Note: I'm sorry for my absence. More at the end of the chapter. Until then, please enjoy.


Amnesiac

Like Mother Like Son Part 1

The chateau held a tense atmosphere for weeks. The kitchen and living room would only hold one or two members at a time which often led to awkward greetings and farewells between the different occupants. It reminded Sasaki back when he lived under Arima's roof when he avoided confrontation with the homeowner and would leave quickly as soon as conversation lulled. His hands used to shake no matter how hard he tried and his lip quiver in fear of what insulting the Reaper would mean for him. Of course, none expected him, a ghoul and a child of sorts from his retrograde amnesia, to last long beneath Arima's care. Some even placed bets that either the ghoul would break down from the stress or go into a frenzy from being so close to human flesh leading to the Shinigami having to put him down once and for all.

But in spite of people's cruel expectations, Sasaki Haise lasted longer than any had ever thought. That didn't mean he never broke down, but the half-ghoul proved himself capable to filter stress into productive actions like completing his studies for the academy and training. The Shinigami had taught him well.

Of course, one's will alone burns only for so long until a gust of wind blows it out. Like clockwork, the inevitable crash would threaten to break anything and everything in its path until someone closed the lid. Soon would come the next crash. No matter how well one recognizes the signs, no matter how many predict the crash, nothing is done about it until too late.

It could have different this time, and yet the cycle progressed in sharp words and a tingling hand.

It's not as though she was extensively cruel or difficult. In fact, she tried to fix things as he should have, but it was a bad day lined behind a consecutive of bad days. So when he snapped and his hands shook, he expected her to break along with the other Quinx. And yet, Saiko never even hiccuped or let her breath hitch despite the tears that tracked down her cheeks.


"You doing okay, Sasaki?"

"Fine, Mutsuki," he would mutter behind his numerous files, sifting through papers and eyes scanning but in truth reading nothing. "Did you bring the evidence I asked for?"

His student placed the said box on the desk the mentor occupied. "I wanted to talk to you," he admitted while fidgeting with the patch over his eye. "Something I've been wondering about."

"Oh?" He cleared his throat for what felt like the hundredth time that time. Perhaps he was getting a cold. Do ghouls actually get sick besides fatigue? "What about?"

":Re," he said, but it was enough to create panic in his mentor's eyes. Haise looked about the office for witnesses in the office only for it to be empty. The only people in the office in the early afternoon were the two of them. The rest had gone out already to their field assignments or were in meetings. Nonetheless, Tooru kept his voice down as he added, "Nothing big or changing. I was just wondering if maybe - I don't know - something should be said."

His heart seized at the boy's words. No one could know about :Re, not if he wanted Touka and the others to be safe. Not unless he wanted them to end up like Hina- "Why? What for?"

There was a pregnant pause as Mutsuki formed his words. "An alliance. An understanding. I mean - and you can stop me if I'm intruding, but they know more about you and some of the things you've been. . . been seeing. Experiencing."

"It's fine. Move the box over there."

"I'm just worried that it might become too much, y'know? Not that I don't believe you capable - I just can't imagine the strain that comes with it."

Haise couldn't help but snort. "Sounds like you're describing a scenario involving a shrink and group therapy."

Eyes bulging, Tooru waved his hands in front of him in surrender. "No! No, of course not. I just know you have good days and bad ones. And it can be hard talking with coworkers or your students about it.. Arima and Mado don't seem like very open people, so . . ."

Sasaki cleared his throat. "I get what you're saying, but I'm fine. Honest."

"Sasaki."

"I'm not involving :Re anymore for their own safety. You understand that, right?"

"Yes, but Touka-"

"Touka's lost enough people without us making her a prime target. Just interacting with her puts her on the doves' radar."

"Doves?"

He bit his tongue. "It's slang for investigators."

"Okay, but you need to think about yourself, too. You were there almost every day because it made you happy." He wrung his hands anxiously. "And now you're not, and you seem tense, and I know Saiko isn't helping. And Shirazu says everything but the right thing a lot, but I want to help-"

"Enough," he snapped. They locked eyes for several moments, Mustuki shocked and Sasaki defiant. Finally, Tooru looked away. Sasaki sighed. "Have you spoken to Saiko?"

"Yes." He didn't look up from his fidgeting hands. "She's still angry. I don't know exactly why, but at least she's talking to me."

