Andre
Andre threw his phone down on the end of the bed. Happily, Jade seemed understanding about his and Burke's relationship. Was it a relationship yet?
Andre laid his head back down on Burke's chest and began absentmindedly tracing circles on his stomach again. He started at the middle of Burke's chest, and slowly moved lower. He noticed how Burke was starting to get hard again. Andre grasped Burke in his hand and laughed when he gasped awake.
"I see you're up now…" Andre said.
Burke
Burke had been drifting in and out of sleep for the past few minutes, never really getting a good grip on waking up. His mind was still fogged with the remains of sleep, but he was awake enough to feel the pleasure of…something. He wasn't sure exactly what it was, but damn it felt good. This is a really nice dream. Burke thought sleepily, slowly falling back into the clutches of sleep.
He jerked awake though, his heart rate practically jump starting as Andre grasped him. There was a brief moment of panic as he forgot where he was, but as soon as he saw Andre's laughing face below him, last night's memories came rushing back to him. "Fuck you," He groaned, throwing his head back onto the pillow and trying his hardest to keep his breathing normal. Yup, he was definitely awake now.
Andre
Andre just laughed again at the half-hearted scorn. He then started planting kisses on Burke's chest leading down to where his hand was and planted one right on the tip of Burke's cock. He felt the other man twitch at this and pulled up to kiss the man on the lips. Andre felt that he could wake up like this every single day, wrapped up in the arms of Burke... It felt so perfect to him.
"So, now that you're up," Andre began, in between kisses, "where are we gonna go for our date?"
Burke
Burke bit his lip hard, trying to suppress the moan was trying to escape from his lips. He was only human after all, and everything Andre was doing was nearly killing him. As Andre started to kiss him Burke seemed unable to keep his hands to himself, running them up and down the other man's chest, tweaking his nipples on the way. "Mhm, I was thinking a picnic in the park." He offered, his hands still absently running along the length of Andre's side. It was simple, but that's why he liked it. That and he was curious to see how they'd hold up without jumping each other's bones. The park was easy, and there was no pressure there like if he'd tried to take him to some high class restaurant. He wanted to see how they connected beyond physical connection, because they obviously had that. Damn did they have that. Well, and they couldn't exactly tear each other's clothes off in the middle of the park. Not without possibly scarring a few children or old people in the process, anyways.
Andre
"Mmmm" Andre moaned as Burke traced his way up and down his side. "I think that a picnic in the park would be excellent. Maybe we can even bring our guitars and finally have that jam session we were talking about." Andre loved the idea of being out with Burke. He was eager for the chance to learn more about his lover. To find out what made him tick. And, Andre considered any time with Burke, time well spent.
Burke
Burke leaned up for another kiss, happy that Andre liked the idea. "Sounds like a good idea," He said, bringing his hands back up his chest until they were tracing his jaw lightly. He had a mental list of questions he wanted to ask Andre ready, and he planned to ask a lot of them. There was so much he was curious about. "Do you like PB&J's? Because that's as far as my culinary skill goes."
Andre
"A better picnic food was never mentioned," Andre said as he kissed Burke again. Pressing himself up against Burke again, he ground himself into the other man at their center. Andre put his hands behind Burke's head and ran his hands through the black hair. He then pulled Burke's face up until it was level with his own. He darted his tongue out and licked across Burke's lips, teasing him. He held the other man back by the hair as he tried to get what he desired.
Burke
Burke couldn't even respond, save for a wordless moan. The picnic was far from his mind at this point; the only thing he could think about how damn good this felt. Everything else sort of blurred into the back of his mind.
It was different not being the one in control, but he was actually finding that it was enjoyable. "You're a tease," He groaned, trying to push up against Andre more, but was finding it hard seeing as how he had him by the hair. He managed to capture his lips in a fiery embrace, running his tongue against the roof of his mouth.
Andre
Andre moaned into Burke's mouth as he felt the tongue of his lover running across the roof of his mouth. How Burke knew that that was one of his biggest turn-ons, he would never know, but Andre was glad that he knew.
Andre took his left hand out from behind his head and reached behind him, grasping Burke's hardness and stroking him tightly. He loved the feel of him in his hands. The heat, the pulse, everything about it was perfect. Andre never wanted it to end.
Burke
Burke smirked into the kiss as Andre moaned into his mouth. At least he knew something he liked now, and he stored the information away for later use.
Though the smirk was quickly wiped from his face as Andre grabbed him, and it was his turn to moan as he tried to practically lift his whole body off the bed in an attempt to press himself closer to Andre. He was so hard and Andre was driving him insane with every touch. He moved his lips to his neck, kissing and sucking on the exposed flesh under his jaw.
Andre
Andre let himself be pushed up as he gripped Burke's cock harder, stroking it fast. He pulled Burke's head up to his and attacked his lover's mouth with his own. He bit on Burke's lower lip and pulled it hard. He then let the bites trail from the lips down to the right across his jaw and up to his ear where he sucked the bottom into his mouth.
