Chapter 28 - Lie to me
"I don't know who you are," the Doctor told them all. "But you need to get out of here now. You need to leave."
"What did I tell you," the woman turned back to the girl behind her, ignoring the Doctor's words. "Two human lifeforms."
"You were right," the girl allowed. The woman flipped her hair out of her eyes. She looked like some female space version of Indiana Jones.
Rose couldn't help but glance critically down at herself. Rose was wearing jeans, sneakers, a powder pink top, and a grey short jacket with an array of handy pockets. Next to Mrs Jones she looked terribly ordinary. Of course she wasn't ordinary. Everything would have been a lot simpler if she had been. But looking at this woman made Rose think that maybe she should wear more cool leather jackets and boots. But that wasn't really who she was, was it? And if there was something she didn't want to loose right now it was who she was. Rose Tyler with no a-levels or badass leather jackets. Just an ordinary girl who'd find out she had the strength and bravery to be extraordinary.
"Get out now," the Doctor told the group again. The woman sassed over to him and held out her hand.
"Professor River Song," she introduced herself.
"You're archeologists, aren't you?" the Doctor asked without taking her hand, his lips twisting in disgust.
"Indeed," River Song replied with a smile, letting her hand fall. "Well some of us at least," she said, winking at the guy with the scar. "This is Jonathan Fox," Professor Song said, pointing at the guy with the cynical eyes. "Miss Evangelista." She pointed to the girl who gave them all a small wave. "And Drake." She indicated the guy with the scar. He locked eyes with Rose for a moment. His gaze slewed down the length of her and back up again, a crocked smile spreading on his lips. He was holding some big weapon, like a shotgun but far more advanced. He leaned the gun casually against his shoulder as he smiled at Rose.
"Well ain't ye a beaut'," he said. His accent was Australian, dark and amused. It sounded like he put some extra drawl to it.
The Doctor was looking from the guy to Rose and back again while River Song was simply rolling her eyes.
"No," the Doctor tried again, clearly flummoxed. "Leaving, you're all leaving."
"We're not leaving, Doctor," River Song said. Rose didn't notice it at first but the Doctor did. He hadn't told them who he was, so how did this woman already know? "We came here to get a few things," Professor Song was saying, not paying attention to the surprised look on the Doctor's face. "Not leaving until we got them."
"Well, I detect no more lifeforms," the girl at the back, Miss Evangelista, said as she looked at her small computer that was handily strapped to her forearm. "I'm sure this time," she added.
"I would really listen to him though," Rose said, stepping to the side and revealing the human remains behind her. Miss Evangelista gasped. But none of the others gave much of a reaction. River Song moved over to the skeleton, running her scanner over it.
"The bones are stripped clean," she said. "Perfectly clean."
"That is why you need to leave," the Doctor insisted. River Song straightened and turned to him.
"You know what it is then?" she asked. "You know what killed everyone on this ship?"
"I know what it appears to be but it's not possible," he said.
"Why not?" Rose asked. The Doctor's eyes moved from River to Rose.
"Because it can't be here. Not on a spaceship. It doesn't make sense," he told her.
"What can't be 'ere?" Drake asked.
"Vashta Nerada."
There was a certain tone the Doctor put on the name. It caused everyone to go silent.
"What's that then?" Drake was the one who finally spoke.
"It's a swarm," the Doctor explained impatiently. "But they live in forests. Not on spaceships."
"Swarm?" River Song asked.
"Yes," the Doctor confirmed. "They do that," he pointed to the remains.
"They eat flesh?" Miss Evangelista asked in disgust.
"They consume it," the Doctor told her. "Within seconds. Most creatures have a weak spot. Sontarans, the back of the neck, Daleks, you go for the eyestalk."
"And Vashda Nerada?" Rose asked. The Doctor turned to her. There was fear in his eyes.
"Run," he said and despite the thick walls around his mind she got a wave of regret from him. "You run."
"And why should we believe you?" Drake asked the Doctor.
"Because I'm right," the Doctor told him.
"Gonna need a bit more than that, mate."
"No, you don't," Professor Song said. "If he says there are flesh-eating swarms on this ship then there are flesh-eating swarms on this ship."
