Chapter Twenty Eight
He sat with her until he was sure she was asleep. He pulled himself away returning the soup cup to the kitchen. Brass looked up at him from his position at the table. He sat there and watched Grissom place the cup in the sink and then stood there as if he were in a daze.
Brass got up and fixed another bowl of soup sitting it on the table. He then fixed some coffee and motioned for Grissom to sit. He sat down and stared at the bowl.
"Dr. Randle left instructions for you as well. You have to eat, Grissom. You have to sleep. You have to make sure you don't let yourself fall apart. You need to be strong for Sara. It's not going to be easy the next couple of days."
Grissom chuckled at the statement, "Not going to be easy? What did she think this was?"
"How are you?" asked Brass.
"I didn't think it would be this hard. I thought she would cave as soon as she saw Dr. Randle. I thought she would break down and tell me immediately….and then she did but then she wouldn't agree and it scared the hell out of me…she didn't care…she didn't care what she was doing to herself…she was punishing herself. All I could think of is what happens if she tries..."
"Sara wouldn't. She's strong. She might punish herself like she's doing now…not eating…not sleeping…but she wouldn't do anything else…I think she's used to punishing herself like this…no eating, no sleeping and throwing herself into her work…only this time she's recovering from surgery and the miscarriage and all the crap that goes with that and she was in over her head."
"If she hadn't agreed…I don't think I would have been able to make her leave and go to a hospital…I don't think I…"
"Hell you wouldn't! You would have picked her up and carried her out. You knew the alternative…this…she was deteriorating every day…you wouldn't have stood by and…"
"It hurt…it hurt to hear her beg…to want to stay here…to call this home and to make me feel like I was taking that away from her…God that hurt."
"I know. I felt it too. You've learned one thing tonight."
"What's that?"
"You can be tough as nails too….something you two have in common. Get some sleep. I'll take the first watch. Doc said he would be back in the morning to check on her. I don't think I've ever seen the man cry. He was pretty upset when he left here."
Grissom got up to return to the bedroom.
"Grissom?"
"Yeah?"
"The others were outside also. They were ready to take her if you didn't. They want to see her in a couple of days. They know about the miscarriage…I told them…I thought they needed to know."
"Thanks."
He turned and headed back to her. He glanced at the clock when he awoke and looked at her. He smiled. She had slept for five hours. It was a start. He felt her body slowly moving as she lay there curled up. He pulled her close and he felt her body bristle before relaxing.
"It's just me, Sara. You're safe. Go back to sleep," he whispered as he kissed her gently.
She lay there with eyes closed and tried to will herself to go back to sleep. He lay there listening, feeling her body. He knew that she was still awake. He caressed her cheek and waited for her to move again. She lay there, not moving until the pain in her chest made her sit up.
"I tried…I ate…I slept…five hours…that's good…right?" she asked gasping between breaths.
"Yes. That's good Sara. You're trying. Having trouble breathing?"
"Chest hurts…not much…I don't have to go back to the hospital…I'm better…better than yesterday….I'll be better tomorrow…"
"Sara, Doc is going to come by here in the morning and check on you. If he says you need to go to the…"
She closed her eyes.
He's going to send me away…
They're going to take me to the hospital…
They'll say it's for my health…
Then they'll admit me….
"Sara?"
She didn't respond.
"I think you're better. I don't think you'll need to go…don't worry…I .." He stopped himself. He had almost said he would not let them take her. He couldn't say that. She needed to know that she had to keep her agreement. He watched as the fear spread across her face. He watched as she began to tremble. He watched as she summoned all of her strength to appear to be much stronger. He knew better. He knew that she would not be able to keep up the disguise for long.
He left her briefly and returned with something to eat. She looked at him and then the plate. She sighed and took it. He watched as she forced herself to eat. Once she was finished, he took the plate and kissed her.
"How do you feel?"
"I'm trying," she whispered.
"I know."
"Can I stay?"
God yes Sara….
I never want you to leave…
I never want you to feel like this again…
I never want to have to put you through this…
I never want you to feel like I don't love you…
I love you…
"We'll see," he said softly.
She sighed. She remained in bed. He wasn't sure if she thought it was part of the agreement or if she was too weak to get up. She thanked him softly when he propped up her head easing the ability to breathe. She dozed ever now and then jerking herself awake and staring around the room to make sure she was still there in their bed. Once she settled back again, she was dozing again. He calculated the times she slept and she had managed to get in another four hours.
Nine hours….
That's good…
Her body needs the rest…
Her mind needs the rest…
She awoke when she felt the stethoscope on her chest and she started to resist until she felt the familiar hand on her arm.
It's just Doc….
"How do you feel?"
"Better."
"You're not better," he said and watched her eyes water.
"I ate…I slept…I haven't gotten out of bed…I'm better."
"Sara, you have double pneumonia. Both lungs are…it would be best…"
He watched her resolve slowly drift away. She felt defeated again.
"Stay in bed…get up only to shower and bathroom trips….drink lots of fluids…you're a bit dehydrated…I'm going to give you another shot…I'll have to give you one every day…you have to…"
"eat…sleep…can I stay?"
"Yes. You can stay," said Doc.
"Doc?"
"Yes?"
"Thank you."
He patted her hand as he inserted the needle and then joined the others, closing the door behind him.
"Doc?" asked Grissom.
