Chapter 28

Marian hugged her sister hard to her as she felt her trembling body pressed to hers. She didn´t know what caused her sister to react that way but she felt that something was terribly wrong, and she somehow felt that something happened to Sebastian.

"Bethany, what´s wrong?" She asked her, her voice husky and frightened as Bethany broke the hug to look at her. She didn´t know how to tell her that her Sebastian was not here in the castle.

"Oh Marian, I…" She turned her head away from her as she closed her eyes to gather her thoughts. Her hands rested on Marian´s shoulder, she felt Bethany´s hands shaking as she tried to figure out what´s going on. She took her sisters chin and forced her to look at her as she demanded her answer.

"Where is Sebastian?!" Marian demanded to know and Bethany´s heart sunk into oblivion.

"Marian, I..."

"Where is my husband?!" She yelled at her, Bethany felt even more sad and scared for her sister, but she also knew she had to tell her.

"I don´t know..." Bethany´s voice was a mere whisper, and the moment she said that Marian pushed her aside so she could leave the bed, fear and despair overwhelming her as she recalled Bethany´s words; she doesn´t know where Sebastian is. She stumbled a few times as she walked towards the doors but Bethany came to her, trying hard to drag her sister back into the bed. Marian shook off her grip and shot Bethany a angry glare before she turned and left the room. Marian almost ran through the castle as she searched for Sebastian, the pain in her belly returning again but she didn´t care.

She walked to his study, to his previous bedroom, even to the kitchen and baths. Suddenly she felt a cold shudder running down her spine as she thought that he could have taken a horse and galloped away, at this hour. She breathed heavily, fighting for air as she placed her hand across her chest in hope to calm her breathing, but it just made it worse. Then Marian remembered she hadn´t searched in the gardens so she hastily made her way there, hoping that she will find him. Bethany ran after her sister but she didn´t even dare to speak to her as she watched over her in case she fell.

They made their way there fast, all Marian could think about was him, his warm and soft arms embracing her as they lied on the bed, his hot and soft kisses on her body, his lips pressed softly against hers...she shook her head as her vision blurred from her unshed tears, her heart threatened to explode from the ache she felt right now. She blamed herself for her stupidity and recklessness. Yes, she admitted to herself, I am reckless, I ate something I don´t know from whom I got it and I yelled at the one person that would give his life for me. She scolded herself mentally for being a bitch and the only thing she hoped for was seeing him here...

The doors to the gardens fell open and she hurried inside only to see the wide emptiness of the place, no one was here, except her. She walked further in, her heart aching as she sobbed aloud a few times, before she fell on her knees unable to bear such burden. She shook her head before she stood up, feeling defeated and helpless and silently begging the Maker to take her away from this life she was leading. She blinked a few times to clear her vision when suddenly, she spotted the doors to the small chapel open and a dim light going out from there. She wiped her tears away as she slowly started to walk towards the chapel, although she didn´t know why she thought that Sebastian would be there. He hadn´t prayed since the Chantry´s destruction, so he told her. He just couldn´t force himself to pray anymore, he felt abandoned and alone.

She breathed deeply as she came closer to the chapel door, her heart beating heavily in her chest as she finally came to the slightly open door. She couldn´t see inside so she pushed the door a little more open, she inhaled sharply when she saw Sebastian, kneeling in front of Andrastes statue with folded arms and his head lowered. She heard him murmuring the chant, and she didn´t realized she was smiling. She turned her head towards Bethany and nodded, Bethany couldn´t help but smile as relief washed over her, she saw her sister entering the chapel and she deeply hoped they would clear this little argument. She turned and walked away, a smile still on her face as she walked back to her bedroom, the day wore her out and she couldn´t wait to lay down in her soft bed.

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Marian walked slowly and carefully towards Sebastian, as if she was walking towards a wild scared animal. The smile never left her face as his voice became clearer, with every step she took closer to him she could hear the sweet words that escaped his lips, just like in the Kirkwall Chantry when he was leading a sermon. She stopped and closed her eyes for a moment when she remembered him standing at the altar in front of Andrastes statue reading from the Book of Creations, his blue eyes darting through the lines of the book before he looked at the faithful flock. She remembered him always smiling down at her when he saw her in the crowd, her heart beating faster the moment he spotted her. Now he was praying again, but not out of devotion to the Maker and Andraste, but out of fear. He feared for the well-being of his family and that was why he was praying.

That thought made her sad and she took a few more steps towards him, stopping right behind him. She heard his trembling voice and she knew that he was crying, or that he cried earlier. Without thinking she fell down on her knees and hugged him from behind. Sebastian turned, startled by the sudden hug but his heart calmed as he saw her, and quickly he chased away his tears.

"Marian? What are you doing here?" She lifted her head and blinked rapidly at him, not able to suppress her tears as relief washed over her.

"Sebastian Vael, don´t you ever walk away from me again! I almost died when I couldn´t find you anywhere!" She buried her face in his shoulder as she cried, he tightened his hug around her as he slowly rocked them back and forth.

"Shh, Marian... I am here." He soothed her hair, her soft lavender scent clouding his mind and filling his nose. He broke the hug and gently pushed her back to look at her wet and sad face.

"You thought I left?"

"I thought you galloped off through the city or to the forest. Please Sebastian don´t do this ever again." She begged him as he cupped her face leaning his forehead on hers.

"I promise leannan, never again." Then he kissed her forehead and she couldn´t help but smile as she felt his soft lips.

"I am sorry Sebastian, for yelling at you. And I promise to be more careful from now on." He stroked her cheeks with his thumbs as he smiled at her.

"Please leannan, for the sake of our child, and yours. I can´t bare the thought of you sick." She smiled at him as she placed her palm on his face.

"You are not angry at me?" He smiled at her as he gazed deep into her eyes.

"How could I ever be angry at you? I can be angry at the Maker..." They both chuckled before he continued.

"...but at you? Never. My heart beats only for you, and only you."

