Hi, everyone! I decided to get this update up a little early to make up for the late(ish)ness of the last one. I have a long weekend, so why the heck not, right?

I went and reread Ex Machina, partly for flipnote ideas, and partly to keep the story consistent, and whoa. I really need to go rewrite this thing at some point. Tons of inconsistencies with the characters early on, since I changed my mind about some things as I went, like the circumstances of Mal's intelligence (Before I decided it was just an early-model thing, it was caused by a Jarate-induced glitch. Bleh). I'm not doing it any time soon, since it would put off regular updates for like a year as well as a planned sequel (yes, this WILL have a sequel). This story will be finished before I do any rewrites!

Oh, and this one has a mix of canon and headcanon character names, since more than one of some classes are present. I'll say who the names belong to at the bottom, since in this context, it might be confusing which is which.


The robots in the immediate area weren't as hard to deal with as the group had first thought. The RED Medic already had his shield ready, and it made quick work of the robots. It seemed that numbers didn't matter when they were all trying to squeeze through a narrow hallway.

The group ran down the hall, with the doctor with the Medigun in the front, and Sniper and Pyro guarding the rear. Those in the middle checked every door as they passed, but they all led to rooms that were either empty or unimportant in finding the other seven mercenaries. Soon, they reached the end of the hallway, finding themselves at a fork.

"Shit," the Scouts said in unison, with the RED adding, "Which way do we go?"

"They could be aboot anywhere," the BLU Demoman replied, his eye flicking between the two paths. "I donnae think we even thought this far."

"One of us just needs to refresh," Spy said as if the solution were obvious. "I suppose I should be the one to volunteer. Be sure to catch me, doctor." The Frenchman was still for a moment, then he collapsed to the ground. The RED Medic turned his Medigun to the beacon, and in seconds, Spy was on his feet once more, scanning the base around him for the temporary silhouettes.

Engineer didn't know that there was such a good way to utilize suicide, but there you have it.

Spy's confident smirk quickly turned into an annoyed frown. "Merde."

"Wot is it now?" Sniper demanded.

"The Spybots know we aren't all together," the Frenchman seethed. "Unless we have several Scouts and Pyros that I am unaware of. We can't find them this way."

"So, what're we gonna do?" Scout asked. "Split up and hope we find everyone?"

"Ve can't do zhat," Medic replied. "Only vun of us here has a Medigun. Ve'd be too easy to pick off."

"I zhink I killed a Medicbot somevhere back zhere," his RED counterpart told him. "Just use vun of zheir Mediguns. I'm sure it'll vork."

Deciding that it was better than blindly rushing ahead, the group backtracked until they found a Medigun. It was no Quick Fix, but it would have to do. In the process, the Coal Town team found a few weapons that better suited their tastes, and after wiping out a pack of Scoutbots that thought they were being sneaky, everyone came back to the fork.

"Each group will have a Scout, Demoman, and Medic," Spy decided. "Jeremy, Shaun, and Josef, you will be with me, as will John and Victor. Bobby, Tavish, Ludwig, Jeff, and... Pyro, you take the path on the right."

"So ya know everyone's name except Py's?" Scout chuckled. "Woulda thought you of all people would know."

"Nrr wrrn rrbrr rrphb," Pyro muttered sadly.

"Well, let's get goin' before anyone dies," Engineer cut in. "The sooner we find everyone, the better."

"Und how vill ve find each ozher again?" Medic asked.

"We refresh," Engineer answered simply. "Just look for the big group o' people."

Now that they had some semblance of a plan, the group split into two teams, each taking a different path.

(...)

There were many more intelligent robots than Engineer had first thought, and they were surprisingly easy to differentiate from the typical robots, even in the midst of battle. Pretty much every robot generally acted the same, with Pyrobots endlessly spraying side to side and Sniperbots staying still for seconds at a time until someone walked into their line of sight. However, many of the robots behaved nothing like that, and actually thoughtfully planned out their attacks. Quite a few of them spoke, too, some clearly, others with choppy, cut-and-paste speech. A few even barked orders. It was quite a thing to see, even if it meant he died a few times.

The team quickly learned that Medic's new Medigun was incapable of deploying a shield, and it almost cost them their lives early on. Thankfully, the Medigun had an unbelievably fast UberCharge rate, and fortunately, it still reacted to their beacons. Its healing speed left something to be desired, though.

"So, how are y'all set up?" Engineer asked during a lull in the fighting. "Are y'all separate from one another, or are ya in groups?"

"Oh, yeah, we have teams," the BLU Scout told him. "Let's see, um, your Pyro and Heavy and our Soldier are in one group, and your Sniper and our Engie are in anotha. Our Heavy and your Spy are stickin' close to each otha, and Hale's causin' trouble somewhere around here, too. We didn't think it'd be a good idea to totally split up."

