Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, they belong to Stephanie Meyer and no copyright infringement is in any way intended. All I own are my ideas.
A/N: Surprise, an early update. I am heading out of town on vacation tonight but I wanted to get the next chapter out so that I can stay back on schedule. Hope you enjoy the chapter!
Chapter 28 – Processing Everything
BPOV
Shadows are everywhere. I try to escape but I can't seem to get away. They are suffocating me and I feel myself going under. I can't breathe.
I jerk awake gasping for air. While I don't remember much about the dream, I know I couldn't breathe. I look around me and realize that I'm not at home. I feel myself start to panic until I feel a pair of arms tighten around me. I look behind me and see Edward snuggled into my back. Realization hits me that I must have fallen asleep as we were watching the movie.
I look at the clock on the wall and notice that it is after four. I carefully try to extract myself out of Edward's grip without waking him up. When I am finally free of his hold I get up and look around. I'm embarrassed for falling asleep during the movie but realize save for the dream that I slept more soundly than I normally have been.
I know I need to get home so I can get ready for work but I don't want to leave without letting Edward know. I put my shoes on and gather my stuff before I make my way back over to the couch. Edward looks so peaceful that I don't want to wake him. Instead, I try to locate some paper so I can leave him a note. While I look for paper, I try to figure out how I am going to get home. The thought of walking after dark scares me so I know that is not a viable option. I decide to not worry about how I am going to get home until after I take care of leaving Edward a note.
I finally find some paper and I begin to write Edward a quick note. I'm concentrating on deciding what to say and I don't hear Edward get up. Thus, when he walks up behind me and puts his arms around me I scream.
"I'm sorry," he says obviously feeling bad for scaring me.
I put my hand over my heart and let out a chuckle. "It's okay. I was just writing you a note. I have to get home so I can get ready for work."
"Let me grab my keys and I will give you a ride."
"You don't have to. I can grab a cab. I know you have to work today as well." I try to tell him.
"No babe, you are not taking a cab. I will drive you. I need to make sure that you get home safe." Edward says pleadingly.
I decide not to argue with him because despite feeling bad for making him take me home I know I will feel safer if he drives me. Edward puts his shoes on and grabs his keys before he leads me down to his car and helps me in. I settle in for the ride back home. The drive is so peaceful that I find myself thinking about everything that I need to do today as I watch the scenery pass around us.
"What has you so lost in thought over there?" Edward asks as he reaches over and takes hold of my hand.
I look over at him and smile. "Just thinking about everything that I have to do today."
"Oh yeah," he says as he quirks his eyebrow in question.
"Yeah, I have a meeting with my boss later this morning. Hopefully he is in a better mood today. Then tonight Angela and I have kickboxing. I am definitely looking forward to that."
"Please be careful tonight." Edward says and I want to kick myself for reminding him of the kickboxing, knowing how protective he has been lately.
"I will. So what time do you work today?" I ask in an effort to change the subject.
"I have to go in at noon. I am on call tonight but hopefully things aren't too hectic," he says with a sigh.
I nod because I could completely understand what he is saying. I know Edward loves his job but when things get hectic it can make for a long day. The next thing I know we are pulling up outside my apartment building. After he parks I turn toward him.
"Thank you for dinner last night Edward. I'm sorry that I fell asleep on you." I say as I feel my face flush in embarrassment for falling asleep on him.
"Don't feel sorry. I had a good time last night and actually I sleep so much better with you in my arms."
I find myself continuing to blush at his statement. I lean over and place a chaste kiss on his lips to let him know not only that I really appreciate not only the ride but also to let him know how much I care for him.
"Thanks for the ride home. Is it okay if I text you tonight?" I ask him.
"You never have to ask. You have a good day and I will look forward to talking to you." Edward tells me with a smile.
With that I get out of the car and make my way into the building. I have plenty of time to get ready for work, but I have to pack my bag for the gym as well. I mentally go through everything I need to do as I make my way to the apartment to prepare for the day.
EPOV
I woke up alone and started to worry about where Bella could have gone. I looked at the clock and knew that my alarm would be going off soon. As I got up I heard a noise in the kitchen. I smiled when I realize that Bella was still here.
Bella was standing with her back to me as I entered the kitchen. I put my arms around her as I went up to her. I felt bad when she jumped because I had assumed she heard me walk in.