"I am wondering if that love of yours will ever fade with time?" She asked him chuckling but he gladly answered her.

"My love for you can only grow Marian. Eternity itself would never extinguish my love towards you. I am yours, now and til the end of times." She smiled as two tears made their way down her face. He took her hand in his and kissed her knuckles, placing feather like kisses on her hand, she blushed as she felt his hot lips pressed on her soft and delicate skin. He lifted his head, gazing deep into her eyes, feeling as if her body melted away from his intense gaze, and Maker did you have to make his smile so beautiful?

"How are you feeling?"

"Good, I ate a little before I send Bethany to look for you." He blinked at her confused.

"You send her to look for me?"

"Yes, I wanted to apologize."

"For what?"

"I didn't want to yell at you." He smiled as he took her hands, lifting her from the cold floor. He guided her to the nearby bench before he sat down next to her, still holding her hand in his. He removed the hair from her face as his eyes gazed deep into hers, suddenly she wasn't angry at him anymore. Maker I can never be angry at that man for too long.

"Leannan, I am sorry for reacting the way I did, but it made me furious to think that someone poisoned you on purpose." She placed her palm on his face, he leaned into her touch.

"Whoever did this has no guts to confront us personally. We have to be careful though, we never know when he could strike again." Sebastian smiled at her, how much he loved this woman. Thank you sweet Andraste, for bringing her into my life. He took her hand from his face and brought it to his lips gently kissing her knuckles. She blushed again as he never seemed to stop.

"Sebastian, stop it, you are spoiling me." She couldn't help but giggle, he found out that this is the sweetest sound he ever heard.

"I would do anything to hear that sweet sound of yours." He kissed the inside of her hand now and her mouth slightly opened as she felt his hot kisses. He trailed the kisses up to her upper arm and he stopped just before he reached her shoulder, he saw her closed eyes and he had to chuckle as he saw her open them.

"Why did you stop?" He eyed her before he leaned closer to her, his hot breath tickling the skin on her face.

"You are in no condition Marian." He leaned away from her but he already awoke the beast within her. She pushed him back on the bench as he tried to get up, she slowly fell to her knees before him, her eyes dark with lust. His eyes widened with surprise and lust as he saw what she was trying to do.

"Marian we are at the chapel, for Maker's sake!" But he didn't resist and that drove her on. He leaned his back on the bench as he spread his arms ranking his fingers in his ha. He watched her unbuckle his belt as his breathing sped up.

"Maker Marian you are crazy!" He said as she opened his pants and brought his already hard and pulsing lenght out. She smiled wickedly at him before she darted her tongue out to lick him, he shuddered from the soft touch of her tongue on him and he couldn't resist her, even if he wanted to. He didn't care if someone would enter right now, all that mattered was her soft and warm mouth around him, and Maker how she flicks her tongue... He was lost in his pleasure, much to Hawke's liking. She could hear his uneven breathing as she intentionally sped up, his head fell back but his hands were still ranked in his hair, slightly pulling it. His eyes fell shut as he enjoyed her, he knew that they would be lucky if nobody enters the chapel now, but when he thought about it, he didn´t care. His hands came to his sides then, her head bumping up and down his long shaft. He brought his hand to her hair and gently he pushed her down until she devoured him completely, the thought of him filling her mouth completely almost made him come, but he was able to resist somehow. He released her hair and she lifted her head to gasp for air as her hand stroked him, he cupped her face and leaned down to her as he stroked her cheeks with his thumbs.

"That´s my wife." She flicked her tongue out to lick his cock and he shuddered again before she sucked him off. He fell back onto the bench as she did her work, and soon he couldn´t hold it anymore and his release exploded into her mouth. He had a hard time not to moan or groan from the intense orgasm so no one could hear them. She lifted her head and a small amout of his seed dripped from her mouth, she slowly washed it away with her thumb as she watched him, before she put her thumb in her mouth and gently sucked it off. He watched her with his predatory look on his face as he closed his belt buckle and pants, she lifted and sat next to him as he placed his hand around her shoulder. He looked around to make sure no one saw them before he turned back to her.

"You are so wicked."

"Oh yes, I think you have to punish me." He leaned closer to her ear before he spoke to her.

"Do you want me to…lick you off?" She shuddered at his words and he was pleased with her reaction.

"Oh yes." She moaned as he licked her earlobe.

"Then follow me." She watched him as he grabbed her hand and led them outside. She was so excited, she missed the wild side of Sebastian and she wondered where he led them because they weren´t going to the castle.

"Where are we going Sebastian?" She asked him as they walked to a small part of the gardens where no on could see them from the castle, it was well hidden between the trees. Marian looked around, wondering about this place but her thoughts were soon interrupted as Sebastian grabbed her hand and brought her down on the ground. She giggled as he leaned her on the tree behind her and she couldn´t help but blush as he lifted her dress and kissed the inside of her knee.

"Sebatsian what are you doing?" He smiled wickedly at her as he trailed kisses towards her thigh, her smile died as she realized what he wanted.

"Sebastian, Maker not here."

"And you could back in the chapel?" He came to her center and he pushed her underwear aside before he plunged his head between her folds. She gasped and moaned as she felt his hot and wet tongue gliding through her folds, causing her body to tremble with every touch, every lick of his tongue. Her head fell back on the tree, her breathing fast and uneven as he brought her closer to the edge. He lifted his head to take a deep breath before he plunged back, his tongue was inside her now and his nose touched her clit. Suddenly he grabbed her hips and brought her closer to his face, her center now better exposed to him and she could see him smiling at her, his face inches away from her hot and wet center.

