28
Fighting back the emotion that was threatening to overwhelm him, he picked up the laptop after hurriedly shutting it down and headed to where she was waiting. He was surprised to find her alone, but she explained that someone from 1PP had unexpectedly popped in and wanted to speak to the Captain about something or other. Elliot pulled her into an interview room that wasn't being used at that moment so they could talk in even more privacy.
"Did you watch it?" she asked numbly, sinking into a chair, her head down as she braced herself for the impending and inevitable truth.
"Liv, he didn't rape you!" Elliot said elatedly, sliding his chair closer to hers and taking her hands into his, watching her intently as she took in his words.
"He didn't?" she echoed in disbelief, her brown eyes wide, searching his for further confirmation.
"No, he didn't. He obviously just wanted to make you think he had. It was all a sick mind game."
"Did you watch the whole thing? What did happen?"
"After you fell unconscious, he untied you and changed your clothes. Then he tied you back up and just left."
"He left? That's it?" Even though the thought of him changing her clothes was bad enough in itself, it still paled in comparison to what she had been imagining he had done to her during all those hours she had been out of it.
"Yes. He didn't touch you like that Liv."
The enormity of it finally hit and she was aware of the first tears beginning to roll down her cheeks. She felt Elliot immediately wrapping his arms around her then, holding her close to him and she laid her head against him. She hadn't been raped. He hadn't violated her.
"It's going to be OK, Liv," Elliot murmured softly, the crack in his voice betraying his own tears. She nodded shakily. She knew she still had a long way to go to get over everything that had happened, but the thought of what her captor might have done to her while she was unconscious had been eating away at her and now knowing for sure that he hadn't raped her was an enormous relief. She could hardly believe it.
"I want to watch it," she said purposefully. "I need to see it with my own eyes."
"OK," he said nodding. "Let's do it now."
"OK," she agreed. Elliot switched on the laptop and they watched in silence as it flickered to life. Once the computer was ready, Elliot quickly opened the appropriate video file and after meeting her gaze to check she was ready, he pressed play.
He felt her flinch as the image of her lying there bound and helpless appeared on the screen. He squeezed her hand slightly, wanting her to feel his presence and support.
She watched in silence as he skipped the video forward to the point where she was drugged.
"You were so brave," he muttered as once again he watched her spitting the liquid her captor was forcing her to drink; a display of open defiance that moved him deeply.
"No, I wasn't," she said sadly. "I wasn't thinking about anything. I just did it on instinct."
"You fought him all the way, Liv. You know you did."
"It didn't do much good though, did it," she said negatively, watching as her captor forced her to swallow the liquid in the end anyway.
"He didn't break you. He knew that and it pissed him off."
"Making me think he had raped me while I was unconscious pretty much did the trick though," she said wryly.
"You should give yourself more credit," Elliot said quietly.
"Telling me that you were dead didn't help either."
"I'm so sorry Liv."
"Don't be. You're here. I'm here. He didn't rape me, right?! I'll be fine."
"No he didn't but that doesn't mean that what you went through wasn't any the less traumatic."
"I know that."
"I know you know." He smiled at her sadly, wishing again for the millionth time that he had done things differently and never inadvertently put Olivia in danger like he had.
"Is this where he changes my clothes?" she asked, changing the subject as the video showed the man approaching her on the bed.
"Yes," Elliot replied.
"I don't want them all seeing this," she said desolately.
"They won't have to, sweetie. He's dead, so there will be no trial. There's no need for anyone to see it. I will talk to Cragen and make sure no one goes near it."
"What about the Captain though? He'll want to watch it, won't he?"
"Maybe, but he probably won't if you tell him you don't want him to. But, you have nothing to be embarrassed about, you know. None of this reflects on you or your abilities as a cop."
"I know that. I just don't want my boss and colleagues seeing me tied up and naked. I would have thought you would get that?"
"Of course I do…but he doesn't actually remove your underwear and you can't really see much detail in the recording anyway."
She watched as the man removed her hand and foot bindings, cringing as she saw how she just lay there, not moving, completely vulnerable to anything he might have chosen to do to her. Seeing the recording, her memories of that place had suddenly come back with force. She could feel the cold, smell the dank air and feel the bindings tight around her joints. She gasped. It felt so real. Then she watched as he placed the T-shirt over her head and pulled her arms through one by one. Then he slowly and methodically retied all of her limbs back to the bedposts, checking that every single one was secure. It was as though she could feel the straps on her skin now. Absent-mindedly she started rubbing her wrists. She felt sick.
The man left and Elliot pressed pause.
"That's it," he said turning to face her, worried at how lost in her own thoughts she seemed to be.
"He didn't rape me," she said again. Repeating the words made it seem more real somehow.
"No, he didn't, he said, "Do you want to see any more?"
She shook her head.
"Let's go home, Liv. We can come back in and talk to Cragen tomorrow maybe. I think we should get out of here."
She nodded her agreement.
He switched off the computer and then offered her a hand to help her to her feet. As soon as they left the room, Cragen, who must have finished with his visitor from 1PP, saw them exiting and headed right over to them. He looked questioningly at Elliot who shook his head, smiling slightly, letting his captain know that she hadn't been violated in that way.
"Go home," Cragen said, recognising the sheer exhaustion plain to see on Olivia's face. "Get in touch later, Elliot, but for now, take care of her."
"Thanks, I will," Elliot promised. Then he led her outside and down towards the car.
…
She clicked in her seat belt and stared out of the window vacantly. She could still barely believe it. Seeing herself lying there helpless had been one of the hardest things she had ever done, but she was glad she had watched it. She had needed to know, needed to see it with her own eyes to prove to herself that nothing had happened and that Elliot wasn't just protecting her from a truth he didn't want her to have to face.
"Are you hungry?" he asked.
"I'm not sure," she replied honestly. She was too overwhelmed to really know what she felt right now.
"I was thinking we could go and get something special to celebrate."
"Celebrate?" she asked surprised. It didn't seem quite the right word.
"I'm sorry. That's not what I meant. I don't know, I just thought it might be nice to do something."
"It's a good idea, El" she said smiling unenthusiastically.
"It's OK, let's just go straight home. We can get take-out later."