I apologize for scaring her as I lean in and give her a kiss. I keep myself from getting upset when she tells me that she was going to leave and just take a cab home because she didn't want to make me take her. Little does she know that the thought of her out at night alone scares me. Once I am finally able to convince her to let me give her a ride home I grab my keys so that I can take her before she changes her mind.
I hold her hand as we walk down to my car. I think about what we talked about last night and I try to figure out whether or not I should bring up Jasper. I decide to put that discussion off until we have more time because I don't want to taint our time together this morning.
As we are driving through town I look over at Bella and notice that she has a faraway look on her face. I reach over and grab her hand as I ask, "What has you so lost in thought over there?"
She tells me that she is just thinking about everything that she has to do. When she reminds me about her kickboxing class, I have to fight to keep my mouth shut because I'm afraid that she isn't healed enough to be partaking in that class and I don't think she realizes just how much I worry about her safety. Instead I settle for asking her to be careful.
I can tell that she is trying to keep me from asking any more about the kickboxing because she asks me about what time I have to work. I let her change the subject and tell her that I work at noon but that I am on call tonight. I go on to tell her how I hope that the Emergency Room isn't too busy. She seems to understand why I hope that the Emergency Rooms isn't too busy.
By this time we have reached her apartment building. I don't want her to go, but I know that she needs to get ready for the day. I park the car and turn toward her in an effort to keep her with me for just a little bit longer. Bella tries to apologize for falling asleep, but I assure her that there is nothing to be sorry about.
I tell her that I sleep better when she is wrapped in my arms. I smile because I love the blush that creeps up her face as I confess that sleeping with her allows me to sleep better myself. Sadly, I know I won't be able to spend time with her in the next day or so which makes it that much harder to let her leave. The protective part of me wants to insist that she tell me how kickboxing goes, but I don't' want to seem overbearing so I don't say anything about the subject and I just hope that she will contact me on her own.
I have to hide the glee I feel when Bella asks if it is okay if she texts me while I am at the hospital. I assure her that I will be happy to hear from her and that I look forward to her texts.
I'm taken by surprise when she leans over to kiss me right before she gets out of the car. I love that she took the initiative to instigate the contact. Once she gets out of the car I sit there until I am sure that she made it into her apartment safely. Only then do I take off to get ready for the day.
When I talked to Jasper last night I promised him I would meet him and Emmett for breakfast this morning. After I take my shower I get ready to head to our favorite diner. I am a little nervous because although I plan on helping him find a way to fix things with Bella, I'm afraid that he will push too hard and it might not only backfire on him, but it might affect my relationship as well.
I try to push these fears aside as I make my way to breakfast. When I get there I notice that Emmett is already there waiting in our favorite booth. I make my way over to him and take my seat.
"Hey Edward. How are you this morning?"
"I'm good Em. Sorry I haven't talked to you in a couple of days."
"No problem," he says and I can see that he wants to say something else. I just sit there and wait for him to ask the question I'm sure is coming. "So, did you talk to Bella the other day?" he asked.
I nodded because just as he asked the question our waitress came up to take my drink order. Once she had left again I spoke. "I did." I tell him.
Emmett doesn't say anything but instead just waits for me. I look around and notice that Jasper isn't here yet so I start to tell him what Bella and I talked about.
"When I asked her what happened she felt really bad. Basically it boils down to the fact that she figured out that Alice was mad because Rose was with her. She felt bad for causing problems between the two of them and just figured that if she took herself out of the equation that things would get better between Rose and Alice."
"Bella isn't the cause of the problems between Alice and Rose. Sure, Rose is mad about how Alice is acting but I think there is more to it than that." Emmett stated.
"I believe you, but all Bella sees is the fact that she is the common denominator in all the fights between the people she cares about." I shake my head. "I just wish I knew how to make her see that none of this is her fault. She is starting to shut herself off and it scares me."
Before Emmett can say anything else Jasper walks in. "Thanks for agreeing to meet us for breakfast," he says.
"No problem." I tell him.
"Thanks for letting me know that Bella was okay last night. I hate that she won't talk to me. I don't know what to do." he says shaking his head.
"I'm going to be brutally honest with you. You brought all of this on yourself. Do you have any idea how upset Bella was when she found out that you lied to her about being too busy to meet with her? Furthermore, do you know that you are not the only person she is now shutting out?"
I had almost forgotten that Emmett was with us until he spoke. "Are you kidding me Jasper? So if I understand what Edward said just now, Bella tried to reach out to you and you basically lied to her and shut her down. Are you stupid? What would possess you to treat your own sister that way?"
