chapter 28
Disclaimer: the characters and all recognisable situations belong to Stephenie Meyer - this is a work of fan fiction, except for the legends and histories of the Quileute that, of course, belong to them. I pay my respects to their gods.
Thanks to BanSidhe [ruadh sidhe] and Feebes86 for betaing and pre-reading.
Niki was a little further ahead of the trio and slightly closer to Tacoma, as well. Lucky. He didn't take time for showers or sex, he just got on the road. His head was full of the past and a shit load of regret. The what if's? All the endless replaying of scenarios. The I should have said something, done something, stopped her, or taken her away. He played over every turning point in their lives and it didn't help.
She was dead. His wife was dead.
He didn't need to check directions, he knew exactly where the police department was. It hadn't moved in years.
He stood there in the deliberately non-religious viewing room and he looked down at her body. It was ravaged. She was barely recognizable to him. The drugs had changed her face; coarsened her features but made the rest of her seem smaller, shrunk in on herself.
Paperwork. Mounds of it. Cause of death was heart failure, as if we didn't all die the same way. Detective Russell turned out be a blond, blue-eyed man who looked like he had played football in high school. He was reading her file. "I remember you, now," he said. "Just needed to see the file to bring it back." He turned over a few more pages.
Niki just sat. The detective wasn't familiar to him, but then that time had been a blurry nightmare.
"That's right… always wondered what happened to that kid."
"My son?" He didn't say 'our son'. She had lost him a long time ago.
"No. I meant, the child that made the call to 911." He looked at Niki as if he was trying to give him a clue.
Niki nodded. "Male or female?"
"Male."
"It probably was my son." Shit. He hadn't known that.
Det. Russell just nodded. "How is he?"
"He's almost eighteen now."
"You did a good job."
Niki shrugged. "I don't know yet."
"Child Protection thought so."
Shit. He might have lost Paul. All those years ago.
"He seemed in good hands with you," Det. Russell added.
"Thank you."
"I didn't make the decision."
"Maybe not, but thank you anyway. He might want to see… her. I don't know yet. He's making his own way here."
"Okay. Let me know."
"Is there a funeral place nearby?"
"There's a Neptune Society just across the street. They only do cremations." He looked over to a colleague. "Hey, Ted? You got the card for that Neptune place?"
Ted rifled around in his desk caddy and then handed him a card.
Cremation. That would work. "Can I keep this?" Niki asked.
"Sure, bud."
"Hotels?"
"There's a Best Western a block over but it's gone down hill lately. Try further over near the docks on East 27th Street. The La something Spanish."
"Thanks again."
"You look after that boy."
"These days, he almost looks after me."
"Oh, here, give me that card back." He scribbled a phone number on the back. "Call the Morgue on this number if he does want to see her."
"Great. Thanks again."
He made his way out of the building. He was in a daze. He wandered until he found a Starbucks and then he sat and nursed a coffee.
His son. He had almost lost his son. Sometimes he thought that Paul was the only thing that kept him going. He had to eat, and Niki had to work to feed him. Those simple facts were what had kept him putting one foot in front of the other.
He sat, staring out the window at the people who walked past. Alive and active. Normal people.
Leah was itching. Four hours. She would never make four hours. Bella was in the middle of the bench seat so she didn't have to touch Paul.
"Can I drive?" she asked suddenly.
"You wanna drive?" Paul checked.
"Yeah. You must be tired."
"I am, actually."
"So, the next place you can pull over."
"Right."
They did that and walked past each other around the truck. Bella watched the two of them doubtfully.
Paul hunkered down and folded his arms. If there was one thing, the pack learned, it was to be able to go to sleep anywhere. He was sound asleep in minutes.
Bella's head started to nod, too. She leaned forward, her head down and rocking a little. Leah pushed her carefully towards Paul. She fell onto him, waking him up. He unfolded his arm, put it around her and cuddled her in against him. He watched Leah with his eyes half closed.
He was thinking. He was good with them both; he liked it. He could feel Bella leaning against him. Breathing quietly. He could scent both her and Leah in the cab. He could even smell him on Bella from the sex.
His inner wolf whined. You'll get something, he promised. Even if it was just to sleep with her; just sleep. Curled up together.
Leah seemed brittle to him. She worried him. He almost regretted going back to La Push. Not that he had much control over it at the time.
Bella sighed in her sleep, and he was suddenly glad that he was there.
"Sock," she muttered.
Paul snorted. "Sock?"
"She talks in her sleep," Leah said.
"Fascinating."
"Usually it is just random things. Sometimes you can tell what she is worried about."
"She forgot to pack socks?"
Leah chuckled. "Maybe."
