A/N: I have been at war with this chapter, even long before I started writing it. But thanks to Lydia, the part at the end made the chapter better than it would've been if not for her.
The main warning here is that it's definitely a tearjerker. I was balling my eyes out writing this, so please grab your tissues!
I have tried to address all of the unanswered questions in this chapter, but if there's anything I'm missing or something you're still not sure about, please let me know. There will be one more chapter and an epilogue, and though I will be very sad when I have to wrap this story up, I am very excited to finally bring you the end of this universe very soon after working on this story for over a year. Thank yo so much for all of your support and for sticking with this story through everything I've thrown at you! You are all truly amazing!
"I'm going to need you to work a double shift."
Panic washed over James, hearing his brother's words through the phone before he threw a quick retort. "I'm sorry, I can't stay. I have plans tonight." He promised Killian he would watch over Emma and Ian to make sure they stayed safe while Killian was gone… or rather, to make sure she wasn't getting herself into any trouble. He wanted to stop by their house unexpectedly just in case she had something up her sleeve.
"Can't you cancel your plans? Mary Margaret and I have to take care of Ian for the night."
James furrowed his brows in confusion. "Why both of you?"
"Why does it matter? Emma told us she was leaving town with Killian for a medical conference and she was not at all keen on leaving Ian behind, so Mary Margaret and I both convinced her not to worry about a thing and that we'll both be watching the little duckling. So please, can you just do me this one favor and stay tonight?"
His stomach dropped, his mouth becoming dry as it hung open. Killian had left for the conference yesterday, and he'd left alone. If Emma lied to his brother and sister-in-law, then something was definitely going on. And seeing as he was stuck at work, there was nothing he could do about it.
"James? You there?"
"Yeah… yeah, I'm here," he murmured, his mind clouded with worry. "I'll stay," he agreed reluctantly, "but do me one favor?"
David sighed. "We already discussed this; I'm not giving you a raise just for pulling extra shifts-"
"No, not that," James cut him off. "Keep little duckling safe." His voice was wrecked as he tried to mask the concern enshrouding him.
"Of course we will," David assured, a bit offended that his brother would need to remind him to do so.
Ending the call, James withdrew a few shaky breaths. He had to find a way to escape the B&B so he could get to Emma. But how? He couldn't exactly kick all of the guests out of their rooms.
Walking to the exit, he went outside, seeing the snow starting to fall as it landed softly on the ground. His stomach was tight with nerves, his eyes wandering around as he tried to decide what to do. Perhaps he should just call Emma and talk her out of this? He peered down at his phone, pulling up her contact information, his thumb hovering over her number.
Swallowing thickly, he pressed the button and brought the phone to his ear, listening as it rang. As he looked up, it proceeded to ring and ring until he heard her voicemail. James was cursing under his breath when he disconnected the line and began turning around as his gaze drifted down the road. He suddenly froze in his spot, but his reason had nothing to do with the brisk chill of the winter air.
The streets of Storybrooke were embellished with cheerful Christmas decorations; big red bows were tied around the streetlamps, brilliant blue bulbs helping to light up the town and wreaths hanging on the shop doors. The residents were bundled up in their winter coats, roaming the sidewalks with oversized Christmas gift bags, and the evening air was growing dim, so when his eyes fell upon the bright yellow bug parked in front of the pawnshop, the color stuck out like a sore thumb.
Forcing himself to return inside, he occupied himself to keep from growing too antsy, and every few minutes he would go outside to see that the bug was still there. A half an hour passed and he was about to head back inside when he finally saw Neal and Gold step outside.
James darted off to the side, scurrying along the storefronts while trying to be as nonchalant and unnoticeable as possible. Reaching the alley near Gold's shop, he quickly ducked inside poking his head around the corner of the building to get a close-up of the two men. They seemed to be having an argument as James listened intently.
"Neal, I'm telling you; if you meet her at the park you're never going to see your son. It's just a trap."
Neal sighed, looking around to make sure no one was passing by to overhear their conversation. "Then what? I just wait for her to appear around town and grab her? I already tried that once at the French restaurant, remember? That was your brilliant plan when you heard doctor douchebag over the bug you planted in the shop discussing his plans with my wife!"