The Doctor looked in surprise at River Song. She was very quick to believe him. A little too quick.
"We're just gonna believe this random guy?" Drake asked, pointing his hand at the Doctor. "How did you even get here, no other ships had docked."
"Not the point," River interrupted before the Doctor had a chance to say anything. River turned to Drake. "I trust him, that is all you need to know," River said. After a few moments Drake gave a shrug.
"Fine," he said. "At least the girl's cute."
"Oi," Rose said. "Watch it or you're gonna get a smack you are." Drake's lips spread in a smile at this.
"Think I might like that," he said.
"Ok, enough," the Doctor said, his voice hard. "You all need to get out of here now."
"Sorry, Doctor but we're not going yet," River said.
"You don't need to go you need to run," the Doctor insisted.
"Runnin's all well an' good mate," Drake said. "But how we kill 'em is better."
"You don't," the Doctor told him sharply. "It's a swarm. They exist all over the universe. But in small clusters. They might kill one or two people a year. This is different. Something's different," he was rambling, running his hands frustratingly through his hair. "It killed the entire crew in just a few days," he said.
"Two," Rose said from behind him. He looked back at her. "Two days," she clarified, looking up from the journal.
"Does it say anything about where they came from?" the Doctor asked, a hint of hope colouring his tone. But Rose shook her head.
"Don't think so," she said.
"Right, of course it doesn't. Didn't have time to figure that out. Too busy dying."
"So what do we do?" River asked, effectively focusing the Doctor. It made Rose glance over at her. She wasn't sure if she should be impressed or worried.
"Stay out of the shadows," he told them. "Just stay out of the shadows."
"Miss Evangelista!" River Song called.
"Professor Song."
"Find me a route to the cargo bay," she said. "And make it quick, I don't much fancy dying here." The Doctor's eyes widened as he looked at her.
"Nothing in that cargo bay could be worth it," he remarked, clearly thinking he had scared them enough to get them out of there. But the professor didn't exactly look like someone who got scared easily.
"Try thirty million credits mate," Drake told him.
"That's what you're getting for this?" the Doctor asked.
"Curtesy of the Lux Cooperation," Miss Evangelista said while tapping away on her computer. The Doctor walked over to Professor Song, clearly having decided that she was the one to convince. Rose kept flipping through the pages of the journal. It wasn't all diary entries. There were quotes and poetry and drawings in there too. It was someone's mind and soul between those pages. She began to understand why whoever it was had clung to it as they died.
"Soo," Rose heard a deep Aussie drawl right next to her. "What's a beaut' like you doin' in a place like this eh?" Rose glanced up at the guy, Drake. He was smiling crookedly at her. Upon closer inspection she could tell he wasn't as old as she'd initially thought. Which would account for his lack of originality when it came to pick up lines. He was probably around her age, but the scar down the right side of his face easily added a few years. He was also quite handsome. In a rugged, devil may care sort of way. Rose returned to leafing through the journal without comment. Whether he was handsome or not didn't make much difference in the end. He leaned down a little closer to her. He smelled faintly of something sweet. Some kind of candy she couldn't quite place. "So what's the story with yew two?" he asked, nodding his head in the Doctor's direction. Rose glanced up. The Doctor was still talking to River Song. She was holding some blue book in her hands and whatever they were discussing it seemed to have stumped him. She fought the impulse to reach across the bond to try and see what he was feeling. "Two of you a thing or...?"
Rose sighed. "None of your business."
"Ah, complicated then eh," he said. Rose tried to ignore him as he fished something out of his pocket. That sweet smell she'd noticed before grew stronger. Rose glanced up to see him popping something into his mouth. He caught her looking and opened his hand to show her what he held. Rose started.
"Jelly Bellies?" she asked in disbelief. "They can't still have Jelly Bellies."
"What you mean still?" he asked. "And why not?"
"No reason," Rose said, shaking her head.
"Want one?"
Rose struggled for just a moment to say no but pretty soon gave in. She snatched one out of Drake's outstretched hand and popped it into her mouth. Oh, it was ages since she had Jelly bellies. They hadn't been to Earth or even her century in so long.