"Do you know how much I love to lick you off like this?" Then he licked her sex in one long stroke and she trembled from his perfectly placed licks and kisses. She was close, he knew it but he wanted to torture her a little before she could finish. He came up to her and kissed her passionately, her taste still fresh on his mouth as his tongue glided deep into her mouth. She moaned, her hands ranked in his hair bringing him closer to her as his hands roamed her body. He forgot where they were and that she was in no condition for sex, so he forced himself to break the kiss. She gave him a disapproving look as he lowered himself to her center again, his eyes looking deep into hers before he plunged his head between her thighs. His tongue was amazing, hitting every spot in the right time and bringing her closer and closer to the edge. Her hand fell in his hair and pushed him deeper, he smiled and he gladly obeyed, plunging his entire face into her. He shook his head fast as he spread her thighs with his hands granting him even better access. He moved his entire face as his tongue hit the bundle of nerves inside her, the sensation was just too much to bear any longer and she came. He lowered his speed but he didn't stop, her body turning into a bundle of nerves as he hit the sensitive flesh. She bucked up her hips and he stopped, moving his hand across his face to clean it from her juices. He breathed deeply as he watched her coming back to normal, his hands still on her thighs as she opened her eyes to look at him.

"Maker how can you hold your breath for so long?" He smiled at her as he settled her dress back.

"Years of practice." She laughed at that before she realized what he said, he saw her smile dying and he knew what she thought about.

"Marian..." He took her hand in his as he tried to apologize, but she stood up before he could say something.

"No, it's fine. You WERE like that, and I guess it's a good thing you have this period of your life behind you." He smiled as he stood up and cupped her face, the worry clearly written on it.

"Leannan, there is nothing on this world that would take me away from you. I love you."

"And I love you, but Sebastian really? In the garden?" He quirked up his eyebrows as he watched her confused.

"You harassed me in the chapel! What do you think is worse?" She punched his shoulder as he laughed, the punch was a little harder so he stopped laughing. Marian smiled as she came to him and kissed the spot where she hit him and he couldn't help but grin at her.

"Sorry, didn't want to punch you so hard."

"You think I am so weak?" He asked her chuckling and she couldn't help but smile.

"No, of course not. You are my strong and fearless prince, right? You will protect me from every evil witch there is outside?" She was teasing him, but in her eyes he could see the plea behind these words. In a flash he remembered Bethany's words 'she needs someone to be strong for her'. He hugged her waist and pressed her to his body, her giggle died as she saw his intense blue eyes staring at her and she wondered what she said to make him look at her like that.

"Yes Marian, I will protect you and I will help you carry any burden you carry around." Her smile died as she heard these words from him. Never had someone told her to carry her burden's with her, never had she felt so relieved before, only Sebastian made her feel this way, only Sebastian made her feel safe and protected. Her vision blurred from unshed tears as she leaned her head on his chest, the tears slowly starting to wet his shirt. He knew what her darkest secret was, and he would wait for her to tell him, he would not force her. She broke the hug and washed her tears away before she grabbed his hand and led them to a small bench near them. They sat down, he watched her silently as she regained back her normal breathing before she could talk.

"No one ever said that to me before, except my father, but when he died I felt alone. No matter how hard I try to forget this bloody evening I still see the Templars in my minds eye, I see my father lying on the ground and...and..." He hugged her and she couldn't hold the tears anymore. She trembled and sobbed, Sebastian's heart was torn apart as he saw her like that. Losing your family is hard enough but watching your family getting killed, is a whole different story. He soothed her hair and upper back as she cried and cried, his strong and protective hands wrapped around her giving her comfort and happiness in her miserable memories. She broke the hug after a while, she couldn't look into his eyes though, afraid she would lose her self control again.

"I was thirteen, my father and I took a walk around Lothering. We were looking for mushroom's, you know. Mother wanted to make mushroom soup so she sent us to look for some. It was getting late and my father lightened our path with some lighting magic, but then a bunch of Templars spotted us and a while later they ambushed us. My father was a powerful mage you know..." She looked at the grass before her, he could see her lower lip trembling but he decided not to say anything. He wanted to hear everything from her.

"Even though they used their powers to drain him out he still managed to kill a few of them. He screamed at me to run away, and that's what I did, but then I heard him screaming and I stopped. I turned around and saw them digging their swords in him and I screamed 'father, father' but he used the little force magic he had to push me far away from them. When I hit the ground I fell unconscious, only later I woke up in my mother's arms at home, everyone was crying. Then I remembered what happened and...I blame myself you know."

"Marian, how can you blame yourself? You were a child." He tried to comfort her but she just smiled bitterly, still avoiding his gaze.

"I still can't forget the day. And I probably never will." Then Sebastian remembered something his grandfather told him and he had to share it with her.

"Marian, the dead live on through our memory and our hearts, but if we forget them, then they are truly dead. If no one remembers them they have no need to exist anymore." She then locked her eyes with his, he brought up his hand and leaned his palm on her face.

"Marian, don't ever forget your father, or your mother and Carver. They watch over you and little one, I am sure of it." She smiled then, her heart fluttering as she gazed deep into his blue and honest eyes. Here she found refuge, in his arms and eyes, here she was safe and content and she wouldn't be happier anywhere else.

"Sebastian...there is nowhere I would rather be." He smiled then, he removed the hair from her face as he studied her face.

"We will be fine Marian. We will have a happy life." He hugged her then, her small and soft hands wrapped around him as he prayed to the Maker that they could have a happy and peaceful life after the bloody war.

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A week until the war...

Aleksandra came to Starkhaven with Ibrahim on her side. Her father was still on the way with his army but he would arrive in a day or two. Sebastian wrote to Aleksandra a week ago telling her it would be best if she would come and bring Marian to Antiva until this is over. He hadn't the strength to tell her, he knew that would break her but he had no choice. Marian didn't even knew that Aleksandra is here so he stood here alone, waiting for Aleksandra to get out of the carriage to greet her. Aleksandra spotted Sebastian and walked over to him before they hugged each other. Aleksandra broke the friendly hug to look at him, and she was startled to see how much he aged over the past week's, how much his tired eyes gave him away. She smiled weakly at him before she spoke, her own voice choking her as it seems.