So that was how Neal knew Emma and Killian were at the restaurant that night, James thought. Gold planted a bug in his own shop because he must have known there were people in this town nosey enough to break in. He must have known Emma and the people in her life were on to him. Now the question remained - why didn't Gold turn James and Killian in for breaking and entering? Perhaps, it would have spoiled their carefully crafted plans. If Killian ended up being brought to the station, he couldn't exactly take Emma out of Storybrooke, making her vulnerable for the taking. Plus, it would've exposed the fact that Gold knew where Emma and Killian would be that night, thus possibly linking the connection between Neal and Gold, James guessed.
"Just calm down and don't get your panties in a twist," Gold huffed in irritation, digging into the pocket of his jacket to pull out a slip of paper. "Go to this address. You told me the doctor won't be home, so I say give the wife an unexpected visit before she leaves to meet you."
There was a twinkle in Neal's eye, but he immediately became unsure about the suggestion. "But what if he has an alarm system? They've known I've been in town for a while; they're obviously going to be prepared for an unexpected visit from me."
"Don't try to break in," Gold demanded firmly, shaking his head. "You hide and wait for her to leave the house. She'll be pulling out of the garage, and as soon as she opens the door, you rush inside and stop her. It's that simple," he explained in a breezy tone.
Neal frowned. "So, I'm supposed to wait outside in the freezing cold?"
The shop owner rolled his eyes, and James was pretty sure he was going to slap the other man. Not that it would knock any sense into the asshole. "Do you want your wife and son back, or not?"
"Well, yeah but-"
"But nothing. You'll follow my instructions, Dearie, or I'm taking back the ring I bought from her. Got it?"
"It's my ring," Neal spat. "I proposed to Emma with it."
"And she sold it to me, so it's mine," Gold reminded him, gritting his teeth, irritation lacing every word. "Now, are you gonna stand here and argue with me or you gonna do as I say so you can get your family back? This is the whole reason I agreed to help you, even with knowing how risky it was. We're family and we both know how it feels to lose loved ones. We were reunited for a reason and I don't want my efforts to go to waste, got it?"
"Yes, I got it," Neal grumbled resentfully as he turned around, making his way to his car, and James retreated into the alley so as not to be seen. After Neal pulled away and Gold disappeared inside, James pulled out his phone, making a brisk dash to the B&B, his fingers frantically moving as he dialed Killian's number.
"Killian, where are you? You need to get home NOW."
There was silence on the other line, but he knew Killian was waiting for more answers; either that or he was frozen in fear, thinking something happened to Emma. James looked behind him, glancing at the pawn shop one more time before speaking again with a bit more clarification.
"You were right about Emma - she's in danger."
He hung up the phone without explaining himself, but he was confident that Killian would do everything he could to rush back home. James tried to stay calm, but he couldn't. He couldn't let Neal get his filthy hands on Emma again, but there were visitors piling inside the Bed and Breakfast, so he did the only thing he could think of. He knew David would finally can his ass for this, but he didn't care. He needed to get to Emma.
"Sorry, there are no more rooms available for the night." There were several.
As disappointed as the group was, James was able to usher them out without problems before making a sign to leave on the desk, letting people know he'd be returning soon.
Emma was sipping a soothing cup of hot cocoa in her cozy pink pajamas and fuzzy slippers, her lips forming a weary smile. Her body was still sore, but it was difficult to complain when she was surrounded by people who loved her. They were all sitting around the fireplace enjoying the company and celebration of the holiday. And Ian was safe and secure in Mary Margaret's arms as David sat next to her with his arm wrapped around her shoulder and kissed her forehead.
It was a bright, cheerful Christmas morning, and it certainly looked the part. Everything that had been ruined by Neal was cleaned up, the photo frames were replaced and the decorations were still intact. The Christmas tree was lit up next to the window and the curtains were open, affording a wintery view of the backyard with the woods behind the house stretching wide and covered in a soft blanket of white. The only thing that could make the morning more perfect would be the addition of little children running around and playing with their new toys. But the group didn't seem to mind; they opened presents in between passing Ian around the room, making sure everyone got their chance to spend time with him.
