XIII Ninja

By James the Fox

Beta-ed by The 17th Immortal

"I've not much to say right now, except for that I have finally caught on to the series, Heroes, thanks to the preview of the next season shown at comic-con. Awesome. Besides that, I'm using my Camera Phone to take pictures of my own comic series, Core Essence, and send them to DeviantART. Granted, they're low quality, so bear with me till I can get a scanner. Besides that, I've been hindered by my ever-present mortal enemies, Writer's Block and Real Life."

Shadow: (Reading Core Essence) "I have to admit, what you've got on paper isn't half-bad, except that the main character seems a lot like Hiro of Heroes in personality. Everyone's gonna think you're a copycat."

"…I thought so too. Ah, well. Anyway, I thought I'd open this chapter with a few Omakes first. Be warned, these are spoilers. Here goes!"


SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER


OMAKE: Itachi loves DBZ!


"…Can you feel it?"

"Hm?" Sasuke, Itachi, and Kisame glanced quizzically at Naruto.

"…The moon… It feeds me, and grants me strength…" Naruto summoned Saïx's Claymore, and swung it, pushing Kisame back and downright knocking Itachi over. "It shall be witness to your deaths!" Naruto roared, unleashing wave after wave of energy. Kisame stared, looking at his companion, who was just standing up.

"Hey, Itachi, what does the Sharingan say about his Chakra Level?" Itachi looked at Naruto, activating his Sharingan. As he did, something snapped, and Itachi smirked.

Then grinned.

Then laughed.

With a face that would someday be infamous for being so out of character for him, Itachi roared: "IT'S OVER NINE THOUUUUUSAAAAAND!" Kisame stared, then grinned before replying.

"What?! Nine Thousand!? …There's no way that can be right! Could it?!"

Naruto grinned, knowing what was expected of him. "I think it's right." The three looked at each other, grinning.

"IT'S OVER NINE THOUUUUSAAAAND! OVER NINE THOUUUUSAAAAND!"

"Itachi!"

"OVER NINE THOUUUUSAAAAND!"

Sasuke face-palmed as his hated brother, his closest friend, and a freaky fish-dude acted out the entire meme…


OMAKE: Please tell me I'm not the first to have thought of this…


His brother finally at last dead, Sasuke gazed over a cliff by the ocean as he addressed his teammates.

"We have left Snake behind… From now on we shall be known as Falcon—"

"PAWNCH!" At once, Sasuke was sent flying over the cliff, falling until he exploded in a blast of pink light.

"Player 5, Defeated!" came a voice from nowhere. Standing where Sasuke had been, James The Fox now stood, feeling very pleased with himself.

"Man, that felt good."

"Hope it was worth Sennen Goroshi!" asked Tobi angrily as he unleashed said One Thousand Years of Death.

"IT WAAAAAAAASSSSSSS!"

"Player 0 Defeated!"


SPOILER END SPOILER END SPOILER END


"There. Now On to the Fic!"


"…Can you feel it?"

"Hm?" Sasuke, Itachi, and Kisame glanced quizzically at Naruto.

"…The moon… It feeds me, grants me strength…" Naruto summoned Saïx's Claymore, and swung it, pushing Kisame back and downright knocking over Itachi. "It shall be witness to your deaths!"


Dancing in the Moon! The Luna Diviner's Power!


"Hm?" Hinata noticed, barely in her range of vision, a flash of bright light. This particular flash was something she had seen only a handful of times: whenever she'd seen Naruto perform one of those transformations. "Anko-sensei… I think I've found them!"

"Lead us there!" Anko ordered, and the trio changed direction.


"Big words, kid…" Kisame hefted his sword as Itachi stood up. ''Course, that said, the two of us've already taken a beating… We aren't ready to fight a Jinchūriki, especially one with that much power.'

"Naruto… Remember, Itachi's mine," Sasuke growled.

"Very well, but I shall not simply stand by and watch, should you enter a tough situation…" Naruto replied, his eyes beginning to cloud over and become cat-like. The scar on his face transformed to a more jagged state, and his hair took on an even more wild, unruly shape. He roared. "Now, moon, shine down!"

"This power…" Itachi growled. 'Is this the Kyuubi's… No. It's something else… However, for this boy to harness this much strength without calling on the demon… We shall have to retreat for now…' He looked at Kisame, who he could tell was thinking along the same lines. "I already told you, Sasuke… You are of no interest to me."

"You…!" Enraged by the curt dismissal, a Chidori erupted in Sasuke's hand . "DIE!" He rushed, thrusting his jutsu at Itachi. Again, Itachi dodged, albeit barely, and Sasuke threw several kunai at him with his other hand, in an effort to finish what Riku and the other jōnin had started. Itachi pulled a sword from under his cloak, blocking the knives and countering with his own attack.

