Chapter Twenty-Seven


Lafayette watched the door shut. He let his smile slide from his face as he slowly wilted, turning his face from the door. He didn't want any of this to happen. Little did John and Alex know, he was in a sticky spot with Hercules at the moment. But they seemed to have managed to pass everything off as if everything was normal between them… John and Alex hadn't detected any subtle changes in their interactions.

Hercules was jealous. That's all there was to it. He was jealous of Adrienne, which was ridiculous of course, she was simply a friend! Only a friend, that's what Lafayette had told her as they sat under the stars together. Only a friend.

"Only a friend? Oh, come on, Gilbert! That's all you think of me?"

She has been a little outraged, a little hurt. But he was firm. He had only eyes for Hercules. He only would ever love Hercules.

Yes, Hercules was nothing special, really. He wasn't the most handsome man on the face of the earth, he wasn't the smartest or the fastest or the most kind or any of that. He wasn't the most anything. But he was him. Lafayette didn't even know why he liked Hercules. He just did. That seemed to worry him.

He's had a few people confess to him, yes, Thomas had a few months ago, swooning over small James.

"I like him," Thomas had said, "because he's so different from what I'm used to. He's calm, gentle, delicate, and very sensitive towards my feelings. He always needs to make sure I'm okay, needs to know if anything's wrong. He's so gentle, he wouldn't hurt a fly. I like him, Gil, I really do."

Even before that was Peggy, who was gushing over Maria.

"She's beautiful," Peggy whispered, blushing, "and when she laughs, it's as if my whole world lights up. She's so smart too; sometimes she scares me with her knowledge of physics and chemistry. She's got it all… brains, brawn, and beauty. One complete package. How could I not fall for her?"

And the first one to ever confess, good old Hercules himself.

"Hey, Laf?" Hercules said.

"Yeah?" Lafayette hummed, looking up from his magazine.

"Can I tell you something?"

"Fire away, Herc," Lafayette purred.

"I think I might like someone," Hercules blurted out.

Lafayette froze, barely breathing, wondering if the fantasy he'd always dreamed about was about to come true right in front of him.

"Okay," Lafayette said carefully, "who do you like? If-if you're okay with telling me…"

Hercules shrunk under Lafayette's gaze, blushing furiously. He opened his mouth, and Lafayette mentally gripped himself.

"I think I might like… might like Aaron…"

"BURR?!" Lafayette burst out wildly; the only was he knew how to deal with his confusion and disappointment in that moment was to yell. "Why do you like BURR?! What's-what's so special about HIM?!"

"He's kind and gentle," Hercules defended himself, glaring heatedly at Lafayette, "and he helps me with homework, unlike you, you great prick."

"I could help you!" Lafayette snapped, "if only you had asked me!"

"Yeah, you would help me, and I would fail. No offense, but what the hell do you actually know about English, Lafayette? I mean, sure you can speak it just fine, but can you paint a vivid picture with words? Or turn people's one-track minds with a few simple sentences? Or write a five-page essay beautifully within only two hours? Or help a stupid Irish kid learn how to write a decent claim to a boring and difficult topic? You know what the answer is!" Hercules spat.

"The answer is-" Lafayette began.

"-No, no, no, and no!" Hercules finished, glaring at his friend.

They stared in awe at each other for a few seconds.

"So that's it," Lafayette said.

Hercules sighed. "Yeah. I like Aaron Burr. The small, annoying one. The gifted one. The kind one. The special one."

Lafayette dropped his gaze. "I'm sorry for lashing out like that."

"It's only natural," Hercules mumbled. I feel protective of you guys… you and John, my dearest friends as well. It's natural. Only natural."

"A friend," Lafayette whispered. Is that what he thinks of me? Only as a friend. Oh, I should have known. I shouldn't have kidded myself otherwise, convincing myself that there were signs that he liked me when there none. How foolish.

Lafayette smiled. "I'm happy for you. Now go get him."

Hercules smiled, and they embraced.

Oh, but that was so long ago. Hercules never told Aaron how he felt, and his feelings simply just melted away like snow on a warm spring day, but much slower. It had taken him years to get over Aaron. Finally, in their senior year of high school, he had announced that he was finally over Aaron.

And then John clung to his arm and whispered with bright eyes that there was this kid called Thomas. This kid named Thomas who was driving him insane.