The last several days had been rough. She'd spent the night in the hospital before she couldn't stand being there anymore and wanted to leave. She had to go the Sheriff's station for questioning, and still had this feeling in the pit of her stomach. It was something she couldn't quite explain, but Killian had to keep reminding her that Neal was in a cell and he could be sent to prison for a very long time. There were so many things going against him - bank robbery, breaking and entering, threatening and assaulting an officer, abuse, kidnapping. The list went on and on.
Gold was also arrested for kidnapping, and he confessed to everything in hopes of shortening his sentence while Belle took Collette and went to live with her father. It turned out Gold and Neal were half-brothers and had the same father, and Hades Underbrooke had dug up this information when he was trying to locate Neal's whereabouts so he could contact him. James had informed her Hades previously ran a small private investigative firm, and had hired James in the past to perform his dirty work. When James wouldn't take the job, Hades wanted him to pay for turning him down, so when he found Neal in Tallahassee, he told him he was James. He also used the information he found on the connection between the half-brothers to bribe Gold into helping him. As soon as the kidnapping scheme had failed, Hades had fled town and no one had seen him since.
There was also the fact that Killian didn't actually go to the conference like he'd said, but she couldn't be too upset because she hadn't exactly been honest with him either. They both lied to protect each other, and she guessed it was a good thing he was able to get to her when he did. She didn't even want to think of the damage Neal would've done before the police arrived, and although Emma couldn't rid herself completely from the memories of that night, she was hopeful for the future.
It still felt surreal though. She didn't have to be on the edge anymore. She didn't have to twitch with fear, afraid that Neal might jump out of nowhere and attack her at any moment. She was still opening up to the idea of being free from him, but it would take some time for her to fully believe she could be.
"Emma, would you like to open your gift from me?" Killian's voice towed Emma from her thoughts, and she looked over at him as he held a small, rectangular-shaped gift on his hand.
She smiled, accepting it while bracing herself. She hoped he didn't go all out, and she hoped he liked the gift she got for him. Peeling back the perfect, silver wrapping paper, she revealed a dark blue gift box and carefully removed the lid. The gift inside stole her breath. It was a sterling silver bracelet, and held two charms with twenty-four karat gold-plated accents. One was a heart engraved with her son's name and a blue topaz crystal birthstone, representing the month of December - the month he was born. The other was a pair of baby feet aligned with the same birthstones.
"I hope it's okay, love. You can of course add more charms to it with the names of loved ones and their birthstones, or whatever you'd like."
Emma looked up at him, her eyes clouded with tears. It still amazed her that she actually had people in her life she could call loved ones, although she was pretty sure he was referring to future loved ones, as in additions to their family. Emma wasn't opposed to the idea.
"It's absolutely perfect." Her words were strangled as she managed a smile. "Thank you."
"Of course, sweetness," he cooed, offering a small grin as he took the bracelet out of the box and fastened it around her wrist, dropping a kiss to her forehead. "Anything for you, my love."
Emma's stomach was coiled with knots as she handed him his gift. "It's… I hope you'll like it," she stuttered. "I'm not very good at picking out gifts," she admitted timidly.
Killian's smile only grew. "That is okay, love. It would be difficult to top the gifts you've already blessed me with - you and Ian."
Emma's heart fluttered, and he accepted the proffered present, removing the wrapping paper to expose a square gift box. Opening it up, he pulled out a bronze mechanical pocket watch hanging from a chain adorned with beads, the case mounted with a skull and crossbones. To Emma's relief, a wide grin overtook Killian's face as he opened it up. The inside revealed the watch face and the gold cogs and inner workings behind it.
"Turn it over," Emma told him, and he raised a brow in curiosity as he complied, closing the watch and flipping it over.
The back was engraved in beautiful lettering that he read out loud, "Every second that goes by, my heart contracts for you."
"I would've gotten you a stethoscope but a watch seemed way less lame. Plus you can use it to keep track of your patients' labor contractions too," she laughed.
"Aww, that is so sweet," Cordelia chirped with googly eyes.
"That's a wonderful gift, Emma," Rosabell complimented.
"And the most romantic gift award goes to Emma," David added with a soft chuckle. "Although, the bracelet is a very close second."
"Ruby and I helped her pick it out," Mary Margaret boasted with a vibrant smile.
