Edge, look at her figure. Lithe, and strong, and those legs!" an older, redheaded man interjected. Lise would be blushing any second now. "Your Amazoness - " he drunkenly grasped for the correct title - "your presence here speaks volumes about the relations between Navarre and Rolante. How are we perceived there?"

Lise replied carefully. "I think my sisters have come to understand that it was Bigieu's evil influence that caused the troubles between us, and I am sure our Queen will agree." More Navarrians - almost all men - crowded around Lise with more questions about "politics".

Lise was starting to look like a needlebird facing the wrong end of a sword, and Hawk was afraid he would have to rescue her - a potentially awkward situation with Jessica there. Fortunately, Angela saved him.

"Hey guys," she yelled, gesturing with her winecup, "don't you know an Amazon will put a spear right through you if you come on too strong? Through your stomach, if you're nice - otherwise she'll go lower."

The Navarre men laughed uproariously, but they did leave Lise alone after that.

Many hours and cups of wine later, Hawk yawned in exhaustion. He must have changed quite a bit, if he could only make it halfway through the night. "Coming, Jess?" he asked as he rose. She nodded. He refused to look at Lise as the two of them left the great hall of the sand fortress.

--

They walked side by side through the stone halls, lovers but strangers.

...Lise pulling his face to hers to kiss him, as he slowly...

He had to keep his mind on track.

In his room, he and Jess talked for a while, but conversation danced around anything of importance. There was a wall there that he had not felt with her before. He had thought for sure she would have been twice as passionate, after the trauma of her kidnap and rescue; but this was not the case. Nor did he want to fall all over her as he felt he should.

Leaning forward, he kissed her, but it seemed forced, on both sides, having the sense of duty. The couple looked at each other, questioning in their eyes where there once was ardor. Hawk settled for taking her tiny hands in his.

Jessica leaned against him, burying her face in his chest and putting her arms around him.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what -" Hawk said, just as Jessica said, "Something's different -"

There it was, like it or not.

She looked up at him for a minute. Finally she said, "I think I should stay in my own room tonight." Hawk only nodded. She squeezed his hand once, before turning away from him, and his eyes followed her until the door clicked shut behind her.

After she left, he stared at the wall, before falling into a troubled sleep.

--

The knock on the door woke him. He answered without a shirt on, expecting Jessica.

To his surprise, it was Angela.

"No wonder you have more girls than you can handle," she said, cocking her head to the side to look him up and down appreciatively.

"Yeah, no kidding. What brings you by, Angela?"

"I brought breakfast for you," she said, stepping into the room with a basket under her arm. "So, how did things go in the love nest last night?" She surveyed the room. "Speaking of love, where is she?"

He didn't answer the question. "Um, thanks for breakfast."

Angela sat down at the table, arranging the morning meal. When she had decided to make herself at home, nothing short of a direct request would get her to leave. She was stubborn that way. Lise was stubborn too, he knew, but never to the point of risking rudeness.

And he found his mind drifting to Lise again.

Picking up one of the ripe Navarre strawberries, Angela bit into it contemplatively. She curled one leg under the other, leaning back into her chair. "So, you want to tell me about it?"

Hawk was blissfully comfortable with Angela. Once she had resolved her relationship with Duran, and he had stopped wondering what to do if she showed up in his bed again one night, he found her friendship quite enjoyable; her frankness was refreshing, her logic flawless. He sat down across from her and grabbed a handful of berries himself.

Three-quarters of the food was gone, before Hawk confessed the night before had been awkward. Slowly he let the tale unfold, Angela giving him her full attention.

Finally, he couldn't help but ask. "Is Lise angry?"

Angela gave him a withering look.

"No, of course not, it's Lise," he answered for himself. "She's hurt... and she's pretending like she's not."

--

Lise was sad, and it made Kevin feel sad as well.

He saw how she stayed far away from Hawk, now that the short blue-haired girl was with him all the time. Humans made their mating so complex, he thought. Why all the hurt feelings? Why would no one say what they meant, instead taking it into themselves? She tried to tell him nothing was wrong, even though it was clear to him she did not tell the truth.

She seemed to feel happier when he stayed around her, though. Angela came to see Lise often as well. That, he could understand. It was bad to be without a pack.

Nevertheless, it was three days that Lise moped, alone, at night.

