WARNING: Gratuitous use of FMA characters and themes. Characters, themes, and all things FMA belong to the creators of FMA. NOT ME! Also contains themes from Wheel of Time, all of which belong to Robert Jordan, may he rest in peace.

ALSO: Contains nudity and sexual themes. If you don't want to read it, then read the next chapter.

"Daaaaad!" came a rough, baritone voice down the halls of their little house. "Dammit, where are you?"
Gold eyes narrowed in frustration as they scanned yet another empty room. Nope, he wasn't in the living room. He scratched his head, covered in sun golden locks, with a white gloved hand in irritation. It was long past time for them to go to the market! What was taking his father so long? And just where was he?
The boy knew his father wasn't in the boy's room. He had just come from there, thinking he was the one that was late. However, when he went outside and found the wagon alone, packed but not even hitched to Moonstone or Firestorm, he went back inside to try to find his missing parents. More specifically, his adoptive father.
Edward made his way to the next room. He had passed it already and heard nothing, but for all he knew someone could have migrated in there. Taking a peek around the corner, all he saw was an empty table, clean counters, and an empty sink. The kitchen had been cleaned the night before, as was usual for his doting mother. However, atypical of her routine, she was not, in fact, cooking breakfast as she usual did for their little family. There was only one other place to look, and frankly he wasn't looking forward to it.
Heavy black boots plodded up the wooden stairs, some creaking with age that they were only beginning to show. He didn't really care about being quiet. This time of day everyone was awake and doing something, so why was today any different? For a moment a brief wave of concern washed over him, followed by the fear that perhaps his parents were not okay, that perhaps they had died in their sleep or something. He shook the thought aside. He was too level headed for that. Completely forgetting to knock on the door as his parents raised him to do, he opened the door, to see if his father was there.
"Dad, it's time to go to the-"
Edward cut himself off. What he saw before him horrified him. His face turned shades of red he didn't think the human body was capable of and his face got so hot he was sure it would catch fire soon. What he saw was his parents - both of them - naked in bed, with his mother bouncing on his father's hips. He quickly shut the door and dashed down the hall to his own room, shared with his younger brother, Randy, who was now staring at him as if to ask if all his marbles were intact.

"I thought we raised him better than that." Aurora said, scowling at the now closed door, behind which she could distinctly hear quickened footsteps making their way down the hall.
"We did." Mooney said, bucking his hips to remind her just what they were doing. Just because they had a momentary interruption didn't mean he wanted to stop.
Aurora gave a little moan and continued what she was doing, already taking the hint. It seemed she didn't want to stop either. Still, both knew that their eldest was going to get an earful later. Mooney's mouth split into a wide goofy grin, opening only slightly so he could get more air as his breathing increased.
"I take it that means you have a plan?" she said between small moans of pleasure.
"You got it." he said devilishly, allowing his hands to roam along her smooth, soft skin. "By the time I'm done with them, neither will EVER forget to knock."
"I almost pity them." Aurora said, beginning to pick up the pace. "Almost. I love how you think, husband."