Andre moved off of Burke and kissed down his chest. Upon reaching his hardness, Andre took Burke into his mouth and went down on him. He moved back up to the top and licked the tip like a popsicle. He then went back down on Burke, moaning as he went, sending vibrations through his mouth and into Burke.
Burke
Burke was going insane. Andre seemed to be everywhere, and every time Burke thought he would be able to catch his breath, he did something else that set him off again. He was being rough, and he would be lying if he said he wasn't extremely turned on by it.
When he took him into his mouth, Burke thought he was going to black out for a second. He threw his head back in pure ecstasy, his eyes shut tight. He moaned Andre's name, the only word he seemed to be able to formulate through his jumbled thoughts. But when Andre moaned with his mouth around him, he barely had time to give him a warning before he climaxed, gripping the sheets around him tightly, his knuckles white.
Andre
Andre pulled his head back when he heard Burke moan his name. When he came, he watched it squirt out over his hand and Burke's chest. Andre leaned in and licked it off of his hand and Burke's cock and chest, not missing a drop. He then moved up to kiss Burke deeply, letting him taste himself on Andre's lips and in his mouth. As they kissed, Andre slowly stroked Burke, bringing him down gently.
"I suppose that maybe we should get ready to go, then?" Andre asked playfully as Burke panted, regaining his breath.
Burke
Burke slowly opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling in a daze. He could feel his chest rising and falling quickly with each breath. It took a few moments, but he finally was able to catch his breath and sat up, looking at Andre. "Go where?" He asked, still breathless. It took him a minute to remember that picnic and chuckled. "Oh, right. Yeah, we should probably get ready." He said, reaching around blindly around them until he found his boxers and pulled them on. "But you need to get dressed before I'm tempted to do anything else, because then we'll never go."
Andre
"Haha, oh I'm sure you would do something to me even if my clothes were on, Burke," Andre said as he found his boxers and pants and began pulling them on. He then went to the bathroom to wash his face while Burke got dressed.
When Andre got out of the bathroom, he found Burke in the kitchen preparing the food to take to the park. He sneaked up behind his lover and kissed him on the side of the neck. Andre had to admit, it was good to live alone because there wasn't anyone around to interrupt moments like this.
Burke
"True." He said, smirking. He continued to get dressed as Andre left, finding various clothe items thrown in every which direction. He trailed out of the bedroom and into the living room, finding his shirt and slipping it on. He looked around the house, trying to find his way around until he stumbled into the kitchen. It was as good a time as any to start working on the food for the park, he thought as he opened the fridge and glanced through the food inside.
He was working on making a sandwich when he felt a pair of familiar lips on his neck. He jumped slightly in surprise, having not heard Andre even walk in, but turned and smiled at him. "Careful, I could have gotten peanut butter everywhere." He joked, waving the plastic knife with peanut butter still stuck on it at him. He finished making the sandwich and put it in a plastic bag before tossing it into the pile of food he'd already prepared. "Got your guitar?" He asked. When Andre nodded, he leaned in for a quick kiss before grabbing the stack of food into his arms and heading for his car, motioning with his head for Andre to follow.
After only stopping briefly at Sophie's house to grab a basket to hold the food and his guitar, they finally arrived at the park. He parked the car and grabbed the guitar and basket from the trunk, leading Andre to a more secluded part away from the people and closer to the pond. He set everything down, happy to finally have his arms back and not full of stuff. "Here we are," He said happily, practically throwing himself onto the ground and stretching out. He had always liked this park when he used to live here. He had often "run away" here when he was younger and spent hours pretending he was a pirate or whatever it was that held his fancy as a kid. He hadn't been here since he'd moved, but he was pleasantly surprised to find it generally the same.
He noticed Andre still standing and patted the ground next to him. "You gonna sit down or stand for the rest of the night?" He asked, tilting his head up and grinning.
Andre
Andre followed Burke out of the house and into the car. The ride to the park was a short one, spent sitting idly and looking out of the window. He couldn't wait for his date with Burke to really begin. He loved finding out about people whenever he could, and he was also anxious to see how he handled a guitar. He quietly rested his hand on top of Burke's as they drove to the park and smiled. It was going to be a good day.
As they walked into the park, Andre noticed that Burke was leading them off to a more secluded area, where we won't be seen in case we start something raunchy? Andre thought to himself. Whatever the reason, it was fine with him. He was just happy to be alone with the other man.
Burke
Burke glanced at Andre, watching him look around. "You like it?" He asked, hoping he did. Being at a park seemed to be less pressure than, say, some five star restaurant. Here they could just sit back and relax, and actually get to know each other. And Burke really wanted that…he wanted to know about Andre. He didn't care if they had to stay here until the morning - he wanted to practically pick apart Andre's brain and know everything there was to know about him.
Andre
"I do like it," Andre said, laying down next to Burke, intertwining their hands. "So," Andre started, "what shall we do first?" Andre knew that Burke was itching to find out more about him, and Andre wanted to know more about the black haired man next to him, too. They had the entire day to laze around and relax. They could talk, play music, eat, anything they wanted. The day was theirs and theirs alone.