"I was mad alright," Jasper snapped.
"No it isn't alright. Like I told you on Sunday you and Alice are the ones in the wrong. Unfortunately your actions aren't just affecting you guys. They are affecting all of us. Bella is working on convincing herself that she is better off without people in her life."
I want to tell him that I think Bella is pushing herself so hard that she is going to reinjure herself, but I don't want to give him anything else that he can use against her. I look over at Emmett and I see that he can tell I am holding something back. He gives me a look to let me know that he wants to know more but thankfully he doesn't press. Instead Emmett takes the opportunity to change the subject to something safer.
"So Edward, are you still going out to the game with us this weekend?" Emmett asks.
"Right now I don't have to work. So unless my work schedule changes I'm still in." I tell him.
Thankfully the subject stays on the upcoming game. We continue with this line of conversation after our breakfast comes. Once we are done eating Jasper has to leave so he can get to work. He asks me again to keep him informed about how Bella is doing and I tell him I will do what I can.
Emmett sets his own hours at his job so I know he isn't going to let me leave without telling him what else is going on with Bella. After Jasper leaves Emmett immediately pounces. "So what weren't you saying when Jasper was here?"
"Em, I'm worried about Bella."
"Why?"
"Well, after she left me on Sunday she was so upset that she took off running."
"Isn't running good for her?" Emmett asks.
"Normally yes, but she just got cleared for any type of exercise late last week. Her doctor told her that she needs to take it easy." He looked like he was going to interrupt so I put my hand up to stop him. "Em, not only did she go running she ran for over ten miles. Plus she went running without her phone so she couldn't have called anyone if she got hurt. Last night I could tell that she was in pain but she is determined not to slow down. She is planning on going to a kickboxing class this afternoon after she gets off work and I'm afraid that it is too soon."
"Wow, what are you going to do?" he asked.
"I'm just going to try and be there for her. I can tell that this entire situation is getting to her. Man, when I found out that Jasper lied to Bella I was so mad. Part of me feels like I should let him try to fix the mess he caused on his own, but I can see how all of this is hurting Bella so if I can try and make things a little less painful for her then I will. I just pray that Jasper is taking this situation seriously. I worry because no matter how strong Bella is, a person can only take so much before they break."
"Let me know if there is anything I can do to help you make things easier for Baby Bells."
"Honestly, the only thing I can think of is to keep trying with her. She feels like she is the cause of all the problems people are having with Alice and Jasper. Because of this I know she is going to try and distance herself from people because she believes if she does that then the rest of the relationships will automatically go back to the way they were." I tell him.
Emmett just shakes his head. Unfortunately I look down at my watch and realize that I have to go so that I can get to the hospital on time. We say our goodbyes and I head off to work.
Sadly when I get to work the Emergency Room is slammed. I drop my stuff in my office and make my way to the nurses station to start my shift and I can already tell that this is going to be a long day.
BPOV
After I leave Edward I get ready for work. I take my time because I don't plan on making breakfast this morning. I stop at Starbucks on the way to the office and grab coffee for both Angela and myself. I drop Angela's coffee in her office and make my way to my own office to start my day.
The day goes by pretty smoothly. My meeting with Tyler goes surprisingly well and for the first time since he got back from vacation he is in a good mood. Thankfully there aren't many crises that need to be dealt with so I am able to tackle the big pile of paper I that has been plaguing my desk with few interruptions.
Before I realize it Angela is at my office door telling me that it is time to go. I grab my purse and we walk out together. "So are you ready for some kickboxing?" I ask her.
"I sure am. I think it will be a good way to take out some aggression. Are you sure that you are ready to start the classes?" she asks me.
I fight the urge to roll my eyes because I know she is just worried about me. "I'm positive Ang. Besides, I can stand to take out a little aggression myself."
She smiles at me, but thankfully she doesn't argue with me. I tell her I will meet her at the gym and we go our separate ways. When I get to the gym Angela is already waiting for me at the door.
"Long time no see," I say to her as I walk up to her.
She laughs. "Alright, lets do this."
I follow her inside and we head to the locker room to change into our workout clothes after we get ourselves signed in. When we get to the room where the class is to be held we look at one another because there is basically nobody there. "Are you sure about what time the class starts?" she asks me.
"Yeah, I checked it twice," I assured her.
Thankfully not long after this more people start to enter the room. We both head towards the back of the room so that we can remain somewhat inconspicuous since neither of us has been to this class before.
