Disclaimer: I don't own Firefly, Serenity, or TSCC.
A hot cup of herbal tea had been just the thing Inara needed to help calm her nerves and ease into what looked to be a potentially stressful day as Serenity made its approach to Persephone. Requests from potential clients were coming in and Mal was getting edgy as the ship made its way towards the planet. Sarah's presence on board only complicated matters for Inara.
"Good morning."
Looking up, Inara noticed Sarah was sitting on the other end of the crew's meal table.
"I propose a truce for the duration of the stay on Persephone," Sarah informed Inara.
"And just why would I want, or even need, a truce?" Inara asked.
"Who needs stress?" Sarah answered. "I've had a lifetime of stress. Besides, I have a favor to ask."
"A favor? A favor from me?"
"You'll enjoy this. Everyone on Serenity will thank you." Sarah gave the Companion a mischievous smile.
"I can't possibly imagine what I could do for you, Sarah," Inara answered, voice full of condescension as she sipped hot tea.
"Jayne has asked me out on a date."
Hot tea spewed out of Inara's mouth and nose, eliciting a loud laugh from Sarah.
"Please tell me you didn't say yes to that boorish, beast of a man."
"What could it hurt? Besides, he was so nervous and trying so hard to be on good behavior, I just couldn't say no to one date. Of course, I made it clear the idea of courting formally was something I would need time to consider."
Mouth open in shock, Inara needed a second to compose herself.
"He was quite sweet about it, actually," Sarah said, smiling at the horrified Companion. "Asked John for his permission first. Put on his best clothes, though something is going to be done about that whoring shirt of his. Had on his going drinking pistol, Betty. Jayne had even taken a shower and was wearing cologne, which I imagine he got from you."
Inara closed her mouth and shook her head in amazement. "Wonders will never cease. I thought he wanted the cologne to wear to visit his favorite whore on Persephone. It was an old, outdated bottle that was almost empty so I just gave it to him. I had no idea, Sarah. Our differences aside, I wouldn't set any woman on Serenity up with a date with Jayne."
Sarah grinned and pressed her newly gained advantage. "Since you had a hand in this, you'll do the favor I need."
Regaining her composure, Inara frowned at her nemesis. "I'll consider it. What do you want?"
"As soon as we hit atmo and land, take Jayne shopping for some new clothes. I've told him I will not be seen in public with him wearing his whoring clothes. I'm not asking you to do the impossible, Inara. Just get Jayne one pair of nice dress pants and two or three nice, conservative shirts that fit him properly. A proper belt as well. Don't try to force Jayne into anything he thinks of as girlie man clothes. No ties, or anything like that. Let him keep some of his dignity."
"Just clean him up a little," Inara confirmed.
"Yes. Don't worry about shoes either. I'm resigned to his boots for this outing. Oh, and if Jayne shows signs of weakness, get him some new t-shirts as well. None with corporate logos or nasty sayings in Chinese, make him pay for all of it and treat you to lunch as well."
"You are right," Inara told Sarah. "This favor is for every woman on Serenity as well as poor Simon. I'll do it."
"Thank you. And in return, I will avoid the Captain except when necessary during our stay. Truce?"
"Truce."
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"Zoe'! You gotta help me," Jayne begged.
"No, I don't Jayne. I feel miserable. The baby's coming and soon," Zoe' protested.
"But Zoe', I done got me a courtin' date with Sarah."
"Good for you, Jayne," Zoe' groaned. "Now go away."
"Zoe', you gotta tell me what to do! Sarah ain't no whore that I done paid and can rightfully boss. I hafta figure out what she wants to do and no man I know of on this boat, not even Mal, can do that."
"Jayne, if you want to go on your date with Sarah, go away," Zoe' ordered with a drawn out moan.
"Zoe', pleaseā¦"
Click.
Looking down the barrel of Zoe's gun silenced Jayne.
"Hope you get ta feelin' better real soon, Zoe'."
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"John informed me of the news last night, Sarah. I must admit, I'm not surprised Jayne would do this. I am surprised you would agree to an evening out with him."
Sarah smiled. "That's why I need you there, so he can watch you and learn. In fact, I want you to pick the restaurant, order for all four of us, and most of all," Sarah's smile was replaced with an intimidating glare, "be nice to Jayne. Think of it as saving yourself from future embarrassment when you must dine with him in public. He seems motivated to put his best foot forward."
"How can I say this graciously, Sarah. No. I promised Kaylee a quiet evening the next time Serenity visited Persephone. Jayne Cobb and quiet evenings do not go together."