Andre had only really felt like he was on a real date maybe once or twice in his life, most of the time it was with girls that he wasn't interested in, and they were only interested in him for his talent. And his cock, as Veronica had reminded him. But now he could finally say that he was on a real date, with someone he actually cared about. Everything was going to be perfect.
Burke
"I'm glad." He said, smiling at him and squeezing his hand lightly. Burke considered the options of what they had to do, but before he could really think about it, his stomach growled, reminding him that he hadn't eaten yet today. "Eat it is." He said, reaching over with his free hand to pull the basket closer to them. "I really hope you're hungry because I might have made like, 12 sandwiches or something." He said, grinning and flipping open the basket, handing one to Andre. "You had a lot of peanut butter and I was making it on an empty stomach. It seemed like a great idea at the time."
He sat up slightly, taking a bite of his own sandwich. He chewed it for a minute before the urge to ask Andre a question completely overwhelmed him. "Do you have any pets?" He asked, asking the first question to pop into his head. Lame, he knew, but there was literally a whole list of questions he had, just waiting to be asked. And he knew he'd get to them all in time. Might as well start off with the easy ones.
Andre
Andre laughed as Burke pulled some sandwiches from the basket. "It's ok, I love PB and J. And no, I don't have any pets," Andre said as he ate his sandwich. One thing he could tell that he loved about Burke was the way that he was straightforward. He liked it when people got right to the point of what they were trying to say. But there were sometimes when people could be assholes about it. But Burke wasn't one.
Burke
"What's your favorite food? Are you allergic to anything? What's your least favorite food? How long have you played guitar? Why do you have a keyboard as a locker door? What's your favorite instrument? Did I already ask that? I don't think I did," he mused, losing track of the questions he was asking. He glanced up and saw Andre looking vaguely lost and grinned. "Sorry. It just kind of all came out like that. I can stop if you want." He offered, taking another bite of his sandwich so he wouldn't burst out with another question. He knew he was practically attacking the other man with them and decided he should probably ease up so he wouldn't terrify him. He just couldn't help it…he was practically - dare he say it? - giddy. It was a new feeling, that's for sure. There were barely times when he was completely happy. He was usually the type to get more amused and/or annoyed. But with Andre…God, he was like a freaking puppy or something. He was sure if he had a tail it'd be wagging or something.
Andre
Andre chuckled to himself as Burke started rambling off question after question. It was cute, really. The other man seemed nervous. Like it was their first date or something and the fate of their relationship rested on what happened. Like he had to make it perfect. "My favorite food is pizza. I'm not allergic to anything. I hate brussel sprouts. I've played guitar and various other instruments for at least 6 years. I have a keyboard as my locker because I love music. My favorite instrument is the piano. And no you didn't already ask that."
Burke
Burke nodded, taking all the information in. He decided to move past the questions that required no thought though and take it up a step. "If you could do anything with your life, no limits, what would you do?" He asked, finishing off his sandwich and grabbing a water bottle from the basket. His attention was completely focused on Andre, and he scooted closer to him as he waited for the answer.
Andre
Andre was glad that Burke had asked a more in depth question, but this one was well rehearsed by Andre. "That's easy. The one thing I would love to do with my life, is to be a successful musician. I don't care how successful, I just want to be doing what I love with my life. I also want to find someone to spend my life with… It seems that everyone nowadays is just looking for a quick fuck, but for as long as I can remember, and call me a girl for this if you must, but I have wanted my one true love to come along." Wow, Andre thought to himself, that actually took some more thought than I thought it would. Andre found himself looking deeply into Burke's eyes, searching for the confirmation that his answer was sufficient. "What about you?"
Burke
Burke smiled at his answer. "You're not a girl for wanting that." He said, shaking his head. "There's nothing wrong with that. At all. I'd be more concerned if all you wanted were quick fucks." He smiled, returning his hand back to his. He liked Andre's dream. He saw the musician part coming, and he expected no less. From the brief time he'd known Andre, he could already tell he loved music…he'd be stupid not to pursue something like that. But the second part had surprised him. It was deeper and more open.
When Andre asked about him, he had to stop and think. Honestly? He had no clue. He was sure he'd one day wind up married or in love with someone at some point, but that was all in the future. Thinking about it made him vaguely uncomfortable, like an itch he was told not to scratch. The idea of committing himself so fully to someone, trusting them with everything…it scared the shit out of him. "I guess just the usual stuff," He said, his eyes flickering to the space just over Andre's head. "Get a good job, live in a nice house, fall in love and have 2.1 kids…" He trailed off and shrugged, uncomfortable. "I haven't really thought too much about it."
Andre
Andre let out a contented sigh at Burke's answer. "Sometimes I wish I was like that. I wish I didn't look so completely towards the future. I live in the present as much as I can, but sometimes the future scares me," Andre said as he squeezed Burke's hand. He envied the other man on that aspect. Andre always had the thoughts in the back of his head of never being able to find someone to spend the rest of his life with, and he found himself pushing those thoughts away quite a bit.