"Good, right?" Rose nodded. "Can't get enough of 'em," Drake said. "Eat 'em non stop." He downed the last ones.
"Drake!" River Song called from across the room. "Stop trying to flirt. We got a route, time to head out."
"Comin' professor," he said. "See you around, blondie," he told Rose and gave her wink before hurrying over to River and the others. Rose walked over to the Doctor's side.
"Not leaving then?" she asked him.
"No," he replied, his eyes locked on River as she took her team and headed out the way they'd come.
"You ok?" Rose asked, remembering the look on his face as he'd stood speaking to River.
"Yeah, fine," he replied. Rose knew what that 'fine' meant and it never actually meant fine. "Come on," he said and followed River and the others. Rose stashed the journal in one of her handy pockets and hurried after him.
They walked through rooms and through hallways, forgotten splendour all around them. It would have been sad seeing something so beautiful left to decay but no one had time to appreciate such a thing. Everyone was watching the shadows. Rose leaned closer to the Doctor.
"On a scale of one to 5,5/apple/26, just how bad is this?" Rose whispered.
"I shouldn't have brought you here," the Doctor said. "I'm sorry."
"This is still what we do isn't it?" Rose half asked. But the Doctor didn't have time to give an answer.
"Wait!" Evangelista called out. "I've got movement." She looked at her small computer. The Doctor clasped Rose's arm, careful not to touch her skin and pulled her with him.
"Where?" he asked Miss Evangelista.
"Um..." she said hesitantly. Rose tore free from the Doctor's grip. He gave her a glare meant to order her to stay put. But she demonstratively took a couple steps away from him.
"I can't seem to pinpoint it," Miss Evangelista continued, spinning around. Her eyes flickered from her computer screen to their surroundings and back again.
They were standing in a kitchen. It was slow going making their way down through the ship because of course the cargo bay was at the bottom.
"Miss Evangelista," Professor Song urged. "Talk to me!"
"Ah.. it's.. I think it's. It's behind us," she said.
"Are you sure?" the Doctor asked her urgently. She nodded.
"Yeah, I think so," she said. Everyone shone their torches at the room behind them, running the beams over kitchen counters and high-tech appliances. Shadows moved along the walls and crept over the floors. But no one could tell if they were real shadows or not.
The Doctor twirled around, looking frantically about. He spotted a refrigerator and hurried over to it, yanking the door opened. A foul smell met him. Old, rotten food. The ships power must have shut down not too long ago before he turned it all back on. He yanked a leg off an old chicken. He tossed it at the nearest shadow. Everyone gasped as the bone was licked clean in a second.
"Run!" the Doctor screamed. Everyone turned and bolted.
They crashed through the kitchen doors and burst out into another hallway. No one stopped or paused. Everyone just ran. They ran through the hallways and crossed though rooms while Miss Evangelista shouted out directions. Rose's gaze was running frantically about, every shadow she saw a potential threat.
"Left!" Miss Evangelista called out. They all turned left.
"Stop!" the Doctor screamed. He got a hold of Rose's sleeve and yanked her back. She crashed into his chest, his arm wrapping around her to steady them both. The hallway ahead of them was pitch-black. Everyone skidded to a sudden halt. "Back! Get back!"
The Doctor was pulling Rose backwards with him, his arm tight around her. They all turned, seeing the hallway behind them and it was just as dark. They were surrounded.
Drake was pointing his shotgun at the blackness even though shooting at it wouldn't do any good.
"Miss Evangelista!' River Song called. "What's bellow us?" she asked. Evangelista tapped away on her computer.
"Stairs," she said. "A set of stairs."
"Any movement?" the Doctor asked. Evangelista shook her head.
"I don't think so."
"Look out," River told them. She got one of the guns out of its holster and aimed it at the floor. Rose recognised the gun. It looked exactly like the sonic blaster she'd seen Jack Harkness use when she'd first met him.
A beam of blue light erupted from the gun and a perfect square hole appeared in the floor. Drake put away his weapon in a holster strapped to his back. Both he and Jonathan Fox hurried over to the hole. Jonathan waved Miss Evangelista over. She snapped her computer shut and hurried to him. He took her hands and lowered her into the hole, dropping her. Drake did the same with River.