Once the class starts I throw myself into the moves. I can feel the pulling in my chest, but I refuse to admit that I might not be ready for this yet. I fight to keep the pain from showing on my face as I struggle through the class. By the time class is over the pain is so great I feel like someone has been stabbing me.
"How are you feeling?" Angela asks with a concerned look on her face.
"I'm good." I tell her through my teeth. "I guess I'm just a little more out of shape than I thought."
I can see that she wants to question me but thankfully she just takes my word at face value. We leave the gym and she tells me that she will see me in the morning. I tell her to have a good night because I know she is going out with Ben tonight.
I make my way home and the first thing I do is take some medicine for the pain. Then I make my way to the bathroom and start myself some hot bathwater. Once the water is ready I climb in and relish the relief the hot water provides my pain-ridden body.
I remain in the bath until the water begins to cool. Only then do I move to climb out. The combination of the bath and the pain meds have made me extremely drowsy so I got myself ready for bed. It wasn't long after I crawled into bed that I was out like a light.
I kept up the same routine for the rest of the week. I didn't really talk to anyone other than Angela. Edward and I texted a little bit but I didn't make an effort to talk to anyone as I just wanted to get through the week. By the time Friday rolled around I was more than ready for the week to be over.
I got off work early Friday so that I could go to my appointment with Carmen. I had been dreading this appointment because I had to tell her I didn't get my homework done. After I signed in at my appointment I waited anxiously until my name was called and I followed Carmen back to her office. "How are you doing today Bella?" she asked.
I didn't want to lie to her. "I've been better," I told her.
"Okay. We will be sure to talk about that. First, lets talk about last week's homework. How did that go?"
I shuffled in my seat and looked down at my hands as I tried to determine how I should answer her question. Finally I decided to just tell her the truth. "It didn't go well."
"What happened?"
"Well, I was actually excited to talk to Jasper after our appointment last week. I thought that maybe if we could both talk about what was bothering us that maybe we could make some progress in our relationship."
She didn't say anything, but rather just nodded her head to let me know she was listening.
"Anyway, after I spent some time with a friend last Saturday I decided to call him. I asked him if we could get together. I didn't tell him everything I wanted to discuss but rather just that I wanted to get together to talk."
"How did that go?"
"Well, he told me he had plans for Sunday. I asked him if he would be available another day and he said he would have to get back with me, but by the tone of his voice I could tell that he wasn't going to put much effort into finding a time that would work."
"How did that make you feel?"
"I felt stupid for expecting him to be able to or even want to see me and I was also upset with myself for being disappointed that he wouldn't see me. After that I just decided to put it out of my mind and try not to dwell on the situation."
"Did you try to set up another time that would work for both of you?"
"No." I told her.
"Why not?"
"Well, Sunday I decided to take Edward coffee at the hospital. We had plans for lunch later in the day but I thought he could use a pick me up since he had worked the overnight. Anyway, while I was there Edward received a text from Jasper."
Carmen quirked her eyebrow but didn't say anything so I continued. "Jasper wanted to have lunch with Edward. I told Edward to go ahead and we would get together later. Then I left and went running to let go of some steam."
"How did you feel when Jasper asked Edward to meet him?"
"Hurt, angry. He had told me that he couldn't get together with me because he was busy but here he was texting my boyfriend to meet him for lunch when he couldn't find the time to meet with me, his own sister." I tell her through my tears.
"Did you tell Edward about this?"
"No, I didn't want him to say anything to Jasper. I don't want to put any more people in the middle. I am already ruining relationships," I tell her.
Carmen asks me what I am referring to and I tell her about what happened last week after our appointment. She can somehow sense that I am pulling back from my relationships and she tells me that I can't shut people out. I try to listen but I honestly don't know what to do.
At the end of our session she gives me my homework for next week. She tells me to write letters not only to Jasper, but to Edward as well. She says I need to get my feelings out because bottling them up will only cause me further problems. She assures me that I don't have to send the letters if I don't feel comfortable but I need to at least write them.
I set up another appointment for next Friday. I know I should just go home but I need to get out some of my frustrations so I take myself to the gym. There aren't any classes taking place so I hop on a treadmill and run. By the time I'm done I have sweat pouring off of me. I take my aching body home where I take my pain medication and fall into bed after my shower.
As I prepare for bed I think about how much I miss seeing and talking to Edward. The problem is that he doesn't deserve to be saddled with my problems and drama. Right before I drop off to sleep I promise myself that I will call Edward and try to talk to him tomorrow.
