It was a good day- not only in terms of Grasstail's energy levels, but it was also an unexpected late-leaf-fall heat wave. The sweltering heat beat down on Grasstail, but he was too happy about simply being able to go outside that day to notice it. He'd felt more energized than he could remember feeling in moons. Maybe Podtail's herbs were finally starting to work.
He knew he'd more or less remained in his nest for the past four moons, but he still wished Seedpelt hadn't looked quite so surprised to find Grasstail pawing through the fresh-kill pile. The brown tom had practically keeled over in shock, only to quickly gather himself and try to act like it was still a normal occurrence to see Grasstail up and about.
"Uh, m-morning, Grasstail," he stammered. He dipped his head as though Grasstail were some super-important cat instead of being Seedpelt's junior by six moons. "It's, uh… nice to see you."
Grasstail knew he owed his friend an answer, but it was a miracle he was even out of his nest. He didn't want to tire himself out right away by being too social. Still, he lifted his head from the fresh-kill pile, which he'd been concentrating on intently (choosing a piece of prey was hard) and gave Seedpelt a blink of acknowledgement.
"…Still not very talkative, I see." There was disappointment in Seedpelt's meow. Grasstail was kind of disappointed not to be feeling even better than he was as well, but at that point he'd given up on being instantly cured of his depression, so he was happy to take what he could get. "That doesn't matter," Seedpelt added when Grasstail dropped his gaze back to the fresh-kill pile. "I can do all the talking- get you caught up on everything that's been going on, like, socially."
Grasstail twitched his ears to signal that he was listening, but he kept looking down. He didn't want to look up at the sky; the sun was too bright. Eventually he settled on a scrawny shrew- he didn't want to eat anything too big in case he threw it up later. That didn't seem likely on a day like that one, but Grasstail didn't want to take chances. His Clanmates deserved the bigger pieces of prey more than he did.
"Lilyflower is getting weaker again, but her kits are growing bigger every day. Appleshine and Barkstripe have started sleeping in the same nest, and… oh, yeah! The Gathering a few nights ago was pretty standard- just like last moon's, pretty much, but this time there was a bit of a scuffle between a couple of RiverClan cats- a mother and daughter, it looked like," Seedpelt chattered as Grasstail gnawed on his shrew. He'd already heard all of this from Appleshine a few days ago, but he didn't want to put Seedpelt down. His friend was trying his best, and Grasstail really did appreciate that. "Miststar put a stop to it before it could get out of hand. The daughter seemed really upset, so I tried talking to her after the Gathering was over. And then- oh, StarClan, Grasstail, this is just the craziest thing- remember when we were young and we went down to the lake when it was frozen?"
A chunk of shrew lodged in Grasstail's throat as he gulped and he coughed. Seedpelt hovered over him in concern, resting his tail on Grasstail's back. "I'm fine," Grasstail assured him once his coughing fit had subsided. "But… what were you saying about the cat at the Gathering?"
Appleshine hadn't told him who the cats were. He'd assumed they'd been no one he knew, because he'd have thought Appleshine would have mentioned if it was. Apparently not, Grasstail thought.
"Oh… okay. Well, do you remember that time, don't you? When I almost drowned," Seedpelt supplied without really giving Grasstail the chance to nod- because he did remember, obviously. How could he ever forget? "You know the cat who saved me- Waterpaw? She's a warrior now. I mean, of course she'd be a warrior now- it's been almost a year! It doesn't feel like it's been that long, does it? Anyway, her name is Watersplash, and she's actually super nice! I talked to her for a bit and she told me a Clanmate of hers had done something really bad to her the last time she went to a Gathering- like, really bad- probably against the warrior code. She'd been too scared at first to tell her leader, but then she made a plan and waited a whole moon to announce it at the Gathering so every cat would know about the cat who did the bad thing to her."
There were a lot of things for Grasstail to take away from Seedpelt's story. Yet somehow, he chose to zero in on something to criticize. Was it because Grasstail was a total piece of mouse-dung even when his Clanmates were so nice to him? Yeah, probably.
"'Bad thing'?" Grasstail asked mockingly. "Seedpelt, I may be mentally ill-"
"You're not mentally ill," Seedpelt interjected.
"I have depression, rabbit-brain!" Grasstail snorted, surprised to feel a purr rumbling in his throat. Seedpelt looked pleasantly surprised to see Grasstail purr, even if Grasstail himself hadn't been expecting it. It was a nice little moment, but it only lasted a second. Then Grasstail collected himself and continued, "Anyway, I'm not a kit. You can just say what the cat did to her."
The levity was wiped clean from Seedpelt's face. He hesitated before speaking with a lowered voice: "Watersplash said a tom from her Clan tried to make her mate with him when she didn't want to."
"What?!" Grasstail hissed, digging his claws into the ground. "Seedpelt, are you saying Watersplash was assaulted?!"
