I am late! I know… Late with the chapter, late correcting the exams of my professor's students, late with my PM's, terribly late reading and reviewing what I read myself and just generally late.
But guess what. A chapter with Delena and only Delena, for you to enjoy to reward all that patience of yours :D Because in the end you really are so much more fun than the *evil* academics that rejected my paper :P If you ever need you hopes and dreams to be crushed, you should really try to publish in peer-reviewed journals :D Oh well, the article had some flaws, next journal I suppose…
Enjoy flaws part 2!
xXx
"Did you and Caroline have a good talk," Damon asked haphazardly, collecting the glasses to put them in the dishwasher.
"Yeah, we did. I'm happy to have her as my friend again," Elena admitted.
"It makes me happy too," Damon replied, taking her in his arms. "It would have been difficult had that friendship been lost forever, you both mean a lot to me," he said, meeting her eyes lovingly. They kissed briefly, sweetly.
"A little like how difficult it is for Caroline to juggle the tension between you and your father," Elena suggested tentatively.
He dropped the arms that had been holding her and focused his attention on the dishwasher again. "We get along just fine," he stated.
Elena didn't comment at first, leaving some room for him to alter his statement. When he remained silent she turned the machine on and guided him to the living room. Damon leaned back against the sofa and she sat down with her back to the right side, her legs on his lap.
"You want to watch something?" Damon asked, absentmindedly toying with the remote control.
"Damon…" Elena drew.
"E-le-na…" he replied, his tone slightly amused and slightly irritated.
"Is this still about ten years ago?" Elena questioned softly.
"Not everything is about you," Damon replied briskly, averting his eyes. He scowled, then he switched the TV on, some rerun of Temptation Island was on. "Imbeciles," Damon muttered.
"No," Elena suddenly told him sternly, she took the remote control from him and turned the TV off again. "You're not talking to me like that anymore," she informed him evenly.
"Like what?" Damon demanded challenging and pretty surprised by her sudden outburst as well.
"Not everything is about me, as if I'm some arrogant conceited child that's in your way. That may have worked on Katherine, but you're not talking like that to me. This is not that kind of relationship! Not when I'm trying to help you, Damon." She crossed her arms at him.
"Then don't push me like that! Don't go forcing me to talk about stuff you know I don't want to talk about and then cross your arms at me when I react!" he replied exasperated.
"You don't react, Damon. You lash out! Always. When you get hurt there is this instant urge in you to hurt back. You don't care about who you're hurting in the process!" Elena accused.
"Well if you know me so well, then why do you bother. If you can't accept me for me then you are wasting both of our time!" he snapped.
"Because you can change, Damon. You don't need to act like this, not around me," Elena said softly. She took his hand in hers and intertwined their fingers.
"Oh so you're not in love with me, but with what you'll hope I'll become one day. That's just perfect!" Damon shot back, pulling his hand from her grasp, out of reach.
"Damon…" Elena drew softly.
"Now who's patronizing who?" Damon demanded bitterly.
Meeting his eyes, Elena felt as if struck by lightning. Why did everything have to be that difficult between the time? Why did everything have to escalate that quickly between the two of them?
xXx
All of your flaws and all of my flaws are laid out one by one
Look at the wonderful mess that we made
We pick ourselves undone
xXx
Neither of them moved and neither of them spoke. They just sat there, staring at the silent television screen.
"Please, don't do this…" Elena whispered, always being the first one to back down.
Damon shook his head.
"Please do not let this happen to us, not again," she added. "I love you…"
"I love you too," Damon whispered back, picking her hand up and playing with her fingers. He couldn't meet her eyes just yet.
"Then do not lock me out like this…" Elena tried gingerly. "It hurts…"
That word appeared to get the blue-eyed Salvatore's attention. Hurt. He never wanted to hurt her. He found her eyes and tried to convey all the things he could not say out loud. That he was in fact sorry, that he knew she had a point.
"I see you're in pain these days, Damon. I see how much strain there is between you and your father and I-"
Damon's lips were pulled into a thin line as he fought himself not to interrupt her.
"And I love you too much to see you hurt. This is not about calling you out, or seeking your vulnerability or making you uncomfortable. Can't I love you so much that I simply care how you feel?" Elena questioned in a small voice.
Damon intertwined her fingers with his, not yet finding a decent reply.
"And the second I want to help, somehow you feel threatened. You feel hurt and you instinctively need to hurt me back. Always. Somehow we can never start a conversation about something you are going through without you needing to push me down. You lash out, Damon… You lash out and it hurts time and time again…" Elena held onto his hand, not allowing him to pull it back this time. At some point they had to talk about this or it would never change, that she knew.