"When I saw this in the jewelry case, I knew it would perfect for you," she told Killian.
He laughed, sweetly kissing Emma's lips. "And you said you weren't good at picking out gifts. This is brilliant, love. Thank you."
Emma was blushing as she gave a soft shrug.
They all finished opening their presents, and had a big Christmas dinner in the afternoon that the ladies prepared while the men watched football. The day was flying by pleasantly, and after dinner, the guys washed the dishes, allowing the women to relax in the living room. Emma was laying a sleeping Ian in his bassinet in the other room when Mary Margaret came up behind her, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder.
"You okay, Emma?"
Emma was surprised as she turned around, facing her friend who had a concerned expression on her face. "Yeah, I'm fine," she assured with a smile.
"Well, I know you've been through a lot, and I just wanted to make sure. What you did was really risky… but I'm glad you're okay," Mary Margaret confessed, and Emma was taken aback. She wasn't surprised that her friend cared for her, but she didn't realize how much. Judging the deeply worried look in her eyes, Emma could see the wreckage embedded within.
"I know it was. And I'm sorry I worried everyone, but it was something I needed to do. I had to make sure my son was safe. I couldn't let Neal hurt him."
"I know, Emma. You don't have to explain yourself to me. You were thinking like a mother. I just wanted to say that… you've grown so much since you came here. And I'm glad you showed up in our lives."
Again, Emma felt like crying as a smile bloomed over her face. She didn't realize the effect her actions had on everyone. "I'm glad too," she murmured adamantly.
"Oh and I know that you used the money you got from your engagement ring to pay for our trip," the brunette pointed out suddenly.
Emma's eyes widened in surprise. "How did you-?"
"Killian told us. And don't be mad at him; I kind of forced it out of him," she laughed.
"Well, I wanted to do something special for the both of you."
"I know, and I just wanted to thank you again. You're a good friend, Emma."
"You are too." Emma's heart was surrounded in warmth, and she was drawing Mary Margaret into a hug when she peered up, seeing James quietly enter the room so as not to disturb Ian.
The brunette left as Emma crossed her arms, eyeing him suspiciously.
"How is it that whenever hugs are involved, you always show up?"
James chuckled. "I don't know, I guess I'm attracted to them." He opened his arms, and she answered him with a hug, sighing in to him. "At least I'm not the last person to get one this time," James murmured, kissing her cheek and tucking his face into the crook of her neck.
Emma's heart twisted. She knew he'd been concerned about her. She knew she'd put him - all of her friends and Killian - through hell by bating Neal into Killian's home and turning off the alarm so he could get in. Plus she'd had doubts when Neal pointed fingers at James. Of all the people in her life, she had believed the one person who had hurt her and damaged her the most. That was the influence Neal had over her before that night. She had guessed until she was finally able to stand her ground, he would've always had his claws in her - always had power over her - no matter how much she hated him.
"I'm sorry I didn't believe you..."
"Hey, none of that," he soothed, affectionately stroking her hair. "You don't have to apologize. I deserved it. I haven't exactly been the ideal citizen of this town. And you are too important to me to let him get in between our friendship."
Emma's heart fluttered at the sincerity in his voice, and she squeezed him a bit tighter, resting her head on his shoulder, feeling comforted by his words. It had been a while since they had been together like this. Everything had been hectic lately and with James seeing someone and Emma doubting him, she felt like had lost her best friend, so it was nice to be in his arms and hear his voice. "I missed you, James," she whispered softly.
"Missed you, too… so much. You had us worried though. I'm just glad Killian made it when he did." James pulled away, his eyes full of emotion.
"I know… I'm…" Flooded with guilt, Emma lowered her gaze to the floor. She hated what she had put everyone through.
"Hey…" James captured her chin, lifting it up so she was looking him in his vibrant blue eyes. "It's all over with now. Neal can't hurt you anymore, and none of us are going anywhere. We all love you Emma, and that's not going to change."
"I know," she breathed, offering a small smile. "I'm just thankful to have all of you in my life, even though I don't deserve it."
"You deserve all of it and more," he argued quickly and took her hand, lifting it to his lips and pressing a kiss to the back of it. When he lifted his head again, a storm was brewing in his eyes as he encased her hand with his, rubbing the knuckles with his thumb. "Besides, if anyone's to blame, it should be me."