"Where is Marian?" Sebastian looked at the ground, unable to look into Aleksandra's eyes. She watched him closely, then she realized from his behavior that he didn't tell her. She closed her eyes for a moment to regain her thoughts before she whispered to him.

"You haven't told her?" Sebastian shook his head, still unable to look at her. Aleksandra placed a hand on his shoulder to comfort him before she looked over her shoulder to Ibrahim.

"Take just what is necessary Ibrahim, we are leaving tomorrow." Ibrahim bowed and walked back to the carriage, Aleksandra took Sebastian's hand and led them inside the castle, his heart sinking into oblivion. She knew how her childhood friend felt right now and she prayed that Marian would understand them. They spotted Olga in the hallway and they called for her, she came to them and bowed.

"Where is the princess?" Aleksandra asked her and Sebastian felt even more sick.

"In the study Sultana, she is checking the law books." Aleksandra nodded to her before they walked to the study, Sebastian's body was tense and he felt sick in his stomach but he had to send her away, for her own safety, even if it meant she would hate him for the rest of their life. He hadn't even realized Aleksandra knocking on her door and he grabbed her hand, startled and afraid, before he whispered to her.

"Let me talk to her." Aleksandra eyed him suspiciously as they heard a `come in´ behind the door. Sebastian took a deep breath before he and Aleksandra entered the study. Marian smiled at Sebastian but when she spotted Aleksandra she laughed and ran to her to hug her. She broke the hug and saw her concerned face, she looked at Sebastian and saw the same concerned look on his face.

"What's going on?" She looked at Sebastian then back at Aleksandra, then back to Sebastian. Aleksandra smiled weakly at her before she took her hand and guided her to the large couch, they sat down and Aleksandra took a deep breath before she started to speak.

"I came here because Sebastian called me, but I am not staying for too long. I will leave tomorrow." Marian eyed her confused and sad, then she looked back at Sebastian and she saw his glassy eyes staring at the floor, his one hand leaned to the wall. Marian wanted to ask him what is going on but Aleksandra interrupted her.

"Sebastian has something to tell you." Marian turned her head back at Sebastian, he lifted his head but he avoided her gaze.

"Sebastian what's going on?" She saw him closing his eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath before he looked at her.

"Marian, love, as you know the divines armies are a week's journey away from Starkhaven. The Sultan and Alistair are on their ways, but the reason why I called for Aleksandra is..." He came closer to her and knelt down next to her taking her hand in his as he swallowed hard.

"I want you to go to Antiva with her until this is over." Marian blinked at him, her brain not believing the words she heard. She narrowed her eyes at him and took her hand back from his as she started to shake her head.

"No...no I won't!"

"Marian..."

"NO! I WON'T GO!" She stood up and paced the study, Sebastian and Aleksandra eyed each other before she stood up and grabbed Marian's wrist.

"Marian it is too dangerous for you to stay here. Please understand..."

"NO!" She shook of Aleksandra's grip and fell on her knees, her face cradled in her palms as she cried. Sebastian came and knelt down next to her as he hugged her.

"Leave us Aleksandra." He soothed her hair as Aleksandra made her way out of the study. It broke her heart to see her like this, but she had to leave in case Justinia enters the city. Sebastian held her tight to him as he felt her body shaking, his body also shook but he had to be strong, for her. He broke the hug and cupped her face to make her look at him.

"Marian, please listen to me."

"No Sebastian, I can't leave you, please." She hid her face in his shoulder and he had a hard time to suppress his own tears. His heart broke at the thought of her leaving him alone, if even for a few days, weeks...he wasn't sure if he would see her ever again and that made the lump in his throat even bigger. He didn't want her to leave either, but it was for her safety and for the safety of their unborn child, he couldn't allow himself to be selfish and risk everything.

"Marian please, please love it's for your own good." Then she lifted her head and he almost died at the expression she wore.

"Sebastian...but what if I lose you? I can't, I...if you die here I want to die with you. Please Sebastian..."

"Marian, you won't lose me. As soon as this is over I will come for you, and then we will live a happy and peaceful life."

"Sebastian..." She chocked out as she hugged him, and then his tears fell as well. He hugged her hard to him as he kissed her forehead, her cheeks and finally her lips. She sobbed and her entire body shook because of the fear she felt, she was afraid that this were the last moment's with him, and that thought broke her. She cried out a few times as they sat on the floor, his heart hammering wildly in his chest as he breathed in her scent. He smiled then, his mind showing images of her smile, her laugh, her lips...he broke the hug and cupped her face, her eyes red and her face wet from her crying. He stroked her cheeks with his thumbs wiping her tears away as he smiled at her.

"My Marian...do you remember the first time we met?" She blinked at him confused before she smiled.

"Of course...you were at the Chantry, standing near the Chantry doors in deep thought."

"You came to me and told me that my families death is avenged, that you took care of the Flint company. Do you remeber the awkward silence after that?" She leaned her ear on his chest where she could hear his heartbeat.

"Yes, we both stared at each other until Varric broke the silence, saying 'hey Hawke I know you like the Chantry but we gotta go'. Then I hastily left with the others, Maker I never blushed like that before." He smiled as he played with the locks of her hair.

"And now I can admit that I stared at your lovely shaped arse while you walked away. I am guilty." She lifted her head and looked at him with surprise written on her face.

"Brother Vael did that?" She teased him and he couldn't help but blush.

"Aye, and I admit that I prayed to Andraste for many hours after that." She chuckled and he knew he would miss her.

"Well I have to admit that I also stared at your lovely shaped arse, especially when you walked in front of me." Then a smirk crossed his face.

"I know you stared." She lifted her head, surprise written on her face.

"Varric told me." She blushed and lowered her head in shame, Sebastian gently took her chin and forced her to look at him.

"Would you hate me if I told you that I walked in front of you on purpose, after Varric told me?" She smiled at him.

