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Chapter 28

Making life choices

It was nice to be free of everything. To be free of regrets, of worries. Everything, just… gone. Heaven was nice, or maybe this wasn't exactly Heaven. Maybe I was just… somewhere else for a certain amount of time. All I knew was that I was drifting in a room filled with white lights. I liked the feeling. It was peaceful. But there was something different in this room. There was a beautifully carved wooden door in front of me. I approached it slowly and looked at it in detail. It was carved exactly like the wardrobe you see in the movie 'The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe'. It was very well done and it looked mysterious. Was this the door I had to go through to be accepted in Heaven?

"This is not your time, Juliette." A heavenly female voice said from behind me. I turned around to find a beautiful woman wearing a white dress that went to her ankles and showed her shoulders with a lovely feature. This was the woman I saw when I was in the dark water! But… why was she here? And why now? What was going on?

"Who are you?"

"I have seen what you have done for the magical realm, Juliette. It is quite courageous. And loyal. But what happened in the past few hours was not in your future." She was starting to confuse me but I figured I might as well keep her talking. She might be able to explain what's going on here.

"You still haven't answered my question." I added in sarcasm. She didn't seem amused.

"My name is Karmani. But you can just call me the Angel of Destiny. Or Angel for short, if you'd like." Oh my god… I was actually talking face to face with the Angel of Destiny. Quite incredible for a day like this.

"What kind of a name is Karmani?" The name sounded quite strange, but when you started to live in the Elf City for a long time, you started to get used to the weird names.

"Oh, just forget the name! Just call me Angel." She said impatiently. For an angel, she sure was snippy.

"Alright, alright! So Angel, what am I to do now?"

"You have a choice to make."

"What kind of a choice?" What was she talking about? I was dead; I didn't have any other choice. The only thing standing between me and the afterlife is Heaven or Hell.

"As I said before, this was not supposed to be your future. Your death was intended to be later on. As a result, you have a choice to make." She explained softly. "You can decide to accept your death and go straight to Heaven or—"

"Oh, so I am going to end up in Heaven!" I said happily.

"Ok… would you just let me finish?! All of these interruptions are making me say things I shouldn't." Angel said as she rubbed her temples in anger.

"Alright, please continue."

"As I was saying! You can choose to die or to live. We're giving you the chance to go back and live happily with the Cullens." She explained. I couldn't believe this… I was getting a second chance at living and I could decide whether or not to die. This was huge. But… what would happen if I actually did die? What would the others think?

"So let me get this straight… You're telling me that I can either choose to go back and live a life with the Cullens and go to school and, on top of that, have this horrible relationship with my father or to go ahead and die?" This wasn't really getting through to me. This was so much to take in at once.

"Yeah, that's pretty much it." Angel said with a shrug of her shoulders.

"I… I don't know what to do…" I said as I rubbed my forehead in tiredness. I don't know how I could possibly feel tired in a place like this but I was getting a headache.

"You don't know? Shouldn't this be extremely easy for you?" She asked impatiently.

"It's a hard choice to make, okay! Man, you're a snippy Angel."

"Look, I'll help you out, just this once. I can help you with your decision. I'll show you what life would be like if you would decide to die. Well, that is, if you want to see the outcome." Well, her suggestion was reasonable. And my decision would be much easier. I mean, I feel like I should say 'I want to live' and be done with it but… there's something in me that's saying no.

I took in a deep breath and said: "Alright. Please show me."

"Alright, let's go into the future." Angel said before a white flash made the room evaporate and in an instant, we were standing in the living room of a large house with open windows as walls. All the furniture was white and extremely clean. This was the Cullens's house. Emmett, Rosalie, Carlisle and Esme were in the living room, heads bent down so low I couldn't tell the emotions on their faces. Well, they didn't seem to notice I was here since none of them lifted their heads to face me.

"Why come here first?" I said sadly.

"This is where we should start. Besides, we're ghosts here. No one can see us."

"You sure?"

"You'll see…" Angel said as Alice came in the room with an emotionless expression. Jasper held her hand as they approached the rest of the Cullens. But only one person was missing… Edward.

"How is he?" Esme asked as Carlisle placed an arm around her. Alice sat down on the white couch next to Rose. Now I could see their faces. They were sad, almost in a depression stage.

"He won't come out of his room. And he won't dare go past Jules's room." Alice explained lifelessly as she squeezed Jasper's hand. They were really upset. Had my death made them this depressed?

"I'll try talking to him." Esme started getting up and looked at her children carefully. They were all in a state of melancholy and it showed plainly on their faces.

"I can't believe she's actually gone…" Rose said as Alice dry sobbed into a handkerchief in her hand. This couldn't happen like this… All this sadness was probably making Jasper feel nauseous.

"We all have trouble dealing with this. Especially Edward." Carlisle said lifelessly. Carlisle, the man who saw people die right in front of him in the hospital, was going into a depression because of my death.

"He can't stand the fact that she died. He just wants to be alone, like before." Before? What did Alice mean when she said 'before'? "Before Jules came into the picture, he was miserable. Now, he's back into that state."