"I'm sorry," Damon whispered, staring straight ahead.
"I know…" Elena replied. "And I don't want to make you feel bad… I just want you to know that it's not ok, that I'm not ok that way. You can just tell me when you're not comfortable discussing something and I can back off, we don't need all pain for that."
"It's not that simple," Damon decided.
"How come?" Elena wanted to know.
Damon huffed. "Because I'm a man," he argued.
"And men…?"
"Men are strong," Damon finished for her.
Elena shifted until she was in his lap and placed her head against his chest, hoping it would ease some of his emotions.
"You are strong, impossibly strong… And telling me you're not ok will never change any of that. On the contrary," she mused.
"Real men don't go crying to their girlfriends," Damon stated, wrapping his arms around her.
"Real men don't let tears and emotions doubt their manliness," Elena teased with a smirk.
She only got half a smile in return.
"Look at it this way… Sure, many men will feel bad and never address that, choosing to close conversations with an insult or a snide remark. But is that strength? That very obvious transparent 'I can't have this conversation because I feel hurt or insecure?' is problematic in itself. Isn't the strong and mature thing to simply ask for a change of topic?" Elena wondered out loud.
"Asking for a change of topic is weakness," Damon brought in.
"No, it takes some balls. Therefore it's not weakness. The whole 'if I'm hurt I'll hurt you right back', THAT is weakness," Elena argued.
Damon didn't reply.
"Just don't do it again… Be real with me. Don't hurt me just because you want to stop a conversation. I love you, and I need you to love me enough not to want to get back at me like that. Especially not when I just want to help," Elena pleaded.
"But I don't always want your help, or anyone else's" Damon brought in tentatively. "I don't always want to talk and think and overthink a million times. That's your thing, it's not mine. I have my own way to deal with stuff."
"Like how?" Elena wanted to know.
"See, there we go again with the patronizing! As if your way of handling things is that superior. As if you've found that golden trick to undo all the hurt and all the sadness in your own life," Damon told her exasperatedly.
"As if your way is better! You just put your head in the sand all the time! At least I face things!" Elena disagreed.
Damon's hand made a fist and he put a little pressure on it, keeping himself calm. "Stop," he ordered. "You are the one that's not being considerate right now." He spat out the words quickly, as if they'd burn him. It was not quite 'let's change this topic' or 'now you are hurting me', but it wasn't lashing out, and it was bound to have a similar effect.
"I'm sorry," Elena backed down. "You are right."
"I just don't feel comfortable explaining all the stuff I'm not ok about in life," Damon tried to communicate.
"I understand, but sometimes I really want to help you and I wish you'd talk to me about what you feel," Elena tried to explain.
"Hmm, that would make me feel weak…" Damon admitted.
"Do you think I'm weak when I talk to you?" Elena wondered, raising an eyebrow.
"You're female, it's different," Damon decided.
"But is it really? Is it really weak for anyone to come home to their love and tell them what is on their mind…" she mused.
"Katherine and I never did that. Every weakness was ammunition in our next discussion. We'd fight hard and we'd fight dirty. We would tear each other apart…" Damon remembered almost flinching.
"But rather than finding comfort in making the other feel just that little bit worse, wouldn't it be a bit less toxic to find a way to feel better, together?" Elena suggested.
"Oh I know ways you and I could feel a little better together," Damon suggested, wiggling his eyebrows at her.
"You're impossible." Elena smiled up at him after rolling her eyes.
"Just think about it… I just want to be by your side, I want to support you. To me that does not make you any less strong, it just means we are in this together," she added.
"In this together, like a football team running over a strategy." Damon huffed.
"If you will." Elena traced her fingers along the length of his arm. "We're having a serious conversation here…"
The next minute neither of them spoke as Damon pondered what she tried to tell him.
"You would have liked me better before Kat and my parents toughened me up," Damon thought out loud.
"I like you now, just the way you are…" Elena promised, meeting those radiant blue eyes.
"Just the way I could be according to you, you mean?" Damon challenged.
"Tss…" Elena shook her head at him. "No. I think every chapter in your life has made you who you are, and I happen to like that Damon. But there is a big difference between liking a person, and liking every single action of theirs…"
"And you'd like for me to confess all my deepest darkest secrets to you while I feel corned, right?" Damon teased.
"No, I would just love it if you could be yourself around me. I think that's already difficult enough. And you, the real you, deep down doesn't want to hurt the ones he loves. I think that's just a reflex you somehow picked up at some point when you needed that, but now you don't need that anymore," Elena believed.