"Any ideas?"

Mustuki seemed to contemplate on telling him before speaking. "Someone named Yotsume? Maybe? She didn't mean to say the name around me, but it has something to do with her probably."

A lot more than you think, he thought. "Thank you for being honest."

He nodded. "I'm sorry for bringing up :Re."

With that, Haise returned to his work while Mutsuki excused himself. Just a few more hours of sifting through and he'd be out of there. Then he could take off his pinching shoes and too tight of tie. Maybe order take out. Yet the more he fantasized, the more he realized the task still left between him and his bed. It was a Wednesday, so Katsuo would be expecting him. His investigator uniform needed pressed and his shoes cleaned. He groaned and let his head fall to the desk. Relaxing would have to wait.


"Good evening, Sasaki," the voice trembled out.

"I'm fine with just Haise, you know." The investigator solemnly smiled to Katsuo before trying to hand his coat only for . . . he noticed the coat rack was gone. Another item gone. Each week, Haise had noticed, more and more items disappeared from the small home - cell, prison cell, he could never forget with the guards always checking him for weapons. Katsuo was too young to be treated like this. First went anything stimulating beside books and now the furniture. "When's the last time you ate?"

Katsuo still stood in the same spot with his hands to his side and eyes on the floor. "I don't know. But I'm hungry." A memory flashed briefly of a little brunette scraping her plate clean in a room he knew had to be from Anteiku. She stared at him in confusion with her kakugan out before Haise shook the memory away. It hurt to think about.

He wondered if hunger for child ghouls was the same for adults. Did they become aggressive? Havoc wreaking? Or perhaps it was much like a human child, where self-helplessness took over and they merely sat wasting away. There was nothing he could do about the lack of feeding. He already tried - thrice - and no one listened. The past few weeks Sasaki would sneak in his own rations and leave them out of the cameras' sights. But they even cut down the half-ghouls feedings for reasons he didn't know. All confrontations only ended in more anger.

"Hey," Sasaki went to kneel in front of the him but the boy flinched. It's not the first time in the past weeks. "I'm sorry this is happening." From beneath his arm he pulled out a book. "I brought you another book. And I'm going to talk with the guards about giving back your stuff and getting your some games again, okay?" He kept his voice low and even. "Please look at me. You're not in trouble." Finally, Katsuo looked at him. "Did they hurt you?" Carefully, slowly, raising his hand, Haise brushed the bangs out of the boy's hair. Sasaki should look into getting the child a haircut. But at least his clothes were clean.

The boy bit his lip and went back to look at the floor. He didn't give a response. If the half-ghoul closed his eyes, he could imagine Hinami doing the same when she was young, always adjusting her headband and too nervous to keep eye contact with strangers.

"Why are you sad?"

Again, silence.

"Do you want to go through you're workbook? We don't have to do math today if you don't want to."

"Don't leave." It wasn't the first time Haise had seen the boy cry, but the crack in his voice and the fear in his eyes never became easier. If anything it became harder to watch.

Despite the camera in the room watching and listening at all times, Haise gave in to his emotions here. Careful not to scare him, the man pulled the child into an embrace who then began to crying in his shirt. Pulling the child into his arms, he lifted Katsuo off the floor and moved to the couch. The coffee table was gone and so were the lamps. Only the strung up lights that hung from the ceiling lit the room.

For hours, it felt to them, they sat without saying a word to the other. The only noise came from the boy's muffled sobs.

It was one in the morning when Sasaki checked his watch, and Katsuo fell asleep against some few minutes before. His arm fell asleep pinched between Katsuo and couch, but Haise was able to lift Katsuo without waking him and walked him to the bed in a separate room. They'd taken the bed frame, leaving the mattress on the floor which Sasaki carefully knelt on before laying the boy to bed. Covers were pulled up to the boy's chin and tucked at his sides. He was running out of time, though he stood in the doorway until a guard opened the cell door for him, calling his name. And just like that, Sasaki walked free while the boy slept alone once more.

"I'm sorry."

His throat throbbed.


Shortly after discovering the truth of Yot- Hinami came the next assignment: a group of ghouls spotted in the area and others seen fleeing to the location before being lost. As Saiko hadn't left her room, even giving Mutsuki a message from her simply stating Haise wasn't forgiven, and Mutsuki training with Suzuya, only Urie and Shirazu joined for scouting the district. All was simple as they falsely window-shopped and chatted with employees, occasionally peering into alleyways.

