A/N: I just wanted to address something now that will be better explained later. I understand that many of you think that Rachel should be in therapy after what happened to her, and although I agree that it would be beneficial I have different plans for her. Unfortunately not everyone who needs professional help, especially after going through something like Rachel did, will accept that kind of help. Many try to do it alone…
Disclaimer: I own nothing
As soon as the bus was out of sight, Quinn picked up her phone and called Kurt.
"Hello, Quinn."
"Hey…how is she, really?" Quinn decided to skip the small talk and ask what she wanted to know.
She heard him sigh deeply before he answered her question. "She won't talk to me. I've brought friends over to our place and asked her to join us whenever we went out, but she never does. I don't know what to do."
She takes a shaky breath. "Has she had anymore incidents? Since the day you found her crying in your apartment."
"No. And I'm glad she told you about that." He paused. "I would have told you but she made me promise not to tell anyone. I thought…I thought that if I kept her secrets that she would see that she could learn to trust me."
"Oh, Kurt." Quinn sighed.
There was an awkward silence on the line before Kurt spoke again. "She talks about you though. She was so excited to surprise you. And sometimes when she gets home from her Martial Arts class, she talks excitedly about things the kids do and the new kicks or forms she's been working on. I think she likes a few of her classes too." He paused. "She talks about the happy stuff. If she's having a bad day or whatever, then she doesn't talk about anything at all."
Quinn nodded, that sounded just like Rachel. "She doesn't want to be a burden, Kurt. She doesn't want to let you down or for things to change…"
"They won't."
"You and I know that, she doesn't." She took a slow breath. "Don't give up on her, Kurt. Just keep trying to get through and I think you will."
"Things went well for you guys then?" He asked with interest.
"We had a good time, and I didn't give up until she talked to me."
"I'll work on it and keep you updated." The boy told her.
"No. I don't need a report card on her Kurt. You were right in needing to prove she can trust you and that you'll keep her confidence. But…if things get worse, then tell someone, even if it's her dads."
"But you think she'll be okay?" He asked with concern.
"I think she thought she'd be better now and since she's not, she's having a hard time accepting that she was more affected by what happened than she ever wanted to admit. But I think…eventually, I think she'll be okay."
"I've been so worried and…I hate saying this, but I wasn't prepared to deal with this. I mean, we're best friends and we're roommates…but I'm not a psychologist, I…it's really hard."
"I can't imagine what it must be like for you. I know this isn't what you signed on for…"
"It's not what any of us signed on for." He replied.
"You're right. But…"
"I'm here for her, Quinn. You don't have to worry about that. I just wish I could do more."
"I'm sure you're doing everything you can."
"I only wish that was enough."
"Don't we all."
They chatted a bit longer, catching up on their first few weeks of school. Quinn told Kurt about their carnival and how Rachel surprised her and even brought cupcakes and candles. After she was finished talking to Kurt, she headed back to her dorm room.
When she got inside, Sydney was there.
"So? How was the day with your girlfriend?" She asked full of excitement.
"Perfect."
"Come on, I deserve more details! I had to sleep on a friend's floor last night." Her roommate demanded with a smile.
"We made up for lost time…" Quinn smiled dreamily. "Then we went to the carnival that one of the clubs sponsored. I won her a stuffed elephant on that one stupid game were you have to try to knock over the milk jars. And then we kissed atop the Ferris Wheel."
"You guys are so perfect…it's like a romantic comedy or Nicholas Sparks novel or something. I bet your whole life is like a fairytale." Sydney gushed.
"A fairytale? Right."
"So, how long have you two been together?"
"Since well…" Quinn realized that they had always talked about their first date being the night Rachel visited her in the hospital but did that actually count as their anniversary? Because they didn't officially get together for nearly two months after that.
"Wow, that wasn't supposed to be a trick question." Her roommate laughed.
Quinn grinned. "It's just…I was in love with her for so long and we were friends first…I don't know when to count us as being together."
"I've been there."
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Friday evening, Quinn received a call from an excited Rachel. "Quinn!"
"Yeah, Rach. What's up?"
"I went to my Tang Soo Do class today, and I took your advice. I decided to go out on a limb and try to make a friend. There's this girl in my class, Kahlan, she's a few belt ranks higher than me and she's amazing. She's a dancer so when she does her forms she looks so…fluid. Anyway, I asked her if she'd help me out with my forms. I know the belt test isn't until December, but it's my first test and I want to be perfect. Anyway, she's going to help me after class from now on. And this weekend, we're even going to hang out a bit."
Quinn listened, she really did. And she was happy for Rachel. But when she heard how 'amazing' the girl is and that she's 'so fluid,' well, why couldn't Rachel's first friend be another gay guy like Kurt?
"Quinn? Are you still there?"