"Pneumonia is in both lungs…right lung appears to be worse than the left…she's a bit dehydrated…I'll need to come every day to treat her for the pneumonia…she has to drink lots of liquids…no getting up except bathroom and shower. I told her. She agreed," he said.
"Doc?" asked Grissom.
"Yes?'
"Does she need to be in a hospital?"
"I can treat her here…I couldn't make her go…we can work this out…I don't think it would help her emotionally if we forced her to go to the hospital after…"
"She ate…she slept…she's trying," said Grissom.
"Yes."
It was funny how such simple words had become huge tasks for each of them to comprehend.
A routine began. Grissom would bring the meals and she would eat. She would return to sleep and then awaken to have him sit with her while she drank juice and he read to her from a book. It had become soothing to her. There was no push to talk. The first couple of days were devoted to getting her to eat and drink and sleep and rest. Grissom now associated those words with her and nothing more. Once the pneumonia began to get better, she was permitted to get up and roam about the house. She did very little for the first day, being skeptical about her new found freedom.
He went about his business of doing paperwork at his office desk in the house ever mindful of her whereabouts in the house. She kept to herself at first and then she slowly found herself seeking him out. He would notice her standing at the doorway or sliding into the chair across from the desk. He would stop and offer conversation and she would slip away. He then began ignoring her when she made her presence. She would then sit with a book and read finding comfort just being in the room with him.
By the end of the week, the shots were now gone along with the need for Doc to come by every day. She knew he would be returning to work soon and wondered when she would be allowed to return. The counseling had begun again. Dr. Randle would arrive sitting in Grissom's office while Sara chose to burrow herself into a corner with her throw while she struggled to talk for an hour. She had seemed a bit despondent when Dr. Randle would leave and he wondered if the counseling had started too soon.
When the next session began, he became alarmed when he heard her sobbing and then cursing. At one point he thought he heard something crash against the wall. He paced in the kitchen telling himself that counseling was needed. He told himself it would not be an easy process for Sara since she had always tried to work through things on her own. He wasn't sure however if she was ready to return to work. Grissom stood there in the kitchen and watched as Dr. Randle closed the office door.
"How is she?" he asked.
"She's making progress. She's talking…we're getting back to where we were before she stopped coming. I think it would be good for her to return to work next week."
"Any restrictions?"
"No."
"What about the types of cases?"
"Use your judgment."
"She's still not talking…about things."
"Mr. Grissom, Sara knows how to avoid hurtful issues. It was only because she was ill that she conceded so easily last time."
"You call that easy?'
She smiled. "Push her. She's not going to break. She's probably testing you to see what she can get away with. Don't give an inch."
"But…"
"Have you ever heard of tough love?"
"No."
"You have homework then," she said as she left. He stared at the office door and wondered if she was really ready.
He chose something different for dinner. He asked her to dress and she was surprised when he took her by the hand and they went out. It had seemed like such a long time since she had been outside the townhouse. He chose a quiet restaurant with a patio so they could sit outside while dining. It made him feel good when she smiled several times, even offering up conversation between the appetizer and the meal. She ate and then nibbled a little on his plate and he grinned. They then spent a short time walking in the park near their home and she sat on the park bench watching the people.
"What do you see?" he asked.
"People…guy over there trying to get up the nerve to be more intimate with the girl sitting next to him…the woman is trying to ignore her son who's determined to climb that tree and she's trying to not to be overprotective…the guy can't figure out why his dog will not drop the Frisbee…he should have brought treats…it helps…the guy over there can't give up his cell phone to spend a minute with his wife and kids…wife seems pissed…probably would like to shuck the phone in the lake…dog just trained the guy to chase after him…he has his work cut out for him…Grissom, why are you looking at me like that?"
He smiled. "It's the most you've said to me in a long time. I was enjoying it."
She looked down. "I'm sorry."
"What else do you see?" he asked.
"I see families... lots of them."
"You're my family," whispered Grissom as he pulled her into his arms. "I'm so glad I have you."
"Really?" she asked. "I seem to be a mess these days…"
"You're my mess then," he grinned.
She kissed him lightly at first and then deepened the kiss until they were breathing hard.
"Sara?"
"Yeah?"
"If you want to start a family, we could…"
"No! I don't," she said pulling back.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I'm happy with just us…but if you ever wanted to…we could."
He watched as she walked to the car and got inside. He cursed inwardly remembering Dr. Randal's advice.
Push her….
She's been pushed enough…
I'm not sure I can do this to her….
I'm not sure I can…
She was silent the rest of the way home. He glanced in her direction every now and then hoping to see something other than hurt. Once they were home, she began picking up in the kitchen and found herself quite tired from the evening events.
"We need to talk," he said staring at her while she stood and finished off the glass of juice.
She turned and nodded.
"I want you to tell me how you feel about the miscarriage."
"What?"
"Tell me Sara."
"We've already been through this."
"I want to talk about it," he said.
"I don't."
"Did you want the baby?"
"No…yes…Grissom, I don't want to talk about this," she said quietly.
"Does it hurt?" he asked with arms folded.
"Yes." She admitted.
"Good."
She stared at him in disbelief.
"I'm glad it hurts you."
She bristled and stepped away.
Note from author:
Now, don't jump to conclusions just yet. Grissom is getting better at conveying his feelings and prying it out of Sara. Keep the reviews coming…I am so buried here…I now have men who are supposed to come and rip up all the floors and replace with hardwood….Lord give me strength…
Take care! Penny