"But, James, you turned down the job. None of this was your fault."
"If I had never become involved with Hades in the first place, he would have-"
"He would have done the exact same thing. You are not responsible for his actions."
"But maybe he would have left town if he couldn't get anyone to do his dirty work and if he had to pay for a room at the B&B. He would've gone off to find someone else."
"Yeah and maybe if I had left Neal a long time ago, if I had never married him, he would've found someone else to hurt and abuse. The important thing is you stood up to Hades and turned him down. You're a good guy, James. Don't forget it."
The corner of his mouth pulled into a bashful grin. "Thanks, Emma."
She offered a similar smile in return. "No problem."
James stepped up to Ian's bassinet, watching him as he slept. "I'm just glad the little duckling's okay."
"I don't know what I would do if anything happened to him. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I would do anything to protect him."
"And he will grow up and do anything to protect his mother. He will be strong and caring like her, and he'll have the women swooning over him because he'll be a handsome stud since he's acquired his mother's good looks. Plus, he has those big blue eyes to make the ladies melt."
Emma smiled and nodded in agreement. "Men with blue eyes tend to have that effect."
James shrugged as though he were unsure of the statement. "I know I do. I mean, do you think Rose is with me because of my charming personality? I think not; that's David's department."
Emma laughed. "I think there's more to like about you than just your blue eyes."
James blushed and smiled. "Well thank you, Emma. I do try. I mean, I still think Rose is way too good for me, but I've been an outstanding gentleman with her. And very respectful. You could say I've come a long way."
"I know you have, James. And I have complete confidence that you won't disappoint her."
A wide, cocky grin cracked his lips, his eyes lighting up with mischief. "Oh, I'm quite confident I won't either."
Emma knitted her brows in confusion. "I was talking about in the long run, but why do I have a feeling you're referring to something else?"
James shrugged, feigning innocence. "I'm truly touched that you have faith in me, believe me. No one else ever has, but I know there is one thing she won't be disappointed with."
"And what's that?" She narrowed her eyes, not sure if she actually wanted to know the answer to that.
He cleared his throat and suddenly seemed nervous as he spoke quietly. "I will tell you, but it's our secret, okay?"
She nodded. "Of course."
"Rose and I haven't had sex yet."
Emma's mouth dropped almost instantly, surprised by this information.
"I told you I've been an outstanding gentleman," he reminded her.
"Are you sure you aren't gay?" she teased, throwing his own words back at him from when he asked the same thing about Killian.
James frowned. "No, I'm not gay."
"That's something I didn't really need to know."
The sound of Killian's voice made Emma's heart flutter as he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pressing gentle kisses to her cheek. She melted, her body surrendering to him and getting caught up in his warmth.
"Just don't go around kissing my Swan, and you and I have no problems."
James rolled his eyes in irritation. "It was just a small peck, showing affection for my friend after I was afraid I would never see her again. Should I just be prepared, knowing that you're going to constantly toss that in my face in the future?"
Killian shrugged, considering the idea. "Perhaps, but since you helped me out with Neal and have proven to me over and over that you care for Emma, this will be the last time," he promised sincerely as he nosed her cheek and tightened his hold around her.
James suddenly looked up, a broad smile blooming over his face.
"There you are. I've been looking for you," Rosabell said, approaching James and kissing his cheek. "What do you say we go home now? A big dinner makes me want to take a long nap."
"I agree," James took her hand, glancing between Emma and Killian. "Thank you for having us over."
"Of course, mate," Killian said with a small smile as he extended his hand.
Accepting the gesture, James shook it before drawing Emma into a hug.
Emma looked over his shoulder, seeing the uneasiness and tension brewing between Killian and Rosabell. When they were all in a group together, it was different, but with just the two of them standing in front of each other and staring awkwardly away from each other, Emma knew there was something going on that she wasn't aware of.
"Thanks for everything Killian," Rosabell said and tentatively shook his hand.
"Thank you both for coming over to join us."
The four of them walked out of the room, and James and Rosabell said goodbye to rest of the gang before they left.
Emma didn't question it, but there was an unsettling feeling seated in the pit of her stomach that wouldn't disappear.