"What else does she say?" He was chatting with Leah. He didn't want to point it out to her in case she stopped.
"Oh, let me think… 'black wolf'. I suppose that was a memory of Sam finding her that time."
"I was there."
"Yes. She also said 'too green' one night."
"Ah. The desert girl. Where was it?"
"Arizona. Her mom moved to Florida now. Phil plays ball for the Suns."
"Phil?"
"Her step dad."
"Right."
They talked about Bella for a little while until Paul fell asleep again.
They both slept until Leah reached the outskirts of Tacoma. "Paul?"
His eyes flew open.
"Call Niki. Find out where we go."
He did that and got instructions to a Starbucks.
Niki saw them coming. He had contacted the Neptune Society and got a quote and tentatively booked a small ceremony for the next day. He would confirm in the morning that the police would release the body. He had explained that it would just be two or so guests, no need to cater or book a function room. It would have to do. He didn't want to spend any more time in town than he had to. Even then, he'd have to choose an urn and wait another day before he could take the ashes with him.
He and Paul embraced. Bella dragged Leah off to the counter, to give the father and son some privacy.
"I'm sorry I ran out," Paul whispered to his father.
"It's okay. I think I understand why. We can talk later if you want."
"Okay." His face looked oddly childlike for a second. Then he glanced up towards the two girls at the counter.
"You brought two girls to a funeral?" Niki asked.
"No." Paul gave a short, barking laugh. "They brought me. Wouldn't be here otherwise."
"Thanks for your support." He was sarcastic.
"Fuck, Dad. Don't get shitty with me."
A sigh. "Sorry. It's been a shitty kind of day."
"I get that. I'm sorry, too." He looked worried. "You okay?"
"History. You know?"
"Yeah. I know."
"Did you want to do a viewing?"
"Shit. Do I have to?" He sat down suddenly.
"Only if you want." Niki resumed his seat.
Paul looked stricken. Bella was walking back and sat down next to him and held his hand.
"Do I want to see her?" Paul asked Bella.
"Would it help?"
"I dunno."
"We could try, and if it doesn't work out, we can leave."
"Okay."
She glanced at Niki. "I am sure if it just family only, then your father would go with you."
"I can call and ask." Niki stood and walked outside.
Paul was silent. Leah came back with the drinks and some muffins.
Niki returned. "He said close relatives only."
"We'll wait here for you," Bella said. She kissed Paul and hugged him hard. He pressed her in against him. Leah patted him on the shoulder but avoided a hug.
Father and son went together.
"I can't imagine it," Bella said.
"Which?"
"Either. The death of a parent or having to go to the Morgue to identify someone."
"I think she has been identified, but yeah…"
"I think if I ever had kids, it would be my greatest nightmare for them to die before me."
"Well, at least Shania got that in the right order. Come on," Leah cajoled, "eat your muffin."
Bella read a book and Leah flicked through some magazines. She got up and told Bella that she was going to walk up and down the street. She just had to move.
She saw them walking back. They were arguing.
"Cremation is cheaper," Niki growled. He gave Paul a look. "You wanna spend more money on her?"
"No. Fuck! I dunno."
"I am not paying thousands for a funeral."
"Christ, Dad, There isn't anyone who would come?"
"We all thought she was dead years ago, Paul. Her family gave up on her a long time ago."
"But—"
"Can you pay for it?"
"No."
"Right now I want to eat and maybe drink a bit. We need to find a hotel and collect the girls."
Leah jogged over. Paul saw her coming. He looked desperately unhappy.
She hugged him. Niki patted him on the back and then just left them and went inside the coffee shop.
"I don't know what to say," she said.
He hugged her harder and took a deep breath.
"I had Seth and Mom had us," she said. "We got through it. You can do this. Let Niki deal with it."
Niki and Bella asked the staff in the coffee shop and they told them the nearest accommodation was further east near the Tacoma dome, confirming what the cop had said. Leah drove and Bella went with Niki. The La Quinta suites would have to do. It was between the freight yards for the port and the freeway. It was cheap at $75 for a double room and it had a restaurant on site and lots of parking. Niki was tired and wanted some hot water.
The room was clean but nothing special. They looked at the two beds. Paul offered, "I can sleep with Dad."
Niki let out a snort, muttered something and went to have a shower.
Bella looked a question at Leah.
"He thinks it's funny that with two women, neither are his."
"Should we meet him in the restaurant? I'm starving," Leah said.
"Yeah, me too. Dad?" he called through the door. "We'll meet you downstairs."
They ate a big meal, but of course the wolves were still hungry. Niki started drinking spirits solidly.
"We could go grab some fast food," Paul suggested.
Leah agreed and the two of them took off.