Sasuke barely blocked the sword with his Kunai, and jumped away, throwing his kunai and forming seals as he did. "Katon: Gōkakyū no Jutsu! (Fire Style: Grand Fireball Technique!)" Itachi jumped away, avoiding the blast. 'Dammit… he's simply evading everything I'm throwing at him!' Sasuke's mind raced to form a new plan. 'He has to be tiring himself out. He's already gone through at least one fight, and injured, to boot. Naruto's sensei made sure of that. How much energy does he have left…?!'

Naruto clashed with Kisame, and his Claymore knocked the Akatsuki member back. Kisame glared as the boy followed him.

"HRAH!" Naruto swung his Claymore, knocking the man up. "RAGH!" Naruto jumped after him, smacking the missing-nin even higher into the air. "BEGONE!" Naruto threw the Claymore this time, and Kisame felt one of his ribs break with the impact.

"Agh!" Kisame growled as he landed, luckily on his feet. However, his luck ended there, as he noticed the incoming new arrivals. Naruto, too, seemed to notice Hinata, Llednar, and Anko arrive on the scene. "Hey, Itachi!"

"Yes?" the eldest of the two Uchiha queried as he knocked his sibling to the ground, however Sasuke used this position to begin the Takedakeshi Shishi Rendan, kicking Itachi into the air.

"We've got company…" Kisame growled as he motioned to the new enemies while simultaneously blocking Naruto's next attack. He was pushed back.

"…A moment," Itachi replied, grabbing Sasuke's right wrist before he could continue the assault and snapping it with all the apparent effort of snapping a twig.

"Hurry it up!" Kisame roared angrily as Hinata thrust several times with Yoshitori, the weapon of the heart causing damage to Kisame's chakra coils before being knocked away. Kisame grunted, holding his side. 'Damnit… My Tenketsu… That little bitch will pay!' He charged, swinging his blade for Hinata, but was blocked by the fourth sword-wielder to enter the fray, Llednar.

"Give up. As you are now, you could not defeat me while I was using even 40 percent of my full power." Llednar pushed hard, pushing Kisame away from Hinata.

"Why, you arrogant little bas—"

"AAAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHH!"

Everyone paused for a moment at Sasuke's scream as Itachi sent him spiraling to the ground and landed hard on Sasuke's right leg, the femur breaking under the impact. "There. Now, let's retreat, while we still can…"

"Wait!" Sasuke growled as Itachi turned away.

"How many times must I tell you…" Itachi stopped, glancing at Sasuke. "You are worthless. Not even worth killing. Only in the slim chance that you ever gain the same eyes as me will I ever find reason to believe otherwise. Your hatred is worthless without this…"

"Arghh…" Sasuke reached out for his brother, grasping thin air before losing consciousness.

"Stop right there!" Naruto called as they fled, transforming back to his normal form. Naruto prepared to give chase, but was grabbed by Llednar.

"That is not advisable," he suggested, shaking his head.

"But—"

"But nothing!" Anko growled, carefully surveying Sasuke's arm and leg. "We have a heavily wounded shinobi, and getting him back to the village is our first order of business." She then looked at Naruto. "What were you doing here, anyway? Weren't you supposed to be with Jiraiya?"

"Well, I was training, and I heard a fight going on…"

"So you just rushed in!?" Anko cried, exasperated.

"What'd you expect me to do?" Naruto replied. "No way I'd sit back if someone needed help!"

"Sometimes, Naruto, that is precisely what needs to be done!"

"She is correct, Naruto," Llednar agreed. He glanced at the now-unconscious Sasuke. "Those men are part of a group sent here to capture you… for the sake of the being sealed inside you."

Naruto looked a Llednar in an odd way. "Why'd they want that?"

"I do not know, but I know that they want it, badly. They defeated Riku-sensei when he tried to stop them…"

"SAY WHAT!?" Naruto yelled, shocked.

"Now, now, no need to yell!" Suddenly, Jiraiya landed in the clearing. "Seriously, Naruto, what were you thinking? I've been looking all over for you! Where the hell have you been?"

Anko glared at Jiraiya. "Oh? And where the hell have YOU been?"

"I just told you, searching for Naruto!"

"Please, this isn't the time to fight…" Hinata pleaded as the two elder ninja quarreled.

"And before that?" Anko pressed.

"I trusted that Naruto would take care of himself, and simply train until I got back from my information gathering!" Jiraiya replied.