"That's some good thinkin'," Engineer agreed. "Good way to figure out which groups are Spies, too."

After that, the team was largely silent, as most of their focus went into fighting off the frequent robot hordes. But after several minutes, the searching and the fights started blending together. There were just so many hallways, and they were all nearly identical to each other. Several times, they took one branching path- it was too dangerous to split into groups any smaller than they already were- only to backtrack when they reached a sudden dead end. The entire base was like a giant labyrinth.

After what felt like hours of searching, the group finally found an ally: the RED Spy, although the Heavy was nowhere to be found. Of course, the team demanded a Spycheck, to which the Frenchman told them, "Our Scout holds his liquor surprisingly well, and is particularly fond of Dead Dude Ale, although I find the taste revolting." That seemed to satisfy the REDs in the group, so the BLUs accepted him as well. Moments later, they bumped into the Heavy, whose "proof" was his favorite way to prepare his Sandviches. Engineer thought that such a simple answer was suspicious, but according to the BLU Scout, it would have been more suspicious if he'd come up with something more thought-out.

The group was glad to have found someone in the huge base, but after them, they were back to backtracking every few minutes. While they consistently ran into groups of Scoutbots and Heavybots, and even the occasional giant, they didn't encounter a single Spybot, despite the base apparently teeming with them. Because of this, Pyro constantly checked their backs, and Spy made sure he was uncloaked at all times, staying near the middle and picking off robots with his revolver.

Eventually, the team found themselves at a four-way intersection. After a short debate, they decided to take the leftmost path and come back. Out of the corner of his eye, though, Engineer saw a flash of red in the right path. He turned to go that way, and when Pyro gave him a questioning "Huddah," the Texan said, "I'll be right back. I think I saw someone. I'll go fetch 'em." The firebug nodded, staying put to guard the intersection while the rest of the team moved on, unaware of the short exchange.

Engineer was quickly able to catch up with the mercenary, or as it turned out, mercenaries. He'd found Sniper and the other Engineer. Or, at least, someone posing as them. The RED Engineer raised his shotgun and barked, "Y'all have ten seconds to turn around and let me know ya ain't Spies. And don't think jumpin' will be enough to convince me."

The two mercenaries jumped, not expecting anyone to come up behind them, and turned around. The BLU Engineer gaped like a fish, but Sniper was able to provide a quick answer. "A few weeks after the team got together, when we moved to Sawmill, you and Scout made a flyin' toaster that scared the livin' hell outta Soldier."

Engineer chuckled; he remembered the event quite well, even if it had resulted in a bit of a disaster. Needless to say, he was convinced, but that still left the other Engineer. When he swung his shotgun around to face his counterpart, the Aussie answered for him, "'E's been with me the whole toime. 'E's no Spy."

Lowering the gun, Engineer grinned. "Good to see ya again, Stretch."

Sniper smiled back. "You too, Truckie."

"Er, where's the rest of ya?" the BLU asked. "I thought y'all got rescued."

"The rest of us are back that way," Engineer replied, flicking his head back. "Pyro's waitin' for me, so we'd best go meet up with him before we get separated for good."

The Texan turned around to head back down the hallway, and the two other mercenaries shot each other a look. They quickly but quietly caught up, and Sniper raised a knife over his head.

The sound of tearing metal alarmed Engineer, and he whipped around with his shotgun at the ready. He saw Sniper fall to the ground, a large gash under the left side of his ribcage spitting blood and sparks, before the illusion shattered, revealing a broken Spybot. The BLU Engineer- the other Spybot- turned to face its attacker, but it was too late. An axe embedded itself in its neck not once, but twice, and it crumpled in a twitching heap.

Mal braced the Spybot with a foot, yanking the axe out of its corpse. Once it was free, it looked up at Engineer, its eyes not sure if they should be bright or dim. "Hardhat. Not a Spy?"

Snarling, Engineer raised the shotgun, pointing it directly at the Scoutbot's chest. "Ya better have a good goddamn reason for showin' your face again."


Engineer, you knew there was a shit-ton of Spybots. Why would you run off like that, you moron?!

Well, yay, Engie and Mal have reunited, but there's quite a bit of animosity there. Will they make up? Probably. They're the main characters, and one of them is an OC, so by default they will be best friends. Because that's totally how fanfiction works.

Alright, so I'll give you the names (might as well be everyone's) in class order, first the REDs, then the BLUs.

RED: Jeremy, John, Rory, Tavish, Mikhail, Jeffrey, Ludwig, Lawrence, Philippe.

BLU: Bobby, Jane, Cody, Shaun, Yanis, Dell, Josef, Victor, Jacques.

Now, for that one thing Pyro mumbled to himself:

"No one ever asked."

So, I hope you guys enjoyed the early chapter, and look forward to the maybe-explosive-maybe-make-up of Engineer and Malakai!