"No, because I did the same, after Isabella told me you stared at mine." He shook his head, clealry annoyed from the pirate as Marian giggled.

"So we are both guilty then?" He asked her and she laughed.

"Yes, we are even." They both laughed now, until they suddenly stopped. Sebastian watched the features of her face, memorizing every little detail on her face, every little freckle she had. She did the same, her eyes wandering on his face, memorizing his cheek bones, his eyes, his lips...she stroked his face with her palm and he leaned into her touch.

"Sebastian?" He took her hand from his face and kissed her knuckles.

"Yes love?" He stopped kissing her and gazed deep into her eyes.

"I will go to Antiva, and I will await you there. After this I want you to come for me. Do you promise?" He watched her face for a while and smiled.

"Yes, I promise I will come for you as soon as this is over." Then they kissed each other, a lone tear escaping Marian as she kissed him back. He broke the kiss and cupped her face.

"Leannan, go and pack your things. You don't have much time." She nodded to him and sniffed, her heart and mind torn to pieces as she stood up. Sebastian stood up as well as he still held her hand. They watched each other like this, no one wanting to break the eye contact. He looked into her sad and frightened eyes and he had to tell her something, anything.

"I love you Marian. And I promise you that nothing will happen to us." She smiled at him before they both walked away, she went to pack her things and he to Fenris to see if everything is indeed ready.

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Aleksandra walked through the castle with Ibrahim, both of them tense and frightened. Ibrahim won't stay at the war with her father, he will go back with Aleksandra and watch over her and Marian. Aleksandra was relieved to hear that Ibrahim stays with her but it hurt her to know that her father has to lead on the army. She didn't even want to switch position with Marian, she wouldn't know what to do if her husband would go to war. Aleksandra was in deep thought, her mind playing every worst possible scenario as suddenly she spotted Isabella and Varric walking towards them. Aleksandra forced a smile on her face as she approached them, Isabella and Varric bowed to her as she smiled at them.

"Lady Isabella, Sir Varric, I hope you are well?" She asked them and Varric smiled at her.

"Fine, Sultana, as much as the situation allows." Aleksandra's smile died as she lowered her head and stared at the floor.

"These are hard times indeed. We can only hope that we win." All of them silenced for a while, everyone thinking about the war before Ibrahim decided to break the silence.

"Lady Isabella, had you any use of my contacts?" She rolled her eyes before she answered him.

"We investigated every possible source but we are at a dead end right now. No one seems to know anything." Aleksandra shook her head frustrated before she looked at Isabella.

"So nobody knows anything? Not even a guess as to who could be behind it?" Varric rubbed his jaw, his mind in deep thought before he spoke.

"Well there are many who wish to kill our Hawke. She is target of many furious noble daughters who wish to be princess as well, but I don't think anyone of them would be stupid enough to try and poison her." Isabella readjusted from one leg to the other as she looked at Varric.

"We all know that, but that doesn't give us a lead. Anyway, we found nothing. It seems that this package came from outside the city." Aleksandra still looked at he floor, her eyes narrowed and her mind in deep thought.

"And that means she has enemies outside the city." Aleksandra stated but Varric shook his head.

"But nobody knows Hawke too good to poison her. I doubt that she was the target." Everyone watched him confused, but Ibrahim understood what he wanted to say.

"You think that someone wanted to poison the prince?" Aleksandra turned to him, her eyes wide with disbelief. She narrowed her eyes at him as she came a little closer to him.

"What are you saying Ibrahim?" She asked him in a slightly raise tone in her voice.

"Sultana, it could be that the package was misplaced, intstead of giving it to the Prince, he or she placed it on the Princess table." Aleksandra turned to Varric and Isabella, both wore a worried expression on their faces, though Varric doubted that someone would poison the prince.

"As far as I know, Choir boy does not have any potential enemies, everyone respects him after what happened with Malone." Aleksandra closed her eyes, she had a guess as to who could've poisoned the prince but she didn't dare to say it outloud.

"Varric?" He broke his thoughts as he heard the Sultana calling him.

"Yes?"

"Do you know a noble in Rivain, his name is Richard?" Varric darted his eyes around as he thought about the name.

"No, doesn't ring a bell, but I can find out." Aleksandra let out the breath she was holding.

"Good, I leave tomorrow but Isabella can write to me everything you find out. Marian is also coming with me to Antiva, it is safer for her there then here." Both Varric and Isabella watched her with wide eyes, before Isabella spoke after a long silence.

"So she is really leaving?"

"Well it's the best for her and her kid." Aleksandra nodded to them, her heart heavy with sadness and worry. Suddenly Anya came to them and bowed.

"Sultana, the scout came and said that your father will arive tonight with the army." Aleksandra smiled as she turned to Ibrahim. He smiled at her before she turned and started to leave, Ibrahim right behind her. Varric and Isabella stood there, both in deep thought about what Alexandra told them. They eyed each other before they left to find out who this Richard from Rivain is.

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It was night and all of them stood outside the castle awaiting the Sultan to arrive. He came with a few of his personal guards to the castle, the army was camping outside the city walls for now. The Sultan dismounted his horse and he came towards Sebastian and the others. He stopped before Sebastian and folded his hands behind his back as he overlooked Sebastian and his friends.

"Sebastian, how are you?" Sebastian smiled weakly at him before he nodded.

"As good as the situation allows, Sultan." The Sultan narrowed his eyes at Sebastian, concern and worry written on his face.

"I hope Lady Marian decided to accompany my daughter to Antiva?" Sebastian nodded weakly to him, the big lump in his throat not allowing him to speak. The Sultan knew how he felt, he could see it in those empty, sad and worried eyes of his. The Sultan averted his eyes from Sebastian to his daughter who came towards them, a small smile on her face. She came to her father and hugged him, her heart heavy with sadness but she wouldn't allow herself to cry. She broke the hug and looked up to her father who smiled at his daughter.