"I… I mean, yeah. Sure. I guess," Seedpelt meowed, suddenly seeming incredibly awkward. He backed away a bit from Grasstail. "I mean, yeah, that is what she said. But, uh… no offense, but…"
"Why do I care?" Grasstail guessed.
Seedpelt gulped and nodded.
Grasstail couldn't answer- and not because of his low energy this time. He simply exhaled sharply through his nostrils and gulped down the last morsels of his shrew. Seedpelt didn't say anything more, and Grasstail was oddly glad. Seedpelt was great- Grasstail appreciated him now more than ever- but just like any other cat, he could never know about Grasstail and Watersplash.
He would never understand.
It had been five days, and Watersplash still didn't know what she'd been thinking. She doubted the strange looks her Clanmates had been giving her would ever go away, and she was positive that Minnowleap hated her now. She didn't understand why her mother had been so angry- like it was Watersplash who had hurt Oakleaf, not the other way around. Shellsong was rightly furious that Watersplash had gotten her brother in trouble, and Mallowheart must have been too- she refused to speak with Watersplash, and only a total fish-brain would believe it was just because she was shy.
None of her friends were there for her anymore, when she needed it the most. Oakleaf had tried to force himself on her, and his littermates were acting like it was Watersplash's fault. Smokefur insisted he didn't blame her, but he didn't even seem to care. It seemed to Watersplash that maybe only Patchfur had really liked her as a real friend, and Smokefur had just put up with her. Ever since Patchfur had run away with Birchstripe, Smokefur never approached Watersplash, and when she approached him first he gave her little input.
Emberpaw was a lot better than any of Watersplash's other Clanmates in terms of understanding, but ironically enough, it was because she didn't really understand at all. She'd asked Watersplash on the day after her confession what exactly Oakleaf had done- the orange-and-black apprentice may have matured a lot since Watersplash had started training her, but she was still young, and didn't understand things like assault. Not willing to explain it, Watersplash had simply said that Oakleaf had attacked her- because really, that was what he'd done, right? Since then, Emberpaw had snarled at Oakleaf every time she saw him, and Watersplash had to admit it made her feel a bit better.
Still, having a loyal apprentice wasn't the same as having a proper friend her own age. Watersplash needed some cat who would fully understand and support her. She wished Patchfur would come back.
Sadly, Watersplash didn't get her wish. She did, however, get something better, in a sense. It certainly wasn't something she'd been expecting, but at the same time, it felt like it was inevitable.
Watersplash had asked to go on a walk by herself to clear her head and get away from her Clanmates for a bit. Miststar had allowed her, and she'd run out of camp like her pelt had been on fire. Now, Watersplash was loping along beside the river and keeping a steady pace. She closed her eyes against the sun and headed down to the lake. She didn't really make a conscious choice to go there; it was almost like her paws were carrying her there against her will. It wasn't like she was against the prospect; she just hadn't really planned on going anywhere in particular. Ah, the lake, then, she thought when the smell of it hit her nose. That's nice.
"Hey."
Watersplash froze in her tracks. She jerked her muzzle around, blinking in disbelief at the cat sitting on the shore.
"G…Grasstail?" Watersplash meowed, mouth dry. She blinked several times, each time half-expecting him to disappear when she opened them again. That didn't happen. He was really there. "Oh, StarClan," Watersplash cried, her breath catching in her throat as she rushed over to him. "Grasstail, what are you doing here?!"
"I…" Grasstail's voice hitched. He cleared his throat and spoke again, but his voice came out as barely audible, and Watersplash had to be right up next to him to hear him. Even then, she could barely hear him over the pounding of her own heart. "I heard what happened to you, Watersplash," Grasstail croaked. "My friend Seedpelt told me about it."
Watersplash's stomach sank. "You know about Oakleaf?"
Grasstail nodded solemnly. Watersplash was filled with a million different emotions as she took in his skinny frame and dull, matted pelt. He looked so different form the last time she'd seen him- she could easily count his ribs, and his lowered gaze made it hard for her to look him in the eye. When she did, she found that their green wasn't nearly as sharp and dazzling as before. And yet, despite all of that, she loved him- now more than ever. How could she still love him?! And did he still love her?
Watersplash had to know.
"I love you, Grasstail," she blurted. Grasstail drew in a sharp breath as Watersplash leaned into his chest, pressing her muzzle into his matted fur. She took in a deep whiff of his scent- it stank of dirt and rot and neglect, but it was still… Grasstail. The cat she loved. The cat she had never stopped and would never stop loving.
It took Grasstail a long time to answer. In that time, Watersplash expected him to push her away, to tell her to stop being so selfish. How could she say something like that to him after all this time? If what that cat Barkstripe had said was true, then there was something seriously wrong with Grasstail- and Watersplash was acting like she was the real victim!
And yet, when Grasstail finally did answer, he didn't sound angry. His meow was calm as he said, "I still love you, too. I… I just didn't think you still returned the feeling."