"Let me put it to you this way, Simon. Here is a list of restaurants on Persephone Kaylee likes. Not one of which you've ever taken her to. Now you owe me. Second, I'm going to make Jayne pay for the four of us. You'll leave the tip. Finally, I will occupy Kaylee part of the time so the likelihood of you putting your prissy shoe in your mouth is dramatically reduced. Think of it as a sociological experiment."
"Since you have put it so indelicately, I accept your challenge."
"Good. I've already discussed it with Kaylee," Sarah answered, standing to leave.
"So I never really had a choice, did I?"
Sarah walked away, smiling at Simon over her shoulder as she departed the infirmary.
In the distance Simon could hear the sound of River and Kaylee laughing in the cargo bay. Sarah had maneuvered him into a difficult position with no possible escape.
"Might as well go find the man beast and make the necessary arrangements."
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"'Nara, you gotta let me in."
"Jayne, just the person I was about to look for," Inara answered cheerfully, opening the door to her shuttle.
Dumbfounded, Jayne stared at the Companion with his mouth open.
"Why you want to look for me?"
"I have learned you are taking Miss Sarah out for an evening on the town tonight."
"How'd you know that?"
Inara gave Jayne a look women use on men that says, "I'm female. Men have no secrets from us."
"You are not going out with Sarah in your whoring clothes."
"That's what she said," Jayne answered sadly, his voice filled with the sound of defeat.
"Once we land, give me an hour and then I'm taking you shopping for clothes. I expect a nice lunch in return and you will try not to embarrass me. Think of it as practice for tonight with Sarah. Bring you wallet."
"You'd do that for me?"
"Yes, now go. I have to get ready. We land in half an hour."
Jayne vanished before Inara could shut the shuttle door. "Oh, my," she laughed. "Sarah was right. Jayne's so nervous he's actually cute."
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"Tin Miss, we land in fifteen minutes. Captain Reynolds has cleared us for an important mission. Go get River. We don't have a lot of time."
"What is the objective?" Cameron monotoned in response.
"Shopping. Jayne has asked me out for a date and I've agreed. I need some "goin' to town" clothes, as Jayne would say. I want to look good, if for no other reason than to make Inara jealous."
"Can I get a few things?" Cameron asked.
"So long as they don't advertise the goods," Sarah answered. "Go get River and make sure both of you have money."
"John!"
Sarah sighed, shaking her hands with hands on her hips. "I just said to get River and she runs for John."
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"River, Sarah says the Captain has given us permission to go shopping for personal items. She wants you to go with us."
River pulled her boots on without looking up. "I know. Sarah's mind has been loud this morning. Our strategy might have a chance. You need to take John out tonight. There are many interesting things the two of you could do. I have generated a list for you." River handed Cameron a piece of paper.
"Simon and Kaylee are going to dinner with Apeman Jayne and Sarah. If you could occupy my brother and Kaylee after they eat, it would give me time alone with Derek."
"What about Captain Reynolds and Inara? Zoe'?"
"Zoe' will go into labor in the next 48-72 hours. The First Officer will not leave her bunk. Captain Daddy and Inara are likely to be fighting shortly after everyone else leaves."
River draped the thin leather strap of her purse over one shoulder so that the purse fell on the opposite hip.
"Is the girl's Twin armed?"
"Always."
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"Just read the message exactly as have I written it and you'll be fine," Simon promised.
"Why I gotta do this? You're the one with fancy sissy boy Core manners, not me!"
"Jayne, we've discussed this," Simon reminded his crewmate. "If you plan to have a successful date and eventual courtship of Sarah, you must learn appropriate manners. There are protocols for these sorts of things."
"Sarah don't act like she's no Core lady though, Doc. She don't go puttin' on no airs like 'Nara does."
Simon made a show of sighing. "You promised John as a condition of his granting permission to pursue his mother that you would, and I quote John, 'give up whoring, cut back on cussing, drinking hard liquor, and you would ALWAYS treat Sarah like she was a Core born and bred lady."
"I done that, didn't I," Jayne said sadly, remembering his promise.
"Even if Sarah isn't Core, every woman likes to be treated like a lady, even Kaylee and Zoe'. Besides, I have a feeling Sarah is a bit more well bred than you think. Otherwise, she would not have banned that dreadful whoring shirt of yours."
"You got a point there, Doc. Jus read it like you done wrote it?"
"Yes, Jayne."
Simon watched as Jayne manipulated Serenity's communication system, newly repaired with parts paid for from the bank job.
"Um, yeah, hello?"
Simon watched Jayne squint in concentration as the mercenary listened carefully to the speaker on the other end of the communication system.