"My lovely Sultana." He cupped her face and kissed her forehead, she closed her eyes to enjoy her father's presence as long as she could. Sebastian watched them and he blamed himself for separating a father and his daughter, he lowered his head in shame and regret. The Sultan approached him and placed his hand on Sebastian's shoulder giving him a gentle squeeze. Sebastian lifted his head and looked into the fearsome eyes of the Sultan until they heard someone approaching from behind. Sebastian turned only to see Marian approaching them, a small smile on her face as the Sultan smiled at her.

"Princess Marian, how are you?" Marian smiled weakly as she stopped next to Sebastian, ranking her fingers with his. She felt he was cold, her eyes snapped to his hand and she almost forgot that the Sultan asked her a question. She looked back at the Sultan and she forced a small smile on her face.

"Not so well, Sultan." Sebastian's head snapped to hers, his face stiff with worry as he gave her hand a gentle squeeze. The Sultan watched them, his heart hurting him for seeing Sebastian like this. He looked back at Aleksandra and sighed before he spoke.

"Everything is ready for you and Marian at the palace. You know what you have to do while I am away." Aleksandra nodded to him as she looked at the ground, but the next words shocked her.

"And your cousin Richard will stay with you." Her head snapped at her father, her wide and narrowed eyes looking at her father. Marian felt Sebastian's body stiff and she looked up to him only to see his wide and narrowed eyes looking at the Sultan as well. Aleksandra and Varric eyed each other before she turned back to her father.

"I don't need him father. He can go back to Rivain." Isabella and Varric eyed each other, they remembered Aleksandra mentioning a Richard from Rivain but they didn't know that he is her cousin, and they wondered why she didn't like him. The Sultan's eyes narrowed at his daughter and she knew that he would scold her.

"Aleksandra you need some help with the ruling and that's why I called Richard." He walked past her but she walked after him.

"Father..." He stopped and turned to her, his face stiff with annoyance.

"Aleksandra, no discussion. He stays there while I am here, and let me warn you; I don't want any incidents." He started to walk back into the castle, Aleksandra stood next to Sebastian and Marian, her breathing fast and uneven and her eyes narrowed with anger. Sebastian came closer to her as she turned to him.

"Aleksandra why is he there?!" Marian watched him, confused as to why he is acting like that.

"You heard him, what can I do about that?!" She said annoyed to Sebastian and Marian decided to ask.

"Who is Richard?" Sebastian turned his head to Marian, his face stiff with anger and his eyes narrowed at her, she guessed that he is someone from Sebastian's past, someone he didn't want to see again.

"Someone I don't wish you to meet." He turned his head to Aleksandra again before he barked at her.

"Aleksandra, I want him away from my wife!" Aleksandra turned her head away from him for a moment before she looked back at him.

"He won't get close to her. I will make sure of it." She said to him as Marian came to Sebastian taking his hand in hers, his head snapped to hers and his heart tightened in his chest as he saw her small smile.

"Let's go into the castle, it's getting cold." He nodded to her, he looked one last time at Aleksandra before he and Marian made his way into the castle. Aleksandra stood there, annoyed and angry as Varric and Isabella approached her. Isabella grinned at her as she crossed her hands in front of her chest, Varric leaned his fists on his hips as he stared at the Sultana.

"So, care to tell us who this Richard is?" Aleksandra closed her eyes for a moment before she opened them, looking at both of them.

"He is the least person Sebastian wants around Marian." They slowly started to walk back into the castle as Aleksandra explained to them who her cousin Richard is.

####

Everyone sat in the dining room finishing up their dinner, they were silent for the most part of the evening, everyone concerned and worried about the war. The silence was uncomfortable and Marian glanced at the large table from time to time; everyone was in deep thought, no jokes and stories were told, even Varric was silent. She watched the unfinished meal on her plate, her fingers tapping nervously on the table as her mind became weary. She shook her head before she decided to retreat to her chambers, she stood up and everyone's head turned to her, Sebastian lifted from his chair as he took her hand in his.

"Marian?" His voice was filled with concer and she had to smile to him, his soft blue eyes looking into hers.

"I am just a little weary...it's the baby."

"Let's go to bed then." She placed her hand on his and she smiled.

"Stay here for a while longer can't leave our guests alone." She whispered to him and he wanted to protest but the intimidating look she gave him interrupted him. She bowed to everyone and left, leaving her husband alone with the guests. Sebastian watched her leave, his heart sinking into oblivion as he remembered that he won't see her for a while, and that thought made him sad and angry. He turned back to the meal on his plate but he was unable to eat it. His foot was silently tapping on the floor, his mind and heart heavy with worry and concern about everything. He didn't want to admit to the others, but he was scared as hell. He sat there readjusting on his chair from time to time and soon everyone else noticed the nervous and worried prince. The Sultan took a deep breath before he decided to speak to him, hoping to distract his mind from the problems.

"Have you ever participated in a war Sebastian?" Sebastian's feet stopped tapping as well as his fingers, his eyes locked on his plate before he averted his eyes to the Sultan who watched him with concern written on his face.

"No, but I heard my father talking about it sometimes." Everyone listened to the conversation the prince and the Sultan were having, Sebastian finally settled himself on the chair as the Sultan started to speak.

"War is never easy, Sebastian. I remember when I went to the battlefield alongside your father. We were both young but luckily we outnumbered our enemies. Your father was as young as you right now when I first joined him. I never would've guessed that I would do the same with his son." He drank his wine, Sebastian watched him and wondered were this conversation was heading to.

"But we are ready Sebastian. We will win this." Sebastian lowered his head and closed his eyes as the feeling of guilt and shame washed over him again. His hands turned to fists on the table as he found the courage to speak.

"I am sorry...to all of you." Everyone stopped eating and stared at Sebastian who still had his head lowered and eyes closed. He felt their eyes on him and he slowly lifted his head to look at them, his heart filled with guilt and shame.