"Come on!" Drake told Rose. The Doctor released her and they rushed over. Drake clasped Rose's hands and lowered her down. He let go and Rose crashed to the floor. Her injured, barely healed foot gave way under her. She swallowed the cry of pain that threatened to escape her lips. The Doctor landed next to her. Rose struggled to rise but ended up loosing her balance. The Doctor caught her and Rose sank back down. The Doctor hunkered down next to her. Rose hissed as he touched her foot. Drake and Jonathan jumped down to the rest of them and Professor Song raised the blaster, firing it at the hole. The ceiling returned as though there had never been a hole at all.
"I told you to stay in bed," the Doctor muttered angrily as he carefully examined Rose's foot.
"You don't get to tell me what to do," Rose hissed at him. His gaze flickered up to hers.
"If you'd listen to me you wouldn't have broken your foot again," he pointed out.
"It's not broken," Rose hissed back. She pulled away from him and struggled upright. She swayed a little as she put her weight on the injured foot. It hurt but not too bad. It definitely wasn't broken. The Doctor straightened and reached for her but Rose immediately put up her hands, warding him off.
"I'm fine," she insisted.
"So we're back to this again are we?" he asked, clearly annoyed. "Why are you always so damn stubborn?!"
"Maybe I'm just not as bloody fragile as you think," Rose growled. The Doctor took a step towards her. Rose could see the readiness to do battle in his eyes.
River Song appeared next to them.
"Perhaps we could do this later," she suggested.
"We need to find somewhere to stop," the Doctor told River without his eyes leaving Rose's for one second. "I need to have a look at her foot, it might be broken."
"It's not broken," Rose told him. "It's fine."
"See, Doctor, she's fine," River agreed with Rose, clearly trying to get them all going. The Doctor took a step closer to Rose, his face darkening. Rose had to tilt her head back to look up into his eyes.
"You are going to let me have a look at that foot, Rose Tyler," he told her in no uncertain terms. Rose glared at him and the Doctor glared back.
"Rose Tyler?" River asked. "You're Rose Tyler?"
But neither the Doctor nor Rose paid her any mind
"I almost died once," Rose told the Doctor. "Once! And you turn into this overprotective ass." Rose got the pleasure seeing the Doctor completely stumped. "Yes, I said ass," Rose told him. "That's what you are. An ass."
"You..." the Doctor began angrily. "...have no idea what it's like to go through nearly loosing you. No idea!" He ran his fingers frustratingly through his hair, messing it up. "You are so damn... jeopardy friendly!"
"I am not," Rose refuted.
"Barrage ballon, Rose!' the Doctor reminded her. He turned suddenly to River who was still standing right next to them. "In the middle of the London blitz," he told her. "Hanging from a barrage ballon during a German air raid! Oh, and she had the Union Jack splashed all over her shirt." Rose was folding her arms across her chest, disliking this conversation more and more. "You could might as well have worn a target or a shoot me -sign!"
"That happened once," Rose pointed out.
"First time she flew the TARDIS," the Doctor told River. "Landed us in the Cretaceous period. We nearly got eaten!"
"Accident," Rose refuted.
"Clockwork droids, Daleks, bloody Davros! Judoon...!"
"Fine!" Rose interrupted him. "You've made your point."
"All though this is all very fascinating," Drake interrupted them. `'Maybe we should get going?"
"Yeah, good idea," Rose agreed. She turned away from the Doctor and began limping down the stairs.
"I'm still going to need to have a look at your foot," the Doctor said after her. Rose glanced back, prepared with some handy retort. But her eye caught on River Song and the words died on her lips. River was staring at Rose as though she had just seen a ghost. As though she couldn't possibly be real. The Doctor came up next to Rose, clasping her arm.
"Let's go," the he said, pulling Rose reluctantly with him while River stared after them.
Rose tried really hard not to limp but walking still hurt. Miss Evangelista came up next to them as they made their way down the stairs.