"Please…" Hinata asked again.

"Hey, I was just checking to see what was going on!" Naruto defended himself. "And you should be here helping me train! What kind of sensei are you?"

"I have more important things to do, brat! If you don't remember, we're on a mission! And in order to complete it, I need information!"

"No doubt you were searching for information conveniently at a bar or one of those creepy clubs! You perv—"

"WOULD EVERYONE PLEASE STOP IT!" Naruto stopped dead in his tracks as Hinata's yell echoed through the forest. In actuality, the yell seemed more like a roar than it did anything else. Hinata huffed a few times, blushing. "S-Sorry… It's just…"

"You do not need to apologize," Llednar interrupted. "While… unorthodox, you were able to stop this meaningless quarrel."


"Daaaammmn…" Xigbar whistled, wide-eyed at the sight.

"You go girl!" Larxene cheered, pumping a fist into the air.

Demyx openly gaped. "I…I can't believe…"

"Didn't think she had it in her to loose her cool like that," Axel grinned.

"What, you doubted my girl Hinata?" Larxene asked, although it had a threatening undertone with it.

"Umm…" Axel looked around for support. Roxas looked back.

"No. I'm not helping you out of the hole you dug yourself into." As Axel proceeded to flee from Larxene's destructive retaliation (something made all the more humorous by Axel's lack of clothing), the former Number XIII looked at Saïx. "Surely he's realized how stupid it is to put himself on the opposite side of Larxene?"

Saïx shook his head. "I do not think he has. In fact, for Axel, I do not believe common sense to be very common, in the first place."

It took Roxas a moment to decipher Saïx's wording, his dig at Axel's character, before responding. "Yeah…"


While the Organization had talked amongst themselves, Anko had managed to splint Sasuke's arm and leg. Llednar, after a short while, spoke.

"Jiraiya-sama. You and Naruto are on a mission, correct?"

The Toad Sannin turned his head to Llednar, an eyebrow raised even as he nodded. "What of it?" He could already see that the Twem was choosing his next words very carefully.

"…Should you encounter your former teammate, Tsunade-himesama, could you possibly persuade her to come to the village? Remedi-sama needs her expertise, and soon."

Jiraiya couldn't really help but smirk at that. "Heh, lucky her, then, because ironically enough, our mission is to bring her back, anyway." It was minute, but Naruto could just barely see his comrade's stance relax ever so slightly, as though a tremendous weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.

"Don't you worry, Llednar! We won't let you down! I promise!"

"…I have no doubts of your success, Naruto." Llednar stated. "After all, you seem to have a… knack… for following through on your oaths…"

Anko stood up. "Alright, I'm done. You guys continue on your mission. We'll handle Sasuke." She picked the unconscious Uchiha up, draping him over her left shoulder. "Come on, you two!" Anko leaped away, Llednar close behind. Hinata frowned, looking at Naruto as though she had something to say, and with no small amount of hesitation, followed Anko and Llednar. Naruto looked at Jiraiya, who had gained a serious look.

"Back to our mission. While collecting information, I found a rumor about Tsunade-sama's location. We'll head back to town for now, and continue our trek tomorrow." Naruto nodded, and opened a portal of darkness, which both student and teacher took to return to their room.


Two weeks later, Naruto and Jiraiya found themselves in a town near the border in their search, having exhausted every other lead. Naruto had finally gotten the hang of making Kage Bunshin explode, and was even now getting a feel for how much chakra was needed for different-sized explosions.

However, today, he was taking a break. It turned out that the performers they had seen in the previous town had come here as well, doing so as part of their tour of the Land of Fire. After much thought as to what attraction he would see first, Naruto finally resolved to watch the performer-Ninja. However, apparently due to one of the performers breaking a leg, the show couldn't go on…

"Huh?" The bulky leader of the troupe asked, dumbfounded.

"I said, how about I take their place? I'm a ninja, too, you know!" Naruto pointed towards his headband.


"Oh, for the love of…" Xigbar sighed. "Looks like one of those times."

"What times?" Roxas asked.

"You know, one of those things that, although possibly being dangerous, amusing, and/or exciting, we'll never talk about again."

"Eh?" Demyx was just as dumbfounded.

"You know… the fille—" Xemnas promptly shot Xigbar with a bolt of energy.

"Never utter those words, or he shall appear."

"Dude… He doesn't even have his device anymore, remember? There's no way he could break the Fourth Wall!"


"Oi, what's this about the performance being cancelled?" asked the (self-established) leader of a small group.


Xemnas looked at the man, and promptly shot Xigbar again. "I told you, never utter words relating to him! Now see what you did!"