They spent most of the scouting in silence, only piping up and joking when confront by employees and street vendors.

"The alleys lead to dead ends. They'd be locked in unless they could scale fifty feet or had a key to one of the shops," Urie concluded before taking a seat at a picnic bench across from the shops. "Chances are they's using the sewer line, too."

Shirazu noisily sucked from his slurpie, taking a seat too close for Urie's liking, and adding in his two cents. "They're only Class B's probably. They're not gonna be problem if we form a plan."

"Ah, and you have a plan," Urie said dryly.

"Screw off."

"Knock it off, you two." Honestly, Haise wouldn't mind walking off without them as cruel as it sound. It'd teach them to how to get along in order to get home. "Let's take a break. Grab any food you want and meet back here." None spared a second before dispersing. Haise continued sitting and pulled out his phone. Missed call from Akira and a text asking why one of his students is asking for files on an executed ghoul. Saiko.

Dialing Akira's number, he pinched the bridge of his nose, swallowing on a scratchy throat. She picked on the first ring. "Mado."

"Akira."

"Explain."

He bit his lip. "I'm sorry for her behavior. She's been acting odd the past few days, so, I'm sor-"

"And the truth? Also it wasn't Saiko. It was Tooru. He asked for the files and evidence bins without a signed note from you."

"They- I looked the other day, at the Cochlea visiting list, I mean. Apparently, Saiko and met with H-prisoner number 745."The words felt wrong on his on his tongue, like needles. "Yotsume. I think it's hitting her that the CCG can't keep ghouls forever." The half truth rolled off his lips with unnerving ease. He understood that Cochlea only held so many cells and the slowly approved plans to build more space simply cannot keep up. Then again, that didn't sooth the thought of a lethal injection simply because that ghoul didn't have anymore information to give. God only knows how Donato never fails to surprise even the Washuu family with his continuous neatly woven intel behind riddles and ambiguous word choice. He of all ghouls deserved death and yet he's held on the longest.

"We'll talk more later," Akira noted before hanging up on him. God, why him? he thought just as Shirazu sat across from him at the picnic bench with burgers and fries.

"Who was that," the boy asked, however, his thoughts were obviously on the four burgers he bought which he quickly unwrapped. He wrestled with a packet a ketchup, trying to open it and even resorting to his teeth.

Haise could only watch as the little packet squirted across the table and his jacket sleeves. Not a single drop reached is burger. "Just Akira asking about a report." Swiftly the investigator opened a packet unlike a heathen and switched out the the abused packet from Shirazu's hand. The smiled gratefully before smothering his burger. "Did you hear anything while in there?"

"Nope," Shirazu said smirking. "But the cashier asked if I wanted to go get lunch sometime." From his pocket he pulled out a crumbled receipt with ten digit written in pen on the back and a name. Sankou. "We should come down here more often."

Sasaki could only roll his eyes.

"Five bucks says Urie ditched us. Bastard's been more snappy all week. Think he caught whatever Saiko has." Haise nearly flinched but held his tongue. Things were quiet for a few minutes. Sasaki checked his phone on and off, debating on calling Mustuki or simply confronting him later. Or maybe Saiko.

He really didn't want the door slammed on his face again.

"Say, could I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Do you know if I said something to piss off Saiko? I mean, she's fine with Tooru and Kuki, even letting Kuki go in her room. But she won't look me in the eye and snapped at me when I pointed it out."

Sasaki held back a snort. "No, you're probably fine." Except for not realizing she was hurting. Just like Haise. "She just needs time." He had plenty of time to ponder on Saiko's reaction and his lack of. Both owed the other an apology.

"Hey do you think you can pull some strings?"

Internally groaning, Haise asked, "What? No car. No raise. No playing wing-man."

"You're no fun. But I was actually gonna ask if we could pull Katsuo out of Cochlea for a day or somethin'."

This isn't the first time Shirazu has had interest in Katsuo - not that he actually visited - but never asking for something so big.

"I've been thinking about my siblings a lot, especially Haru. Haru's a little older, but hers and Katsuo's predicaments aren't so different. I mean, I wouldn't want to be shut in a room all day. I was thinking we could do a fun day for him."

"You could always just visit."

"Yah, well, I don't really like being at the detention center."