"Oh, Grasstail," Watersplash murmured. "Of course I do. And I swear to StarClan I never meant to hurt you like I did."
"It wasn't your fault, Watersplash," Grasstail told her. "It was no cat's fault, really- although if any cat was to blame, it's me."
"That's not true."
"Watersplash, have you forgotten how our last meeting went?" Grasstail dug his claws into the ground. "I was the one who pushed you away! I wouldn't have blamed you for hating me after that!"
It broke Watersplash's heart to see Grasstail so upset. She wanted so badly to comfort him in any way she could. The rational part of her knew it wouldn't really make things better between them- not after all that had happened. Even so, if there was anything at all Watersplash could do to cheer Grasstail up, even if it was just for a few moments…
"Mate with me," she breathed, leaning her head against Grasstail's chest.
Grasstail did a double take. "Wh-what did you just say?"
Watersplash could hardly believe it herself, but… "It's what you want, isn't it?" she whispered. "And if you want it, I wouldn't mind."
"But, Watersplash, we can't…" Grasstail began, before trailing off. "…Then again, who am I to turn something like that down?" he purred, eyes glistening like they had when the pair had been together. Were they back together now? Or would this be a one-time thing?
Purring, Watersplash led Grasstail into a secluded spot amongst the reeds so they wouldn't be seen. She could hardly believe that Grasstail was finally by her side once more. Being with him may not have been the best thing that ever could have happened to Watersplash, but that was what it felt like. And either way, she knew that being with him was the best thing she was going to get.
Grasstail staggered back into camp as the sun was setting, feeling better than he had thought was possible. Sadly, as soon as he'd made it into the warriors' den, he completely crashed. He couldn't even make it to his nest. Being with Watersplash had been amazing, but not even love could cure him of his depression. By the time the next morning rolled around, Grasstail felt absolutely miserable. He knew he'd pushed himself too far, and now it was taking a toll on him.
"What's all this?" Seedpelt remarked as he stuck his head into the den at a little past sunhigh. "I thought you were getting better."
That's what I had hoped, Grasstail thought, but all he could manage out loud was a grumble. Seedpelt padded over to where he lay sprawled out on the floor of the den and dropped a rabbit at his paws.
"For you," the brown tom meowed.
"Mmm." Grasstail blinked gratefully up at his friend, but as soon as Seedpelt had left, Grasstail pushed the rabbit away. The smell of it made him sick; he couldn't even imagine eating it. He'd let the next cat who came in to check on him have it- maybe Podtail. The hard-working medicine cat more than deserved it.
Since he obviously wasn't going to be getting up today, Grasstail decided he might as well try and get some sleep. He closed his eyes and before he knew it, he was in the middle of a dream.
Inky blackness surrounded Grasstail, and when he tried to move around, he found that he was floating weightlessly above the ground. He wondered if he was in space. But that didn't make sense- where were the stars?
A blood-curdling screech rang in Grasstail's ears. He flailed around in suspension, unable to reach the cat responsible for the sound nor able to detect their location. There were no other sounds, and no scents to tell him where he was. It was as if he had no senses at all.
"Hello?" he called, trying to ignore his growing sense of dread. "Who's there?"
"Grasstail?"
The voice came from behind him, and he whirled around to see a cat running toward him- no, two cats. Well, more like kits, really. He didn't recognize either of them. One was a sleek black she-cat, and the other was a dark gray tom with a slight blue tint in his tabby stripes. "Who are you?" Grasstail asked.
"Grasstail, you have to save us," the she-kit wailed. "We don't wanna drown!"
Are these StarClan kits? Grasstail wondered. But they didn't have stars in their pelts or around their paws, and they were just as opaque as he was. What was going on?
Suddenly thunder boomed overhead, and rained began to pour down. A wave rose up out of the void and engulfed the two kits. "No!" Grasstail shouted, leaping up to pull them out of the water. It was no good; the wave caught him, too, and he was pulled under. Just before his vision slipped away, he saw the face of a cat in the water. Their whiskers were quivering in amusement and they purred at him, as though it were funny that he was going to drown. "Who are you?!" Grasstail demanded, but his muzzle filled with water as soon as he spoke. The cat vanished, and Grasstail sank toward the bottom of an unseen lake, the frightened mewling of the kits echoing in his ears.
Grasstail woke up to find himself lying in the medicine den. He grimaced as he took in the tangy scent of herbs. Podtail must have moved him while he'd been sleeping. He also felt (and tasted) some chewed-up leaves in his mouth- Podtail must have tried to get him to take his herbs. He swallowed the pulp and groaned, rolling onto his back to gaze up at the top of the den. He could see grass roots sticking down through the dirt, and he had half a mind to bat at them like a kit. Wouldn't that be funny, he thought to himself. It'd be like I was a kit again.
Grasstail had to admit he would have liked to have been a kit again right about then. But he knew he could never go back to those days. He had no choice but to face the future in front of him, no matter what that might hold.