--

Hawk and Jessica dined alone that evening in his quarters, neither of them wanting to bring up what was hanging over their heads.

It wasn't until the dishes had been cleared and they stood together by the window, that Jessica was the first to speak.

"You know, Hawk," she began. "I think something changed when we lost Eagle. He was so happy to see you and I together, to see his little sister with someone he loved like a brother… But with him gone, I don't know if we're held together by the same bonds anymore."

It surprised him to hear this from her, after the way she had greeted him the first day she returned. But he had seen a number of the Navarre men looking at her; perhaps he did know what this was about, after all.

Hawk looked at her, and took a deep breath as he composed his words. "I would never want to keep you from finding the happiness you deserve."

"Nor I you," she replied, reaching up to brush a lock of hair back from his eyes.

Long silence followed. Who would say first what they really wanted?

He held her by the waist, as they gazed into the desert together, as they had so many times before. But they were different people then. Now… Jessica seemed stiff, unyielding to his arm, even though they had known each other all their lives.

He remembered, though, everything about her, everything about them, and an odd sort of regret sunk in. Part of him desperately wished for that time, those feelings back, when Eagle was alive, when he was only a thief, not a Ninja... he knew it was a pointless dream, but with her here close, he wanted to believe that somehow everything could be put back the way it was before.

He reveled in the feeling of her close against him, but… when he pulled her tighter, she wheeled and pushed him away. Hard.

"Don't!" she cried, anger blazing, in complete contrast to the mood of a moment before.

"Jess..." He didn't know where to begin, or to end. "What's gotten into you?"

That only made her angrier. "I know who it is, it's the blonde girl, the Rolantish?" Hawk gulped slightly, wondering how she knew, but guilt crossed his face involuntarily, and she didn't miss the emotion. Her eyes narrowed, and she crossed her arms, taking another step backwards, further away from him. "I saw the way you looked at her, I could tell." Anger dropped a little, and sadness crept in. "How could you think I wouldn't know, Hawk? After as long as I have known you, how would I fail to notice? Are you going to tell me it's not true, tell me nothing happened, that she means nothing to you? Or are you going to admit that you've fallen in love with someone else?"

There it was, out in the open, everything he had been trying to hide. Hawk could not lie to her, so he merely averted his eyes.

--

Angela ran into Jessica in the hallway, leaving Hawk's quarters breathlessly. "What's wrong?" she inquired, putting herself in Jessica's path so the girl could not run right past her.

She had got along well with Hawk's saucy girl, even knowing how Lise felt - but had the distinct feeling Jessica did not want to speak with her much at the moment... "I - well, we - decided a lot of things had changed." Leaving it at that, the shorter girl slid around Angela and darted down the hallway.

Most interesting, thought Angela, quickly reading between the lines. She knew exactly what to do next.

She hurried a little faster down the hall, to the bedrooms occupied by her and her friends.

--

"Are you sure, Angela?" Lise asked. "I mean, maybe you misunderstood." She was wearing a green silk Navarre long tunic, tied at the waist, and covered by one of their lightweight robes. It was quite flattering on her frame, Angela noted.

"Absolutely. Now's your chance, you need to go to him."

"But it doesn't seem right," Lise waffled. "He's probably hurt, he needs time to think, I shouldn't intrude on him - "

Angela sighed. She reminded herself carefully that it was all new to Lise, she had very little idea about what to do with men, and definitely no clue about when to pursue them. "Trust me on this one, Lise. He loves you, you love him - and you need to go to him. Now."

"Be brave," she added.

That one did the trick. Lise would not admit to being afraid of anything. She squared her shoulders and marched herself out the door.

Well, good, thought Angela. Now's the time for her to fight for the man she loves.

--

Lise knocked hesitantly on the door to Hawk's room, but got no response from inside. She stood there, wondering what to do next... She considered turning away, but something in her made her take a deep breath, knock once more, and step inside.

Hawk stood at the window to his bedroom, looking out at the hot sands of Navarre beyond. He must have heard her, but he did not turn around to see who had arrived. Lise felt suddenly very nervous, but she was frozen to the spot. She could will herself to neither move forward, nor turn around and go. Finally, she took a deep breath and took several inquisitive steps towards him.

He turned around and blinked, as if seeing a ghost. Across his face was a look of sadness, and regret. She wanted to throw her arms around him, but couldn't allow herself that freedom.