"Yeah, Baby, I'm here." Quinn smiled.
"We got to talking and actually have quite a bit in common. She likes musicals and foreign films, so she invited me over to watch this film from India. Asoka or something like that. It's got subtitles, but really cool music. At least, according to her. So I'm going over there tomorrow."
"That's really cool." Quinn forced out with a smile. She hated herself for being jealous. Rachel was finally making friends and that was a good thing.
"Oh and Kurt is having friends over tonight and I promise to try to talk to them. I don't know what to say but…"
"Rachel…I know you think you're bad at making friends but you're going to a school where everyone there has the same interests as you. So you can talk about Broadway and Barbara Streisand, and Liza and whatever you want. I'm sure they'll love you."
"Thank you."
"No need to thank me, Rachel. It's the truth."
"No, thank you for not giving up on me. I talked to Kurt when I got back yesterday and he had a lot of things to say. He said that he didn't want me to just tell him the good stuff, but he wanted me to tell him everything. And I think I actually believe him. So I told him a little about the things I've been telling you. We cried, then we watched Funny Girl and cried some more. Then we sang. It was…it was almost like before. And I know you said that we can't go back to normal…I think maybe we can get pretty close. Eventually. So thank you."
Quinn took a shaky breath as she wiped tears from her eyes. "I just want you to be happy again, Rachel. That's all I ever wanted for you."
Rachel didn't respond.
"And I'm glad that you and Kurt are talking again, I'm sure he missed you as much as you missed him."
"I didn't even realize I missed him until…until I got him back."
"You never lost him, Rachel. He was always there waiting for you."
"I know."
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From Rachel: If you had a band what would you name it?
From Quinn: Rooftop Confessions. How about you?
From Rachel: Superman Complex.
From Quinn: That's a perfect one! Hey, aren't you supposed to be hanging out with Kurt and some of his friends?
From Rachel: I am. Mitch is a fellow musical theatre major who doesn't really like Barbara Streisand.
From Quinn: Oh the travesty!
From Rachel: Madelyn is a theatre major, who has never seen a musical.
From Quinn: Scandalous!
From Rachel: And I believe Harry has a crush on Kurt, so naturally I dislike him.
From Quinn: Naturally.
From Rachel: I tried, Quinn. I really did. But it seems as if I have to make my own friends.
From Quinn: Clearly you have higher standards than Kurt.
From Rachel: Are you mocking me? Because I'm a friend of Kurt's as are you, and if you say he has no standards, then…
From Quinn: Apparently his standards were left back in Lima ;)
From Rachel: I think I shall retire to my room. I am going to create a powerpoint about the things I will look for in my soon-to-be friends
From Quinn: Did you make a powerpoint about what you looked for in a girlfriend?
From Rachel: I didn't need to.
00000
Quinn was surprised on Saturday morning when she received a package from Rachel. The brunette hadn't mentioned sending her anything, and she already got a birthday present from the girl.
She tore into the box quickly and was shocked at what she found. When she slowly pulled out Lucy, her stuffed lamb, she had tears in her eyes. Then she saw the note that was included inside the box.
Quinn,
I figured you may need her more than I do, since I have Dumbo now (I changed his name when I realized that it was a boy). Anyway, I want you to remember the good times with your father. You have said that him giving this to you was your last great memory of him. So I hope she helps you find closure.
P.S. We'll have to find a new custody agreement, because I may want something in return.
Forever Yours,
Rachel Barbara Berry
After reading through the short letter twice, Quinn quickly picked up her phone and called Rachel.
"I can't believe you kept her…considering." She said as soon as Rachel answered the phone.
"I may have stopped sleeping with her, but I'd never get rid of something you gave me. And you gave her to me, Quinn."
"I don't even know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything. You have done so much for me; I just wanted to return the favor."
"I don't know how I got so lucky." Quinn said shaking her head.
Rachel laughed softly. "I don't know anyone who'd call either of us lucky, Quinn."
"Even so, I feel lucky to have you."
Rachel was quiet.
"Oh, so how'd the powerpoint go?"
"Great! I know exactly what I'm looking for now." Rachel replied.
"And does your friend Kahlan fit the description?" Quinn asked with a hint of annoyance.
"Yes, actually. Which reminds me, I'm not going to have my phone on so I'll call you when I get back."
"Why won't you have your phone on?"
"It's rude to use your phone when you're with someone, Quinn." Rachel admonished.
"That didn't seem to stop you last night when you had company."
"Kurt had company. I'm not about to be on the phone with someone else when I get invited to a friend's house for the first time."
"But I'm not someone else, I'm your girlfriend." Quinn nearly spat out at her. "Does she know about me?"
"I don't see what that has to do with anything." Rachel answered.