"Just a coincidence, that's all…" Xigbar muttered, tendrils of smoke rising from his prone body.


"Hey, haven't I seen you before?" Naruto asked. "…Yeah, you're that freaky reporter guy from the Chūnin Exams!" The "reporter" fell flat on his face, and the odd small blue creature next to him laughed. He stood up, and glared with a very creepy level of hatred.

"F-freaky? You should thank me!"

"For what?"

"I… you know what? Never mind. If this performance isn't going on, I guess I've got no reason to be here," the teen huffed, stomping off in anger, the blue creature in tow. The other two shook their heads, and the other man in the group sighed.

"Sorry about that. These two can be tough to handle."

"No problem," Naruto grinned, then turned back to the troupe leader. "So, how about it?"

"…Alright. We can't afford to have come all this way for nothing." He gave Naruto a script. "I hope you can follow it, at least loosely…"

The ponytailed blond man turned towards where his companion had walked off. "Hey, you hear that, James? The show is on! James!? Aghh…" The man left, and the last member of the group looked oddly at Naruto.

"…SASUNARU FOR—" She was promptly frozen by a beam of ice. James and his companions walked back, followed by the blue blobby creature.

"Sorry about that. We'll keep her quiet," the unnamed man said.

"NARUHI—" James, too, was encased in ice by the blue creature.

"…This never happened," the man sighed as the blue blob lifted both icicles and waddled away. The man followed, and Naruto blinked at the sight of a portal, the same as what he himself used, sprang up in front of the motley group, only to disappear again after they went in.


"Like I said: we shall never speak of this again," Xigbar shrugged.


Naruto, wearing an comfy, loose shirt, and leggings with bandages from the knee down, in addition to his standard ninja gear, grinned as his companion warned him of the dangerous group approaching. "By my heel, I care not."

"Gentlemen, may I have a word with one of you?" asked the leader of the opposing group. Naruto laughed, getting in a fighting stance.

"Oh, just one word? I think it's missing something, dattebayo… How about… a word and a blow!" He jokingly threw a punch at his opponent. The man stepped back, a mocking grin on his face.

"Ah, you shall find me happy enough to accommodate you, sir, if you give me reason!"

"Couldn't you just take a reason without giving?"

"Mercutio, you consort with Romeo—"

"Consort? What, do you make us music-makers? If so, don't expect anything but discord: here's what I'll use to make you dance! 'Zounds, consort!" Naruto threw a few more punches into the air, grinning.

"Mercutio, Tybalt! We're making a scene… How about we just settle down and take this someplace else…" Naruto's friend pleaded.

"Then let the scene be made!" Naruto boasted. However, Tybalt had suddenly lost interest in Naruto.

"Ah, never mind, sir. Here comes my man…" Tybalt walked past Naruto, pushing him aside in the process. "Romeo! The hate I hold for you… can only be said as thus: You are a villian!"

Naruto fully expected a fight to occur, after such a horrid accusation. However, his friend smiled, and spoke: "Tybalt, the reason I have to love you completely excuses your words: a villain I am not: I see you don't know me at all. Farewell." Romeo walked past Tybalt, stopped only to greet Naruto, and left. It seemed he was in bliss.

"Boy, do you think I'll just let you off the hook after what you did to me? Turn and face me, coward!"

Romeo stopped and turned, a happy smile on his face. "What have I done to deserve your hate? I love you more than you can imagine, until the time comes that you learn why. And so, good Capulet, whose name I speak with as much respect as my own, be at peace." Romeo turned away, and Tybalt spat at the ground he stood at.

Naruto pulled out a kunai, and pointed it directly at Tybalt. "Tybalt, Noraneko, would you come with me?"

"What would you want, Mercutio?"

"Good Neko-sama, I would want nothing… but one of your nine lives. Nah, maybe I'll take the other eight, as well! Will you pull your blade out, and fight me? Be quick, or I'll take one of your ears right now, dattebayo!"

"Mercutio! Please, put away your weapon!" asked Romeo.

"Nah, I think this kitten needs to be put down!" Naruto threw his kunai, summoning his claws. Tybalt blocked with a short katana, and charged. Naruto punched Tybalt, drawing blood from his nose, and performed a Kawarimi no Jutsu to avoid the counter Tybalt attempted. Naruto warped behind Tybalt, leaning on him. "Come on, Neko-chan, you've gotta be quicker than that!" With a great rage, Tybalt turned, attempting to behead Naruto, who blocked with his claw. Naruto was about to finish the fight when Romeo stepped between them.

"Shame on you, gentlemen, cast away this hate! The Kage has expressly forbidden fighting in our streets! Stop!"