"I am sorry for bringing you into this. I know it isn't my right to pull you into my problems, and I thank you for helping me. I really do." Aleksandra's eyes were glassy, Fenris looked at the wine glass before him, Varric and the Sultan stared at Sebastian. Isabella rolled her eyes before she spoke up after a long silence.

"We owe you, Sebastian. At least the three of us do." He watched Isabella confused before she continued, the lump slowly forming in her throat.

"We had nowhere else to go, you could've just abandoned us after you claimed back your throne, but you didn't. You gave us and Hawke a new life and a home, and we are grateful for that." Varric nodded to that before he added.

"Yep, you helped us and we help you as best we can. We owe it to you and to Hawke." Fenris took a sip from his wine before he spoke up.

"Especially to Hawke. She did so many things for us...she helped me to kill Danarius and to settle my life. She taught me what freedom is and she never abandoned me."

"She could've let the Arishok take me but she didn't, she fought for my freedom, she risked her life for me." Isabella stated and Sebastian remembered the time when she helped him.

"She avenged my parents death without even asking for anything in return. Even when I struggled between being a brother of the faith or prince of Starkhaven, she was always there for me, always supporting me in whatever course I would take." His eyes became distant, everyone stared at him as he continued.

"I was such a fool back in Kirkwall, I fell in love with her and I denied my feelings for her for seven years...everything would've been different now had I accepted them before." Everyone was silent, all of them staring at the table as if searching for the answers. Sebastian remembered the time in Kirkwall, when he was the insecure chantry brother struggling between his destiny. He laughed bitterly before he continued, his eyes still distant.

"I prayed to Andraste to clean me from the 'taint', I was such a fool that I didn't realize that she was the sign I prayed for so long." He leaned his face in his hands, his mind screaming at him for acting as he did. He was lucky that she didn't fell in love with someone else, that she silently waited for him to realize his path, his destiny. He lifted his head, his hands folded under his chin as he looked at the room, his heart heavy with regret and fear.

Aleksandra watched him and she couldn't believe how much Sebastian changed, how much he felt for Marian. She averted her eyes to the plate before her, her eyes blinking rapidly as she tried to fight back her tears. Fenris sipped his wine, his mind thinking about the time they spent in Kirkwall and when he first met Hawke. She was always loyal to him and she was his only friend, she taught him what friendship and freedom is. Isabella stared at the table playing with the fork in her hand, she still thought about the time she saved her from the Arishok, and that day she swore to herself that she will always be there for Hawke no matter what. She never realized how much that day changed her, how much that memory is burned in her mind and knowing she will never forget it. Varric rubbed his jaw thinking when he first met her; he was saving her money from a thief and he had to smile silently when he thought of her for a good business partner, and nothing more. He never would've guessed that she would hold together so many people who all had different thoughts, different views in their life. He shook his head as he took his wine glass and lifted it in the air, everyone watching him confused before he spoke.

"I would like to propose a toast." Everyone else lifted his wine glass in the air, Sebastian hesitated a little as the lump in his throat grew even bigger, but he raised his wine glass too. Varric took a deep breath before he continued, his voice loud, determined and trembling.

"For our Hawke; the strong, fearsome and brave Champion of Kirkwall who helped us digging out our shit whenever we needed her." All of them smiled before Isabella continued, the glasses still held in the air.

"For our Hawke; who never abandoned us even if we stabbed her in the back, for believing in us whenever we needed her." Sebastian closed his eyes for a moment before he heard Fenris speaking.

"For our Hawke; for showing us that not all mages are abominations, and for showing us the right path whenever we needed her." Bethany took a deep breath to gather her thoughts as her vision blurred from her unshed tears.

"For my sister; who never let me or my brother starve out, who stood strong for us and always protected us whenever we needed her." Everyone went silent then, all of them still holding their glasses in the air. Sebastian's free hand turned to a fist as he held his glass in the air, the silence showing him that it is his turn for a toast. The lump in his throat grew incredibly big as he swallowed hard hoping that this would make it easier to speak, but it was not. He took a deep breath as he blinked rapidly, everyone saw how much it worried him and how much frightened he was. He managed to find his voice again before he spoke, his voice trembling and frightened.

"For my wife...for showing me the right path. For giving her heart to me...for being there for me...for enduring everything with me...and for loving me because her heart is the most valuable thing in the world."

"Cheers!" Varric said before all of them emptied their glasses. Sebastian slammed the glass back on the table, sorrow overwhelming him as he stood up, not able to sit with the others anymore. He needed to be alone for a while before he would make his way to their bedroom.

Everyone watched him leave and everyone stood up soon after him, the sadness and fear dwelling over them as they made their way back to their rooms. Sebastian walked out to the gardens, he needed some fresh air to calm his aching heart. He grabbed a handful of his shirt where his heart was as he leaned his body on the nearby wall, his breathing heavy and ragged as he fought for air. He never wanted this bloody war, he never wanted to feel this way, but winning this war would mean a long and happy life with her. He closed his eyes for a moment, his mind slowly settling back as he thought about her smile, her laugh, her voice...he would do this for her, even if it meant he dies here he would crush Orlais' army and he would grant her a life of peace.

He opened his eyes again and realized it is late, he took a deep breath before he made his way to their bedroom, his heart and mind heavy. He slowly made his way up the stairs, leaning his hand on the railing as he tried not to stumble on the stairs. He could see the candlelight going from the door and he smiled knowing that she is still awake and waiting for him. He grabbed the doorknob and turned it, the seconds that passed as he opened the door felt like hours until the door was widely open. He stared at the room and saw candles lit all across the room, he could see her from the corner of his eye standing by the bed but he didn't look at her, he didn't dare to.