So there the two of them stood, their eyes locked on each other, neither moving towards the other. "I... I could come back later," Lise finally stuttered. She turned to go, but with a few long strides Hawk reached her and grabbed her shoulder, turning her towards him and pulling her close. He put his arms around her and buried his head in her hair, breathing her in yet still not saying a word.

Lise let his arms gently enfold her as she leaned against his chest, relishing the feeling of him so close to her. She did not know how long they stood there like that, but she wished he would never let go. So they stood there, she closing her eyes as she leaned against his chest, he nuzzling her, stroking her hair at the nape of her neck.

Finally he spoke.

"She left me," Hawk said.

"She told me we didn't love each other anymore, and she was right." Lise could tell that the words had stung him, however much he agreed with them. "I knew this was coming, even before all this happened."

"I think we both realized we could no longer stop each other from finding happiness with someone else."

And with those words, he lifted his head, and cupping hers, turned her face towards his. He looked deep into her eyes, holding her gaze.

"I'm sorry," was the best Lise could think of, even though there was so much more to say.

The sadness in his eyes changed to lust as his gaze penetrated hers.

"I'm going to take what you promised me," he said, heat in his voice. "But before, I want something else from you.

"I've told you over and over, how I feel, since the day we met. Now, I want... no, I need... to hear how you feel, before we go any further."

The shy, naive Lise who had first met Hawk froze up, didn't want to say a word. But the older, more experienced Lise, the one who had told him she desired him, the one who had let him go while loving him with all her heart, knew he needed the truth from her now.

"I love you so much it scares me," she forced out. "I want to be close to you all the time... I never knew a man could make me feel like this, and I hoped that someday I would be here with you like this - "

Abruptly she was cut off as Hawk grabbed her and kissed her passionately, and her body responded before she could even think. It had been so long that she had been wishing they could share this experience again.

Taking her by the hand, he led her gently but determinedly over to his bed. There was no need to drag her, though, she was certainly willing.

They sat down together, kissing more slowly this time, switching to drawing out the anticipation of what was to come. Hawk wrapped an arm around her back to support her as he slowly lowered her down. He untied the belt of her silk robe and let it fall to the floor.

--

Angela looked down over the courtyard of the Sand Palace, from the room she shared with Duran. She hated the heat of the day, but there was something refreshing about the evening's coolness. A faint breeze swirled the wispy dress that the women of Navarre had kindly provided for her. Their fashions did have a seductive style she liked.

Behind her, she heard Duran snore lightly. She smiled a mischievous smile. It wasn't often she was able to wear him out.

Turning away from the window, she wondered exactly what Lise was doing right now.

--

He was not gentle with her this time. If she hadn't been talking with Angela, she might have been frightened.

But Angela had told her how it was with Duran like this, sometimes; Hawk tearing at her clothes, pulling her to him, not taking no for an answer. Of course, she wouldn't know for sure, since she never wanted to stop him.

Not just once, but twice, three times, and each time she found herself responding to him. If not right away, he switched the touch, the pace, and soon enough, she was tangling her hands in his hair and pulling him to her just as eagerly.

Exhausted finally, he lay beside her, the fingers of his left hand entwined in her hair, his right hand under her waist.

He looked at her silently, and she gazed back uncertainly. He was the one with all the experience here, and she waited to find out what came next.

Finally he spoke. "I did it wrong from the start. I thought I could get by without hurting anyone, but if only I had known it didn't matter, I would have done so much more.

"I should have told you I loved you the first day I met you. I should have kissed you again, and again, until I made you want me. I should have spent the night with you every night since we first made love, even if it meant only lying next to you. I should've given you everything I could give, and then some..."

Lise had no idea he felt this way. "I think you did everything exactly right," she whispered.

He smiled, breaking the worry in his expression. "Well, I'm glad you think so, but... Lise... I want us to have a chance to really care for each other," he finished nervously.

She hadn't expected this, when she first fled her conquered kingdom. She had been single-mindedly devoted to saving her people, her brother, and out of nowhere came this man, seeking a common vengeance. And somewhere along the way, he had gotten under her skin, through her mind, in her heart, and she had fought it for as long as she could. Seeing the way he looked at her now, she gave in to what she felt, gave in to him.

"Yes, my love," she whispered back, "now, and always..."