Naruto grinned. "Well, okay, but I'm not doing this for your— agh!?" Naruto looked down. There, stuck in his side, was Tybalt's blade. Tybalt withdrew it, splattering blood all over Naruto and Romeo, and fled. Naruto collapsed. "Ugh… And this… this was my good shirt…"

"Mercutio…" Romeo said, sadly.

"A curse… A curse on both your clans!"

"You're hurt," Romeo said. "Save your strength."

"It is just a scratch… But it is enough. You," Naruto pointed to one of his loyal comrades. "Find me a medic-nin…" The man bowed, and left with great haste.

"Courage, Mercutio… The hurt can not be that bad…" Romeo said.

"No, it is not so bad… but it is enough… heh… ask for me tommorow, and I'm afraid that you'll find that I'm a grave man… A curse on both your houses, dattebayo!" Naruto shook his fist at Romeo. "'Zounds, a dog, a rat, a mouse, and a cat to scratch me to death! Why the hell did you come between us!? He got me from under your arm!"

"I thought all for the best…"

"Benvolio… take me inside… A curse on both your clans! You've put me six feet under now, as surely… as if you'd stabbed me yourself… Your clans!" Benvolio picked Naruto up, and took him off the stage. "Thank you, Benny." Benvolio nodded, putting tear drops in his eyes and preparing to announce the death of Mercutio. "So, how'd I do?" Naruto asked, pulling off the white vest and the purple shirt he had been wearing, revealing a pouch of fake blood that had been pierced by Tybalt's blade.

The troupe leader laughed, taking all three items. "Pretty good, kid, for a starter. I'd almost say that you've done this before, huh?"

"Ehehe! I guess you can thank my shadow clones, they helped me practice. Not to mention that this Mercutio guy seems a lot like me… I mean, if you take the fancy words out and everything."

"Ha! I guess it's easier when you don't have to change too much about yourself!"

"Yeah, all you have to do is figure out what you're trying to say, and you're good to go!"

"Truth be told, I'd be honored if you came with us on our tour. I'm sure we could find a place for you when our usual man is able to walk again.

"Well, actually, I'm sorta on an important mission. When my leader finds the information we need, I'd have to be on my way… And with the person we're trying to find, there's no telling where'd she be."

"Oh, really? What's her name? I might be able to help."

"We're looking for some lady named Tsunade…"

"Ah, the Legendary Sucker… We saw her, just a day ago, while we were traveling. She's probably at Tanzaku City."

"Tanzaku City… Thanks!"

"Hey, don't mention it. Consider that part of the thanks for helping us out of this little bind." The troupe leader pulled out a few hundred ryou. "And this is the other part." Naruto took the bag and thanked the man before rushing to the dressing room to put his clothes back on.

'Tanzaku City!'


"Ohhh… Some lady this is! Dissing the Hokage like that! I'm gonna show her what's what!"

"Naruto, don't be hasty!"

"Yeah… Yeah! I think I know the perfect way to knock her off her high horse!"

Next time on XIII Ninja: The Gambler of Fate vs. The Legendary Sucker! Place Your Bets!

"How about we play a little game?"


Tsunade: "You've got to be kidding me. Gambler vs. Gambler?"

Luxord: "Not quite: Extremely lucky and skilled gambler vs. extremely unlucky and sucky gambler."

Tsunade: "WHAT WAS THAT?" (Throws a frozen author at Luxord)

(The author collides with Luxord, and the ice shaters.) "—INA FOREVER! …Huh? What… Nevermind. I'm ending this chapter now."

Shadow: "What, no commentary?"

"…Okay. If you all couldn't recognize my butchered, Naruto-ized version, that was part of Act III of Romeo and Juliet. Namely, the death of Mercutio. I thought it was nice."

Xigbar: "It was filler. Worthless filler, dudes."

"Oh, shut it."

Xigbar: "We'll never refer back to it again."

"Ah, bu—"

Xigbar: "Ever."

"Meh. Anyway, Pokemon Platinum. Looks cool. The male character, as has been stated several times, looks even 'fruitier' than his Diamond and Pearl version did, according to several critics. What, just because he's wearing that… thing around his neck and that hat, he's gay? What is it about those items that make him look gay?"

Xemnas: "…No comment."

"Bah! Really, the white... thing is fancy. Go back a few hundred years, and you'd see them on anyone who wanted to look good. They'd be in gowny clothes, stuff that would be stared at today. I personally think those clothes look cool."

Shadow: "James, you think Rock Lee's clothing looks cool."

"…Don't judge me. Signing off."