"Sebastian." Her voice was almost a whisper and it forced him to look at her. It was then when he saw that she wore the red sleeveless dress that he once dared her to wear again. He swallowed hard as he looked at her, swallowing because of sadness and arousal he felt at that moment. He entered and closed the door behind him before he walked towards her stopping just a few inches away from her body. His eyes were half open as he gazed into her eyes, he could see her red and tired eyes and knew she was crying just a moment ago. He raised his hand to her face and placed it on her cheek, her eyes closing at the touch as a lone tear made it's way down her face. He stroked her cheek with his thumb, her lower lip quivering as she tried hard not to cry again. He raised his other hand and cupped her face forcing her to open her eyes and to look at him, and her will almost broke at the expression he wore. She saw him swallowing hard before he opened his mouth to speak, his mouth and lips suddenly dry.

"Marian." His eyes ran across her face, the tears dwelling up in her eyes again as she grabbed his shirt and pulled him to her for a heated and long kiss. Her hands were still holding his shirt as he wrapped his hands around her pulling her even closer to his chest. His hands held her tight to him as if he was preventing her from leaving him, Marian did the same her hands holding his shirt hard, not willing to release him. They never broke the kiss as he slowly lowered her on the bed, it only deepened the kiss as his fingers traced feather like touches on her neck and shoulders. The kiss grew more demanding and she grabbed the end of his shirt pulling it up as he raised his hands to help her. The shirt fell on the floor leaving his upper body naked as he kissed her neck, tracing a path to her shoulders and then to the peak of her breasts. Her hands trailed his back up and down as he untied the laces of the dress, his movements slow but determined. The corset fell aside and his mouth fell over her soft rosy peaks, she moaned as she felt his tongue slowly circling around her peaks before she felt him sucking it in. She gasped as he suddenly bit her, then he lifted from her a little to remove the rest of the dress. She was naked now, writhing and tensing underneath him as he removed his trousers and underwear leaving him completely naked above her. He lied above her, both naked and hot from arousal, but he searched something in her eyes, something that seemed lost at that moment as he trailed his finger across her cheek. She watched him closely, his eyes gazing deep into hers as he opened his mouth to speak.

"Marian...my Marian...don't be sad, please..." He kissed her as he saw her lower lip quivering again, his heart breaking at the sight of her like that. She closed her eyes as she felt two tears going down her face, his kiss growing more gentle and passionate as he readjusted above her settling himself between her knees. Then he slowly pushed inside her, the sensation causing them to moan. He slowly started to move, her tight walls gripping him as he slowly lost himself to the sensation, his arousal grew more and more and he lost his control, his thrusts becoming wilder and faster. Hawke forgot about her worries as her release came closer and closer until it crushed over her, every muscle in her body relaxing as he spilled his seed inside her. They both breathed heavily as Sebastian settled next to her, his body still a little shaking from his release as he stared at the ceiling.

"Marian?" She lifted her head and looked up at him, the dim light in the room causing his face to glow.

"Yes love?" He still looked at the ceiling, his heart heavy with worry as he spoke.

"I promise you that I will come for you, then we will live a peaceful and content life." She smiled at him as she brought her hand to his face and placed her palm on it. Sebastian looked down on her and saw her smile, and he had to smile too.

"I know...I don't doubt that..." She hugged him as she leaned her head on his chest, his slow and steady breathing slowly lulling her into sleep. Sebastian wrapped his arm around her as he closed his eyes, a lone tear made it's way down his face. He would get her back home...he would.

####

Aleksandra and Ibrahim were ready to leave for Antiva, they stood by the carriage and awaited Marian and Bethany to come down. They were still packing their things, but soon they would take their leave towards Antiva. Sebastian was waiting with Aleksandra for Marian, he still couldn't believe that he would not see her for at least a month, and that made him sad. The Sultan came to him and patted his shoulder, hoping to comfort him a little, Sebastian just smiled weakly before he looked back at the ground.

Aleksandra watched Sebastian the entire time and she had a hard time to suppress her tears as she saw just how troubled he was. She wanted so badly to kill Justinia herself but she just hadn't the means to do that. She lifted her head towards the castle gates and saw Marian and Bethany approaching them, both of them sad for leaving their home.

"Here they come." Sebastian closed his eyes for a moment before he looked at Marian, and his heart shattered to pieces as he saw the servants behind her with her luggage. He took a deep breath as she approached him and the Sultan, she bowed in front of the Sultan before she spoke to him, her head lowered as her eyes stared at the ground.

"Thank you, Sultan, for everything..." He cupped her face and kissed her forehead, just as a father would kiss his daughter. She lifted her head and blinked at him and all she could see was the wide smile on his face.

"Await us Marian, we will finish this soon." She smiled weakly at him as he turned and walked towards Aleksandra. Marian watched him leave before she turned her head to Sebastian, her heart almost stopped beating at the sad look he gave her. She came very close to him, his scent filling her nose as she inhaled deeply, hoping to remember even his smell.

"Leannan...watch over yourself...you know you have to be careful because of little one..." She nodded to him as she silently started to cry, his heart shattering to pieces, he dared not to touch her though, or he wouldn't be able to let her go.

"It has to be like this Marian...for now."

"I know, I will miss you so much." Then she hugged him, her face buried in his chest as he held her tight to him. He took a deep breath to settle his mind, his hand soothing her hair as he whispered to her.

"Marian...I love you...always remember that." She broke the hug and looked up at him, her eyes filled with tears but still she smiled as she cupped his face.

"Well see each other soon. I love you." She gave him a small kiss on his mouth before she turned away from him to greet the others. He watched her the entire time, his eyes glued on her as she hugged everyone. He felt alone, empty and powerless as she turned at last to him. They watched each other, both not wanting to break the eye contact, both not wanting to leave each other alone. He nodded to her before she nodded back, and with that she turned and entered the carriage. Sebastian greeted Aleksandra and Ibrahim until they too disappeared in the carriage along with Marian and Bethany. Marian looked out of the window glancing one last time to Sebastian as she winked at him, before the carriage started it's way to Antiva. Sebastian's heart broke as he stood there watching how he let the love of his life go, but he couldn't be selfish. Soon, all of this would be over, and soon he would hold her in his arms again.