With warm hugs and goodbyes, Liam, Cordelia and the Nolan couple left shortly afterwards. Killian shut the front door behind them and turned around as Emma crossed her arms, staring at him with uncertain eyes. He observed her in concern, the smile that had been etched into his lips for most of the day slowly fading. "Emma? What's wrong, love?"
Emma decided she was just going to be blunt. She needed to know the truth. She needed everything to be laid out on the table. "What's going on between you and Rosabell?"
Confusion flashed in his eyes and he stepped closer, but Emma didn't budge. "What do you mean?" he asked, hurt by her words.
"I mean you're supposed to be friends and yet neither of you have barely said two words to each other all day. You both seem awkward and uncomfortable around each other. You told me that you worked things out with her, but there's something you're not telling me," Emma accused wearily. "I trust you, Killian, with all my heart, but you've proven to me you're capable of hiding things from me to protect me. I don't want that. I want us to be open and honest with each other."
Killian appeared to be stunned. "Like you've been honest with me? You could've gotten yourself killed, love," he bit out in a harsh tone.
The words screeched through her ears; she didn't want to start a fight, but there were too many things that had been unspoken and needed to be spoken. They needed to be acknowledged. "Killian, I know that, but I told you, I did it for us."
A wave of apology came over him and his eyes fell to the ground as he expelled a soft sigh. "I know that, love. But I was still worried sick about you and Ian. I love you both and I don't want to lose either of you."
"I can't take back what I did, but I can tell you I hated lying to you. I hated that we had to lie to each other, even though we did it for the right reasons. I want us to tell each other everything."
"Agreed, Emma. And I assure you the only thing I kept from you regarding me and Rosabell is… she threatened to go to the board about us if I didn't take the initiative and do it myself. And I hated how she looked at me all day and how she felt bad that she had given me this ultimatum, so on Monday I'm going to tell them."
Emma's eyes widened in disbelief. "What? Why? You haven't been my doctor in months."
"It doesn't matter love. Romantic relationships between doctors and patients are forbidden, even after treatment or care has ended. And with Neal and the hearings coming up, you know he's going to bring up our relationship. It's best to confess now before it blows up in my face and I lose my patients and my practice."
Emma shook her head. She couldn't believe he was actually going to do this. "I can't let you do that."
"Emma-"
"No, I can't let you get in trouble because of me. I've already put your job at risk by falling for you. I can't let you do this."
"And why not? You risk your life for me and your son, but you can't let me risk my career for you and Ian?"
"Killian…" Emma's voice was strangled as she stumbled for words. She didn't know how to respond to that. He raised a fair point but she still couldn't let him ruin his life for her. "You're an amazing doctor. You help women through their pregnancy, you encourage and inspire them and you help them give birth, and I…" her voice trailed off as she felt the threat of tears wetting her eyes, "I'm just a waitress. I'm not worth ruining your life."
Killian's eyes grew dark and hooded; he appeared to be completely and utterly wrecked. "You really have no idea, do you? You still don't understand that I would literally do anything for you. You ask me to run through fire, and I'd run through fire, gladly."
"Then please don't go to the board," she pleaded.
"I have to, Emma. I don't have a choice. If I don't, Rose will. And once I do then we can put this all behind us."
"But don't you see? I can't! This is all far from being over! Yes, Neal's in jail, but I'll have to face him in court and I'll have to rehash everything he ever did to me. I'll have to relive those moments when he belittled me and hit me and made me feel like nothing! When he tore me apart in every possible way he could." The last few words were strangled before she suddenly burst out crying, no longer able to hold back.
Killian's demeanor visibly transformed, his heart clearly aching for her. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close to his chest and allowing her to sob into his shirt. "I know, love," he whispered, gently stroking her hair. "I know, and I will be there for you through everything."
Emma shook her head and pulled away from him, wiping her tears and sniffling. "I can't let you do that. I can't drag you through this mess with me."
Killian stared at her blankly. "What do you mean? I'm already in this."
"But, I need you not to be. Killian, I came to this town a damaged woman, and I barely started healing when you came into my life. I started loving you when I thought I could never give my heart to anyone ever again. And I want to give you everything I am - everything I have - but right now I don't even know who I am anymore. I need to figure that out. I don't want to drag you through what I have to face with Neal. I want you to be able to live your life and fulfill your dream of opening a fertility clinic."