"I'll try talking to him. Maybe it'll help." Esme tried to place a smile on her face, but it only turned into a grimace.

"I tried. He just won't talk to anyone."

"A mother knows how to get their children to talk." Esme said as she headed towards the staircase. Alice and Rose started dry-sobbing and it made me feel guilty. Guilty that I died and I placed this misery in their perfect family. I figured I might as well follow Esme and see what Edward would say. He was the one I wanted to hear more than anything in the world. I wanted to hear his voice.

Esme approached her son's locked door and knocked three times. She put her ear to the door, trying to hear what was going on inside. No sound. "Edward? Can I talk to you?" She asked softly.

"Leave me alone." His velvety voice said. It sounded painful. I had to see him.

"You can go through to his room, you know." Angel said.

"How?"

"Oh, just get in there." She said as she pushed me through Esme and the door. Next thing I knew, I was stumbling in Edward's room. Edward had his back to me and was facing the open door leading to the woods. It was raining heavily outside. One of his hands was pushed on the glass. He looked miserable.

"Please Edward, let me in. I just want to try and talk to you." She pleaded. Edward turned slightly and faced me. He looked so sad. It pained me to see him this way. He walked towards me and went right through me to unlock and open the door. He walked right back through me and returned to face the window as Esme came in the room and closed the door behind her. "How are you?" She asked as she started to approach him. I didn't want anyone else going through me so; I stepped aside and let her go to Edward.

"I can't live without her." He admitted painfully.

"I know you're hurting more than any of us can imagine, but you have to let out your pain sometime. You can't keep this all bottled up and live like this. Jules would have wanted you to be happy, not the other way around." She placed a beautiful hand on his shoulder. She was trying to soothe him.

"The fact that she died, it's killing me. Just let me go to them!" He now faced Esme with a heartbreaking expression. "Let them finish me off! I can't live without Jules by my side." Who was he talking about? And I hope Edward didn't mean to kill himself just because I died.

"You know Jules wouldn't want you to kill yourself just for her sake. She even told you to find happiness again if she died. We don't want to lose you too." Esme said as she cupped his cheek.

"Esme, before Jules, you saw how miserable I was! I wasn't whole. Something was missing inside of me. But when I met her, I was caught. She caught me in her loving personality and beauty that I couldn't help but get to know her. When I touched her beautifully warm skin, I felt safe. When I kissed her, I felt sparks. Whatever I did to have such a lovely woman fall in love with me, I'm grateful. Whenever I'm around her, I feel whole. But now that she's gone, I feel nothing. I'm broken into so many pieces that I can't be put back together." He explained, pacing around his room. It was incredible what he said about me but his attitude… this wasn't like him. Even in this hell, he wanted to be with me.

"Edward, I know you're upset. But no one can keep living like this. And I know that if Jules was still alive right now, she'd want you to live happily." Esme said as she gave her son a loving embrace.

"The only thing I'm happy about is that the monster that killed her is dead as well." He said. Unfortunately, I didn't hear him very well since Esme's hair covered his face.

"She's happier where she is now." Esme said, her voice muffled with her sobbing.

Suddenly, I heard something I thought I would never hear from Edward. He was crying. Not sobs, actual crying. There were tears flowing from his perfect golden eyes. I thought vampires couldn't cry. Maybe my death affected something in him that can make him cry. I wanted so badly to wipe those tears away from his beautiful face. "I miss her so much." He said sadly. I wanted to cry as well, but no tears came to me. Maybe ghosts like me couldn't cry at all.

Angel put her hand on my shoulder and said softly: "It's time to go." I looked at her desperately. All I could do was look at my Edward. I closed my eyes and nodded.

"Where are we going this time?"

"Your father's." Great, the last place I wanted to go. I bet he just sits on the couch watching TV.

"Alright…" Then, a white flash made Edward's room evaporate and I was now in my living room. It was dark, no lights were lit, the only light coming from the TV. It was dark outside. I don't get it… We were just at the Cullens and it was raining. Now, it's night. Freaky.

I looked closely into the living room. Henry was watching TV on the couch with a can of Diet Pepsi in his hand. I knew it… He didn't care.

"Why are we here? He obviously doesn't care if I died. I never had a relationship with my father. It was like I never existed to him after Jeremy died." I explained. It was true. I mean, look at the guy! He obviously had no heart.

"I think you're wrong on that part." Angel said.

"And why is that?"

"Look at the television." Angel said as she pointed to the television behind me. There was no sound coming from the television. I turned around and saw that Henry was watching a volleyball game. Usually, he watched football, basketball or baseball games.

"So he's watching a volleyball game. What does that have to do with him having a heart and caring about someone else?" I replied impatiently.

"Oh, just look closely!" Man, she was snippy! And she was getting on my nerves. I did what she said and looked closely at the screen. It was one of my games. I was playing with my school team from Seattle. But… why was he watching this? I looked closely at Henry and I could see fresh tears on his face. Incredible… Henry never cried. A few seconds later, he closed the TV and started crying loudly. He took the family picture on the table between his hands and cried on it. He held it close to his chest, hoping that the pain would just evaporate by crying it out. But that didn't work very well. He grabbed a box of Kleenexes and started mumbling as he cried.