Bella studied Niki and then reached across the table to hold his hand. "Are you okay?"
"You ever had a drug addict in your life?"
"No. Although I wouldn't get between Charlie and a carton of vitamin R." His favorite was Ranier beer.
Niki chuckled. "Yeah." He rolled the liquor around in the glass. "They cost you everything."
"Did Paul see her?"
"He insisted, but I'm not sure it helped." He looked at Bella's face. "She didn't look much like how he would have remembered her."
Bella nodded.
"The bad drugs; the cheap ones…they just ravage people. And they will sell anything to get them. Rob their family, take their kid's piggy bank."
"They're addicts."
"Yeah." He took a large gulp of his bourbon. "Are you okay about them?" He jigged his head towards the door.
"They will be a little while," Bella said. "They are probably talking, too."
"Or, not," suggested Niki.
Bella shrugged. "Those two don't talk much."
"All action?"
"I suppose."
There was a small gap filled with the background music of the restaurant.
"How was he? That night."
"Distraught. He just cried. And talked. You probably need to talk, too."
"I'm not good at talking."
"Mr—"
"Call me Niki."
"Okay. Niki, tell me about little Paul." Bella was hoping that any talk would lead to some kind of outlet for Niki.
"He was a terror. He was smart, but not academic. Never any good in school. He'd act out, hit other kids, and just be trouble, discipline wise."
"I can imagine."
"He knew the rules, though and he knew the class timetable off by heart, before most other kids even knew one existed. He'd be naughty just before an activity that he didn't like."
"And not be in the classroom for it?"
"Yes. And he'd get detention for hitting another child. Hit teachers when that no longer worked." Niki sighed. "I tried; I really tried but someone had to work. I'll never forget that day. There was a bomb threat or something and we all got sent home early. She wasn't there. Paul wasn't there. I didn't even know where to start looking for them and she wasn't answering her phone. Turned out she had been taking him with her to score."
"Oh, no."
"He had never said anything to me. She didn't know how to handle him. She tried, but Paul was a handful and they just fed off each other. He'd get worse when she was bad and then she'd use more, or the other way around. He was like her litmus paper."
"Did you try medication?"
"For him? No. Nobody really knew what his issue was. They used a lot of labels, but they didn't help. And each time I got him re-tested, they'd use the same test."
"The smart kid knew it."
"Yep. And the diagnoses would get progressively worse. Not that I thought any of them were right. Some of them got pieces of the puzzle, but I had already decided we had to leave. Go home. Back to some fresh air and a cleaner life. A small community where everyone could keep an eye on him. But…"
"Not her thing?"
"No. We argued about it. She'd have to clean up on the rez; Billy didn't tolerate drugs. She made wild threats. We had the biggest fight we had ever had. Someone called the cops. She had been using; she was off her head and she still had the stuff on her. Third strike." He gave Bella a calculating look. "The detective today remembered us. He said he did because a kid had made the 911 call. A boy."
Bella's head dropped.
"Bella?" Niki asked. "Did he say anything to you?"
"It was Paul," she whispered.
"I thought it might have been. He never said anything to me; ever."
"It was that, he was really upset about. He was really guilty that he didn't know she had a record."
"I'll talk to him. Tell him the cops mentioned it." He gave a bitter chuckle. "She was better off without us. Bizarre. On her own she qualified for Legal Aid, with us around she didn't. If we had stayed, we would have had to pay for it all." He drained his glass. "I made a choice. I chose my son. I don't think it the wrong choice."
"No, of course not. You should be proud of him."
"I am, but he still has a way to go."
Paul and Leah had sniffed out a fast food place, bought a dozen burgers and then sat in the hotel car park eating them. Paul inhaled his. He stood, balled up the paper bags and tossed them into the trash. She noticed that he didn't put on a show, didn't crow about the slam dunk or try to make it a competition.
He sighed. "Christ, I feel tired. I haven't felt tired for a year, you know?"
"It's probably all the emotions."
"Fuckin' hate emotions."
"Yeah. Draining."
"You gonna be okay tomorrow?"
"Me? Why?" asked Leah.
"A funeral? You haven't been to one since… your Dad."
"Shit. I forgot about that." She thought about it. "Should be okay. It won't be the same thing. No crowd, for a start."
"Nope. Just us, I think."
"She had no friends?" Leah asked.
"Dad isn't going to invite them if she did." He shrugged. "The cops said no one had been in touch with them. They knew her; and found his details in her file."
"Where was she living?"
"You think she might have left some stuff?"
"We could go look, if you wanted."
"Should ask Dad."
"She might have nothing. Are you prepared for that?"
"Crap. I don't know."
Leah thought he still looked like a lost little boy.