Andre felt that it was his turn to ask a question. Something that he had been wondering for a little bit. "Why did you completely cut off from all of your friends here when you moved?"
Burke
"The future is kind of scary," He admitted, glad Andre didn't press too much about it and seemed happy with his answer. "But it's probably going to benefit you more for being able to actually think about it rather than ignore it."
When Andre asked about cutting himself off from his friends, he paused. "I just…did." He said slowly, chewing over the answer. The question was more difficult than the one before it, but he knew he'd answer it for Andre. He'd answer almost anything for him. "I thought I'd be better off if I started completely over in Texas. You know, brand new. I mean, if I knew I would have been coming back here a few years later, I might have kept up with a few people. But," He shrugged. "I don't like the idea of being attached to people so far away. It never works out."
Andre
Burke's answer scared Andre. It made him think of the people that he had lost when they had moved. It made him think of his family, who he rarely talked to anymore. It made him think about what might happen to Burke and himself if they started drifting apart. Would Burke just quit and not even put in an effort like he had with his friends here? No, Andre told himself, I won't let something like that happen.
Andre rolled over onto his side and gave Burke a kiss on the cheek. "The ones that love us never truly leave us, Burke. I would have hated to lose you, and I'm sure Jade and all your other friends didn't like it much either. But it was your decision," Andre said, completely unsure of what he was saying.
As the two men laid on the blanket staring up at the clouds, Andre leaned his head to the side so it was touching Burke's shoulder. The comfort he found in the contact was soothing.
Burke
"I'm glad I came back and met you too." He said, smiling as Andre kissed his cheek. He meant it, too. He was glad. Sure, the reason he had to come back still sucked, and he still couldn't bring himself to call this place his home yet. But at least now he wasn't so sure that when he turned 18 he would be hightailing it straight back to Texas. It was nice here. Okay, that was bullshit. He still didn't know many people, all the traffic still bothered him, and the air still smelled weird to him. But then there was Jade, a friend who he'd already left before and didn't want to do that again. And Andre…someone who he was finding he didn't want to leave.
He looked up at the sky, letting his mind drift aimlessly. He'd never felt more relaxed before. Though there was one thing still on his mind…"Will you play the guitar for me?" He asked, still looking upwards. "I want to hear you play."
Andre
Andre reached behind him and opened his guitar case. He pulled out his guitar and made sure it was in tune. He then started playing a song that he had written just a couple of weeks prior. Time machine. He had written it when he was in a much different place in his life. Now, he had everything in line. He was done messing with worthless people, he had his best friend back, he had a new love interest. Things were going swimmingly for Andre.
As he played the final chords of the song, Andre stared into Burke's eyes. He had only known the man for two days but already, he felt a strong connection to him. He couldn't explain it properly. Whether it was love or just a strong infatuation, Andre didn't know.
Burke
Burke watched intently as Andre played, his attention focused solely on him. As the song drew to a close, he opened and closed his mouth, unsure of what to say. There were no words that described how in awe he was. "Did you write that yourself?" He finally asked. When Andre nodded, he shook his head in wonder. "You can't be real," He muttered, more to himself than Andre. As if to double check, he placed a quick kiss on Andre's lips before pulling away. "That was amazing. Seriously. I'm not just saying that because I'm obligated to." He smiled slightly and shook his head again. "You're really, really talented. If you don't end up pursuing your dream in music, I'm going to kick your ass."
Andre
Andre melted into the quick kiss. He never got sick of those kisses. "Don't worry, I will never give up my music. Not for anything," Andre said to the other man. Andre could not get over how much he was enjoying the day out. He loved to just sit there in the park and relax with someone he had so much of a connection to. Burke was such an easy person for him to get along with…
Burke
"Good. You better not." He threatened, though the grin on his face took away whatever fear factor he had going for him. Burke moved in closer to Andre, resting his head on his shoulder. "It's crazy to think we just met," He mused quietly, tilting his head to look up at Andre. "It feels like a lot longer. I've never felt so close to someone before." He said, the words feeling awkward in his mouth. He was barely able to stop himself from making a face at his last statement. Talking about feelings? Not really his cup of tea. He was alright with it to an extent, but this felt like admitting a closely guarded secret or something.
His mouth twisted into a frown and he buried his face back into the crook of Andre's neck, breathing in his scent. He stayed there for a moment before his face recomposed itself back into an easy grin and he placed one last kiss on Andre's neck before sitting back up. "Did you like the sandwich?" He asked, swiftly changing the topic.
Andre
"I haven't either," Andre replied. He never really had felt this close to someone, at least, not like this. Andre smiled as Burke kissed him again.
"I did like the sandwich. You, sir, are a culinary genius," Andre teased. The truth was, that Andre wasn't even thinking a thing about the sandwich, he was thinking about how much he liked the black-haired man that currently had his fingers intertwined with his own.