"Jules… I'm sorry… I'm so sorry… I wished we could have done more together…" He said between sobs. He actually cared about me…

"There isn't much to see here." Angel said.

"I saw all I needed to see from Henry. Where do we go now?" I asked as I looked away from the crying man in front of me. This wasn't the father that raised me. He was… different.

"Our last destination. Your mother's." She said before a white flash appeared and Henry evaporated, leaving his cries in the air for a long time.

In a mere second, we were standing in my mother's room. I could see my mother crying endless tears into Lou's jacket on their bed. They were still wearing black. I guess they were in mourning. Mom was holding a picture of me. Great, she was holding a terrible school picture of me. Was everyone holding pictures of me these days?

"I can't believe my babies are all gone…" Mom said as she kept crying into Lou's shirt.

"I'm sorry honey." He said soothingly as he made circles into her back to try and get her to stop crying. Mom stopped crying into his shirt and decided to lie back against the pillows. By the looks of her, she had been crying for ages.

"I always thought I would get to see my daughter graduate. But now… I don't even have that!" She said as she placed the frame on her chest and cried even more. My mother was a mess now. And it was all because I died. As my mother cried, I saw Lou carefully and he was crying as well. It was the first time I saw my step-father cry.

"In this scene, how long had I died?" I asked Angel. Maybe she could help me understand why my mother was crying this hard.

"About four days. The funeral had ended today and they placed you in the cemetery next to your brothers." Angel explained.

"Oh… So this is why she's dressing in black. I just figured she was in mourning." I said. I might as well say what I think. I can do it easily with Edward, since he can't read my mind, but with Angel, it's a little trickier.

"Oh, they are. After this, your mother will be crying for days on end. That woman can cry!" Angel said. I heard the humor in her voice and it made me chuckle softly.

"That's my mother for you." I said. But I had just remembered something important. I turned to face Angel abruptly. "But what about my friends? Like Sam or Maggy and Austin?"

"They're all the same. They mostly mourn your death but Sam cries every so often. She's the one who cared for you the most, between your friends." She explained. I wasn't surprised. Sam and I were extremely close, although we didn't have any time to bond together during the summer, we would catch it up during the school year.

"Alright… do we have to stop anywhere else?" I asked tiredly. All of these scenes were making me tired. I didn't feel like seeing anyone else cry because of this but, if we had to, I would endure it.

"Not really. Unless you would like to go somewhere else." Angel said.

"Well, I wanted to see what it would have been like if I had died from different perspectives and I saw what I wanted to see. So, what do we do now?" I said with a long sigh.

"You have to make your choice. If we wait any longer, the Angel of Death will have won. Now, our jobs as Angels of Destiny, we intend to prevent the Angel of Death to win. Since it's not your time to pass on, we are giving you another chance. So, are you ready to make your decision?" Angel asked.

I took in a deep breath and sighed. "Yes. I've made my decision." Suddenly, a white flash appeared again and in an instant, we were in the white room again. I was in front of the door and Angel was next to me, waiting for something.

"Alright, what is your decision?" She asked.

"I want to live."

"Alright. It is settled. When you step through that door, your decision will bring you back to your original state. The Cullens are now trying to bring you back to life using CPR, but with no success. When you wake up, you'll be with them. Now, I hope we don't see each other anytime soon. You just gave me a headache." She said as she rubbed her forehead with one hand and snapped her fingers with the other one.

The door opened by its own and through the door frame was my body, drenched in water. My eyes were closed and Carlisle was trying to give me mouth to mouth. Everyone was around me and tried to get the water out of my clothes but it was still raining. Since I wasn't exactly dead, the Angel of Death wasn't around to get me. Well, not yet anyway. "JULIETTE ELIZABETH SHRIKE! Don't you dare die on me!" I heard Edward say loudly and angrily.

"I really hope we don't have to go through this again. Thanks Angel. Although, I do have one question that's been on my mind." I said as I looked her straight in the eyes.

"Just make it quick before Death knocks at your door." She said as she pointed to the open door.

"How many Angels of Destiny are there in the world?" I asked. When Frederic told me his story, he mentioned a 'he' Angel of Destiny. And now, I'm facing a 'she' Angel of Destiny.

"For every person on this planet, there is one Angel of Destiny. It can be a he or a she, depending on the gender." Makes sense. I mean, it would be pretty uncomfortable to be talking to a man about all of these problems.

"Thanks Angel. That answers my question perfectly. I hope that I won't be bumping into you anytime soon." I said as I closed my eyes and stepped through the doorway and the white flash shown again. The last thing I remembered was going into a deep sleep.

I didn't feel much when I stepped through that door but it felt nice. Just like when I 'died'. You could say I was more in a limbo, the place between life and death. I was just lying there, eyes closed and unconscious. But the next time I woke up, I was coughing.

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