"Geez, Ed, what in the world did you see?" Randy asked, gray-blue eyes full of questions Edward wasn't sure he wanted to answer. "You look like you went bobbing for apples in a barrel full of raspberries!"
"It was far worse than that." Edward squeaked, his face looking rather mortified. "Believe me, you don't want to know."
"Aw, c'mon, Ed! Tell me!" Randy urged as he pulled on his boot and began to lace it up.
"I said you don't want to know!" Edward screamed at his younger brother.
Randy got the picture and kept quiet. He knew his elder brother. When he got like this, it was best to keep quiet and let him sort it out by himself. And if he said that Randy didn't want to know, then it was for a VERY good reason, even though Randy was naturally curious.
Silence stretched in the room as Randy finished getting dressed and ran his fingers through his hair quickly to comb it. He had just had his hair cut recently by his mother, using a strange weapon with three prongs on it, the middle one being the longest. He had been afraid at first, but with the ease and deftness that she used them, it was quickly gone. She knew what she was doing and he knew it too. Now with it being short, it required less care, unlike his elder brother, who kept his hair long and pulled back into a braid. For a while Randy had teased him mercilessly about that. That is, until his 'girly' brother kicked his ass for it, earning them both stern punishment.
Not long after, a knock came to their door. Once they had entered their teens, their mother left their father to visit them in their room, and considering how Edward was behaving, it wasn't going to be pretty. Randy rushed to hide somewhere - Anywhere! - so his father wouldn't see him, but it was too late. The door opened, and his father peeked in. To their surprised, he was not scowling, and that was a good thing. However, what worried them was the wolfish grin he had on his face, and the sparkle of something they could not identify in his playful blue eyes.
"Okay boys," he said in his usual rough, playful voice, "it's time we had the talk."
Their father shut the door behind him and made his way across the room and sat on their bed, pulling them by the shoulders to sit next to him. Both gaped at him in horror. Just what was he going on about? They had already had 'the talk', and both still turned bright red at the thought of it.
"Ed! What did you do?" Randy screeched.
"I didn't do anything!" Edward replies.
"Nonsense." Mooney said, stilling his squirming sons with another hand on the shoulder. Yes, they knew that tone, and they knew that, if they knew what was good for them, they would keep quiet and hold still, lest they make it worse for themselves. "Ed, you know better than to lie. Aurora and I brought you two up better than that. To answer your question, Randy, Ed here forgot to knock again."
"That doesn't seem so bad." Randy said lightly, trying to see if he could wiggle free of this situation.
"It was our bedroom door that he forgot to knock on."
Both boys went silent. Both looked totally mortified, and both, now, were as red as ripe tomatoes.
"I didn't do anything though." Randy complained.
"Oh, I know. But I figured you two are getting old enough to know this stuff, and you're going to need it, both of you. So, I'm here to educate you."
"But we already know where babies come from." Edward huffed, still mortified.
"Oh, I know that. I'm not here to teach you that."
"Then I'm going." Ed said, standing so he could leave the room as fast as he could.
A firm hand pulled him back down, sitting next to his father again. A strong sense of gloom and impending destruction loomed over him, now that he knew there was no escape.
"Stay here and listen to what papa has to say. I'm going to teach you two the ART of pleasing your wife."
A storm of arguments arose at that, with Edward loudly proclaiming that they weren't married, and Randy, just as loudly, proclaiming that they didn't want to know, that they had no need for it yet.
"Silence." their father said, holding up a hand, and they grew silent immediately. "You're not married yet, but it's better to learn from your old man than to try and figure it out yourselves when you do eventually get married. Now, have a seat and start taking notes."

Aurora could hear her sons arguing with their father, and she snickered into her hand. She knew what was going on. Mooney had told her telepathically while they were making love. At first she herself had been mortified, but once she realized she no longer had to heed the social norm for humans, she rather agreed, and even gave Mooney a few tips to pass to their sons. Once he left the room, she quickly got dressed and made her way to the kitchen. They were all going to be very hungry, and she had planned to pack some provisions for the trip.
The noises grew strangely quiet after a little bit, and she now knew what was being said without listening in, physically or telepathically. She snickered to herself again as thick, sweet porridge simmered on their earthen stove and crusty rolls baked in the compartment next to where the fire was built. A large bowl of fruit still stood in the middle of the table, to complete the meal, and glasses of milk sat at every setting, except Ed's. He had always hated milk, so she gave him water instead.
Aurora had just begun to pack provisions when she heard footsteps coming down the stairs. She turned and smiled at her two mortified, tomato-red children as they made their way into the kitchen, followed by their father, who was grinning wolfishly still. She did her best to hide a snicker, but could not hide her smile.
"Did you three have a good discussion?" she asked innocently.
"You were in on it, weren't you?" Edward asked as he sat at the table stiffly, still looking QUITE mortified.
"Well, I may have passed on a hint or two to your father."
"You two are evil. Pure and simple as that. The most evil parents there ever were."
"Yep!" Mooney said, now beaming with pride, "And don't you two forget it. Now hurry up and eat! We still have to get to the market sometime this year, ya know."
Through this whole exchange, Randy had been strangely quiet and sullen. It wasn't until Aurora finally joined her family at the table that he finally spoke.
"How could you do that to your own sons!" he wept.
"Well, your father is right. You will both need to know that stuff sooner or later. It's better to learn from your father than to learn on your own through trial and error."
"Couldn't it wait until we're married or something!" Ed screamed.
"Voice down, Ed." Aurora said quietly, and Edward snapped his mouth shut. He knew that tone, as well. It was her, brook-no-nonsense tone, a tone to be feared and revered. "The sooner you learn, the better. Now, I hope this teaches you a valuable lesson about learning the first time."
"Why did I have to be punished too? I didn't do anything!" Randy whined.
"It was a precautionary measure." Aurora said simply, chewing on her crusty roll, "You follow your brother so much that you would have eventually made the same mistake. So, we decided to nip the opportunity in the bud. Eat your breakfast, Randy, you're going to need it for today's trip."
"Ed was right, you two ARE the most evil parents there are." Randy whined before taking a bite of his sweet porridge, which seemed to suddenly mollify him. He always had liked sweet things.