Killian's eyes were welling up with tears as he stared back at her. "What are you- what are you saying, Emma?"
Emma swallowed down her fear as she held his gaze. "I'm saying I should leave with Ian for a while. I think I need some time to figure out who I am again. I've been with Neal since I was seventeen and then I met you, and I haven't had a chance to breathe."
A tear slid down Killian's cheek, making her heart hurt. But she knew this was for the best.
She lifted her hand, wiping his tear away with her thumb as she mustered a small smile. "It won't be forever. I couldn't stay away from you if I wanted to." Emma pressed her forehead to his and she closed her eyes, another tear rolling down her cheek. "Please… I need to do this."
"But where will you go?" he asked, cupping her face in his hands.
"I'm not sure. Maybe Boston. Or maybe Regina would have a good recommendation since I'll still have to present in court."
He nodded and pulled her close, holding her tight. She could feel him starting to shake as a choked-out sob left his lips. "If you think this is the best thing for you and Ian, I will… I will let you go." The whispered, broken words barely escaped his mouth, but the tears were flowing freely down his face. "I don't want you to leave, but I want you to be comfortable with who you are. And just know that you'll always be my Swan, no matter what."
"Always."
Killian couldn't believe Emma was actually leaving. Even if it wouldn't be for good, he was dreading it with everything inside of him. He cursed himself for every time he wasn't honest with her and for not going to the board immediately, but none of that mattered now. Emma needed to do this and he knew that. All he wanted was for her and Ian to be happy. All he wanted was for them to feed off of each other's strength. He never wanted to see them hurting or in pain. He wanted the best for them, even if he didn't get to witness it.
He couldn't believe how much of an impact she had on him over the course of a few months, but if felt like much longer. If felt like he had known her for years. When she touched him, it sure as hell felt like years' worth of healing - years' worth of love.
"We will miss you Emma… very much," Mary Margaret murmured, embracing Emma into a hug.
It was a sunny winter afternoon, and unseasonably warm as they gathered outside of the Nolan's loft, but to Killian, it was cold and dreary and unpleasant. He kept telling himself he couldn't think like that though. This was Emma's chance. It was her chance to go out of this small, boring town of Storybrooke and to heal and find happiness.
Besides, it wouldn't be forever, he kept reminding himself.
"I will miss you all so much."
There were many tears and hugs and long, heartfelt words of endearment as Emma said goodbye to all of the people she'd grown to love. Liam and Cordelia were taking the situation better than Killian had originally expected, but he knew they were sad to see her go.
Emma promised to keep in touch with all of them and send them updates about Ian. James was traveling with her to make she arrived to Boston safely and got settled in properly. Rosabell wasn't happy about it, but if given the choice, James would pick his best friend who had gone through hell and back. Killian wasn't all that happy about it either, but then again, there was nothing that could really make it better. Only knowing that Emma and Ian would get there safely was what kept him sane.
"If anything happens to them, I'll have your head, James. You know that right?"
"Then it's a good thing nothing will."
Killian was swaying Emma's son delicately in his arms, smiling down at him through teary eyes, knowing the inevitable end was near. He knew Ian would soon be taken away, but he tried not to think too much about that. He wanted to enjoy the few moments while they lasted.
"Now remember, lad…" he whispered with a shaky breath, his thumb stroking his cheek as Ian blinked up at Killian with those big blue eyes that were brighter than the sun. "Be good for your mum. And don't let her get into trouble." Killian tried desperately to hold back his tears. And it didn't matter that there were many people to witness him in shambles, but he had to stay strong because he knew this was the best thing for Emma. He wanted her to able to cope with things in her own way. He wanted her to be healthy and strong and not be held down or haunted by her traumatic past. The future he envisioned for Emma and Ian didn't allow for anything less. "I know you'll look out for each other." A tear managed to roll down his cheek as he lifted Emma's baby boy, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. "And maybe one day we will be a family again."
"Of course we will." Emma's sweet voice pulled Killian's gaze and he flashed a frail smile. "You'll always be our home no matter where we are. We both love you, and we'll never stop."