Burke
"Of course I am." He said easily, running a hand through his hair with his free hand. "I'm not just a pretty face, after all." He smirked and held up their intertwining hands, kissing the back of Andre's hand. A thought struck him suddenly, and he looked curiously at their conjoined hands. He wondered how long he could go without actually touching Andre. It seemed that ever since they met, they hadn't gone more than a few hours without touching…and that was because they were separated. But when they were together, it was all Burke could do not to wrap himself around the other man and bring himself as close as possible.
So he slipped his hand away from Andre's and grinned at his confused look. "I'm doing an experiment," He explained, waggling his eyebrows and scooting a few feet away from him. He brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, making sure they were carefully locked before he glanced at Andre. "I'm seeing how long I can go without touching you."
Andre
Andre smiled at the thought of this experiment. Of course he didn't like the idea of not being in contact with Burke, but if he wanted to see what he could co, then so be it. Andre just sat there strumming softly on his guitar. When he looked over at Burke, and blew him a kiss. He laughed when Burke looked like he was struggling to stay away.
Burke
Burke absently watched Andre, keeping his arms locked tightly. When he blew him a kiss, his body moved forward involuntarily before he could stop himself. He pulled himself up short of touching Andre and laughed. "That was a cheap shot," He said, grinning as he rested his head back on his knees. He was starting to wish he had a watch on so he could check how long he'd gone. It had to be at least an hour, right? Or more than likely only a minute, if that. He blew out a frustrated breath, already feeling impatient. He wanted to be touching him, resting his head on his shoulder, holding his hand, leaning into him, kissing him…anything.
Andre
"Why are you even doing this anyway? I don't particularly care how long we can go without touching each other," Andre said. He moved towards Burke. Practically crawling towards him. When he saw Burke pull back, he laughed to himself. He was really devoted to this.
Andre then decided to test Burke's will. Since it was a nice sunny day, Andre took his shirt off and laid back in the sun. Andre took his right hand and lazily drew circles on his chest with his index finger. He opened his eyes slightly and looked over at Burke who was watching him intently.
Burke
"I don't even know why. But I can't back out now. I might as well see how long I last until I crash and burn." He said, grinning. He scooted farther away from Andre, trying to lessen the desire to touch him; it didn't help in the slightest. He was sure he could go to the other side of the park and still feel the need to be near Andre.
Burke's eyes were glued to Andre as he pulled off his shirt and, as if that wasn't bad enough, traced circles on his chest. He nearly groaned and tried to bury his face in his arms, but it the image was still burning in his mind, and it was almost more torture to imagine it than actually see it. So he lifted his head back up, staring intently at Andre. He licked his suddenly dry lips, his gaze locked on as his body as if in a trance.
"Fuck it," He growled, moving from his spot in one motion and practically tossing himself on top of Andre, his mouth immediately finding the other's and attacking it. He tugged at his lower lip with his teeth before releasing it, his mouth moving right back to where it was before. He pushed his tongue into the kiss, running it along the roof of his mouth. He smirked slightly, glad he remembered that one from earlier. Burke pulled back suddenly and rolled over so he was next to Andre. He was breathing rather hard and glanced sideways at him. "That wasn't fair."
Andre
Andre laughed when Burke dove towards him and then moaned when he bit on his lip. He watched the other man roll off to his side and speak. Andre leaned into Burke's side and said, "I had to do it, or else you would have stayed away from me forever." Andre sighed as he relaxed against his lover. "Have I mentioned how much I love spending time with you, Burke? Because I really do."
Burke
"You give me too much credit," He murmured as he wrapped his arm around him, pulling him closer to him. "Even without you taking off your shirt, I wouldn't have lasted more than five minutes. It was doomed from the start." He looked over at Andre, smiling. "Maybe a few times, but it doesn't hurt to hear it again." He chuckled softly and kissed his forehead. "But I love spending time with you too. There's no one else I would rather be here with. Well, maybe Emma Watson…" He teased, his eyes crinkling as he smiled. "But I doubt even she would be able to take me away from you at this point."
Andre
"Wow… that's saying something. Emma's pretty fucking hot," Andre said. It was true. She was a beautiful woman. "But I'm flattered that I rank up there with Emma Watson." Andre sighed and rested his head on Burke's chest. "Burke?"
Burke
"Exactly. But I'd still pick you over her." He said, smiling and looking down at Andre where he rested on his chest. He reached over and grabbed his hand in his, intertwining their fingers and placing them on Andre's chest. "Yes?" He asked, rubbing light circles on the back of Andre's hand with his thumb.
Andre
Andre was settled by the feeling of Burke's fingers wrapped together with his own. The circles being traced on the back of his hand, relaxing. "Would you be mad at me… If I said… thatIloveyou?" The last words came out in a rush. Andre wasn't sure whether or not he should say them, but he meant it. If not romantically, yet, then surely he cared for him a whole hell of a lot and wanted to make sure no harm ever came to him.