"There's some kind of library here," she said, pointing to a map on her computer. "It looks like it can be easily fortified. Plus according to schematics there should be plenty of light in there. Lights help right?"
"Light slows them down, but it doesn't stop them," the Doctor said. Rose winced as she stepped badly on her foot. The Doctor immediately wrapped his arm around her waist, steadying her. Reluctantly she let him. He was still careful not to touch her bare skin. Contact meant it would be harder for him to block her out. And he was still doing everything he could to block her out.
Miss Evangelista led them down the stairs into another hallway. Everyone was weary of every single shadow, their gazes flickering about, expecting them all to start moving at any second.
"Over here," Miss Evangelista said, pointing at a door to the right. Drake and Jonathan hurried past everyone. Drake kept his gun up as Jonathan opened the door. They both disappeared inside.
"I don't detect any movement," Miss Evangelista said, looking at her computer.
"Seems clear!' Drake called from inside the room. Everyone filed in, River entering last.
As far as library's went it was a fairly small one. Oval shaped, two floors, balconies tracing around the perimeter of the room. Books lay scattered and discarded on the floor, dust dulled the blue carpets, chairs were lying on their sides and tables were upended. The Doctor helped Rose over to a couch, easing her down into it. Rose leaned her head back against the headrest while the Doctor hunkered down on the floor in front of her. He put her foot on his knee and pulled her shoe off carefully. He got the sonic out of his inner jacket pocket and used it to scan her foot.
"Satisfied?" Rose asked him.
"Just some stress fractures to the bones you broke before," he mumbled.
"See," Rose pointed out.
"It still needs to be wrapped up," he said.
"Here." River suddenly stood next to them, holding out a roll of elastic bandage.
"Thanks," the Doctor said, taking the bandage, a bit of hesitation in his voice as though he did not quite trust her kindness.
The Doctor turned his attention to Rose's foot and froze. Rose followed his gaze, realising why he'd stopped. If he was going to wrap her foot he would have to touch her. That hurt, Rose thought. She remembered when this had been her. When she had been so afraid of what happened when the bond flared up that she hadn't wanted him to touch her. Now it seemed the roles had been reversed.
Rose leaned over and snatched the bandage out of his hands.
"I can do it myself," she snapped. The Doctor looked as though he was about to say something but then he straightened and left her without a word.
Rose planted her injured foot on her own knee and began wrapping the bandage.
"You two ok?" Professor Song asked next to her. Rose hadn't realised she'd stayed.
"Yeah, fine it's just...complicated," Rose muttered.
"What happened?" River asked. Rose paused for a moment before continuing to bandage her foot. "Really, very complicated," Rose added. River sat down next to her on the couch.
"Maybe I could help," River offered.
"I doubt it."
"Try me,"
Rose sighed. "He refuses to understand that lies will always hurt more than a painful truth ever could."
"Sometimes you have to lie," River said. "To protect the ones you love."
"Well, I don't need protecting," Rose said with finality.
"We all need protecting," River replied. Rose glanced over at her. "Every now and then."
"But it's not his choice," Rose insisted.
"He probably does what he thinks is right. Or what he knows is right. Maybe you just have to trust him." Rose narrowed her eyes at River.
"I don't know you, do I? Ever since we met you, you've... I don't know." Rose said thoughtfully, recalling how she'd been so quick to trust them.
"No," River said. "We've never met before. But he told me of you once," she said. Rose felt a strange flutter of worry in her stomach.
"Who did?"
River didn't answer but for the blink of an eye her gaze flickered over to the Doctor where he stood looking at something with Miss Evangelista on her computer.
"The Doctor..." Rose trailed off. "The Doctor told you about me?" Nothing in the Doctor's behaviour suggested he knew the woman from before. "You know him?" Rose asked.
"God, do I know that man," River said. There was no mistaking the intimacy in her voice. Rose's gaze fell back to her foot and she continued wrapping it up, telling herself not to take out any of her frustration on River Song. It wasn't her fault.
"I'm sorry," Rose said. "He's never mentioned you. A recurring theme with him though."
"It's because he hasn't met me yet."