Her words had a comforting effect on him, his heart overwhelmed with joy. "And both of you will always be my home. But never forget you'll always have a home here with me. Whenever you decide, or if you decide to come back. I'll always be here waiting for you, my love."
Emma's green eyes were glossy with tears as she smiled and threw her arms around him and Ian, holding them close. "I love you so much," she whispered in his ear.
"I love you. More than you will ever know." Emma found his lips, capturing them softly and tenderly, and yet her movements were desperate as she curled her hand around the back of his neck, her fingers sifting through his hair. He didn't even care who was watching them.
Killian breathed her in, memorizing everything about her - her scent, her warmth, the feel of her body against his, her lips, the taste of her tongue, the taste of her, the sound of her voice, her breathing - before he had to let her go. It was one of the most difficult things he had to do, but somehow he let her go… eventually.
Emma licked her lips, her cheeks stained with tears as she held his scruffy cheeks in her hands. Both of them were silent for a few moments; there were so many things he wanted to say, but he didn't have the energy to say them out loud.
"Please don't say goodbye," he muttered, his voice cracked and shattered. Hearing her say goodbye may possibly kill him.
"I'll see you again. How's that?"
A smile curved his lips as he cradled the back of her head and placed one more kiss on her lips. "I'll be counting on it."
Letting go of Ian was another one of the most difficult things he ever had to do, and when Emma scooped her son up in her arms, he never tore his eyes away.
"Are you ready, Emma?" James asked as he waited patiently by the passenger's side. He would be driving them there but then flying back without being an interference with Emma's need to be on her own.
Her eyes were glued to Killian's and she didn't nod or acknowledge the question; she only said everything to Killian with her eyes she couldn't possibly put together in words as he did the same.
When she started to turn around, she paused, looking back at Killian. "Oh and if you do go to the board… I know everything will work out fine. Everyone has faith in you and trusts you. If they can't see what a great doctor you are then it's their loss."
With that said, she walked away and strapped Ian into his car seat before she stole one more glance of him and waved before getting in the passenger seat.
Killian waved back as he watched James drive them away, his heart crumbling a bit in his chest.
"You doing okay, Em?" James asked, and as they crossed the town line, Emma couldn't help but remember the first time she came to this town. And it was all because of a flat tire that she decided to get a room for the night. A flat tire changed everything for her. She had been scared, a nervous wreck, but the people in Storybrooke had quickly wormed their way into her heart. And she would never forget that.
Now, because of her, she had worried so many of them. She had put Killian and James in danger because they wanted to protect her. Not to mention, what if Gold or Hades had wanted to find Ian while he was under the care of the Nolan's? She could have put all three of them in danger. And August had gotten shot in the leg, causing extensive permanent damage, so Graham was taking over as Sheriff for the time being. Ad it was all because of her. She was afraid that the guilt would always be plaguing her and eating way her insides - another reason why she needed to leave. She felt too guilty.
"Yeah, I'm fine. What were you saying?"
She was sure James didn't believe her, but he didn't pressure her, and instead continued talking about whatever he was talking about when she'd become lost in her thoughts. She was grateful he was going with her and that she and her son wouldn't be alone during the drive there. At the same time, she knew she needed some space and she needed time to reflect on everything that had happened. During her time with Neal, she had lost her identity somewhere along the line, and she'd never had a chance to really get it back. Emma always had issues with self-confidence, probably because nothing she ever did for Neal was ever good enough. Most of time, he treated her like chewed up gum on the bottom of his shoe, so that was the value she had placed on herself.
Being with Killian had helped her gain some of that confidence back, but to Emma, it wasn't good enough. How could she give her heart and soul to someone and accept them completely if she didn't completely love and accept herself? The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Killian, but knowing she wouldn't be able stay away for too long was the only thing helping her cope with all of this. Emma wanted to be open with him; she wanted to give him everything he deserved and in order to do that, she needed to take this trip. She needed to take a step back and separate herself from everything. She needed to forgive herself for everything she allowed Neal to do to her, for what she put herself through and for what she had put all of her loved ones through.
But to be completely honest, she really just wanted to go back home, run into Killian's arms and hold him and Ian like there was no tomorrow.