They had a short fling, and it ended after a few months when Thomas met James. John was devastated, succumbing to depression. He wouldn't eat, couldn't sleep, barely passing his classes. Hercules drove him to a psychiatrist, Lafayette went with him to physical therapy. Nothing seemed to work. Until for his birthday, when Aaron bought him a box of paints.

He started to bloom. Painting after painting, his canvases crowded his apartment, lined the hallways of the school, displayed on every wall of every art class. Somehow, they made it to a national competition, and he was immediately sought out by people of every race, people from every corner of the world. He became famous, his paintings in every museum, every gallery. He began to recover from Thomas's injury, but he never was fully healed.

That's why he lashed out, punching Tomas all those months ago. He never fully healed. Thomas had broken something irreparable in John's chest. But perhaps Alex could help. Even if he could never truly fix the gaping wound, he could at least smooth the edges and give John another reason to live again.

Oh, but it's so painful, loving a friend. You have to see them every day, you might even live with them! You have to see them being beautiful, being amazing and lovely all the time, but you're not allowed to feel the way you do because friends are not supposed to feel that way about their friends! Their relationship called friendship for a reason, not boyfriends. Friendship wasn't made to include unrequited love, it just doesn't work that way. It'll never work out. He'll never stop loving Hercules because Hercules is there. All. The. Time. Being himself, never giving Lafayette a break.

Lafayette felt tears prick in the corners of his eyes and he pushed them away.

"Suck it up, Laf," he sniffed, "Herc'll never love you, he'll only ever see you as a friend. You'll have to live with it forever, stuck in friendzone level nine-thousand. Just stop crying about it, you big disgusting baby!" and he broke down in a fresh wave of tears.

"Stop it, stop it, stop it!" Lafayette cried, "Tears, why, why must you come at a time like this? In, get in! After all these years you choose to appear now? At such a stupid time like this? Disgusting!"

Lafayette sobbed, his hands pressing against his eyes, trying to force the tears back into his face.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid! How stupid of you! Goddamn tears, get in, you stupid first-line of immune system defense! Get back in! Curse you, stupid tears!" Lafayette cried wetly as he rocked himself on the floor, shaking with the burden of his unrequited love.

Oh, but he loved Hercules. He would never stop loving him, no matter how much it hurt him. If only he could pick and choose who he loved, this stupid crush on Hercules would never have existed! He could have chosen someone like Adrienne, who would love him back, oh, how he longed he had fallen in love with this charismatic, talented blonde instead.

His burden weighed him down as he dragged himself across the floor towards his bed, and when he reached the foot, Lafayette realized that he didn't have the energy to lift himself up. This failure, this indescribably small one, caused him to break out again into fresh sobs, curling himself up onto the floor and screaming into his shirt until his throat burned raw and he cried himself to a miserable sleep.


Hercules grit his teeth as he gripped the steering wheel tightly, tears stinging the back of his eyes. He sped down the road, John and Alex in the backseat, both strangely silent as if they could sense something wasn't right. Hercules parked the car at a 7-11 and cleared his throat.

"Let's pick up some TP and get out of here pronto," he said roughly.

From the rear-view mirror, he watched John nod nervously and push Alex from the car. When both his friends had exited the truck, Hercules sighed and bowed his head, wanting, at that moment, nothing more than to go home and hug Lafayette, to tell him he was sorry for yelling about Adrienne earlier.

"You're always with her!" Hercules shouted. "You're always gone!"

"I am not!" Lafayette cried. "I'm not always with her! And besides, what's your deal with me hanging out with her?"

"I don't trust her!" Hercules snapped. "She seems shady to me."

"Oh wow, shady. Suuuuure," Lafayette snorted.

"Yeah, she is! Do you even know anything about her? She could be some sort of… of gangster for all we know!"

"Gangster? Don't be stupid!" Lafayette scoffed. "If you even take five minutes of your time to get to know her, it'd be obvious that she's a far cry from being a gangster."

"Well… that was just an example, okay?" Hercules snapped. "I-"

Just then the door knocked. Hercules took a deep breath, and ignoring Lafayette's slitted eyes, went to open it. Who couldn't have made a better time to make an appearance? That's right, it was Goldie Locks herself.

"I… I came here to study with Gilbert…" Adrienne said, looking nervously at Hercules's murderous face.

"Sure, whatever," Hercules said gruffly. "He's here. I was just about to leave anyway."

He sidestepped Adrienne and stiffly stalked down to his beat-up truck, driving down idle roads into the sunset, not letting a single forlorn tear drip down his face, now even when that sad love song came on the radio, not even when he started to feel pangs for Aaron again. Not even when dreamt of Lafayette.