"You don't see what that has to do with anything? Rachel…" Quinn couldn't help raising her voice.
"I already told you that I don't feel comfortable advertising my sexuality. I know you think that the world is a much more accepting place outside of Lima, Quinn, but you also weren't the one who was almost raped because of it!" Rachel spat back just as harshly.
Quinn swallowed thickly. Hearing Rachel said the word 'rape' tore her apart inside. "I'm sorry. I…I can't even begin to understand what you went through but…"
"If anyone asks if I'm seeing someone, I will tell them I have a girlfriend. But I won't advertise it, Quinn. Do you understand that?"
"Yes."
"I'm sorry I'm not as strong as you but…"
"I'm not asking you to be strong, Rachel. It's just…you shouldn't hide parts of who you are. If people can't accept that then it's their problem."
"That's not what I'm afraid of, Quinn. Can't you see that?"
"Not if you don't explain it to me."
"He did what he did because I was your girlfriend, Quinn. I don't care if I can't make friends because they don't like my being gay. I am terrified that the wrong person will find out and I will be killed for it."
"Oh, Rachel…" Quinn cried.
"I may always have that fear Quinn, and it will have nothing to do with you, okay? I'm not ashamed of us. And I'm not trying to hide you. I just…"
"I get it Rachel. And I'm sorry I didn't sooner. Of course I don't expect you to broadcast us." Quinn admitted with a small voice.
"I have to go now, Quinn. But I will call you later. And I love you." Rachel said after a long moment of silence.
"I love you too."
As soon as Quinn hung up her call with Rachel, she texted Nicci.
From Quinn: Well, I'm a bitch.
From Nicci: What'd you do?
From Quinn: Thanks for your faith in me.
From Nicci: What'd you do, Quinn?
From Quinn: I just got jealous of Rachel for making her first friend.
From Nicci: Yup, you're a bitch.
From Quinn: Thanks.
From Nicci: But at least you're aware of it. There's still hope for you ;)
From Quinn: I don't know why I even miss you. I should have texted Santana.
From Nicci: Like she would have been easier on you.
From Quinn: You're right. Looks like I need new friends :)
Quinn chatted with Nicci a little while longer before shooting a text to Rachel.
From Quinn: Baby, I know your phone's off. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I was a jerk and I hate myself for it. I love you and I just want you to have fun today. I'll talk to you later.
0000
Quinn was sitting on her laptop, waiting for either her mom or Fran to answer the skype call. When her mom's face appeared, she smiled.
"Hey mom."
"Quinnie? Is she there? I don't know how to do this, Frannie?" Judy said as she was looking anywhere but at the computer screen.
Then Fran appeared on the screen as well. "She's right there mom, look." Fran said pointing at the screen.
"Can she hear us?" Judy asked.
"I can hear you." Quinn answered with a smile.
"What's up sis?" Fran asked as she sat beside Judy.
"Hey, sweetie! I heard that Rachel surprised you for your birthday."
"She did. That's part of the reason I'm calling. She asked about dad. If I missed him."
She was met with silence, but she could see her sister and mom shift uncomfortably.
"What is this about, Quinnie?" Judy asked nervously.
"We never had a funeral, and I think we should have." She said.
"I appreciate that, Quinn. But it's a little late…"
"It's never too late to remember him." Quinn offered. "I thought…maybe we could just…I don't know. Talk about him. The good things. The things we miss about him."
She saw her mother tear up and she saw Fran look away.
"I know it's hard to talk about him…with everything that we've all been through. And maybe we should have talked about it more before he died but we sort of just did the Fabray thing and swept it under the rug because it was easier that way. But it really wasn't. We've all been suffering alone and I think…"
"I miss our Sunday Brunch. Remember how we used to just hang out…the four of us, and we'd talk about all the things we wanted to accomplish that week." Fran offered.
"Maybe we could still do that…the three of us." Quinn said. Her mom and Fran nodded.
"I…I miss the man I fell in love with. The romantic man who swept me off my feet. We had our honeymoon in Europe. He actually said he wanted to give me the world." Judy said with an unsteady voice.
"I miss our summer barbeques. I loved the summer he taught me to drive a stick shift." Quinn said.
"I loved that summer too!" Fran giggled. "You were awful at it. I never laughed so much in my life."
"Shut up!" Quinn yelled playfully.
"When you girls were born…he was never so happy. You two really were his whole world." Judy said.
They were silent for a moment. Then Fran asked. "When do you think it all changed?"
"Fran." Judy chastised quietly.
"No. That's the thing I never understood. When did things get so bad? If we were his whole world? Why did he make us feel like we were always letting him down? If he wanted to give you the world, why'd he hit you?"
There was a long silence.
"No one's perfect, Fran." Judy replied.
"But he sure wanted us to be." Fran muttered.
