A/N: You guys are amazing -you give me such motivation to make this story the best I can make it. You really make the writing/posting experience so much fun! And my regulars, you absolutely slay me with some of your comments. While you guys are laughing at this story, I'm laughing at your reviews! Enjoy this next chapter (:


Lesson #28: Do not canoodle.

I stared at the phone in my hands, and then set it back down on the hook. I picked up again, and then set it down once more. The ninth time, Emmett's hand stopped me.

"I bet it won't be that bad," he comforted.

Note: When someone says this, it means that the shit is about to hit the fan.

"I've talked to my mother every week, and haven't mentioned a thing about the babies," I glared at him, "She doesn't even know I'm pregnant."

Emmett's facial expression transformed into one of disbelief. I supposed sharing the news with my parents so late into my pregnancy would be fine if I weren't particularly close to them, but my parents and I had a sturdy relationship. In fact, if I had gone to them in the beginning, I was sure they would have taken me in. The thing was that I had already lived eighteen years with my parents, and that sentence was enough for one lifetime. You might think I was being harsh, but you honestly didn't know how weird your grandparents were. Holding off from telling them for as long as possible would be ideal, but I knew I couldn't keep this secret.

"Renee is going to flip," he finally said.

"I know," I groan.

"What were you thinking?" he continued.

"I know," I brought a pillow up to my face.

"Just call," Emmett sighed, "Get it over with."

Hoping that I wouldn't chicken out if I did it quickly enough, I grabbed the phone and pressed the speed dial. After two short rings, my father's voice sounded through the phone,

"Charlie Swan," he answered.

"Uh, hey, Dad," I greeted awkwardly.

"Oh, I can tell this is going to be good," he chuckled, "I'm getting your mother."

I cursed as he put the phone on hold, and listened to the Tibetan monk chanting they had programmed to play in the background.

Note: What did I tell you?

Tip: Question everything your grandparents tell you.

I stood up and started pacing, which actually took a lot more effort than I thought it would. Five months in and I looked like I had swallowed a watermelon. Waddling was probably a more accurate term for what I was doing rather than pacing. After three circuits around the room, I was panting and desperately needing to pee.

Note: Sadly, these three circuits probably would have resulted in the same way regardless of my being pregnant.

"Bella, this is a pleasant surprise!" Mom cheered, "How are you doing, honey?"

My mouth dried immediately.

"Bella," she called, "Are you there? Are you okay?"

"Yes," I squeaked.

"Why do you sound like that?" Mom said before gasping, "Are you…are you having sex while you talk to us? Because, honey, as thrilling as that is for you and your partner, it's horribly rude for us-,"

"I'm not having sex," I shouted into the phone, and then rushed to explain myself, "I mean, I already had sex."

Mom paused, "That's great honey."

"No, no," I groaned as the tears came and I transformed into an emotional mess.

"Are you crying?" Mom asked. "Honey, it's okay if the sex is bad, it gets better. I mean if you only knew how your father and I -,"

"No, Mom, you don't understand," I cried, "I had sex."

"What are you talking about Bella-," she started.

"I had sex with James Matheson, with a condom," I sobbed, "And there was a tear in that condom. And his super sperm came in and canoodled with my eggs and now….and now…"

"Isabella Marie Swan, are you telling me that you're pregnant?" Mom squawked into the phone before shouting, "Charlie!"

"Yes, Mom, I'm five months pregnant," I sniffled, before whispering, "With quadruplets."

I was hoping she hadn't heard. But I knew she had by the sound of the phone clattering to the ground.


Like it? Love it? Kind of want to canoodle with it? I don't know why I like that word ... Tell me about it, I'd love to hear!
~CH