Burke
Burke stopped tracing circles on his hand, his whole body practically going rigid. But he was aware that a few beats had gone by without an answer, and he forced himself to relax. "I wouldn't be mad," He said, slowly returning to tracing the circles on his hand. He wasn't sure which of the two he was trying to reassure with the movement - Andre or himself. He swallowed and continued on. "I just…wouldn't be able to say it back." He realized how bad that sounded and quickly added, "Not yet at least. I just…I've never even really been in an actual relationship before." He looked over at Andre, trying to gauge his expression, trying to see if he was hurting him. "I've never said…that before. To anyone, besides like my family." God, none of this was coming out the way he wanted it to. He wanted to explain how much he already had come to care for him, and just in such a short amount of time. He wanted him to know that he'd never even felt like this about someone else…which was why he was so scared.
"I want to mean it when I say it to you." He explained, trying desperately to get Andre to understand. "And I think I'm close. But I don't know yet. And I want it to really mean something." He looked into his eyes, worried sick that Andre would hate him. "I really, really care about you. I just need time. If you don't want to, I understand. I won't hate you or anything." Though it would hurt like hell, but he decided to keep that part to himself.
Andre
Andre's heart nearly shattered when he heard the words that Burke spoke. He did understand what Burke meant, really he did. Andre was scared enough to say it for himself, but it just hurt so damn badly. He wanted to run, he wanted to hide. He wanted to go back to the comfort of the things he used to use… Where nothing was able to hurt him anymore.
But he couldn't. He felt that he needed Burke so much. And yes, he did understand Burke. Before Andre met the other man, he felt that it would be so hard to give his love to someone, based on all the times he had been used. And when he finally found it in him to do it, it wasn't reciprocated.
"It's ok, I understand… It was stupid of me to say this soon anyway," Andre said as he leaned back down onto Burke's chest.
Burke
Burke sucked in a quick breath, feeling like he'd been kicked in the gut. He could read the hurt clear as day on Andre's face, and knowing that he'd caused it…knowing that he'd hurt the one person he didn't ever want to hurt…he felt like the biggest asshole on the planet. He felt sick to his stomach and the sinking feeling of self-hatred reared its head. He wanted to practically tear himself up from the inside out; he had to deserve it. He'd made Andre cry. And that…that was the worst.
"It wasn't stupid," He whispered, his voice hoarse. He swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to find a way to make this better. He had to fix what he caused. He had to. "I knew we had something the second I saw you." Burke's voice was still low, as if he was too scared to speak loudly and scare him away. "I've never felt that before. I don't…feel things. Ever." He swallowed again, wanting desperately to pull Andre into his arms but he held back. He was sure Andre hated him, and he didn't blame him one bit. He hated himself right now too.
"I shut myself off from people. And you just…fuck, I don't know. You did something. Do you know how long it's been since I've been this happy? Because I don't. I can't even remember back that far." His hands shook at his sides, feeling too vulnerable and exposed. But it would be worth it if he could make Andre understand in the slightest. "I don't want to lose you, Andre." He said quietly, finally reaching out a hesitant hand to him. He paused briefly, as if unsure as to whether or not Andre wanted him to touch him right now, but he finally lightly settled his hand on his cheek, gently turning his head to look at him. He just looked into Andre's eyes silently for a moment before leaning up to kiss his forehead, keeping it there as he squeezed his eyes shut tight, wishing he could take it all back. "I'm sorry," He murmured, moving to rest his forehead against his and look at him. "I understand if you hate me. But I can't lose you. I can't."
Andre
Andre really did understand what Burke was saying about him never getting attached. Andre himself had learned not to within the past month. "I don't want to lose you either, Burke. And I understand about you. You aren't one to get attached, and neither am I. I have learned in the past month not to get close to someone for fear of them just using me and leaving. I never thought I would find someone like you. I never thought I would want to say the things I have said to you. I never thought I would feel the way for someone that I feel about you… I never… I… I mean it though… I do love you. And if we aren't ready for that kind of relationship right now, then it doesn't have to be in a romantic sense. But I care for you so much and I want to be there for you, and with you, and I want to be everything for you because I felt that spark too when we met… I love you, Burke. I do."
Andre felt exhausted after that little speech. He didn't think he had anything left in him after that. He was crying, and breathing deeply. He was… He was light headed. He couldn't see straight. He was falling… Everything was black…
Burke
Burke clung to Andre as he cried, trying to soothe him as best as he could, but he felt like he was doing a shit job. He was holding him tightly in his arms, as if he was trying to protect him from something. Yet it was pointless, because how could he protect Andre from himself? He was the one who caused this. He was the reason Andre was broken like this. And he was the one who didn't deserve Andre at all.