"Uh… Hercules?"

Hercules snapped to his senses to find a worried John tapping on his window.

"Hercules… are you going to get out…?" his voice was muffled and distorted.

"Uh-yeah. Was just about to," Hercules said, sliding out of the truck and into the cold parking lot. "Let's go."

They walked into the store, John and Alex zipping right towards the toilet papers and grabbing bundles of them, giggling to themselves excitedly like small children. Hercules sighed tiredly and rubbed the back of his neck. Then he felt a tap on his shoulder.

A thin, tall boy was standing behind him, a cup of half-melted slushie in his hands. He was swishing the drink around methodically, and his dark eyes seemed to cut Hercules to the bone, stripping away everything. His dark hair was messy and looked as it had been, in a few places, clumped with… was that blood? Then Hercules noticed the faint purple bruise on his chin.

"Uh… can I help you?" Hercules said politely, a little freaked out by this strange kid.

The slushy-boy grinned, his eyes dark and troubled. "Something up? You look like you're about to kill yourself."

Hercules looked away quickly. "I'm fine."

The kid took a long sip from his cup, looking at Hercules from the corner of his eye the whole time.

"Take a sip," the boy offered, holding his cup out to Hercules.

"Um," Hercules said, "no thanks, man. I think I'm good."

"No," the boy said, his eyes dancing dangerously in the fluorescent lighting of the store, "I insist. Drink."

"Look, man, no thanks." Hercules said, starting to feel really uncomfortable.

The boy's face twisted into a leer. "I insist. Drink!"

"Ah, no man, what's your damage?" Hercules snapped.

The boy froze at the word "damaged."

"Damaged?" He whispered. "I am damaged, far too damaged. But you're not beyond repair. Stick around here, make things better. 'Cause you beat me fair and square."

Then the boy laughed. "I'll tell you my damage: I've been through ten high schools, they start to get blurry. No point planting roots cause you're gone in a hurry. My dad keeps two suitcases packed in the den, so it's only a matter of when."

Hercules bit his lip, feeling uncomfortable, but also enthralled. He boy's piercing eyes studied him carefully.

"I don't learn the names, don't bother with faces. All I can trust is this concrete oasis. Seems ev'ry time I'm about to despair, there's a 7-11 right there!"

Hercules was very uncomfortable and he twisted his hands together, slowly inching away from this mystery boy.

"Each store is the same from Las Vegas to Boston, linoleum aisles that I love to get lost in! I pray at my altar of slush; yeah I live for that sweet frozen rush…" the mystery kid whispered, swishing his slushie around, a small and creepy smile emerging from those lifeless lips.

Hercules gulped.

"Freeze your brain, suck on that straw, get lost in the pain! Happiness comes when everything numbs. Who needs cocaine? Freeze your brain… Care for a hit?"

Hercule snorted. "Does your mommy know you eat all this crap?"

The boy glanced away and his smile disappeared. "Not anymore. When mom was alive, we lived halfway normal. But now it's just me and my dad; we're less formal. I learned to cook pasta I learned to pay rent; learned the world doesn't owe you a cent."

Hercules bit his lip. "Aw, man, I'm sorry-"

"But the sky's gonna hurt when it falls, so you better start building some walls…" the boy cut in.

Hercules's insides squirmed as he thought of Lafayette. I don't need to build any more walls when we've got an orange maniac building them for us.

"Freeze your brain, swim in the ice, get lost in the pain. Shut your eyes tight, till you vanish from sight, let nothing remain-freeze your brain. Shatter your skull, fight pain with more pain! Forget who you are, unburden your load. Forget in six weeks you'll be back on the road. When the voice in your head says you're better off dead, don't open a vein-"

Hercules though inexplicably of John all those years ago, heartbroken and lifeless.

"-Just freeze your brain," the boy whispered, "Freeze your brain… Go on and freeze your brain… Try it."

Hercules grabbed the cup and was about the take a sip before he heard John's shout.

"Hercules, what the fuck are you doing?"


Hey, waddup m'dudes? I'm sorry this took so long, but you know, my life's v busy now with finals next week… ugh, not excited. I'm not really into this story anymore, as you may know, so I'll just finish writing it and I'mma probably disappear forever. Thanks for sticking around! I'm guessing maybe five more chapters and then I'll be free, and the story will be over! WOOOOOOO