"You know me pretty well, huh?" Damon mocked.
"You're very much worth getting to know," Elena replied, defusing his statement.
xXx
All of your flaws and all of my flaws, when they have been exhumed
We'll see that we need them to be who we are
Without them we'd be doomed
xXx
"At the end of day, he just disappointed me I guess," Damon started out of the blue.
"Your father?" Elena verified.
Damon nodded. "He must have known mom was behind all of the scheming. Still I lost the one person I felt home around and Caroline lost her best friend."
"That's ten years ago," Elena felt she had to add.
"Yes, but little has changed. Mom still believes status is everything in life and every problem has to go away, even when that problem are her own children. And dad, dad should have stopped her," Damon spoke pained.
"Your dad was very ill ten years ago. And neither of your parents could have thought one friend more or less would have such an impact on you both. You had had other girlfriends before me and Caroline had a lot of different friends" Elena replied.
"I was 18, Elena, not five. Hearts break at 18, things matter at that age, love matters at that age. And you weren't like anyone I had ever been with. You were my second half, and somehow you got taken from me. We got torn apart and we shouldn't have," Damon remembered bitterly.
"Had you father known how you would feel, had he seen that your mother hid those letters-"
"Had he known either Caroline or me, he'd saved us all a whole lot of trouble! But he didn't. He was unapproachable and always out of sight. Work, work, work, that was all he ever cared about! His daughter was forcing herself to throw up after every single meal since she suddenly decided she wasn't pretty enough, and he missed all of that. What kind of a father misses something that big!" Damon demanded.
"He could not have known. Parents assume that their children will come to them when they're in trouble. They don't always see everything that is being hidden from them!" Elena interjected.
"He would have known if he'd known her! I saw how she started eating less and less. But I guess either mom or dad should have ever had dinner with us to notice. I heard her crying in the bathroom, and flushing that toilet. But I suppose you cannot pick up on that when you're always downstairs in your study. And most importantly, I saw her change right in front of my eyes, because I did talk to her and we did spend time together. If you only keep kids in your house to feed and clothe and parade around every now and then, why not get two dogs instead," Damon raged on.
Elena snuggled closer to him and he held her there, breathing a little heavier.
"You did a great job taking care of her," Elena spoke softly. "And I have no doubt your father is extremely grateful you were there."
"Well, if he was, I wouldn't have minded him telling me that!" Damon shot back.
"Maybe he doesn't know how to talk to you," Elena suggested.
"I don't know how to talk to him either," Damon admitted, a little less harshly.
"I think he wants to be there for you two now. It's why he calls you so often why he wants to help you in this divorce. I think he secretly wants to make up for all the times he wasn't there, he just doesn't know where to start…" Elena genuinely thought.
"How about he starts with a divorce, then he could at least prove that he has some brains left in that head of his," Damon snidely remarked.
"It's not that simple…" Elena tried to explain.
"She's not nice to him, not anymore," Damon tried to put it gently.
"If every couple that's no longer nice to each other had to split up, 98% of our population would be single tomorrow," Elena replied sarcastically.
"You're a real romantic I see," Damon commented, rolling his eyes at her.
"More like a realist," Elena disagreed.
"Do you really think that? That virtually everyone falls out of love eventually?" Damon questioned.
"I don't want to…" Elena told him in earnest. "But look around, how many couples do you know that still look at one another the way you look at me…"
"Love changes over time, but it doesn't fade. People wouldn't stay together if it faded I think…" Damon replied.
"They do if they share a house, children, a mortgage, friends, family, a complete life… In your parent's case your father wouldn't just be divorcing his wife, he'd divorce everything he knows and feels comfortable with. He'd have to start all over again… new love, new home, new routines, new traditions… No one likes that much uncertainty. The devil you know is better than the devil you don't," Elena mused.
"And how about he goes looking for an angel. Why can't he give love a shot, why can't he take a chance on life, bet on himself, bet on happiness…" Damon wanted to know.
"This is all he knows, Damon. All their friends, they are probably just like them. I'm not sure he believes in true love anymore, or true happiness. Why would he turn his whole life upside down risking it all for something he does believe in anymore?" Elena spoke thoughtfully.
"How could anyone not believe in love?" Damon wondered out loud.
"Life…" Elena thought.
"Life. So do you think that when life happens to us we'll be spiteful and miserable to? Is that what you predict for us?" Damon needed to know.
"I hope not…" Elena quickly replied.
"Why do you think love fades then?" Damon inquired.