A moment passed, and Burke knew something was wrong. Andre had gone silent and still, his body practically slack in his arms. "Andre?" He asked hoarsely, gently shaking the other man. When there was no response, he shook him a bit rougher, trying to rouse him. "Andre, come on, wake up." His heart constricted painfully as he looked helplessly down at his still form. Panic finally set in, and he fumbled in his pocket for his phone, unable to dial the numbers fast enough. He wasn't sure if he was overreacting or not, but he wasn't taking any chances. He hissed as he nearly dropped the phone in his panic, but quickly pressed it against his ear as the operator picked up. "I need an ambulance," He half-yelled into the phone, his voice shaking as he continued to try to wake up Andre. "Right now." He rattled off the location and tried his best to explain what had happened, but he wasn't even sure. All he knew was that this wasn't good and he wasn't going to lose Andre. There was no chance in hell.
The voice on the other line was saying something, but Burke couldn't listen. "Wake up, come on please don't do this," He knew he couldn't hear him, but the words were reassuring. His breathing was erratic and he felt like he was going to pass out himself, but he gripped Andre's limp hand tightly in his own, clinging to it like he had no other choice. "I need you Andre, please wake up. Don't leave me." He was only vaguely aware of the tears that had started to fall, but he couldn't bring himself to care. "Please wake up."
Andre
Everything was white. White everywhere. It was calming, really. Suddenly, a white suit appeared on him. He looked down and saw himself. Damn, Andre thought, I look good. Andre began to walk around. He couldn't feel a floor under his feet, but he was still walking. Things began to appear around the area. He finally made them out as large painting frames… All of his friends. All of his friends that he would be leaving behind, were he to pass away from this attack. That's what this is, Andre thought. It's an anxiety attack… Son of a bitch. How the fuck do I get out of here?
It wasn't any use, though. No matter how much Andre screamed and ran around, nothing was going to jolt him out of this deeper subconscious. He looked back down and saw that he was staring into a ring of paintings. Why they were paintings and not just regular pictures, Andre didn't know, but right at the middle of the circle, there was Burke. Andre ran into his arms.
"Andre, I need you to wake up, ok? Andre! Can you hear us? We need you to come back to us!" Exclaimed Burke. Andre thought that it was weird that Burke would be referring to himself as "us" but it was what it was.
Suddenly, everything started to shake and Andre was falling. Falling hard. He slammed into the ground and jumped up, gasping for air.
Andre panted as he tried to suck the world's oxygen supply into his lungs. "What happened? Where am I? What-" But he was cut off by Burke lunging towards him, hugging him so tightly that he couldn't breathe. "Burke, I can't…" As Burke let him go, he gasped again and then went in for a gentler hug. Andre had been scared the whole time but strangely didn't realize it until the end. Anyone could get past a small road bump, and Andre realized that Burke not being ready to say that he loved him back yet, was one of them.
"I'm so sorry, Burke. I promise to never do something like that again. I think it was an anxiety attack." Andre turned to the paramedics who must have been the ones that were yelling at him in his dream. "I think this has only happened to me once, before, years ago." Andre dealt with the paramedic's tests to make sure he was alright and turned back to Burke, who grasped him in another huge hug.
Burke
It was fucking terrifying, holding Andre's limp form in his arms as paramedics moved around him. He had clung to him for as long as he could, but eventually they had torn him from his arms and forced Burke to sit a few yards off. But that didn't stop him from practically wearing down a path in the grass from his excessive pacing. Back, forth, repeat. Over and over he did this, unable to sit down or stay still as the paramedics worked on Andre. No one was telling him anything, and he wanted to scream at them to hurry the fuck up and fix him already, but he remained silent and tense.
His head was swimming and he wasn't sure what was going on or how much time had even passed. He felt like he was losing his sanity the longer he waited, and all he could think about was the last time something like this had happened. The situations were pretty different, but the outcome had been the same. He'd been the one to find Sophie passed out in her room. He'd been the one who had tried to shake her awake. He'd been the one who was shoved aside by paramedics and forced to wait. He'd been the one who was told that she had taken a shit load of pills and tried to kill herself, and he'd come just in time. Now he was just hoping he had called in time again.
There was a sudden silence among the paramedics and Burke started towards them, his heart thudding painfully as the worst conclusions jumped to his mind. He was already practically there when he heard Andre's voice. And that was enough. He nearly launched himself at Andre, shoving aside the paramedics along the way as he gripped Andre tightly, burying his face in his neck. He loosened his grip when Andre gasped for air, but even the brief amount of time that he wasn't holding Andre in his arms was too long, and he returned for the embrace, albeit gentler this time. "You scared the shit out of me," He whispered hoarsely in his ear, wanting to say so many other things to him. But he had to get tested, and he reluctantly let go of him, waiting for him to finish.
As soon as the tests were over though, he grabbed him and pulled him back into him. "I'm so so so so sorry," He said, rambling slightly as he gripped him tighter and tried to calm back down. He wasn't even sure Andre could understand him, because even to his own ears it sounded like a garbled mess. "I'm so sorry."
Andre
Andre wasn't as scared for his own life as Burke was. All it was to him was a dream. Nothing more, nothing less. "It's ok," Andre said awkwardly as he patted Burke's back, trying to calm him down. Andre really didn't know what needed to be said. He was at a loss.