Rose looked up at River in confusion. She was looking at the Doctor, a sad sort of longing in her eyes.
"What?" Rose asked.
"He came when I called. Like he always does," River was saying. "But it's too soon for him. He got the message too soon." Rose put her wrapped foot back down and slipped on her shoe.
"Excuse me, but what are you talking about?" Rose asked, perplexed. River tore her gaze away from the Doctor and turned to Rose.
"He hasn't met me yet," River repeated and finally Rose understood.
"You're from his future."
River nodded. "Yes."
"And you sent him the message to come here." Another nod.
"I never dreamt I'd meet you." River watched Rose and that strange disbelief returned to her eyes. Like she was looking at something she'd never thought to be real. "He said you were beautiful."
Rose hooked a lock of hair behind her ear and rose to her feet. Her hands had started shaking. She carefully put weight on the injured foot. The pain was almost gone. It really hadn't been that bad. Rose clenched her hands into fists in an attempt to stop the shaking. River was talking about the Doctor's future and Rose clearly wasn't a part of it. What had happened to her? Had she died? Had he simply outlived her? Had he left her?
Rose could feel the flow of timelines pushing at her temples. She squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't want to know. She had become like the Doctor, afraid of endings. She didn't want to see her own.
"It took a long time for him to tell me about you," River was saying and Rose wanted to tell her to shut up. She didn't want to hear this. She couldn't bear it. Not now. Not when she was already afraid. "Sometimes he would mention your name in passing or something would remind him of you and he would get this look in his eyes. This haunted look. Like he was standing at the edge of a cliff, debating whether or not to jump." River shook her head sadly. "It broke my heart seeing him like that."
River thought she knew heartbreak. Rose hoped she didn't.
"I have to..." Rose tried to say, but she found it hard to even speak. "I have to..." she tried again. Rose raised her eyes and they immediately found the Doctor's across the room. It was like she instinctively knew where he stood in relation to her. Like she always knew.
The Doctor was moving before she had a chance to do anything, hurrying over to her.
"Rose?' he asked, urgency in his tone. "Rose, what's wrong?" Rose just shook her head. She wanted to reach for him. Wrap her arms around him and ensure herself that at least for now he was right there. Not lost. Not gone. Not with someone else. But her arms just hung limply at her sides, knowing he didn't want to touch her right now, much less let her get that close.
"What did you say to her?!" the Doctor barked at River.
"Nothing," River said, shaking her head, looking bewildered. "I didn't."
The Doctor turned back to Rose. "Rose?" he tried again. "Whatever happened you have to calm down." Rose glanced down at her hands and saw a faint hint of golden light shifting beneath her skin. Her eyes flickered back up to the Doctor's.
"Tell me you wont' leave me," Rose said. "Lie if you have to."
"What?" the Doctor asked, shocked. "Of course I'm not gonna leave you. Rose, please you're scaring me."
"Make me believe it," Rose asked of him. "Just make me believe it. Please. Make me believe we'll always be together. Lie to me."
The Doctor glanced once around the room. Rose knew that every eye were on them. But it didn't matter. She didn't have the capacity to care for such a trivial thing.
"I won't ever leave you," the Doctor told her. "You have to know that."
"How can I?" Rose asked. "You're blocking me. Why?"
The Doctor reached down and entwined his fingers with hers and yet she still couldn't quite feel him.
"Rose, I would die before I left you."
"No," Rose denied. "Until you decide it's the right thing to do. Until you decide it's the best thing." The Doctor shook his head.
"No, I won't do that again. I promise. I can't do that."
"You promised you would never lie to me again," Rose pointed out. "Your promises mean nothing."
Rose could feel the power inside her shifting, moving. She already had a splitting headache.
"You have to calm down."
"Then tell me something true," Rose said. "Tell me something I'll believe."
"You don't believe in this?" The Doctor asked sadly, taking her hand and placing it against his chest, holding on tight. She could feel the twin beat of his hearts against the back of her hand. "Do you have so little faith in me?" he asked.
"It's not about faith."
"Yes, it is. I would tell you anything if only you asked." He closed his eyes and took a deep shuddering breath. "All you ever have to do is ask." He opened his eyes and looked at her. "I never meant to lie to you," he assured. "I just needed some time. Can't you give me that?" Rose shook her head.