"It's just…maybe we'd be able to understand if…" Quinn began but was cut off by her mom.
"I don't think we'll ever understand. But that doesn't mean we can't move on." Judy said.
"So, you're okay with never knowing why he changed?" Quinn asked.
"I think that in this instance, I won't really feel better either way. He still did what he did and I still hate him for it." Judy said.
"So you haven't forgiven him?" Quinn wondered.
"I guess not. Not really." Judy replied. "I remember the person he used to be and I can't reconcile that with what he did."
"I miss him." Fran said after an awkward silence.
"Me too. I was scared to admit that for a long time, but I do miss him. I've missed him since he kicked me out of the house. All I ever wanted was for him to forgive me." Quinn explained. "I think part of me hates that he died before I got a chance to make him proud of me."
"Quinn, it wasn't your job to make him see that. Because you've always been the most amazing daughter, and I'm sorry we made you doubt that." Judy said.
"I hate that he never tried to understand us. Sure he was a great dad at times, but there were also so many times that he failed to understand what it was like for us. He always expected so much of us, and even when we did everything that was expected, it wasn't enough." Fran replied with frustration.
They talked for another two hours. They laughed about the good times and cried about the bad times. They complained about the things that annoyed them and smiled about the things they learned from him. And when the conversation was over, Quinn shut off her computer, grabbed Lucy the lamb and held her to her chest until she cried herself to sleep. When she woke up several hours later, she was surprised when she realized that it had been the first time she ever cried over the death of her father. The knowledge of that coupled with the talk she had with Fran and her mother made her feel so much lighter.
Quinn ate before getting ready for bed. When she was finished, she climbed into her bed and grabbed her phone. She shot off her normal text to Rachel. 'You are beautiful and I love you.' And when her phone buzzed seconds later she smiled.
From Rachel: Don't hate yourself
From Quinn: Hey gorgeous! How'd it go today?
From Rachel: Perfect! You'd love her, Quinn. I know you would.
From Quinn: You'll have to introduce me when I come over next weekend.
From Rachel: I'd love to! How was your day?
From Quinn: I talked to mom and Fran. We had our very own little memorial of sorts and it was…helpful.
From Rachel: I'm happy for you, Quinn.
From Quinn: He wasn't a perfect man. He wasn't even a great man. But he was my dad, you know?
From Rachel: I know.
From Quinn: Is that how you felt about Shelby? After she hurt you and then came back?
From Rachel: I wanted to hate her. It hurt that she rejected me, and then that she came back with a…replacement daughter.
From Quinn: That's not what Beth was for her. You gotta know that.
From Rachel: I do now, but at the time…that's what if felt like when I found out she adopted. I realized that she may not be the perfect mother or really my mom at all, but she is the only one I have. And that has to be enough.
From Quinn: I wish that we would have stayed friends after sophomore year. We bonded over the summer and then when school started junior year…I pretended nothing happened between us.
From Rachel: We both know that you didn't want to stay just friends Quinn. Was it hard for you? To be around me that way and realize that you wanted more?
From Quinn: What do you think?
From Rachel: I think that was a stupid question, because I know how I felt when I didn't think you felt the same way about me.
From Quinn: I wish that both of us weren't so scared back then…look at how much time we missed.
From Rachel: We missed a lot of time, but we have our entire lives ahead of us.
From Quinn: Even forever with you isn't long enough, Rach.
From Rachel: Such the charmer, Fabray
From Quinn: It's not just a line, Rachel, it's the truth.
From Rachel: I love you.
From Quinn: And I love you.
0000
From Quinn: If you were a character in a TV show, what show would you want to be on?
From Rachel: I love that question! Unfortunately there aren't very many shows where the characters get to sing and dance.
From Quinn: Can you imagine if there was one? I bet it'd be lame.
From Rachel: I agree! So I guess I'd have to say… Merlin. I love castles and magic.
From Quinn: Merlin? Really?
From Rachel: What about you?
From Quinn: Vampire Diaries
From Rachel: I should have known with your obsession with the undead.
From Quinn: Not the vampires. But everyone in that cast is so hot.
From Rachel: Should I be jealous?
From Quinn: Yes, if I ever meet anyone from that show then I am so leaving you! ;)
From Rachel: Quinn!
From Quinn: Did you just stomp your foot and pout? Because I can totally picture you doing that.
From Rachel: Shut up!
From Quinn: You did! :)
From Rachel: Good night, Quinn.
From Quinn: Night Rach. I love you.
From Rachel: I love you too. :)
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A/N: I know this chapter was a whole lot of dialogue between Quinn and pretty much everyone, but it needed to be done. I hope you guys liked it!
Up next, Quinn visits Rachel in New York and meets Kahlan! What will Quinn do to claim her girl?