"Because that first run of adrenaline fades. People fall in love with new thing in life… their hobbies, their jobs, their kids, their friends… I saw it happen with my mom and dad. Somewhere along the way they just found someone else to confide in, and something else that excited them in life. It's easy to take a relationship for granted when it works, and if you don't work to keep that flame alive… well then it dies…" Elena spoke ruefully.
"You'll always be the one I'll confide in," Damon promised. "I couldn't be myself like this with anyone else."
"If you are brave enough to be yourself with anyone at all," Elena teased, eyes glinting with mischief.
"Take it back," Damon urged, holding his fingers at her sides, ready to start tickling.
"No!" Elena insisted defiantly.
Damon was better at the whole tickling thing then she remembered however. "Alright, yes, yes, yes!" Elena conceded.
"What was that?" Damon questioned haughtily, continuing the torment relentlessly.
"I take it back, I take it back," Elena pleaded.
"That's better," Damon agreed, kissing her fully on the lips. "You should really learn not to challenge me so much," he informed her in a low voice.
xXx
You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve
And I have always buried them deep beneath the ground
Dig them up; let's finish what we've started
Dig them up, so nothing's left untouched
xXx
"Learn not to challenge you…" Elena mused. "And here I thought you didn't mind a little spark," she spoke mischievously, biting her lip just a little.
Damon's eyes shone and he felt his jeans tighten slightly. "Not at all…" he wholeheartedly confirmed.
"Well then." Ever so slowly Elena removed the black silk ribbon that accentuated her waist. It was a pity to undo it, the accessory was a perfect fit with the delicate dress that highlighted everything she liked about her body. Then again, her dress would hit the cool floor tiles soon enough.
With a secretive smile on her face, Elena brought the ribbon up and in front of Damon's eyes. He eyed her in wonder but didn't say a thing.
The silk felt heavy enough in Elena's hands to cover his eyesight, but she still asked just to be sure. "How many fingers, Damon?" she teased.
"You tell me," Damon replied sultry. The silk felt soft against his skin, and it had her smell all over it. With his sight gone, his other senses were amplified and heard her dress fall to the floor somewhere behind him. He drew in a sharp breath. He couldn't wait for whatever was next, he couldn't hide his excitement either.
Suddenly he felt her lips on his chest. There was the sound of buttons coming undone and he realized he wasn't going to need too much himself to come undone either.
"God, you are so…" his breath hitched as he spoke, his hands searched for her body, yearning to feel her skin.
"Ts, ts," Elena removed his hands and placed them at his sides. "You can use them when I tell you to," Elena informed him. "and you better put them to good use, when I tell you to," she added with a smirk Damon could sense even with his eyes closed. She really would be the death of him, there was no doubt about it.
He heard two buttons pop open, then the sound of his zipper. He tilted his hips and felt the air hit his skin as his jeans were slid down. Goosebumps. And they didn't quite disappear when she dragged her nails along his inner tights.
"I think you're still a little overdressed," Elena mused. He could feel her eyes on his boxers. Moments later he felt them being delicately removed. He groaned a little at the lack of friction.
"Hmm…" he heard her hum.
Please now… he couldn't help but wish, almost uttering the words out loud. His body practically trembling in anticipation.
Then suddenly her lips were on his, out of the blue, devouring him hungrily. He tilted his hips slightly and in vain. She was straddling him and out of reach. The kiss was demanding and fierce, willing him to be hers in any and every way. It was superfluous, she could have him whichever way she wanted at this point.
She kissed his neck, slowly placing a trail of kisses up until she reached his ear.
He tiled his hips again. And suddenly he couldn't help it anymore. "Please," he whispered eagerly, yearningly.
"Not. Just. Yet."
"You are evil…" Damon realised with cheer anticipation.
"Innocence is overrated…" she whispered promising in his ear.
xXx
Look at the wonderful mess that we made
We pick ourselves undone
xXx
Nobody's perfect, we all agree. But perhaps that is a good thing. Imagine the most saintly of all saints sitting at your kitchen table drinking coffee. None of us would be able to relate to him at all. On top of that he'd be boring as hell, and so very predictable too. He'd be detrimental to our mood, making us all feel bad about ourselves. Plus he'd have no sarcasm or irony to alleviate that pain. No, in the end we don't need perfect, we need that edge in people, the complexity of one's personality and the game of lights and shadows. After all, some games are simply better in the dark…
xXx
Voilà! There we go. And it's not even 5 AM yet. What a productive start to what will probably be a very long day :P I hope you've enjoyed it! Thanks for all the support and sweet dreams!