"I'm scared," she said.
"I know." His hand tightened around hers. "I am too. More than you know. It's why I can't...Rose, I just need you to trust me. I don't care what Professor Song told you. Trust me."
Rose remembered at the Dalek Crucible when she'd thought Davros had finally managed to break the Doctor. When he'd sat on that floor and asked her to let him die in her stead. How angry it had made her. How he could trust Davros over her. But wasn't this different? River Song was from his personal future. She was what was waiting for him.
"She's from your future," Rose said.
"Yes, or so she says. But time can be rewritten."
"Doctor..." Rose thought she'd never heard so much pain in one word before as when River uttered that one.
"You be quiet," the Doctor told her harshly. Rose shook her head. He shouldn't be so cruel to her. Rose knew what it was like being left behind by the Doctor. Left behind with only the memories to keep you company. But she couldn't imagine how much it would hurt being threatened to have even the memories taken from you. The entire life you shared, erased.
The Doctor turned back to Rose, River nothing more than a blip on his radar. The Doctor might come to care for River one day, maybe even love her. And shouldn't Rose be glad he had someone when she was gone. No matter how much it hurt to imagine a time when they were not together she never wanted him to be alone. She knew she couldn't be with him forever. After all, she could spend the rest of her life with him but he couldn't spend the rest of his with her. There would come a time when he had to go on without her.
Rose took a deep steadying breath. But right in this moment his time was hers. She would trust in that, believing his words despite his actions because, yes she had that much faith in him.
The Doctor watched in amazement as Rose slowly began to regain mastery over her emotions, locking the energy pulsing through her blood back down.
"That's it," the Doctor said softly. He'd known she could do it. Of course she could. She was so strong, stronger than anyone else he knew or ever had known. But it had still been difficult for him, fighting every fibre of his being from letting down the walls blocking off the bond and help her.
Blocking it off was not pleasant to begin with. The mere mental struggle alone was enough to make him nearly keel over from exhaustion. But it also left him with a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. Like that feeling when you know you've forgotten something important but can't remember what it was. He didn't know for how long he would be able to keep it up.
The Doctor led Rose back to the couch and sat her down. His fingers itched to touch her, to trace the curve of her cheek with his fingertips, to reach his mind towards hers and let them twine together, until all he could feel was her. But he did neither.
"You ok?" he asked. She nodded.
"I'm sorry I freaked out. It was stupid." Rose took a deep shuddering breath, her hands still clenched into fists.
"No it wasn't," the Doctor ground out and got to his feet. He spotted River and marched over to her, grabbing her arm and hauling her off to the side.
"Let go off my arm," River said, calmly but with steel. The Doctor released her.
"You don't speak to her again," he said, his voice fiery and hard.
"I didn't lie to her," River said.
"I don't care," the Doctor said darkly. Fire burned in his chest as he stared the woman down. River Song had some form of connection to him that much was clear. She would play a part in his future but he had no idea what part that might be. But no matter her connection to him she did not have the right to so much as whisper Rose's name if it meant she might be hurt. "You hurt her again and you will regret it. Trust me. I'll make sure of it," he told River, anger scorching through his blood. Knowing River could see it all on his face. The fire born out of the fear of failing to protect the one thing that mattered most. The promise of swift retribution should she in any way dare to thwart him. River took a step back.
"I never understood," she said. "You tried to explain but I never understood."
"Just stay away from her," the Doctor growled and left her, River staring after him with her heart breaking apart inside her chest.
When River had finally gotten her Doctor to tell her about Rose. She had listened and she'd thought she understood. She thought he and Rose had shared a young love. Perhaps even a first love. The kind that sweeps you away. The kind you'll always remember. But this wasn't like that at all. This wasn't the hope-filled infatuation of a first love. This was the all consuming passion of an only love.
This was the kind they wrote stories about. Heartbreaking, tragic stories of love and loss so great it left you thankful it had never happened to you. Because what could be more frightening than your entire existence depending on one fragile human heart that could not beat forever?