Neither do I, Sasaki thought. And I'm there at least once a week.

"Besides, some fresh air would do him some good."

"And you know why that's impossible, right?"

"Why? He's too young to hurt anyone, and he's a part of the CCG now-"

"No, Ginshi, he really isn't." Haise couldn't help but roll his eyes. It wasn't right for him to, he knew. Shirazu was showing that he cared, and yet a thought lingered. "You never visited him. What's with the sudden guilt?" he questioned.

As if slapped, Shirazu sat back. "It's not-"

"You see, I've been with him for every holiday." He droned on with his words, seething. "I've given up my weekends, stepped in after work so I don't get home until nine or later on Wednesdays. He has no role models except for me, maybe Mutsuki who hardly goes, and the prison guards, who are likely hurting him. And where have you been?" He spat the final sentence, letting it linger.

Initially, Ginshi looked piss at the accusation, but quickly recovered. "Sassan, this isn't like-"

"He has no one who's going respect his childhood." The half-ghoul continued. "They're teaching him the basics and the same material at the CCG academies without the morality portions. They're teaching to hunt down his own kind, where their weak spots are, what to say to get ghouls to trust him before calling in doves to take them out." At this point, his fist were clenched beneath the table, but he kept eyes on Shirazu. He didn't even care if his kakugan was out. "They're making a weapon, a child soldier. And you can't tell me you didn't know this at the beginning on the day the Washuu's all shared the same look when I argued for Katsuo's life."

There was desperation in the boy's voice as he pleaded, "Stop, Sasaki."

"Have you seen a child starve?" He trembled in his seat and his throat constricted painfully. "That's how they correct behavior - along with taking away water rations and mental stimulation, so throwing him in a box just like the other ghouls twice - three times - his age. He doesn't get to come out of the box until he jumps the right height every time. And when he doesn't? They'll punish him."

"Stop." He went to grab his mentors hands, but the half-ghoul retracted.

"He's a child of war. A child of genocide who will take part in bringing down his own race. He will pay for being born to a certain race, you get that? He's not a part of the CCG as a member, but as a tool. And it's all my-"

Before he could say anymore, a hand dragged Shirazu out of his seat by his coat, lifting him to his feet. Breaking from his stare, the half-ghoul noticed Urie shoving Shriazu away from the table. "Wait for a cab," he commanded flatly and giving one final push. Despite Shirazu's protest, Urie already turned his focus to his mentor who was seething. "I didn't hear everything, but you need to cool off. You're juggling too many things and it's effecting you. I'll get him home. Do what you need to do."

"Urie," Sasaki called out breathing heavily, but the young man didn't listen and instead left in the same direction as Shirazu.

And just like that, the ghoul was alone in a populated area with eyes watching from afar from his rather loud conversation. Despite his anger, Sasaki had kept his voice surprisingly low with much restraint. Fatigue washed over him and his shoulders sagged as he rubbed his face. Touching over his eyes, he sighed in relief to find his kakugan never formed. He swallowed through a scratchy throat wishing the pulsing behind his Adam's apple would stop. Stupid, stupid, stupid. He shouldn't have said those things. Shirazu had enough to worry about with his sister in the hospital and believed to be getting worse. He dealt with enough as squad leader and dealing with Saiko, seeing her behavior as his responsibility.

Pot, meet Kettle.

He really missed Touka. It was stupid, but she always made him feel at ease, like the little stresses didn't mean anything, and his nervousness never bothered her.

He could walk there. :Re was only a few city blocks down-

Stop. Not again. No, he promised himself not to get Touka involved. Despite how raw his throat felt, he took the long, scenic walk back to the chateau, thinking of all the stupid things he's done the past week and all the things he still needs to do.

Perhaps talking to Saiko should be on the list.


Sorry for my absence. I went on vacation to San Francisco then started a new job the day we got back and quite honestly am still majorly behind on sleep. It was a lot of fun despite, and we took a boat underneath the Golden Gate Bridge, visited Alcatraz, a couple of museums too, and discovered that Bubba Gump is pretty good is the cutest restaurant (oh, and In-N-Out is gross). Things should finally calm down, and I'll get this finally finished.

The next chapter should take around two weeks again simply because I'm trying balance my schedule. Thank you for your continuous support!

Question: Who is your most despised character from Tokyo Ghoul and why?

Please leave a comment/review!