Burke
"I really thought I lost you," He muttered into his shoulder, trying to calm down. His adrenaline was still pumping, and he felt super aware of everything around him. He breathed in Andre's smell, and the familiarization of it calmed him down a little. As he came down from his panic, he became increasingly aware of something. There was something there…something different. Burke moved his head and rested it against Andre's forehead.
"I love you," He whispered, suddenly sure. There was no doubt left. When he had thought he had lost Andre…it was like some part of him had broken at the idea of Andre being gone. It physically hurt him to think about it. It was like it had already been there, and had only needed something to break it down before it could come out. "I love you." He repeated louder, raising his eyes to meet Andre's, his gaze sure.
Andre
As Andre heard the words spill from Burke's mouth, he stepped back slightly. His first thought was how bad it was for it to take Andre almost dying to make Burke realize that he loved him. "Burke, it's ok. If you aren't ready to say it yet, then you don't have to. Don't just say it because you thought you were going to lose me. That's pathetic." Andre was shocked that someone like Burke would do such a thing.
Burke
Burke jerked back as if Andre had physically slapped him. A range of emotions flashed across his face before he schooled it back into a blank mask. "Right," He said, his voice void of emotion and sounding almost automatic. "You're right, that was pathetic of me. Sorry, it won't happen again." He knew he was being hypocritical, but at least when Burke had told him, he hadn't called it pathetic. He knew Andre was just telling the truth and he got it, but he wasn't going to admit it. The walls were coming back up and he glanced down, wiping the dirt from his hands onto his pants just to do something. "Right," He repeated absently. "We can just forget I said it." He pulled a tight smile onto his face and offered Andre his hand. "How are you feeling?" He asked, wanting desperately to change the topic and get away from his humiliation and hurt.
Andre
Andre could see the hurt in Burke's face right when he said it. He knew it was genuine. Andre had called it all wrong. Burke truly did love him. When Andre saw the fake smile that Burke put on, that was the final straw. Burke was offering Andre his hand, Andre gave him his whole body. He jumped towards Burke and pulled him into a tight embrace and began crying. "Burke… Burke, Burke, Burke… How could I have been so stupid? I shouldn't have said that. I love you, and I know you love me too. I was so stupid to think that you could stoop so low. I love you, Burke, I want to spend every second with you!"
Andre slid down to his knees in front of the man with whom he was in love. He hung his head low and apologized. He apologized for being stupid, for being doubtful, for being hurtful, for being mean, for being unbelieving. But most of all, Andre asked for Burke's forgiveness.
Burke
Burke barely had time to be shocked as suddenly Andre was in his arms and crying. He wasn't sure how they had even gotten to this point, but he felt the walls crumbling as quickly as he had put them up. He couldn't stay upset or distant with Andre…it was just impossible. As Andre got on his knees and apologized, Burke shook his head and gently pulled him back up and into his arms.
"You don't have to apologize," He said, wrapping his arms around him. "All you said was the truth. I just…I don't know. It was like I already knew I loved you when you said it, but it didn't hit me until I thought I wouldn't get the chance to tell you. I just wanted you to know." He was still flustered, and placed a kiss on his neck. "But I do love you."
Andre
Andre's tears flowed even more when he heard the thing that he was dying to hear. And this time, he knew it was the truth. "I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you," Andre repeated. "I know you were telling the truth, it was foolish of me to think otherwise. I'm sorry." As Andre said it, he couldn't help but feel a rush of calmness sweep over the two men as they stood in the park.
It was as if time stood still when Andre pulled Burke into a kiss to rival those of Clark Gable. As he pulled back, he couldn't help but notice that there were a few people staring, as they had been drawn by the ambulance and all of the commotion. Andre was suddenly very happy, as he took Burke by the arm. "Let's get out of here, I feel that this area has held enough excitement for me for one day."
Burke
"Stop apologizing," He said, smiling slightly and kissing his forehead. "You have nothing to be sorry for." As he pulled him into a kiss, Burke happily returned it. Though when he pulled back, he followed Andre's gaze to the staring people before looking back at him. "Right, good idea." He said, smiling and heading back towards the picnic area. He quickly grabbed the guitars and basket as well as his cell phone that he had dropped in his panic and turned back to Andre. "Ready?" He asked. Andre nodded and the two walked back to the car, hand in hand.
He felt lighter almost as he pulled up to Andre's house, idling the car in front of the house. "I'm glad you're okay," He murmured, leaning across the seat to kiss him softly once before pulling back. They parted soon after that, only after promising to text each other later on. Burke sat in his car for a while, just thinking over the whole day. That had definitely been, hands down, his most interesting date. He shook his head and smiled to himself, starting the car and heading home.
Publisher's note: Well, everyone, here is the next set of chapters. A bit of drama going on in these, hope we didn't keep you on your toes too much. Stay tuned for more to come. I have a few more chapters to post until we are up to the present in the story, and currently, we are working on a nice big party. So please, everyone, rate and review... For the love of God, review. We love reviews, they are what keeps us going. Again, thanks for reading and sticking with it!