Jayne glanced at the note a final time and proceeded to speak. "I would like to make a reservation for four at 1730 hours. That would be the Cobb party."
Concern filled Simon as Jayne's face began to turn red in anger. The big man shouted into the mic. "What kinda establishment do you run? Don't take no reservations, I ain't never heard tell of such kinda foolishness in an eating establishment."
Hope replaced concern as Simon noticed Jayne's face returning to its normal shade. "Yeah, I'm that Jayne Cobb. I want a nice quiet table. One where we can have our backs to the wall and still see out the windows and who comes inside."
Jayne paused for a moment.
"Make sure you don't lose the reservation. I'm bringing a real lady as my guest and a real surgical Doctor and his lady friend. There'll be words said if you mess this up. Harsh words."
Jayne hung the mic up on its hook and looked at Simon.
"Did I do okay, Doc?"
Simon laughed and patted the bigger man on his shoulder. "I think you improvised quite well, Jayne. I agree with you. What kind of eating establishment doesn't take reservations? Kaylee had better enjoy dinner."
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"River, boots."
"Is John's mother looking for function or style?"
"Both. I want to look sexy but be able to run or fight."
River considered Sarah's directive for a moment. "The girl thinks she knows of a place."
Twenty minutes and a few catcalls later, the trio arrived at their destination.
"Are you sure, River?" Sarah asked. "This is not exactly what I had in mind for a place to shop for boots and don't you go getting any ideas Tin Miss. Remember, no advertising!"
River giggled suddenly and whispered to Cameron as Sarah approached the entrance. "That was a long time ago," Cameron responded. "I don't walk around in my unmentionables in front of John anymore. Besides, I was having to compete with Riley."
"That bitch whore," the pair said in unison.
"Now, let's get this straight girls," Sarah said in her I who will be obeyed tone of voice. "Not one single word about this to anyone."
"I think what you are looking for will be in the dominatrix section, Sarah."
Sarah turned and glared at Cameron. "I have files. I can't help it," Tin Miss responded.
Twenty minutes later, purchase complete, the trio left and hurried away from the establishment.
"The girl didn't know people wore things like that," River said somewhat in awe of what she had just seen.
"My files did not recognize some of the items for sale," Cameron added.
"Like I said, ladies. We will never speak of this to another soul," Sarah reminded. "Now, River. Women's dress clothes. I'll treat you to a new dress. You too, Tin Miss, if you would like one. But, River, I want pants, not a dress for tonight."
"The girl knows just the place. Simon bought her favorite dress for the girl there."
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"Do I have to 'Nara?"
"Yes, Jayne. I have my reputation to think of. If I let you go out wearing a new dress shirt that you did not try on first and it does not fit properly, what would people think?"
"They'd think I was dumb, or in a hurry when I bought it, but they wouldn't think nothin' 'bout you."
"I would know and that would be bad enough," Inara replied, pulling Jayne towards the dressing room.
Twenty minutes later, the Companion had given up. "We're going to my tailor. He can have several shirts ready in time."
"A tailor?" Jayne protested. "You mean like one of them fellas the Doc uses to make his fancy duds? All my money from the bank job will be gone just from that."
"Jayne, lower your voice. You just mentioned robbing a bank out loud."
"Oh, yeah. If I agree, you promise you won't tell nobody you made me go and buy sissy, girlie man shirts?"
Inara slipped her arm throw Jayne's elbow as she led him out of the store. "I promise, Jayne. You will escape with your dignity, such that you have, intact when we are done."
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"No, Cameron. Absolutely not."
"I like it, Sarah," the Terminatress complained. "I can pay for it with my own money."
"The answer is still no. Half of the clothes you have are purple. Perhaps John would like to see you in a different color."
Cameron stared at Sarah for nearly two minutes before surrendering and returning the dress to the clothes rack.
"Here Twin. It's a pretty blue," River cooed, holding up a loose, form fitting dress against Cameron. The hem fell to mid-shin on Cameron.
"Can I try it on, Sarah?"
"Yes. But it's sleeveless. I'll look for a sweater for you to wear as a cover up. Not too much skin."
River watched Cameron vanish to try on the dress. "Sarah is protective of Tin Miss. Not just because mother doesn't want John to see too much."
"River, we can never let the Alliance learn about Cameron. You of all people know that."
"If men show too much interest in the girl's Twin, she will defend herself. Reveal her true nature."
Sarah smiled at River. "Have you picked out a dress you'd like?"
"Can the girl have a pair of pants like Twin wears?"
"Well, let's see what they have."
